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Thread: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

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    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
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    Default Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    So for the first time in my stripping career, it happened to me last night. The horrible customer fart.
    This guy comes to the stage to tip me, holds out a 5$, and as he's telling me how I am hot I am, lets out the most rancid, horrific fart I have ever encountered.
    It engulfed me like an evil fog. He was taking an extra long time to shut up and tip me, all while I was trying to smile and hold my breath at the same time!
    He finally put the 5$ in my t-bar and I crawled away very, very fast.
    The guy just kept standing there watching me, standing in the stink. It was so bad the air conditionder pushed it up towards the stage, and I still got a little whiff as I was by the pole. Then another guy came up to tip me at the same spot fart guy was standing, I could see him make a face and move over to the other side of the stage!
    The whole left side of the stage was contaminated. I was so afraid and embarassed that people were going to think I did it!
    UGH!
    I thought my husband was bad, but this was the king of all farts. The kind of fart that literally makes you gag.

    I just thank god that it didn't happen in the VIP, which is closed off behind doors and isn't ventilated all that well.

  2. #2
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Oh dear god.... I would have died

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    Veteran Member Jayde81's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    I just about spit my soda out.

    That is such a great but horrible story. I had that happen once and it was at one of those satellite stages where everyone sits around and I'm above them. It was in Indianapolis during race time so every stage was packed. I was dancing and a guy sitting stage side obviously beefs. Horribly so. But the thing is, everyone is shoulder to shoulder in there. THere was zero room. I could smell it up on stage and I kept thinking "god everyone is going to believe it was me" eventually I watched everyone within nose range leave and all glance at him. He eventually made it to the bathroom by my 3rd fucking song. Thank god. And when he did a guy stood up to tip me and whispered "Thank god he's making me sick!"
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Quote Originally Posted by CherryBomb954 View Post
    It engulfed me like an evil fog.
    LOL!

    I'm surprised you were able to maintain your composure. I probably would have started cracking up. It's never happened to me at work (thank god) but I had an ex-boyfriend that farted more than I think should be humanly possible.

    He had no shame either; he'd let out really loud ones in the grocery store as he walked by people. Or let out silent but deadly ones and then leave really quick while some poor unsuspecting person walked right into it. The looks on those people's faces...OMG.

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    I dont' get why people that have stank ass don't bother to crop dust.
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    I had this happen to me during a lapdance once. I was doing the move where you're right between his knees looking up adoringly and I heard it whooosh out of his pants and before I even smelled it I KNEW it was going to be vile. He had this look on his face that was half "oh shit" and half sneaky, like maybe I wouldn't notice. Meanwhile the air in the room was so thick with fart aroma that I was practically choking. The dance was almost over and I asked if he wanted another one by way of ending the dance.

    HE GOT ANOTHER ONE.

    I shouldn't have offered, because he farted again. I wanted to cry. It was like sulphurous, rotten-egg horror. I couldn't believe he wanted me to keep dancing, which is probably why I did it. At the end, I told him it would be a good idea to tip me and he handed me an extra three bucks.

    I lost that night.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    gross
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I got a lot to think about, oh yeah"---Concrete Blonde

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Quote Originally Posted by CherryBomb954 View Post
    It engulfed me like an evil fog.
    I also have to quote this coz it's so funny.

    Maybe he did it on purpose? maybe he has a fetish to have a hot woman smell his fart?
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
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    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  10. #10
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Oh my gawd this thread has me in tears I'm laughing so hard.

  11. #11
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Today must be the official SW fart day, lol.

    Threads so far:

    Farting on customers

    Customers farting on us

    Site members wanting to smell our farts


  12. #12
    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    I had this happen to me during a lapdance once. I was doing the move where you're right between his knees looking up adoringly and I heard it whooosh out of his pants and before I even smelled it I KNEW it was going to be vile. He had this look on his face that was half "oh shit" and half sneaky, like maybe I wouldn't notice. Meanwhile the air in the room was so thick with fart aroma that I was practically choking. The dance was almost over and I asked if he wanted another one by way of ending the dance.

    HE GOT ANOTHER ONE.

    I shouldn't have offered, because he farted again. I wanted to cry. It was like sulphurous, rotten-egg horror. I couldn't believe he wanted me to keep dancing, which is probably why I did it. At the end, I told him it would be a good idea to tip me and he handed me an extra three bucks.

    I lost that night.

    Oh LORD that's fucked up. I thank my lucky stars it hasn't happened to me during a LD or VIP. Watch me totally jinx myself....
    I mean, how akward...and gross!
    If it ever happens in our VIP, I am not sure what I am going to do or how I'm gonna handle it.
    If someone farts in there it's all over. There's no escaping.

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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Oh god, it hurts I'm laughing so hard.

    The girls I dance with (and myself...) are notorious for crop-dusting nasty custies, but I can't recall any serious custie-poos...

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    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah Andi View Post
    Oh god, it hurts I'm laughing so hard.

    The girls I dance with (and myself...) are notorious for crop-dusting nasty custies, but I can't recall any serious custie-poos...

    What sucks is when there are so many rude customers I would love to crop dust, I never have gas.
    Then the nights where everyone is nice, I'm making money and have that one nice, polite, awesome custy in the VIP who's spending loads of $$$ on me.....I'm holding farts back all night long

  15. #15
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Quote Originally Posted by virgoamm View Post
    Or let out silent but deadly ones and then leave really quick while some poor unsuspecting person walked right into it. The looks on those people's faces...OMG.
    I do that all the time

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    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh View Post
    I do that all the time

    But wait...pretty girls don't fart. Or poop.

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    That's what my bf thought too until one accidentally slipped out the other night. And it was loud. Whoops!

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    Featured Member CuriousSeeker's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Threadjack: AudreyLeigh, your cartoon is me. I randomly dance/gyrate without thinking about it now.

    Fart control during LD: when I'm on rancid alert and know I'm in code red territory (this is more than something akin to the notorious Date Fart Hold), I "suddenly notice" that the customer's cell/keys might get squashed under my knee/scratch me/get knocked under the couch. "Let me move that over - just a second [release]." Exceptional times call for exceptional measures.

    Lesson learned: they *will* want another dance.
    "Don't piss off a motivated stripper."


  19. #19
    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post

    Fart control during LD: when I'm on rancid alert and know I'm in code red territory (this is more than something akin to the notorious Date Fart Hold), I "suddenly notice" that the customer's cell/keys might get squashed under my knee/scratch me/get knocked under the couch. "Let me move that over - just a second [release]." Exceptional times call for exceptional measures.

    Lesson learned: they *will* want another dance.

    Whoah! This is genious!
    Again why I love SW. SO much creativity on here. This will work good for out on the floor. I actually move keys and cell phones out of pockets alot anyway, cause it bruises me up and can hurt the customer.
    Now if I can only find a solution for when I am in the VIP....

    If Gas-X actually fucking worked.....geez.

  20. #20
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    But if you're on rancid alert and code red territory, wouldn't he still smell it if you guys are in a pretty close distance from each other?? Rancid farts linger like a freaking fog-yanno?
    Last edited by virgoamm; 05-20-2008 at 07:38 PM.

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    Featured Member CuriousSeeker's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    ^True, but diversionary tactics tend to lessen the blow, if only by a little. I mean, I don't want his lap to be the ground zero of fartage. I figure the rest can be handled with the hair-in-his-face routine or giving dirty looks to anyone who wanders nearby.
    "Don't piss off a motivated stripper."


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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    Gotcha! You could always be like, ewww someone has stank ass, lol!

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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    lol theres some good ideas in this thread. im sorry u got a stinker . i danced for a guy yesterday who didnt seem to realize theres a little magical stick of powdery whiteness that covers body odors . so i tried the breath through your mouth routine but that guy was rancid! after him i danced 4 one whose breath smelled like horseshit. i kid you not. he really smelled like he chowed down on some horse poo. i guess yesterday was just national smelly man day. im curious if these guys know about their personal hygeine (sp?) issues and just dont care or if they are unaware. i feel like my BO custy knew cus he was chewing dentine ice....didnt help one damn bit! has anyone here ever confronted a customer about their hygeine?

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    Default

    #2 fart control during ld: i go into a body slide and let it out when my butt is closest to the floor. then return to custys lap and put boobs or hair in face. theyre always none the wiser!

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    Default Re: Thanks for the tip! *cough,gag*

    ^^ I do that a lot too! And if it smells, blame the floorman!

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