You know its about fucking time my life has come together lol. I have the most amazing man ever in my life. He treats me so well, he makes me smile, makes me laugh, cuddles me and loves me and hes just so perfect. The problem is me damnitWhenever I get upset about something I approach him with it in a very defensive manner. I cant just calmly say 'this is bugging me and this is how we're going to fix it'. I go 'this is pissing me off...' and then let it lead into a big argument. We don't fight... we just bicker then I say some smart ass comment thats basically a guilt trip then it pisses him off. I don't mean to do it... I really truly don't. Yet for some reason when things don't go my way I guilt trip him and freak out and it gets him angry. He doesn't do anything wrong, hes so fucking awesome and how he puts up with me I don't know. Im trying to get better... i've been catching myself. Yet it still happens. It really upsets him too because he feels like hes the bad person and hes not. This really truly is all me. I guess I just needed to vent.... I don't know what to do with myself... I don't want to lose him because of my crappy guilt trips. I think the problem is im so used to having to defend myself against a man. C is the first guy i've been with who I don't need to be defensive with yet I still do it because I don't know how to handle the fact hes so calm and cool about everything and if he does something wrong he wants to know so he can fix it. I swear to god this man is one in a million
Yea umm... I wrote this post in paragraphs and for some reason it wont post that way
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Whenever I get upset about something I approach him with it in a very defensive manner. I cant just calmly say 'this is bugging me and this is how we're going to fix it'. I go 'this is pissing me off...' and then let it lead into a big argument. We don't fight... we just bicker then I say some smart ass comment thats basically a guilt trip then it pisses him off. I don't mean to do it... I really truly don't. Yet for some reason when things don't go my way I guilt trip him and freak out and it gets him angry. He doesn't do anything wrong, hes so fucking awesome and how he puts up with me I don't know. Im trying to get better... i've been catching myself. Yet it still happens. It really upsets him too because he feels like hes the bad person and hes not. This really truly is all me. I guess I just needed to vent.... I don't know what to do with myself... I don't want to lose him because of my crappy guilt trips. I think the problem is im so used to having to defend myself against a man. C is the first guy i've been with who I don't need to be defensive with yet I still do it because I don't know how to handle the fact hes so calm and cool about everything and if he does something wrong he wants to know so he can fix it. I swear to god this man is one in a million
Yea umm... I wrote this post in paragraphs and for some reason it wont post that way
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It sucks because you know what you're doing when you do it, and you really want to stop hurting the guy, but you can't. You're so used to getting defensive that it's almost like Defensive Autopilot!

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