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Thread: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    I try to be nice and professional at school. I am glad to help anyone I can. I'll let some of my classmates borrow a brush, comb, etc. I'll switch appointments with them if it's something they don't feel comfortable with. I'll help them to do certain tasks if they are running behind. Now it seems like people are asking me to do things that are just too much. Like finish their blow-drys, clean up after them, etc. I do have limits. I can say no. I just wish other people would be professional and courteous as well. It seems like people see how far they can get with you until you stand up for yourself and say no or become pretty assertive. I think I am in the process of learning another one of the lessons life teaches us. What do you guys think?

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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    two phrases come to mind:

    give them an inch and they'll take a mile

    &

    wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which gets filled first

    People suck and you can't change that. The only thing you can do is try to not let it get to you.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    I like the second phrase best, lol. I feel like saying sometimes, "Quit asking me for shit, get your own damn supplies and do it yourself". I even have girls that will ask me to the answer to a test question while we are taking a test. I ignore them. I feel like pulling them aside and asking them if their goal in life is to is too see how much they can get from me. I have snapped on a few people and they think it's funny. People think it's funny when I get angry.

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    Senior Member bounce86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    all the time, you have to remind people that no favor goes unreturned. be it either by just stop doing favors (some people pick up on this) or by outright telling them. at my day job i laid that out nice and clear by actually saying it in the beginning. only once did i get screwed, i drove a co-worker to get his car from the shop (only a few blocks away) and got nothing and he couldn't figure out why i wouldn't help him again. at night in the club the dancers know if i have to flex for them it costs, its simple but some people are too dense to realize it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Yeah, I only make the "bored" expression when I'm facing away from the guy.

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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    It's true, last night at work I let a girl use my phone to call her boyfriend to check on her daughter who was sick. Then at the end of the night we're getting ready to leave and straight TELLS me I can just drop her off outside her house. I gave her a confused look and she says you can give me a ride home, right? I asked where she lived, she lives in the opposite direction as me, so I told her no. On top of all this she was rude to the cocktail waitress all night, we only had one, small club. I'm good friends with the waitress, this girl talked down to the bartender like he was 3 cuz she ordered a drink they didn't have and she had to tell him how to make it. And now she expected a ride home, I had never met this girl before, had no idea who she is and she thinks I'm just gonna let her in my car like that.

    I use to be a pushover too, giving girls rides and letting them use my phone. Now I'm wary about being friends with people who don't have their own phone and car. I'll still give girls rides, but I have to know them well enough to trust them to get in a car with me, and only if they give me gas money. (Sometimes I'll waive the gas money if they're on my way home and I know they had a bad night.)

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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    about being laughed at when you get upset, I think it's tough not to give people what they want- a reaction.

    I'm pretty sure my co-workers think I'm insane. For the most part, I'm bubbly and goofy. However, I tend to bottle things up until I explode and the tiniest, stupidest, most unintentionally annoying thing someone does will set me off on a five minute rant about what a douche someone is. God help you if you're the straw that breaks my back... this camel gets kerazy.

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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    It seems like people see how far they can get with you until you stand up for yourself and say no or become pretty assertive.
    People, children, pets... It seems like everything acts this way. Always testing the boundaries.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    People think it's funny when I get angry.
    It sounds like you garnered the reputation of the nice girl who loves to help out and never gets pissed. Maybe since you offered to help a couple of times they got the impression that you enjoy doing it.
    I used to be that girl. People would deliberately try to piss me off because I never would, or wouldn't show it. THAT got old pretty quickly. I changed my tune and people stopped doing it.

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    Senior Member bounce86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M View Post
    about being laughed at when you get upset, I think it's tough not to give people what they want- a reaction.

    I'm pretty sure my co-workers think I'm insane. For the most part, I'm bubbly and goofy. However, I tend to bottle things up until I explode and the tiniest, stupidest, most unintentionally annoying thing someone does will set me off on a five minute rant about what a douche someone is. God help you if you're the straw that breaks my back... this camel gets kerazy.

    lol im the same way. the last time i snapped i had had a shitty week having my gf dump me and finding out she had been cheating on me since day one with my (at the time) best friend, my car crapped out on me and i had to buy another and some other small stuff leading up to that and on top of it all i had a drunk customer at my day job (i work in a supply house) slap the phone out of my hand while i was talking to a tech line for a company that hard to get a hold of all becasue i didnt try to juggle him and the phone call(which was waaaaay more important). as soon as the phone left my hand i jumped the counter and started whaling away. luckily he was so plastered he didnt know who jumped him when he came to . ive also snapped at night on the clock and people are scared to come near me even after i calm down.

    tldr? snapped and put an asshole dayjob customer in the hospital because i bottle too much crap up and people are scared of me when i snap even after calming down.
    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Yeah, I only make the "bored" expression when I'm facing away from the guy.

  9. #9
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    Nice people frequently get taken advantage of because they typically don't set boundaries. I used to have a really hard time with this, but nothing a little Dialetical Behavioural Therapy can't fix
    If you don't set boundaries, people see it....and FEED on it. Sometimes it's just best to keep your mouth shut, even if your intentions are to be nice. That person will always remember and a lot of people are ready and willing to push another person down to get up the ladder (any kind of ladder...corp., financial etc.)

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    Featured Member flickad's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    Yes. It's why I'm not nice any more.

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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    Being nice dose not mean having people walk over you!

    You can be nice yet put someone in there place!
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    Volupte
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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    There's being nice, and then theres letting people take advantage of you. Make people earn your help. I'll usually give a little to see what happens, and if the person doesnt reciprocate, well then their a bastard and I wont give them an inch next time.

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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    Each person has their own perceptions and motivations. Your ability to change that is limited. First, find peace with being the person YOU want to be.

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    Veteran Member youngBUTbanking's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    Yes - people do take advantage.

    But you can be nice and not a doormat at the same time.
    PABLO SPEAKS THE TRUTH...

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    Veteran Member fluffypenguin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    Quote Originally Posted by Volupte View Post
    There's being nice, and then theres letting people take advantage of you. Make people earn your help. I'll usually give a little to see what happens, and if the person doesnt reciprocate, well then their a bastard and I wont give them an inch next time.
    Yes I'm much like that too. I consider myself the gloden goose- I am easy to please, low maintenance all I need is to be thrown a few grains and I'll reward people with my generosity and kindness for ever. Unfortunately most people are not very bright, they see kindness as a weakness that must be milked for all it is worth. Losers
    I could get angry but instead I see it as a bit of a blessing, it saves me the hassle of weeding out the morons, and most importantly - I know that I am a terrific person, I don't need the approval of anyone to validate my worth. I wonder how many people can say that about themselves.

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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    Being nice doesn't mean doing things for other people, or going out of your way to help them. If you have a habit people-pleasing, then people will use that to their advantage, like your classmates do. Are you worried that people won't like you if you say no to them? It sounds like you haven't established healthy boundaries. It isn't their fault, and it comes off as kind of passive- aggressive to bend over backwards for people and then snap at them. Say no if you want to say no, you don't owe them a thing.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice people get taken advantage of?

    There's a difference between being a spineless doormat and being nice.

    I even have girls that will ask me to the answer to a test question while we are taking a test. I ignore them.
    That shit is downright dangerous. You could be accused of cheating and get expelled. I'm in nursing school, and I can't believe that people don't seem to understand not only the risks of cheating, but their lack of decency because they think nothing of risking someone else's standing. If someone tries to talk to me during a time in which it is prohibited, I will give a Look from hell, but not say anything. In retrospect, I should have told on them right then and there to preserve my own ass in case anything was misinterpreted. After the exam, I will track the person down and tell them calmly in my adult voice that if they want to risk getting kicked out of nursing school, fine. We don't need loose-lipped people like them in such a noble career. However, they will not talk to me and risk my standing. I do not use words like please or thank you, as this is an order.

    A lot of people in my class think that I'm an ice queen, as I take my work seriously. Many are surprised that I'm actually very friendly and social. However, I rather like my ice queen status. It means that they don't try to fuck with me.
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    The big dick is dangerous. It makes you overlook certain character flaws and bad behavior .

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