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Thread: How can i be a worse customer?

  1. #1
    Featured Member gameover's Avatar
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    Default How can i be a worse customer?

    Ok, so I never spend money in the club. I will talk to dancers for hours, promising dances, but never delivering. If I do buy a dance, I'm always hands on, and asking for extras. I'm a frugal fellow, but still, I feel I could be doing more.

    Dancers, please help me reach my potential level of being a bad customer

  2. #2
    Veteran Member rlams2000's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Don't forget your sweatpants.

  3. #3
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    If you absolutely must buy dances, pay using the smallest bills possible, or if you really want to set a new standard, pay partially in coins.

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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Talk about the quality ( or lack thereof) of her dances with anyone in the club who will listen or even post on SCL.
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

    If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill

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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    -Don't shower that day.
    -(Attempt to) lick her. Any part you choose (nipple/neck/face). Multiple times. Make her practice those 'defensive dancing' skills.
    -Wear basketball shorts or sweatpants. Basketball shorts FTW, IMO.
    -Point out her cellulite and stretch marks while she dances- ask her how often she works out and how many kids she's had.
    -Tell her she should get her 'tat' lasered off if she ever wants to go anywhere in life.
    -Ask her if she likes girls. Ask for dressing-room erotica as you INSISt that 75% of all strippers are bi.
    -Be intoxicated and unruly at all times.
    -Use 'comparative dancing' whining whenever possible to put yourself in a better position to get extras. Stress economic reasons. "Well, SHE gives me head when I get multiple lapdances... you DO want to remain competitive, right??"
    -Name-drop. "I know dj/manager/bouncer, etc... we can have our fun, don't worry."
    -Motorboat your dancer's chest and make up embarrassing names for her breasts.
    - If it's a nude club, tell her she needs a new razor as her current one makes her look like she has a disease.

  6. #6
    Veteran Member 3-Legged Man's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Hey, don't forget to blow on the dancers' private parts and make little kissing noises!

  7. #7
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Sit at the tip rail, leer, and waggle your tongue at the dancers.

  8. #8
    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    *Waits for the punchline.*

    Oh wait, I guess there is none.

  9. #9
    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Tell me about how 6 of your ex girlfriends were dancers and you "know" what's really going on.

    When you lick or blow on me, be sure to add "I just want to make you feel good, too" Cause, yeah, I like a man who is considerate like that.

  10. #10
    Member kitkatkawaii's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    LMAO on top of that be SURE to try to convince the dancer that she should go home with you or meet you at your hotel. Offer her no more than $200 and INSIST that its more money than she'll EVER see all night working in the club. Seriously, act like you're offering her a million bucks. Appear offended when said dancer turns you down. Keep making suggestions that you want her to go home with you. Eventually she's bound to change her mind. I mean, who could resist? If you're real bold offer her like $80 instead of $300. Trust me, she'll LOVE it cuz the stripclub is SO the same thing as a brothel. All strippers would be ECSTATIC at the chance to go home with your smelly ass for such a large chunk of cash.

    Or even better: try to recruit girls from the club to work for your private entertainment company. Stress how awesome it is that she'll get to go into these strange guys' homes because she can do all the things 'the club won't let her get away with' like being totally nude. Of course she'll even be able to let them touch her and she can have them lick whipped cream off of her for extra tips. (maybe suggest she charge $5-$10 for this?) Explain how she can make so much money with your company (up to $80 a night!!!).

    And don't forget to Never tip at the tip rails! This is super important. Sit at dancers' tip rails and be as perverted as possible (girls love this) but never give her any money. When she asks for her tips, just look at her with a blank expression and refuse to move or say anything. Some dancers get angry or even violent. This is cool because its their way of showing how much they appreciate you.
    Last edited by kitkatkawaii; 04-19-2008 at 10:48 AM. Reason: uh...cuz i felt like it? =)


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  11. #11
    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by BohemianSiren View Post
    Please don't forget to give me your card, and tell me to call you when I'm ready to make some "real money"... selling furniture or cell phone plans (yes, I've actually had this happen).
    OMG, some guys are still doing that crap?

  12. #12
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Speak very loudly and slowly, because I am stupid and this helps me understand.

    Look scared when I walk up to your table, like I am winged and tentacled wallet-snatching harpy against whom your only defense is to slide under the table and crawl away.

    Wave me away with a limp wrist as I approach, as though I were a peasant woman carrying a tray of buns.

    Turn me down for a dance AS you try to stick your thumb up my butt.

    When I ask you to stop doing something, whine "WHYYYYYYYYYY?"

    Get as much of your spittle as possible onto my skin, by any means necessary.

    Spend five solid minutes telling me who rich you are. Then scream like a little girl when I tell you a dance is $20.

    Grab me around the waist and hump me by force. Sprain my wrist, if necessary, trying to force me to touch your penis. (Yes, this really happened.) Because remember, sexual satisfaction has nothing to do with mutual attraction or giving and receiving pleasure or any of that. That stuff is for fags. Sex is about attaining the maximum ammount of friction from some part of a woman's body, and if she has to be restrained against her will for the purpose, so be it.

  13. #13
    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Lol, you should call Baer's Furniture.
    "Hey, do you guys need employees that bad that so-and-so is coming into "name of club" to try to get us to work for you?!"

  14. #14
    Veteran Member UV69's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Look why are we encouraging you...Dude I would see you 100miles away and you wouldn't get a sec of my attention soo you couldn't get the prize for worst customer--try fronting like a girls best customer (spending money buying drinks-slipping bills and being polite)then go for the gold by pulling something gross like kissing on her ear while whispersing how you want her to shit in her mouth as if it was the sexist thing to you. That my friend is how the real worst customers tramatize us becuz all that money he spent on me felt so dirty as I had to think of how many times a girl actaully did that and how I let his mouth neck/touch my ears and really if I could I would refund the whole experience as that's how grossed out I was over it.

    Cheap pervs have nothing on customers like that.
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    Featured Member iambonbon05's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by UV69 View Post
    Cheap pervs have nothing on customers like that.
    True. I've had a couple times where I went to dance for a club regular that tipped well and all that and thought he'd be a gentleman. All the more shocking when you find out they're NOT.
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    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    (Being Catholic never truly leaves you. It's a lifelong disease.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Hey, lapdances cost at LEAST 5 chickens. If you be offering them for one chicken, you be lowballin' girl.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by UV69 View Post
    Look why are we encouraging you...Dude I would see you 100miles away and you wouldn't get a sec of my attention soo you couldn't get the prize for worst customer--try fronting like a girls best customer (spending money buying drinks-slipping bills and being polite)then go for the gold by pulling something gross like kissing on her ear while whispersing how you want her to shit in her mouth as if it was the sexist thing to you. That my friend is how the real worst customers tramatize us becuz all that money he spent on me felt so dirty as I had to think of how many times a girl actaully did that and how I let his mouth neck/touch my ears and really if I could I would refund the whole experience as that's how grossed out I was over it.

    Cheap pervs have nothing on customers like that.
    I think you missed the point. The thread is a "tongue in cheek" response to some nimrod's thread about " how can I be a good customer?".
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

    If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill

  17. #17
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Sit in your car in the parking lot and wait for her to get off her shift. Then follow her home. Become a regular at the club and tell her details about her life that you have discovered. Do some stalking. Get really angry and scary when she tells you to leave her alone.

  18. #18
    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Then follow her to her internet message boards and make hundreds of inane posts just so you can brag to your friends about knowing a bunch of strippers.

  19. #19
    Veteran Member UV69's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by bem401 View Post
    I think you missed the point. The thread is a "tongue in cheek" response to some nimrod's thread about " how can I be a good customer?".

    Insert laughter OH my bad I guess bad customers just don't humor me , but yeah well if we are going for funny how about the customers that tend to be high profile bissness men that get turned on going to the club in adult underpants eqaully not cute, however worth the chuckle when you really think about it if you ask me.
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  20. #20
    Veteran Member youngBUTbanking's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    Grab me around the waist and hump me by force. Sprain my wrist, if necessary, trying to force me to touch your penis. (Yes, this really happened.) Because remember, sexual satisfaction has nothing to do with mutual attraction or giving and receiving pleasure or any of that. That stuff is for fags. Sex is about attaining the maximum ammount of friction from some part of a woman's body, and if she has to be restrained against her will for the purpose, so be it.
    Classic.

    I would say it is funny but knowing it actually happened makes it sick.
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  21. #21
    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Oh, oh! I get awfully bored at work and I love it when guys play little games with me to keep me entertained and on my toes. Like, I like it when guys hold a dollar out and when I go for it they jerk it back. It's even more fun when they say something like, "I'm going to make your work for it." That gives me an incentive to get the dollar. The best part of the game is that you can even keep your dollar at the end and reuse it to help entertain and motivate other strippers!

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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    After telling me that you don't like dancers with tattoos, but I will do because it's tasteful and unique, proceed to put your hands ALL over my new ink while saying, "Wow, it's really new, huh??!!"

  23. #23
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Well, finally a thread that really has information we customers can use.

    Thank you SW!












  24. #24
    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    Oh, oh! I get awfully bored at work and I love it when guys play little games with me to keep me entertained and on my toes. Like, I like it when guys hold a dollar out and when I go for it they jerk it back. It's even more fun when they say something like, "I'm going to make your work for it." That gives me an incentive to get the dollar. The best part of the game is that you can even keep your dollar at the end and reuse it to help entertain and motivate other strippers!

    Reading this thread makes me feel like we all must work at the same effin club! Especially this comment.
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

  25. #25
    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: How can i be a worse customer?

    When you do decide to get a dance, make sure its on a really quiet and slow night and waste as much time as you can on making the move to the lap dance room a really long and slow journey. Dont forget to spend ages sitting down and getting comfortable before handing over the money / letting the dance begin. Take a very long time counting out the notes! Dont have quite the right price in notes handy and fumble around in your pockets for the last few $.
    Oh yes - and do try to throw in a few tips to the dancer about what she could be doing with her life - and insult her unnessesarilly too on anything that comes to mind whether it applies to her or not!

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