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Thread: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    I'm not even sure the best way to articulate what I'm feeling right now. I turn 31 in three months and all of my friends are married and/or have kids. I feel like I'm destined to become an old maid.

    I got to thinking about this partially after reading Gypsy's thread and mostly after finding out that my bf's little brother got his girlfriend of three months pregnant. I'm finding myself somewhat jealous and I don't really know why. I's not like I envy their situation at all. They barely know each other and she's only 19 with no job and they're having a shotgun wedding in a few months.

    Sometimes I wonder if I over think things. I always wanted getting married and having kids to be perfect. I wanted to be married, have a great husband, a nice home and a planned baby that was wanted and expected.

    Is this too much to hope for? I wasn't planned, none of my friends who have kids were planned and it seems like most everyone on here who has had children weren't expecting them either. Maybe life just needs to happen to you and you suck it up and deal with it? If I keep waiting for everything to be perfect will I just miss out?

    I almost feel like that couple in the beginning of that movie Idiocracy. Well, we're going to wait for this, and this AND this. And the next thing you know you're too old and it can't happen.

    I really dunno what I'm saying here, I'm just a little sad.

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    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Are these things you really wanted for yourself? Or do you feel like that's the way life is supposed to be?

    I'm going on 32, single, no kids, 2 cats. But I feel pretty fabulous.

    Remember: The more you focus on what you dont want - the more you experience what you dont want. 'Worry is prayer for something you dont want'

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    No, it's something that I really want, I just always wanted to wait for things to be right. I was an oopsie and growing up, and as much as I hate to say this cause I love my Mom to tears, I kind of felt like she resented me in a way for having me so young. I never wanted that for my kids, so I've always been super careful, making sure I lived my life and had fun first, waited until I was truly ready to settle down and start a family, have a good home, etc. And it just seems like it's not going to happen that way.

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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    But I bet it will happen, Virgo, if it is in your heart. I understand the feeling--for many reasons, things didn't work out for me with marriage (I just didn't find the right woman) and sometimes I feel, when I see friends of mine who are fathers, that I'm missing something. But there are always great things waiting for us--we have to just remind ourselves of what we love and wish for and make decisions accordingly.

    And you, truly, are so young--much living yet to do--don't get down about this. I think things are just beginning for you. Keep your spirits up.
    JK Jim

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Thanks, jhuka.

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    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    If having kids and a family is in the future for you, it will happen no matter what. Don't overanalyze or beat yourself up mentally over it, what's meant to be will be. Surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones that care about you helps.

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    FWIW, I can empathize completely, especially after almost two years ago my boyfriend of six years dumps me for an alcoholic cokehead with two brain cells and got her knocked up barely two months later.

    Having kids doesn't have to be "perfect" but some circumstances are much better than others. It's good that you want things to be more stable before bringing another life into this world.

    I'm almost 30, and still feel like I have so much more that I want to do, and it makes me sad that so much is determined purely by biology. The fact is women do have a much more limited window of time with their fertility. But that doesn't mean I'm planning on getting pregnant soon either.

    I guess for me it's a bit different. Not that many of my friends have kids and few are married. But it's getting to that point now and yes, sometimes it makes me a little sad.

    Ideally, I'd like to have one of my own and adopt as well, but if Mr. Right doesn't come along by, say, 35 I'll do it on my own. And if it happens that I can't get pregnant, I'd still very much like to adopt anyway.

    For those that haven't yet, watch "Idiocracy". It's funny and terrifying. Basically the premise is smart people are having fewer kids and the dumb fucks of the world are breeding left and right, so eventually the world will be totally full of idiots.

    You still have time. The worst thing you can do is try to force things along out of panic that you'll never be a mother. That can't be good.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    That's exactly where I am too. I don't want to be any older than 35 when I have kids. And approaching 31, I'm like, holy shit that's only four years away. It's scary to feel like your time is so limited.

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    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    I feel like if this is something that you really want, it'll happen as long as you don't fear that it won't happen. Trust that it will and live like it's in your future. It'll happen!

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    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Oh honey.

    I am so sorry you feel this way. If I was better with words I would express myself better but I suck so I'll just sned you some hugs and love

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    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    You still have plenty of time. 30 is young. My father did not get married until he was 34 and he was 35 when my parents had me (I'm the oldest of 5 children.) He was 48 when my youngest brother was born! I know men have a larger window in which they can have kids than women do, but still, you have tons of time.






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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Awww Virgo I can identify. I've been feeling the same way since I hit 30. Yeah 30, 4 cats, no bf and no prospects. I've put off kids all this time because things just weren't perfect. But it seems everyone else just had oopsies or just went ahead, took the chance and thier lives worked out fine. What have I been waiting for?

    Now I have to think, ovarian cancer runs in the family, what if...? What if some illness makes me infertile or lowers my odds? What if this or that blah....

    I feel your pain.

    Ugh. And then feeling this way only makes it that much harder to date! How many potential bf's are going to run because they can hear the biological clock ticking.

  13. #13
    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Maybe stop waiting for everything to be "right" or perfect - if you really are a Virgo (and you do sound like one (- youre in danger of that never happening. Not because things wont be perfect but because Virgos are notorious for perfectionists who often pay so much attention to trying to make or wait for the perfect personal situation they miss out.

    Sorry for hijacking the thread with astrology, but the Virgo thing jumped out at me, lol!

    On the other hand theres is still plenty of time, but maybe if its something you want so much its time to start planning now! (-:
    Last edited by MsQwerty; 05-14-2008 at 07:43 PM. Reason: To edit - and to add.

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Zabrina View Post
    Ugh. And then feeling this way only makes it that much harder to date! How many potential bf's are going to run because they can hear the biological clock ticking.
    Exactly. )-:

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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Quote Originally Posted by virgoamm View Post
    Exactly. )-:
    That's not quite so bad. I'm just a point now where I won't even date men who don't want kids. In fact, the last two guys I've dated have been the ones to bring it up, but like me, it's not something that has to happen this second.

    That's one way of helping things along, maybe.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Yep, MSQ, I'm really am a Virgo. But I'm really not like one in most aspects of my life. I'm lazy, a horrible procrastinator and my house is always messy, lol.

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    Senior Member WoodyLV's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Well Im a 31 y/o guy and in a similar situation in a way. Ive dated plenty and its not worked out, mostly bc I want to find the one for life and I just havent seen that level of relationship yet. I want what my grandparents had, does that exist anymore!! Will I be an old man eating at the diner alone hitting on sorority waitresses till I keel over? I hope not! Im already starting to tip extra well depending on how nice they are to me haha (ugh).

    About kids, Im in no hurry, could go either way, but think Id be a great father. So I wouldnt neccessarily count out guys who are on the fence about that. Takes us some time to accept what a large change in lifestyle that would give us you know!

    Ive got two weddings this fall two weeks apart hah. And yeah lots of friends getting pregnant. Ill be the single guy AGAIN.

    Anyway sorry for talking just about myself but just saying I can relate (except for the biological clock thing). But I also have a few guy friends that had kids at about 45. In many ways, you are more financially and otherwise stable and can provide better at that time, but I guess the pregos can be more risky.

    I am trying to live more "if it was meant to be..." attitude. My sister is 35 and miscarried, now unsure what to do. Besides feeling for her, I was actually sad I wasnt going to be an uncle, just in case I never had kids! As I grow older though it does seem to hit hard that sometimes (or most of the time), life doesnt turn out as you had envisioned.

    My Longest post ever whoops!

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    Featured Member aviendha's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Well, as far as kids go, one doesn't need to be paired up to have a child. All you need is a sperm donor. So if 35 is a cut-off (or, pick the preferred age), why not plan, save money and research your options, then get pregnant when you decide to go ahead? Being a single mother is tough, but if you can plan ahead, it'll be easier.

    Landing a good boyfriend is difficult no matter what. You can be single, married, hot, average, rich, poor, great job, kids, no kids--you're still going to have to Pin The Tail On Mr. Right. But unlike childbirth, there's no end date for getting a boyfriend.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Quote Originally Posted by ahmeerah View Post
    I feel like if this is something that you really want, it'll happen as long as you don't fear that it won't happen. Trust that it will and live like it's in your future. It'll happen!
    Have faith and let nature take its course. Believe that you can have what you want and get excited about having it, and it will come to you.

    I've done this, and believe me, it works. It just takes time.

    *Hugs*
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Thanks so much you guys for your kind words. I really needed it and it made me feel so much better. I do have a great boyfriend btw, and he's the love of my life, so I can definitely see that kind of future with him. We're going to be moving in together soon, which to me, is the true test of whether or not your relationship can make it in the long run. For some reason, I just feel rushed about things b/c of my biological clock and want to know for certain after we've been together for a year (which will be June 27th) if this is what he wants with me because I can't waste several years in relationships like I did in the past when I was younger-yanno?

    Thanks again. You guys are awesome!

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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    We all see kid situations that turn out bad. I know you want to avoid this.

    Babies grow up really fast. Kids are forever. You gotta be absolutely sure you want to go thru this, even if the kid turns out medically defective or very hard to handle. Or your marriage doesn't last. Or someone dies. Or you need to work full-time. You have to be willing to take anything that may come along and not regret you had a kid without really being able to accept whatever comes along without regretting your decision. you are going toi have to give up smoking, drinking, and any drug activity due to short and long trerm health effects on the child. Also you really need to have this as your PERSONAL goal, not because of your age or your friends, or some unrelated event in someone else's life. This is a life you'll be legally, medically, financially, and morally responsible for. It is not like a kitten. I'm sure you know this intellectually, but you have to feel it in your whole being.

    And good luck with your decision.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    Oh, I definitely know the risks involved with having children (possible birth defects, potentially losing your mate, etc.) and it is absolutely, positively 100% something that I want for myself and not because of some societal pressure or that I feel like I need to catch up with my friends.

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    Glamazon
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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    I don't know what to tell you, so here's a hug.

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    Default Re: I feel like I'm never going to have kids..kind of a rant

    i feel the same way hun im 28 and i want a baby, but i dont know if i would be a good mom so im scared to even take that jump.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by virgoamm View Post
    I just feel rushed about things b/c of my biological clock and want to know for certain after we've been together for a year (which will be June 27th) if this is what he wants with me because I can't waste several years in relationships like I did in the past when I was younger-yanno?
    A lot can happen by the time you turn 35. Including kids.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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