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Thread: my boyfriend is scared

  1. #26
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    Quote Originally Posted by made_of_sequins View Post
    wait, so his "compromise" was that if he allowed you to dance, he'd get an open relationship and get to fuck whoever he wanted? This sounds *ridiculously* manipulative! Watch out...it sounds like he's going to use dancing as a guilt trip to get whatever he wants from you and control you. He's already started by saying "if I let you dance, I get to fuck other girls." Every time you have a disagreement, he'll come up with "I'm letting you dance, so in return you need to do X Y and Z"...could you really live with that?

    His idea of a compromise is a HUGE red flag. I'd run and not look back.
    Yeah... I thought "opening" the relationship seemed a little vague, but it seemed like a generic suggestion easier said than done, so I figured I would see how it evolves (if ever). It might just be a psychological tranquilizer, that dissolves once he feels more adjusted.

    Recently we talked about our emotional bonds with each other, and it was established that, though we care about each other a lot, and really enjoy our time together, we're still in a gray area when it comes to "love" and "partnership" (we've been dating casually about six months). He made it pretty clear that it takes a while for him to grow into it, and that we need more time together to tell.

    So... I'm trying to consider these things as learning experiences for us as a couple, to learn about each other. I figure that, he's getting used to this aspect of me, and how it affects (or how it doesn't affect) us; he might change his mind in a week or two, and we might find a better comfortable mode of operation. In any case, neither of us will know until i begin, and at least I can start with a peace of mind now.

    On the other hand, I am still continually tracking the things he says and does, the way he thinks, and as I am learning about him (and Us), I will try to pass best judgment in terms of whether or not we should sustain the relationship.
    I did think about whether or not other problems would arise, if he came up with new things that bothered him, etc. We might need to start over with new proposals, etc, but yeah, separating and just being friends is definitely always an option, especially if it's the least stressful one of all.

    The past few days with him have been like the usual, if not better. I am pretty content with it... so far!

  2. #27
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    Quote Originally Posted by RickinNY View Post

    So, I doubt it's not you that he doesn't trust but other men. It's also perfectly normal as a male for him to be protective of you as well as not want to share you with others in the way your asking him to. It's ingrained in most men's nature to do so.
    Speaking with first person experience, I know it requires a will of iron to not let my gf's dancing get to me at times. I have extremly liberal morals, a strong sense of self and I trust her fully and enjoy the money she makes as well as her having more time to spend with me (she only dances pt). But even with all of that I have to emotionally detach from it all once in a while.
    Thanks for the male perspective, it was very helpful. I've been thinking about it, and it makes sense. Biologically, men will see red and defend womanly-property from other males when necessary. And if a man can think about sex and become physically aroused, then of course they can think about sexual offense and become genuinely ENRAGED (depending on the man).

    So i accept his reactions, he's not completely out-of-line.

  3. #28
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i began stripping. im only 18 so i still have lots of young years to do it, but i am broke NOW and i need money i have to pay my car rego in a month which is like $300 and i am currently earning $11 an hour at a phone store. i have been seriously considering just dancing and not telling him.

  4. #29
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    Quote Originally Posted by made_of_sequins View Post
    wait, so his "compromise" was that if he allowed you to dance, he'd get an open relationship and get to fuck whoever he wanted? This sounds *ridiculously* manipulative! Watch out...it sounds like he's going to use dancing as a guilt trip to get whatever he wants from you and control you. He's already started by saying "if I let you dance, I get to fuck other girls." Every time you have a disagreement, he'll come up with "I'm letting you dance, so in return you need to do X Y and Z"...could you really live with that?

    His idea of a compromise is a HUGE red flag. I'd run and not look back.
    Agreed. It's just a job but he is treating it as if you are out cheating on him already. I don't see this as working out, sorry.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  5. #30
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Agreed. It's just a job but he is treating it as if you are out cheating on him already. I don't see this as working out, sorry.
    Agreed. Vague or not, reaction to trying out a new job shouldn't involve the other person getting to sleep with others. Unless that's cool already. I love how casual bfs are all of a sudden 'decider of the future' as soon as stripping comes up.

  6. #31
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    I just posted a similar thread to this one. How is your situation going ? Did you dance ? Did he come around ? What the hell did he mean about " opening up " the relationship ?

    .... I think mine just think I'm nuts right now. I just want to try it a few nights a month , not quit my day job . I hope he comes around , but who knows what will happen.

  7. #32
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    He's worried that you are going to hook up with a guy with more money and a bigger dick. And you should . You are not married. Make yourself happy. live your life in a way that makes you feel fullfilled. Your bf sounds like a loser with no trust in you or your relationship. Dump him and have your fun.





    (disclaimer) The words written above are not intended to be taken seriously on any level. Anyone taking them as such is stupid.
    ho's before bros'

  8. #33
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    (editing this comment, holdon)
    Last edited by lilymiaomiao; 05-24-2008 at 12:46 AM.

  9. #34
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    Sorry about bailing in the middle of commenting.

    In response to Carmen B:

    The last update I posted, he said it was ok, but that he wanted to "open the relationship," right? Well I talked to him after that, asking him to clarify. He meant that he wanted an open relationship, which would actually be a reasonable request to me, i don't think open relationships are bad, BUT. I knew that this wasn't the real issue, and that in our case, that would not help.
    So we talked, and I told him i wanted to break up if this relationship was going to be wishy-washy and causing me stress all the time, because you know, i don't have time for half-assery. It seemed like the best choice. So we did... tentatively. We agreed to check back with each other in about a week, after I START DANCING, because there's no good in arguing about what hasn't even happened yet.

    Technically, we are broken up, and on Monday, it will be a week, and we're going to talk again and see how things are going with each other. I already started dancing, and it's alright. There are some pluses, some annoying things about it, but whatever, it's a job, and a really damn well-paying one I'll say!

    Some unexpected things came up already, and it hasn't even been a week! We're coworkers (at my day job), so I have to see him and talk to him as part of my schedule, anyway. We spent some time together outside of work, I wanted to just keep it friendly for now but he was really cuddly and warm, and he told me he missed me. We talked about how my first shifts went, and he took it pretty well, and he said he didn't feel like it was that bad anymore, though he admits it still makes him a little uneasy. He's trying to think of different ways he can get over these feelings, maybe patronize clubs a little, I dont know. He claims he doesn't want to break up anymore, and that he doesn't like the idea of "open relationship" AT ALL anymore, and that he loves me, but I'm not going to hear any of it until we formally meet in a week, because we NEED some TIME!

    I think he is coming around, because now that I've actually started dancing, he's surprised/glad to see that I still somehow look and act and laugh the same way, and that I haven't suddenly started dating 10309 sleazy men. Honestly I think he's a little relieved because he just didn't know what to expect before, and now he sees that it's not that bad. I can accept that he might not ever be totally comfortable with the idea, but there are definitely ways to cope, like ways to get more and more used to it, if we're willing.

    We might stay together, might break up, I don't know yet. I'm waiting for him to calm down and figure things out, and in the meantime, I'm just trying to chill, and $$ with this new job.

    Transitions are always the hardest parts! All the challenges, in learning and communicating and understanding, it's really mentally/emotionally/physically draining and needs to be taken slowly and carefully.

    Good luck with your situation! I'll go check out your thread and see if i can be of any other help.

  10. #35
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    don't let him go to a club that you work at or while you are working. If he can't handle the "idea" he certainly can't handle the visual.
    ho's before bros'

  11. #36
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    Quote Originally Posted by poolmaninSATX View Post
    don't let him go to a club that you work at or while you are working. If he can't handle the "idea" he certainly can't handle the visual.
    Yes its best for him to stay away from your work, that could cause a huge disaster!
    Search for a post I made about Boyfriends visiting at work.
    That will explain how disastrous that can be.
    If he crys, it sounds like he would blow his top and completely loose it
    if he saw you actually working.

  12. #37
    Featured Member Meea's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is scared

    ^^^ or totally ruin your chances of making money by behaving badly AND bringing your mood down

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