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Thread: Am I a fool or what?

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    Default Am I a fool or what?

    Okay, here is my situation. I would like a little commentary from the folks here about my conduct and my perception of the situation.

    I used to frequent a club near my old job which is not strictly a strip club, but I guess you would call it a bikini bar type of place. The girls dance on one of four stages, each stage in turn, with the main one in the middle of the club. No laps, no VIP room.
    So not a really expensive place to visit and see pretty women in skimpy stuff. And the occasional flash of breast if you are nice and the bouncers are busy.

    Okay, so I had a favorite dancer who I went to see, on a pretty weekly basis, for about a year. I have since only been in once or twice in the last year. I went last Sat. night and she was there, as I had hoped. She instantly saw me and came over and gave me a nice greating and a big hug, which is normal for us. She is usually very friendly to me. Now in this place, the dancers also waitress, so she is up and about the place while I get a table. She comes over after she makes her rounds and we sit and talk and have a little fun of the slap and tickle, my boobs say hello, my ass missed you type of cute sexy stuff. Along with a little hand on leg, arm around waist, cozy stuff, which again is all standard. We (let's call her Angie) had the same kinds of interaction in the past. Gee, almost like two real people.

    We have always talked in the past about real life kinds of stuff, like jobs (mine), kids (hers, of which she had another one since I last saw her....not my most observant time of my life since I did not know she was preggers!) My question is this: Every time I see her it seems she has had some sort of financial problem. This time it is a new baby (4-5 months old), a bad week at work with no money, a break-in of her vehicle and stolen items from said vehicle, etc. What is up with this? Am I just being fed stripper stuff and lapping it up? Am I reading too much into this? Am I just a fool or what?

    As far as money being exchanged, the dancers get tips when they dance, and I always tip her as she dances. I also give her money when she sits with me, either on it's own or by buying a drink and giving her the change from a larger bill. She usually gets about 75 percent of my money that I spend in this place. I don't spend that much, but she gets the largest share of it. And in this place, the money does not flow like if the place had laps or a VIP area.

    Okay, I'm done. Be brutal if you must!! I guess it is just annoying that she was pushing so hard on me when she had not seen me in a while.

    Thanks for any input!!

  2. #2
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Thats her job! Never know, she really might like your company. But please, remember do you go to work for FREE? Even if you love your job.Be realistic! Your there to relax and she is accomadating you. If she was pushy you must have been cheap. WE DONT WORK FOR FREE!

    Just like you. When you go to a restaurant do you expect to be fed for free?

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    Newbie boggy72's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by goldengrl69 View Post
    Thats her job! Never know, she really might like your company. But please, remember do you go to work for FREE? Even if you love your job.Be realistic! Your there to relax and she is accomadating you. If she was pushy you must have been cheap. WE DONT WORK FOR FREE!

    Just like you. When you go to a restaurant do you expect to be fed for free?
    No, I don't expect to eat for free. And as I said, I did give her the lion's share of my money, which in this place is a decent amount. I know they don't pull in nearly as much as the other places in the area where the dancers are topless or nude. I hope I am not cheap!! She did spend a large amount of the time I was there with me, with a few rounds of waitressing mixed in. And I encourage her to do what she needs to do in that area.

    As I said, I hope I not just a cheap bastard!!

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by boggy72 View Post
    As I said, I hope I not just a cheap bastard!!
    How much would you say you give her on an average visit? $20? $40? More?

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    How much would you say you give her on an average visit? $20? $40? More?
    I always spend at least $100 or more and she ends up getting like I said, at least half. This last time she got about 70 to 80 dollars of my 100 that I spent. Which is not a problem. I enjoy giving her the money for her time and attention. I guess my real question in all of this is, is it unusual that she brought up her 'personal' stuff--kids, car problems, etc (in fact she showed me pictures of her new baby girl--too cute!)??? Is that a valid 'selling technique'??

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Personally, I hate, hate, HATE the woe is me sales pitch. It's tacky and classless, but yes it is a common one. However some girls I've worked with seem to create their own bad luck, so she may be being honest about her financial troubles.

    One girl I worked with was forever having her shit stolen, car broken into, medical emergencies, what have you. Well, she had these problems because she was always wasted and would leave her car door standing wide open in a bad area while she went to party or find her crack-head bf, she would leave her money and purse laying around, and her kids always had a cast or stitches because the parents were to fucked up to supervise them.

    If someone continually has terrible luck, it isn't just Murphy's Law, they are behaving in a manner that causes bad shit to happen to them.

    Either way, I'd fucking run! She's either a screw-up or has a really sleazy sales technique.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by boggy72 View Post
    Okay, here is my situation. I would like a little commentary from the folks here about my conduct and my perception of the situation.

    I used to frequent a club near my old job which is not strictly a strip club, but I guess you would call it a bikini bar type of place. The girls dance on one of four stages, each stage in turn, with the main one in the middle of the club. No laps, no VIP room.
    So not a really expensive place to visit and see pretty women in skimpy stuff. And the occasional flash of breast if you are nice and the bouncers are busy.

    Okay, so I had a favorite dancer who I went to see, on a pretty weekly basis, for about a year. I have since only been in once or twice in the last year. I went last Sat. night and she was there, as I had hoped. She instantly saw me and came over and gave me a nice greating and a big hug, which is normal for us. She is usually very friendly to me. Now in this place, the dancers also waitress, so she is up and about the place while I get a table. She comes over after she makes her rounds and we sit and talk and have a little fun of the slap and tickle, my boobs say hello, my ass missed you type of cute sexy stuff. Along with a little hand on leg, arm around waist, cozy stuff, which again is all standard. We (let's call her Angie) had the same kinds of interaction in the past. Gee, almost like two real people.

    We have always talked in the past about real life kinds of stuff, like jobs (mine), kids (hers, of which she had another one since I last saw her....not my most observant time of my life since I did not know she was preggers!) My question is this: Every time I see her it seems she has had some sort of financial problem. This time it is a new baby (4-5 months old), a bad week at work with no money, a break-in of her vehicle and stolen items from said vehicle, etc. What is up with this? Am I just being fed stripper stuff and lapping it up? Am I reading too much into this? Am I just a fool or what?

    As far as money being exchanged, the dancers get tips when they dance, and I always tip her as she dances. I also give her money when she sits with me, either on it's own or by buying a drink and giving her the change from a larger bill. She usually gets about 75 percent of my money that I spend in this place. I don't spend that much, but she gets the largest share of it. And in this place, the money does not flow like if the place had laps or a VIP area.

    Okay, I'm done. Be brutal if you must!! I guess it is just annoying that she was pushing so hard on me when she had not seen me in a while.

    Thanks for any input!!
    What exactly is your question? This does not seem to be an atypical "relationship" for a strip club. My first instinct is to say you probably don't know her all that well if you didn't realize she was pregnant and therefore anything she says or does is based on an attempt to maximize her earnings when she sees you, which is only to be expected..
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

    If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine View Post
    Either way, I'd fucking run! She's either a screw-up or has a really sleazy sales technique.
    That is the kind of response I was hoping to get here. Something about her and her
    "technique" just didn't seem right to me. I mean, granted, she is there to make money and I am there to spend it. But if it was just 'sleazy sales technique', I guess I deserve what I get for being taken in so easily. I had hoped I was a little smarter than that. Oh well!!

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by boggy72 View Post
    That is the kind of response I was hoping to get here. Something about her and her
    "technique" just didn't seem right to me. I mean, granted, she is there to make money and I am there to spend it. But if it was just 'sleazy sales technique', I guess I deserve what I get for being taken in so easily. I had hoped I was a little smarter than that. Oh well!!
    If you only spent what you intended to spend in the first place, how were you taken in?
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

    If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine View Post
    Personally, I hate, hate, HATE the woe is me sales pitch. It's tacky and classless, but yes it is a common one. However some girls I've worked with seem to create their own bad luck, so she may be being honest about her financial troubles.

    One girl I worked with was forever having her shit stolen, car broken into, medical emergencies, what have you. Well, she had these problems because she was always wasted and would leave her car door standing wide open in a bad area while she went to party or find her crack-head bf, she would leave her money and purse laying around, and her kids always had a cast or stitches because the parents were to fucked up to supervise them.

    If someone continually has terrible luck, it isn't just Murphy's Law, they are behaving in a manner that causes bad shit to happen to them.

    Either way, I'd fucking run! She's either a screw-up or has a really sleazy sales technique.
    Yeah, patrons come in to have a good time, not to hear about all your problems. I really do not like this approach either, as it takes the mood down. I really wouldn't be surprised if she's having a bad time financially, she just doesn't have good boundaries and isn't really separating job-time from her personal life/woes.

    But OP, if you enjoy being with her regardless, it's not problem to keep seeing her. Just don't get into a rescue mentality (unless you want to rescue her from her financial problems).
    Last edited by Lilah29; 05-16-2008 at 12:57 AM.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Your club sounds exactly like the first strip club I ever visited. And I went there regularly for a couple of years, way back when.

    Back on topic...I think you're overthinking the matter. Are you enjoying her company? Are you spending more than you can afford? Do you regret the amount of money you're spending money on her? If the answers are yes, no, and no (in that order), don't worry about it Just enjoy the ride. Not all SS (Stripper Shit) is evil.
    "Women, not girls, rule my world" - Prince

    "No parking on the dance floor" - Midnight Star

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine View Post
    Personally, I hate, hate, HATE the woe is me sales pitch. It's tacky and classless, but yes it is a common one. However some girls I've worked with seem to create their own bad luck, so she may be being honest about her financial troubles.
    I hate it too, but obviously it works ... some guys are attracted to the idea of saving the beautiful girl from her life. If he saves her, she will be grateful, she will repay him, etc.

    And yes, I agree, especially in a country where we have lot of freedoms, we are often contributors to our own "luck". There are hundreds of little things one can do to improve one's odds in life even down to little things like be careful where you park your car to decrease the odds of it being stolen or broken into. There are no guarantees, but some people do just seem consciously or unconsciously hell bent on self-destruction.

    But it must be they get something out of it of they wouldn't keep doing it (well that, or they really are not very bright). Maybe a part of them enjoys being at the center of a crisis? Maybe it is a strategy they use because it does attrack some guys? Guys looking for someone to save? I don't know, but when people repetitively do something, chances are they find some aspect of it rewarding.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Yeah, the whole victim sales pitch is a major turn-off. I will not spend on those chicks. Period.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer View Post
    Yeah, the whole victim sales pitch is a major turn-off. I will not spend on those chicks. Period.
    On behalf of all chicks that don't use the whole 'woe is me' sales pitch, thank you.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by gingerlee View Post
    On behalf of all chicks that don't use the whole 'woe is me' sales pitch, thank you.
    And I guess that is what this whole post is about for me. Am I just being too much of a sucker and falling for a sale pitch? I mean, I thought I went into this just to have a good time. With my eyes open, so to speak. And I am not in the market to be her knight in shining armor anyway, and she don't want me to be, really, anyway, since it is just a sales pitch. Guess I am living and learning, right?

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by boggy72 View Post
    That is the kind of response I was hoping to get here. Something about her and her
    "technique" just didn't seem right to me. I mean, granted, she is there to make money and I am there to spend it. But if it was just 'sleazy sales technique', I guess I deserve what I get for being taken in so easily. I had hoped I was a little smarter than that. Oh well!!
    Well, lemme ask you this-are you giving her money purely for her company and entertainment or b/c you feel bad for her money problems? If it's the latter, then yeah, chalk it up to a learning experience.

    I totally agree with what Jasmine said. The woe is me sales pitch is so freaking pathetic, but there always is the chance that she just has bad luck.

    Either way, if you like this gal, pay her for the services she provides, not because you feel sorry for her.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by boggy72 View Post
    I guess my real question in all of this is, is it unusual that she brought up her 'personal' stuff--kids, car problems, etc (in fact she showed me pictures of her new baby girl--too cute!)??? Is that a valid 'selling technique'??
    Well, you've had some excellent advice here, so you know it's not only a valid sales technique, but a very common one.

    I don't think you were "taken in" by her sales technique, though. You seemed pleased by the time you spent with her, and frankly were more concerned about whether you were perceived as being cheap. It appears that your money was well spent for the time you talked to her and the enjoyable experience you describe (the playful back-and-forth convo; the light physical touching, etc.)

    The only question is this: If you knew then what you know now (that it's purely a sales technique), would you have changed your spending? My sense is that the answer is "no." So that absolves you of being a "fool" by any reasonable definition.

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Other Owner View Post
    The only question is this: If you knew then what you know now (that it's purely a sales technique), would you have changed your spending? My sense is that the answer is "no." So that absolves you of being a "fool" by any reasonable definition.
    You are right, I would not change it much at all, if any. I enjoy interacting with her at the club, and I have not ever gone gonzo and given her a big wad of cash because I feel sorry for her real life trials and tribulations. It is nice to feel like not such a fool, just a normal-ish guy, for the most part.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    seriously dont waste your money in this kill-joy. She should go rattle a tin on the street if she wants people to give her their money coz they feel sorry for her.

    You go out to have a good time right? it doesnt sound like fun to sit and hear about some girls constant financial troubles.

    Cut her off and spend your time and $$$$$$$ on someone fun and interesting.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
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    You're still a vagina.
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    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    It's not my method but if woe-is-me works for other girls I have no problems with it. It's actually pretty smart to let your customers feel like white knights for coming to your rescue again and again. It gives them a sense of purpose and some men need to feel needed and helpful. The big man who takes care of the poor little helpless girl, is just another way to make a customer feel good about himself rather than like some horny sex pervert. Good for the girls who recognize when this technique will bank for them!

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    I don't know, maybe they are actually friendly and she is being honest?

    I'm not that open with people from work, but if I was to be, in the last two months I got a DUI, a 1200 dollar electric bill for 3 months, unexpectedly had to take my dog to the vet and chipped a tooth.

    Sometimes, a string of bad shit does happen, all in a row.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    Yeah, I have some shitty days too. I could choose to share my woe-is-me stories or not. I choose not to share, to work instead with a positive lets-have-fun attitude. I'm sure we all have sob stories on occasion but do we bring them to work and share that with customers or not? Thats where it comes to sales tactics, woe-is-me or lets party. I think a smart girl knows when to use the right attitude.
    Personally, my pride keeps me from sharing woe-is-me stuff with customers. But if another girl can work it the right way, hooray for her.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    I'm sure we all have sob stories on occasion but do we bring them to work and share that with customers or not?
    Obviously history with the customer in question is a consideration as well; for all our mutual posturing about how everything in the club is strictly business, sometimes it's not.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    ^^^

    I don't tell my sob stories at work either, but I'm just saying maybe she's not lying is all. I normally would have jumped on the band wagon with the fuck that sayers, but I've just been having such a lousy time of it all lately that at work I do sometimes find myself mentioning my problems just because I'm so upset, not to extort money or anything. But who knows.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

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    Default Re: Am I a fool or what?

    My guess is that this has worked for her in the past (to make more money) so she keeps using it.
    Just accept it for what it is and if it bothers you, then tell her you are there to have fun and not be her male girlfriend.

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