Thanks, Jenny. I don't have the patience for this. Then again, I'm neither a Madonna nor a Whore...
Thanks, Jenny. I don't have the patience for this. Then again, I'm neither a Madonna nor a Whore...




This concept seems oddly familiar....hm....let me see.....trying to place it...........
I guess the statement seems odd to a card-carrying member of the Customer Caste, whose members are always "good enough" to get money from, but who enjoy daily ridicule on this site, with a story from every club, for thinking that we might be "good enough" to date......
Pot/kettle babe.





For those who missed the subtle reference: Madonna-Whore Complex





Well, strictly speaking, perception is only reality for the one who is perceiving it. When it comes to total strangers your point has some merit. When it comes to the way that two people involved in a relationship interact with each other and plan a future together the idea that "you are what I say you are" is a bit ridiculous.





Dating a dancer being a turn on? Well, it would certainly have some quirky perks, but to a great degree, no. I figure I would be getting the gal with bed hair, PMS and mudpacks on her eyes, and not the goddess dressed to the nines.
And I'd like to think I'd be the kind of guy who could react to dating a dancer with maturity, like "bah, its just her job", but I don't think that a guy can really answer that one honestly until he's been there. It wouldn't be so much the trust issues, as it would be this constant fear for her safety. As if I would be lying in bed with awful scenarios playing out in my head until I hear the door crack open at 3 AM.
Former SCJ now in rehab.
See, this just screams to me of your desire to control. You would want a girl all to yourself - does that mean other men can't look at her? And you'd pay for your fiancee, which is a generous offer, but I know (and I know a lot of women would feel the same) that I would hate it. I'm too independent and I wouldn't want someone else being in control of my finances.





Im glad the guys answered this honestly.
As much as I am ok with my job I can totally understand how a guy who loves me doesn't like it. My boyfriend hates my job. He doesn't give me a hard time about it anymore but truly a man who really loves and cares about u is going to have some issue with u being sexual for other men.
My club doesn't allow touching and he still has a prob with it. He would not be with me if touching was allowed - there is no question about it he would not handle it.
Problems esp arise when the relationship goes thru a rough patch. I have to put up with "you are all sexy for other men but not for me".
Dancing is hard on relationships. That is reality.
There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.
Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.
I don't know how well this is going to go over but I'll give it a go anyway. I never cared about the stripping. This is known as a very high contact area and that never bothered me. To be honest I wouldn't have even cared if she was an extras girl as long as she was honest about it. And I don't think that has anything to do with how much you do or don't care about someone. I happen to be into that sort of thing. I never did it with her but I've watched other girls I was with give other guys BJ's and HJ's but never FS. I know not everyone is into that sort of thing but it's not really any diff than going to a swing club. The point is none of that stuff ever did, or would have bothered me b/c the girl ITC and the girl OTC were 2 diff people. . I did worry about her safety tho....A LOT. What bothered me the most was the thought of guys stereo-typing her and thinking she was a whore simply b/c she was a stripper. After everything else I've said that may sound hypocritical to some but maybe some will get what I'm talking about. It's hard to explain in this type of setting but I tried the best I could. I just saw so much talk about sharing and high contact etc. I wanted to throw my 2 cents in. Now it turned out she is a whore but that's not b/c she's a stripper it's just who she is. Like I said before, at least for me, it wouldn't be a turn on or turn off. It's not about what she does, it's about who she is and what type of person she is. I guess I don't understand how it could be a turn on or turn off b/c I don't think you can necessarily judge someone based on what they do for work.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
That's just it gameover, you are projecting behavior and situations where there were none. (Not just you, but the hypothetical man in the hypothetical relationship) You assume things go xyz because of reason xyz. This is why perception is only reality to he/she who perceives it. I always challenge people who try to tell me what my work shift is like and how I behave at work. Each dancer makes her own choices and each lap dance is a new choice.
I had a bf in the past that was passive-aggressive regarding me dancing, giving me excuses that he worry about my safely and what other guys would do but I see it as ego and insecurity. Turns out he showed his true colors and I was right. Just an example...
I see more and more at my other job, women who go out to the nightclub (especially for batchelorette partys) get drunk (or stay sober) and do waaaay more grinding and general wildness than I see at the strip club. So yeah, I'll have to say it again. It's only true in your head.
Don't let your thoughts limit your life.





I suspect it'd generally go over better than the reverse statement of a man saying: "I'm a customer."
EDIT: Oh an to answer the question, I won't judge her for her job if she doesn't run away screaming from mine.![]()
I want to reverse the question. Let's say you meet a guy somewhere, it doesn't matter where but not ITC. You go out with him and you really like him. You don't tell him you're a stripper tho. Then one nite you're at work and in walks that guy. Would that suddenly change how, or what you think him? Would you suddenly be turn you off by that guy simply b/c you saw him in a stripclub?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]





There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.
Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.
I guess it depends on some factors, mostly the level of intimacy in the relationship. I won't lie about my job, to me that's the same as being ashamed of it. If he hasn't asked about it, we probably haven't been seeing each other that long 'cause I mean - how are you not going to ask what your partner does for a living?
I agree with what Jaizaine said. I don't want him to be spending all his money at the strip club because it's not financially responsible. But I don't mind a guy who goes to one, even if I was committed to him and he went without me. Just don't have sex/hj/bj with someone else unless it's been talked about between us and you're not paying for it. I don't want my guy paying for something I can give him for free. LOL
The whole sexy or not thing has been beaten to death on this site, so here's a slighty different take on the subject... It's way more interesting hearing a dancer talk about her job than someone who has a crappy job. Not wanting to hear about your partner's day because it was boring or repetitive can be a real problem if s/he is the type of person who needs to unload by talking about it after work. If a guy doesn't have the stomach to hear how his precious madonna was - *gasp* - near another man then this probably doesn't apply but for the those of us who do it's pretty nice.
Hahaha, sure thing there chief, your living had better be more than "decent" if you want to make up the difference in a top dancer's income.
Are you seriously asking me to treat a mutual and personal relationship as the same as business one? Because... yeah. That seems to be a pretty significant distinguishing feature to me. I mean... we're in sales. You can't compare a sales relationship to a personal relationship and expect to get a sensible result. You might as well say "the guy who sold me my car doesn't want to date me, and therefore it is ethically coherent to set up a moral caste system in which strippers are at the bottom."
I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth
That made me laugh but I couldn't help think unless I could watch.
Anyway I am very interested in the answers b/c I've known a lot of strippers who like to play the double standard card. It's not fair if a guy judges me or is turned off by my job but I'm allowed to be turned off or judge a guy for going to a club. I'm not saying any of the girls on here are like this b/c I don't know any of you personally which is why I asked. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's a completely even comparison b/c it's your job, it's how you make money vs. the guy who's going for fun (at best) but I don't think it's exactly apples to oranges either. I wouldn't blame any girl for not wanting to date a SC Junkie but I don't think it's fair to judge the average guy just for going once in a while w/o really knowing him either. I also think what the guy goes to the club looking for should factor in too. Like I don't think a girl should judge the guy just for being there but if she found out he was there looking for extras? Now that I can understand. In the same way I don't think it's fair for a guy to judge, or be turned off by a girl who works as a stripper w/o really knowing her. However I can understand a guy judging or being turned off by a girl who works as a stripper and also does extras. As I've said that wouldn't bother me as long as she was honest and told me, but I can understand why that would bother some guys.
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Well, anyone can decide not to date anyone else for any reason they want -- but unless your used car salesman is acting out of some general prohibition that used car salesmen have against dating their PL customers, I don't think the comparison is apt. It's the existence of that attitude (pretty unique to the stripping world I think), not the reluctance to date because of a "business relationship", that's the issue.
So, unless you're completely free of that attitude -- meaning, you see customers who walk in your door as full humans just as worthy as dating, from a starting point, as anyone else-- I do think it is hypocritical to be concerned about those who may see strippers as worthy of having fun with, but not of getting serious with.
I think jaizine is on the right track in her posts....each side looks at the other with a jaundiced eye, and why can't we just be honest about that?








I never said you were turned on...I assume almost no one is, ever, in this job. However, unless you're sharing some of your sexuality with someone else (flirting, nudity, contact if that's what your club does)....whether acting or not....then you're just not doing it right. I've never seen a cold, non-sexual stripper. Where do you work? (;
I'm actually not following you at all. The issue is not between customers/strippers and strippers/customers. The issue was set up between some guy and a stripper and you are comparing it to the stripper/customer relationship. That is not an apt comparison. One has nothing to do with the other. Like some guy that I meet at my roommate's work Christmas party decides that I can be a madonna or a whore has nothing to do with why I choose not to date customers. Personal relationship -> business relationship. I think you might be confused about the question.
I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth
It's not entirely the thought that all customers are PLs. I like some of my customers very much! But they're customers. I don't go into a job interview, or to work at an office and see everyone as potential dating material. Those two worlds shouldn't be involved in my opinion and thinking that they could be is foolish. Much like a normal co-worker, customers are full human beings who I am not interested in.
Is that set in stone? NO. But I'm a lot less willing to date someone I met at the strip club because there is a portrayal of sexuality that might be incorrectly viewed as my willingness to jump into the sack with them, or the ego boost a guy might get from dating a stripper.
But you're talking about a PERSONAL relationship, not work. If you visit me at work after we're dating then there's still a personal relationship but work etiquette. Also, the way we've been talking about the situation it sounds like the hypothetical girl was dancing before she met you. It seems almost closed minded to miss out on a great girl because of her job. I would hate it if I worked at Wendy's and people said "I'd date you but you smell like french fries."
Also... what does jaundice (a medical condition caused by liver problems and characterized by yellowing of the skin and whites of the eyes without any visual impairment) have to do with this? I believe you meant that each side of the argument is looking through a black eye.
Actually it's not. It's called acting. Actors don't have split personalities but they are expected to get on stage and BE a different person. It just so happens that most of us have similar roles in this production. An actor on stage is not the same person as one off stage. It's a metaphor, obviously, but you get the point.
Wow. Jumping in late here...
We're talking about relationships here, and relationships ideally will take into consideration the needs and desires of both partners. When a dancer is dating someone who disapproves of her job, it's not about "right" and "wrong". It's simply that her job makes him uncomfortable. She can try to figure out why he's uncomfortable with it and educate him to alleviate his concerns. For instance, a lot of guys here have said that they would be fearful for her safety. Have him come into the club and meet the bouncers, and let the bouncers explain to him how they walk you out at the end of every night and take care of you if anything happens. Or perhaps he's nervous because he has this image in his mind of all strippers giving handjobs in the back room. Show him the kind of lapdance that you give.
If he simply doesn't like it, then you have the same choice as EVERY OTHER PERSON whose partner dislikes their job: ditch the partner or quit the job. This isn't unique to stripping, though. Some people hate their spouse's job because their spouse has to travel all the time. Some people hate their spouse's job because of their spouse's co-workers. Some people don't like their spouse's hours.
When I met my fiance, we met at a local coffeeshop. I tend to dress like a lot of strippers when I'm out and about, so I was all grunged up in my PJs and flip-flops with glasses and greasy hair when we met, but he knew through the grapevine that I was a stripper. He is NOT the type to go to stripclubs and had only been twice before he met me. When we started to get serious, I asked him if he had a problem with my job. He told me he didn't think so, because he understood that I treated it like a job. I invited him into the club a couple of times. Once was when I worked a very, very slow dayshift. I spent a few hours hanging out with him and having a few drinks because there was no other customer in the club, but it gave him a chance to see my stageshow, meet my co-workers, and familiarize himself with the layout and staff of the club. He was fine with that. Then I gave HIM a "standard" lapdance at home, and we talked about the fact that at work, I did that to other men. He was okay with that. Then I had him come in on a day when one of my best regulars was in. This regular had already met him (because I've done lunch with this guy a time or two) and was very laid-back. I gave the regular a lapdance while my FIANCE was watching, and then when I got home, we had a long talk about it. My fiance is now perfectly okay with my job. He's not the type to get jealous in any event, but now he KNOWS what happens at work, and he's fine with that.
My future-mother-in-law asked him one time if he ever worried for my safety. He said, "Mom, I've been to her club and met her managers and bouncers. I know nobody's going to hurt her and they keep a close eye on her. I'm more worried that she's going to bust her head open from falling off the pole or the stage!" (I'm clumsy.)
I know that I AM lucky. But if he had a problem with my dancing that couldn't be resolved by showing him the reality of the situation, then I'd have to choose between dancing and him. Part of being in a relationship is caring for the other person.
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