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Thread: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

  1. #1
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    I've been described by many men as the ideal woman. I used to be flattered by this, but then I realized that it makes me a doormat and attracts lazy, complacent guys who think that I'm zero maintenance and that they can do whatever they please because I'm just so "cool."

    I'm not jealous. I like many traditionally male things like computers and video games. I'd never drag a guy along shopping with me. I don't demand expensive gifts or even flowers. I'm fun, smart, good conversation, and have eclectic tastes. I'm pretty. I don't have severe emotional baggage and I deal with my problems pretty well. All of these are attractive to men, and they see me as the ideal women. I'm not perfect by any means. Nobody is. Perfect people are nothing more than idealisms in people's heads that no human will ever be able to live up to. The perfect Hatshepsut in these guys' heads is basically a guy friend with a vagina, and it sucks royally. One chump even said, "Wow, you're too cool to be a girl." Another guy said in a disappointed tone of voice, "Maybe you are like other girls," when I mentioned that I liked Hello Kitty. I smell latent homosexuality.

    This has gotten me:
    1) A more-than-fling, less-than-boyfriend who farted in front of me after sex (not just letting one rip, I'm talking about multiple times), ate in bed after sex, and even admitted that foreplay was too much work.
    2) A boyfriend who couldn't be bothered to see get his erectile dysfunction treated or listen to my problems once in a blue moon.
    3) A boyfriend who had no qualms about talking about his intentions to get back with his perfect ex while dating me.

    And many other losers (to my credit, I did eventually kick them to the curb). In retrospect, I realize that I was seen as "easy." Not slutty easy, but zero maintenance easy. Basically, they see me as a guy friend with a vagina.

    How do I make it known that I'm not a zero maintenance girl who is going to be happy and completely accepting of them?

    Things I've been doing:
    1) When a guy is first courting you, he'll inquire a bit to test the waters. He'll ask things like, "Do you like shopping?" "What do you do for fun?" In the past, I told them the truth (I don't like clothes shopping and only do it once or twice a year, but I love shopping at Fry's Electronics. For fun, I'm gaming, hanging out, or leisure learning), and I've found that this is a critical point in how much effort they're going to put into me, so I'll be sure not to seem so low maintenance in the future.
    2) I make it clear that although I like gaming and stuff, I'm still a girl, so farting in front of me so casually is disgusting.
    3) If a guy has a problem, I don't help him out unless he asks for help. My last ex had erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, but wanted to "wait until things worked themselves out as they should." I researched the problem and its remedies, gave up foreplay, gave endless blowjobs, tried to make myself sexier, etc. It took my sanity. In retrospect, I should have let him take care of the problem and not let it become mine, leaving when I was being shafted too much. I'm not going to dedicate myself to futile causes.
    4) Learning to either shit or get off the pot.
    5) Learning to date men instead of boys, and I'm not dating geeks anymore. Yeah, geeks are smart and fun to hang out with, but they lack the maturity and real-world experience to have a relationship. Also, they can't admit that they're wrong, ever.

    Also, do guys like tomboyish women? Like I said, I feel like guys see me as a guy with a vagina rather than a woman who happens to like computers and stuff.
    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    The big dick is dangerous. It makes you overlook certain character flaws and bad behavior .

  2. #2
    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    It bothers me that you feel the behavior of these men you've been with has been somehow your fault. I don't think it is. You ever hear the old saying, "you kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince?" I think that might be the problem, not you being you.

    A lot of them... just inexplicably suck and there's no reason for it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #3
    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    I find it a strange comparrison. Im exceedingly low maintenance, am very out of touch with my female side (and get told so quite often) but have only dated wonderful guys.
    I think its something else.

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    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    At least it hasn't been a waste of time. Everyone teaches you something.

    Tomboys are cool. But for me personally, if you like computers and gaming, you might as well like sewing and baking. They are just two things I have not much interest in. It used to be a tomboy liked cars and bikes and sports. Boys are different nowadays too I guess.

    The fact that you don't need flowers and gifts and such, doesn't mean you wouldn't enjoy being courted by a gentleman. And a gentleman would never fart in your company if he could help it, nor would he talk about his hot exes.
    I think you are correct in raising your standards for future date material.
    Good luck H.

  5. #5
    Featured Member AmazingKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    I think I could have written your post. I'm in a long term relationship but I've always been more like a guy friend who has a vagina. We are like the identical person and have fun with each other is the only reason its lasted so far. I'm ridiculously low maintenance and I go out of my way to be so. I'd had a few major asshole controlling exes when I was young and naive. I know I'll put up with a lot more shit because its what I'm used to as well as still bend over backwards to be nice and go out of my way because its far less than anything they ever wanted me to do.

    Your description of a geek fits him perfectly. Hes intelligent, fun, has virtually no relationship experience unless you count high school, but worse a pain in the ass to get off the computer games (and porn) too. Hes a very laid back personality, errr a pothead, and we hardly argue but I think its because we both hate confrontation and just hold things in. Our communication level sucks. We love each other to death and I feel petty asking for material things, but for once I'd just like to be taken out to dinner or on a date instead of hanging out at home.

    Sometimes I think I need to be a bigger bitch. I'm starting to realize how much guys love the chase aspect of a relationship. I don't know if I can just switch on the bitch mode and act like I'm too busy. He admits that I'm too nice too. We both have very submissive personalities.

    I'm sure I could ramble on and on about our complex relationship but I can totally empathize with you. Somehow I think you need to make it known to these guys that 'zero maintenance' means you don't need them at all. I highly doubt any guys who like video games are going to see your interest as anything other than a huge plus. My guy's friends were all jealous that I played WoW with him.


    Or maybe I just need a gf?
    Last edited by AmazingKat; 04-24-2008 at 08:51 PM. Reason: paragraphing.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    It bothers me that you feel the behavior of these men you've been with has been somehow your fault. I don't think it is. You ever hear the old saying, "you kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince?" I think that might be the problem, not you being you.

    A lot of them... just inexplicably suck and there's no reason for it.
    Yeah, there are a lot of sucky men, and it's not my fault that they treated me badly. However, since this problem is recurring, it means that there's something with me that keeps putting me in these situations. Hence, I've switched to men rather than keep going for boys.



    AmazingKat, you'd better dump your boy and become my girlfriend, because you just gave me multiple "I can relate" orgasms." That describes most of my relationships. Yeah, I hear ya on his friends getting jealous part. I used to be flattered when my bfs would brag about how "cool" and low maintenance I was. Later, I realized that such behavior made them even lazier because they'd hear of other issues-ridden girlfriends and come back home relaxing with me and thinking that they could keep doing nothing. I too would go out of my way to be low maintenance. Heck, I even dropped all standards with my most recent ex. I feel that I'm liked for the negative qualities that I'm not rather than the positive qualities that I am.
    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    The big dick is dangerous. It makes you overlook certain character flaws and bad behavior .

  7. #7
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    Quote Originally Posted by MsQwerty View Post
    I find it a strange comparrison. Im exceedingly low maintenance, am very out of touch with my female side (and get told so quite often) but have only dated wonderful guys.
    I think its something else.
    I agree. There's really no correlation between your interests and how men treat you. Maybe you are low maintenance in the 'demanding respect' department? That would make more sense to me.

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    Default Re: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    I'm more of a girly girl but I can relate... I'm low maintenence and have been treated like shit by tons of guys- I was a fantastic verbal punching bag. I had an epiphany right before I met my husband- I effin' rock and deserve to be treated accordingly.

    This always comes off as sounding bratty, but I became very selfish. I did what I wanted when I wanted. If a guy wanted to tag along, great. If not, no big deal- I'll happily fly solo. I refused to compromise and I let them know that at that point in my life, I knew what I was worth and how I deserved to be treated- I didn't need to be in a relationship, it was a luxury I could afford to throw away if it didn't fit well. On first dates, the question of what I was looking for in a relationship always came up and my answer was the same every time, "someone who realizes that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him."

    It was the most awesome thing I ever did. It was like smelled the confidence I had and it was a man magnet... it also set the bar pretty high and they put in a lot of effort to keep me happy.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    Alexxa: Yeah, I have been shafting myself by letting myself be the giver in the relationship. Reciprocation is necessary.

    Hat takes care of others. Who takes care of Hat? All my life, I've been a big sister/mini-mom, giving girlfriend, and for pete's sake, I'm a nurse! I need someone to ensure my needs and insist on me taking it as well as learn that I deserve this and demand it. I'm not used to receiving, and I need someone to look me in the eye and say, "Hat, you have no qualms with giving others the same. You deserve this. Please take this."
    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    The big dick is dangerous. It makes you overlook certain character flaws and bad behavior .

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    Featured Member AmazingKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's not easy being a low maintenance girl

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    AmazingKat, you'd better dump your boy and become my girlfriend, because you just gave me multiple "I can relate" orgasms." That describes most of my relationships. Yeah, I hear ya on his friends getting jealous part. I used to be flattered when my bfs would brag about how "cool" and low maintenance I was. Later, I realized that such behavior made them even lazier because they'd hear of other issues-ridden girlfriends and come back home relaxing with me and thinking that they could keep doing nothing. I too would go out of my way to be low maintenance. Heck, I even dropped all standards with my most recent ex. I feel that I'm liked for the negative qualities that I'm not rather than the positive qualities that I am.
    Hah! I wish, really. I think we probably have more in common with guys than we think. I was starting to think I was a lesbian because guys everywhere were just becoming very unappealing to me until I realized its because mine doesn't do much and it was turning me off of all men. I don't keep him on his toes though. His last gfs (oh like 5 years ago lol) were highly controlling and I guess its what hes used to although he admits it got old. We were like an old married couple who never did anything fun or went out right from the start. Sitting on our matching Alienware laptops nude and running Molten Core does not a relationship make. I feel taken for granted sometimes. I love doing things for him and trying to surprise him but its very one-sided. I don't want to break up with him but things need to change a bit.

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