The way my club is set up, there isn't a "rack" or a "tip rail"... there is a stage with tables and chairs scattered around. Normally I like this because guys feel like real assholes if they're not tipping, but of course there's always the ballsier ones.
This guy comes and sits on a bench and I'm watching him... and he doesn't tip. I do my set, still no tip. I wasn't the first girl either, I knew he hadn't tipped anyone, not even the bartender and it wasn't even like he was off in a corner either, he was right next to the stage.
I go up at the end of my set, and say in a playful sort of voice, "you're not going to tip me???"
He goes OH uh... I have these four quarters, you want them?
I raise my eyebrows and say, uh, no thanks. Enter the dressing room. I was talking to a dancer about him saying that if he was still there on my next set I'd tell him that if he can't cough up a measly couple bucks that I would tell him to leave my stage and go sit in the corner with his dunce hat on.
Then it occurred to me to actually make him a dunce hat.
Got a piece of paper, some tape and a marker and made a hat that said "I'm a strip club DUNCE (I tried to tip a dancer with 4 quarters)(and barely tipped anyone else)"
In this situation I normally would've given a dirty look or if feeling particularly vindictive would've taken his beer and said "thanks for the tip!". But this guy is so cheap he's not even drinking beer, he's drinking water which is free at our club.
So I have a hat for him. The timing was difficult forever because FOR THE LOVE OF GOD some idiot dancer is sitting with him for absolutely nothing for at least an hour, and I didn't want to make her mad by giving him his hat when she was right there and possibly piss him off enough to make him leave.
Ended up deciding to wait for her to go up on stage. But he went to leave before that, so I chased after him. I yelled "wait up!"
He stopped and I said "you have a prize."
"a prize?"
"yes, a very special prize that is rarely given out, in fact you're the very first person to every get this prize"
Plopped it on his head, said "there you go", whipped around and walked back on the floor. Didn't get to see his face but another dancer that was watching was laughing her ass off.
Woo, that was long. The end.





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