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Thread: Why?

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    God/dess loveandluxury's Avatar
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    Default Why?

    There's a girl in my class I'm friends with, and she wasn't there this morning. I didn't think anything of it because she sometimes sleeps in or is just late. An hour into class, the nursing department chairman calls me out and says S. (my friend) is downstairs in an instructors office and needs to talk to me about a project.. I have no idea what is going on, her and I aren't doing any sort of project.

    I walk into the office and there is my friend crying, I can only see the side of her face from the angle I was at, but beneath the ice pack she is holding up to her eye I see black and blue. I saw scratches all over her face and throat. I knew immediately.. her husband beat her up last night, and their 3 year old daughter was right there and saw the whole thing. She told me that he was throwing her around the room by her neck, pinned her up against the wall and was choking her, then when she managed to get outside he threw her down in the yard and punched her in the face and knocked her unconscious.

    He took her phone and cut the SIM card in half so she didn't have anybody's number. She was taken to the ER by ambulance, and he was arrested. I'm so angry right now, and worried for her and her daughter. Why do men do this? I know not all men do it, but it still just upsets me that some men think it's okay to put their hands on a woman.

    Animals are my friends, and I don't eat my friends.
    - George Bernard Shaw

  2. #2
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Why?

    Power and control

  3. #3
    Veteran Member oohdamnbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why?

    .. I'm speechless, but I just wanted to say that your friend and her daughter are in my thoughts.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why?

    Disgusting. Men like this should be castrated.

    Flip side...why do women put up with it? I find it hard to believe that this woman never saw warning signs before she conceived with the animal that did this to her.

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    Default Re: Why?

    ^^Sometimes it does. My friend's BD was getting a little weird on her when she was put on bed rest after a messed up cesearian, just bitchy and what not. Then all of a sudden he's put her head through a wall and nearly knocked the baby over. Police told her they'd both be arrested if she wanted to press charges. Because of the baby. Sometimes it's a bad situation like that.

    Don't worry-she left.

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    God/dess loveandluxury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why?

    They are actually seperated, and she was kind of seeing somebody else. Her husband knew about the other guy but I do have a sneaking suspicion that he maybe caught them together or something. I don't really know what caused it, I'm just making it a priority to get her and her daughter out of there.

    They are staying with her mom right now, and he will be in jail for 25 days unless he is bailed out. She has an emergency protective order against him for her and her daughter but if he'll do that to her, I'm scared that he may come after them when he gets out.

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    ^^Why 25 days? God, I hope he gets a hugely long jail term though I know it's not likely. She's lucky she has a friend like you around. Can she get out of town at all?

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    God/dess loveandluxury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why?

    He got bailed out. That asshole is out free running around, already. She can't get out of town though RL, due to school. We graduate May 10th though and I'm trying to talk her into moving up to Dallas with me so we can both just ditch the assholes and start over!

    Animals are my friends, and I don't eat my friends.
    - George Bernard Shaw

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    Senior Member scarlet_is_yummy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why?

    hell yes, get that girl outta there. well done for bieng such a lovely friend-she obviously deserves to have someone that cares for her around. can she stay with you? what a fucking idiot, he should be deported to the island of pricks. people like him dont deserve the support our system seems to give them. i'm so sorry she's having to go through this

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    Default Re: Why?

    Quote Originally Posted by loveandluxury View Post
    He got bailed out. That asshole is out free running around, already. She can't get out of town though RL, due to school. We graduate May 10th though and I'm trying to talk her into moving up to Dallas with me so we can both just ditch the assholes and start over!
    JFC, what kinda jerk bails a guy like that out. Wait-don't tell me, his family. I hope she goes to Dallas with you hon. Please make sure she has a working phone all the time.

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    Senior Member bounce86's Avatar
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    too bad hes not local to me. my moms co-worker came over the house about a week ago looking like someone worked her over with a tireiron and she said her husband beat her in front of her 3 kids and scooted to new hampshire. me, my dad and a few of the womans male friends went and had a chat with the guy............. i know it wasnt the right thing to do but now hes goin to jail for attempted murder because the kids all testified against him.
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    Yeah, I only make the "bored" expression when I'm facing away from the guy.

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why?

    I hope she never has contact with that piece of shit.

    To put his hands on a woman, much less in front of his own daughter???

    He should be shot.

  13. #13
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Why?

    I can't even imagine....

    I hope he gets his dick cut off with a dull and rusty knife.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why?

    I hope his balls get dug out with a rusty spoon and served to him after being boiled in his own intestines.

    Oh. An that someone pees in his coffee.


    Look like a woman
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    God/dess Miss Jessica's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why?

    Quote Originally Posted by loveandluxury View Post
    He got bailed out. That asshole is out free running around, already. She can't get out of town though RL, due to school. We graduate May 10th though and I'm trying to talk her into moving up to Dallas with me so we can both just ditch the assholes and start over!
    That's really sweet of you to stand by her, and help both your friend and her daughter. You're a true friend. Many people (even "friends") would do their best to avoid the drama of such an intense situation.
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


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    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why?

    Don't leave her alone. If you can't be with her, find someone else. Times like this are dangerous, and especially in the next week or so, Mr. Out-on-bail might try something.

    I'm glad you're there for her, and I'm crossing my fingers for them.
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    Default Re: Why?

    This happens slowly. The guy just doesn't bash the woman one day. He slowly isolates her, erodes her self esteem with demeaning comments and treatment, it gets physical slowly with pushing or grabbing and then it turns violent. Abusers know this. If they hit the woman straight away most likely she will leave and never turn back. But once she has been putting up with the rest of his shit for years, being hit doesn't seem much worse than everything else she puts up with.

    Your friend is at risk of being killed by this man. I dont mean to sound dramatic but women in the process of leaving these abusers are in serious danger, it's the most dangerous time esp since he is so jealous that she is seeing someone new. She needs a lot of support and needs to be kept away from this man - restraining order. She should relocate and be very selective with who she gives her new contact details to.
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    Default Re: Why?

    Ya'll two are gonna be like Thelma and Louise after all the shit you guys are going through. I'm so glad you have each other!

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Why?

    You're a great friend, loveandluxury. I want to emphasize what Jaizaine said--how very dangerous a time it is right now. I was in a situation like this, with a girlfriend whose former husband was a violent SOB. For those who ask why a woman stays with a man like this, the answer is (as I believe Jaizaine mentioned) that there is a slow erosion of the woman's identity--if you start to forget who you are, it is pretty hard to fight for yourself. I think that is where you come in, loveandluxury--in reminding your friend that she is worth saving and that she has a responsibility to get her daughter away from the violence. There will be times--amazingly--when she will sympathize with the guy, and these will be the times when she needs your wisdom most.

    On the pragmatic side of things, take every advantage of professional help--such as a women's crisis center--that you can. In my area (Massachusetts, NH) there are actually safehouses that women can go to, with their children, to disappear if they need to for a while. It is very important to keep her away from this idiot now, and for the police to impress on him that this will get a lot worse for him if he continues trying to be in her life. Frankly, her school is not as important: nothing is. Only her safety is important, now. I don't know where you are, but if you are in my area please don't hesitate to PM me--I'll be glad to hook you up with people at the women's crisis center I took my girlfriend to. I wouldn't try to take this on yourself alone. Seek whatever help you can.

    My best wishes to you, and I'm sorry for all three of you that you have to deal with this. I have never understood the cowards who do this to women, but that is, ultimately, what they all are: cowards.
    JK Jim

  20. #20
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: Why?

    I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. Stay by her side to make sure she is protected.
    I don't know if anyone here saw the nationwide televised case in Swanton,OH about 2 years ago. Father shot the wife and killed the two children. They were friends of mine, and although it's horrible to hear about anyone in an abusive situation, nothing. I mean NOTHING is more heart wrenching than to see 2 children in a casket and the mother still alive crying at a viewing.
    I'm sorry for the threadjack, it's just that this really hits home for me.
    Keep her safe, to the best of your ability. Show her your love, she may still think for some reason he's the only one that loves her and she'd go back. Sometimes the only thing you can do for someone is show them care.

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