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Thread: Meanness

  1. #1
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    Default Meanness

    I'm planning on auditioning at a local club at the end of finals (so nervous) and asked my boyfriend's mom some advice of the best places to work based on her experience, but instead of advice all I've been getting are this constant stream of calls and email about how I'm making a huge mistake.

    The normal argument didn't phase me because this is something I'd like to do, not something that is the result of no other options and it is very obviously not the result of no self respect. Blah blah blah.

    But this stuck out: She said that she's just worried about my self esteem and that everybody is just so mean. -She said that the customers and the management are rude and just insult everything about me.- I'm not the prettiest girl, but I am attractive with a good body and I have sense...

    I can see the other girls sometimes being a problem... but the rest doesn't make sense to me. If somebody is disrespectful, why waste your time dancing for them? I'm sure most girls would not. Could somebody please give me a little insight.

    Thank you so much!!

  2. #2
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Meanness

    I'm relatively new to dance because I'm part-time but I have NEVER been insulted by customers, management or other dancers. I know that's uncommon, but her argument is akin to "most people that drive cars will get in a car accident, so you should never drive." Yeah, it's a risk but it's one you can largely prevent by taking care of yourself.

    Aside from that analogy, not every insult actually is one. Customers will insult you because they're assholes. Dancers will insult you because they're jealous. Neither of those are ANY negative reflection on you. Remember that and you'll be fine.


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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Meanness

    Many people just look down on dancing and don't consider it safe. What she is saying about the insults is true, but you have to look at the percentage. If only one manager out of 6 says something insulting and the rest are nice, does that one person really bother you? It is the same with customers, most of them will compliment you, but you always get the bad apple.
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  4. #4
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    Default Re: Meanness

    You know how if you go into a store and go, "Oh, that dress is ugly, who would wear that?" It's kind of the same thing, only WE are the product.

    I think most of us concentrate on reaching our $$ goals, learn how to hustle and be professionals so that we can squeeze the most out of the orange instead or the orange squeezing us. That's how you deal with the BS.

    You're your own boss, so you can walk away from a customer who is being rude. You can walk right out of a club if a manager started making sexual advances (and you should!). You do make the rules. But yes, be prepared for some meanness. It is the nature of the business.

  5. #5
    Picaresque
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    Default Re: Meanness

    Quote Originally Posted by BohemianSiren View Post
    obnoxious comments from customers at every club. You don't have to be dancing for them for them to insult you. They can make rude comments at the tip rail, as you're walking by, or even when you ask for a dance. Carrying a few extra pounds? Be prepared for them to call you fat. Not carrying a few extra pounds? Be prepared for it anyway. Small breasts? Large breasts? Fake breasts? Scars? Tattoos? Someone will have something snarky to say about it.

    None of this means you shouldn't dance, but ready yourself for some major bullshit.
    Maybe your BF's mother was just trying to prepare you and make sure you go in with realistic expectations. Stripping can be wonderfully lucrative, but you need a thick skin! You also need to be street smart (i.e. not even a tiny bit naive) and have an unshakable sense of self worth, and you need to learn how to deal with these kinds of people and get what you want from them without letting them break you down. I deal with rude insulting nasty customers and their comments every single night--and I only work in top clubs, so believe me, it's EVERYWHERE. But there are also many more decent customers who are easy to deal with and will spend money. The trick is not letting the bad apples ruin your attitude, b/c a defeated or angry attitude will turn off the nice spendy guys.

    If you want to dance, go for it. Just be able to let stupidity from nasty customers roll right off of you. It's not you, it's them. Some customers are bitter toward women, jealous of us for making what looks like tons of easy money with our sexuality, hateful because they know they could never have us in real life, or just plain miserable people--and misery loves company. What comes out of customers' mouths DOES NOT MATTER. The only thing that matters is what comes out of their wallets!

    I can't tell you how many times I've had a guy say something critical or nasty, and then later on found another guy who raved about the same thing that the other guy insulted me for! One guy will call me fat, the next will gush that I have the perfect body. A guy once said my freckles made me look like I had leprosy; many other guys have told me they're adorable. One person's trash is another's treasure. WALK AWAY from nasty customers who are treating you like trash, so you can go and find ones for whom you're the treasure.

    Don't put up with unprofessional, nasty or sleazy behaviour from management though. There are plenty of other clubs, and you get enough of that nonsense from custies--the last thing you need is to get that from managers too.

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    Default Re: Meanness

    Thank you so much for your comments! It gives me a better and much more realistic perspective of what to expect when I start dancing. I'm still super excited.

  7. #7
    Vivacious
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    Default Re: Meanness

    Oh, I thought of one more thing. Sometimes customers are mean not based on how you look, but say things like, "Why are you doing a job like this? This is blood money. Why don't you earn money the hard way?" I mean, really hypocritical stuff, but they sometimes look for other ways to make you feel bad. You can't always walk away before they finish the sentence, and if they're giving you money, you might just smile and keep dancing for them. That's just the reality.

    Glad you've got a realistic perspective. There's a lot of positives, otherwise we wouldn't be here. Good luck and keep us posted!!

  8. #8
    Picaresque
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    Default Re: Meanness

    Quote Originally Posted by BohemianSiren View Post
    Don't get me wrong, it's not something I put up with, just something I've dealt with. And usually I've dealt with it simply by saying, "you're being inappropriate." If the behavior continues or resurfaces later, I find a new club.

    oh I know, I wasn't ragging on you. Just saying that it's easy for newbies to think (or be convinced) that crap like that is the norm and acceptable in the industry, and that they just have to suck it up and let it happen.

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