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  1. #1
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    I literally cannot stop crying right now. I finally came clean with my Mom about dancing and it did not go well. She asked me directly if I was still waitressing (she obviously had suspicions) and I said no. It all went downhill from there. She called me a piece of trash and is telling my Dad too.

    I guess honesty is NOT the best policy. Hey Mom, I'm a stripper cause I fucked my life up beyond repair when I was younger because I was a drug addict who went to jail several times and I CAN'T GET A REAL JOB. I tried doing the right thing by going to college only to realize that even though I had that degree NO ONE WOULD HIRE ME.

    I'm doing what I need to do to survive. And it just so happens that I like my job.

    I really hate life sometimes.

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    Yea unconditional love from a parent...yea right. I'm sorry that was her reaction. Its probably best that you explain to your dad your stripperness. Don't know how it might come out her mouth.

    Was your past really that bad that you can't find a job even with schooling? That is great you still like dancing though.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  3. #3
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Your mum is angry; just keep it in mind. No parent is going to thrilled that her child is in the sex trade and no parent is going to be thrilled that you've been lying every day to her. She's mad. In a few days she'll be less mad and in a couple weeks she'll be getting used to the idea. Try your best to look at it like any other fight you would have with your mother where the goal is to repair the rift, not establish blame.

    Such is my advice. But I would never tell my mother, so take it with as much salt as you think necessary.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    God/dess LuckiCharm's Avatar
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    Someone posted about this once and I can't remember who it was, but they said that before you tell your parents...think about the real reason you're telling them. To help them out by revealing the truth, or just to make your SELF feel better by letting the burden of living a lie off your shoulders? When I read that, I realized that it would actually be selfish for me to tell my parents in a way.

    But to the OP, I'm sorry that happened with your mom. I hope you two can come to some sort of understanding.

  5. #5
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    Man I'm really sorry virgoamm. I agree with TM; the whole unconditional love lark is BS. Sometimes honesty really isn't the best thing (esp with parents) of course if this was your hubby or SO it would be a different story.

    Could you try and speak to you father first? His reaction may be a lot different than your mothers. Strangely enough I have found a lot of fathers to be less judgmental than the mothers.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    just keep it in mind. No parent is going to thrilled that her child is in the sex trade and no parent is going to be thrilled that you've been lying every day to her.
    I dunno my mother was actually really accepting of it tbh and she was raised in a well-to-do strict religious household. I have always been quite the exhibitionist though so I am sure that she wasn't too surprised LOL. My mother knows me, she knows that I am responsible and she trusts my judgment. I was lucky.


  6. #6
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    Was your past really that bad that you can't find a job even with schooling?
    Unfortunately, it is. At least in the ass-backwards state of Texas. I have five misdemeanors on my record from 1996. I was 18 years old and made a lot of dumb mistakes. At 20, I got my life straight. I quit using drugs, dumped all of my drug-using friends, divorced my enabler husband, moved back home and started college. This was a big feat for me because I dropped out of high school at the beginning of my freshman year.

    I busted my ass in school and worked full-time, made the deans list every semester and ended up graduating with honors from a great school, UW-Seattle. I even went to graduate school (even though I didn't finish). I've worked at a bank, a casino, as a Resident Assistant in the dorms, as a Family Therapist Intern and was an English Teacher in Japan. Most of those jobs I got before criminal background checks were so commonplace or when I lived in a state that was more forgiving (WA) to people who made dumb mistakes as teenagers.

    I moved back to TX in 2005 and looked for jobs for almost a year. I'd kick ass at interviews, get offered jobs and then be told they couldn't give them to me because of my background. It was a horrible thing to go through. I cried almost every day and sunk into a deep depression. To know that I worked so hard for so many years for nothing was like getting kicked in the stomach.

    So I got into stripping. I figured if the real world wouldn't accept me, what options did I really have? I didn't spend seven years in school and rack up nearly 100k in student loans to work at McDonald's or Wal-Mart.

    But I love what I do. It's fun, I make great money and I finally have the freedom to enjoy my life like I want to.

    I just wish my family would be more understanding. They're all I have, and it tears me up inside that I could be disowned for simply trying to survive and make the best out of what I have to go with. I really hope they'll come around eventually, b/c like Jenny said, it's a complete shock to them right now.
    Last edited by virgoamm; 05-27-2008 at 01:01 PM.

  7. #7
    High_Heel_Lover
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    I am very sorry. I hope with time you and your family can be well. Be easy on yourself hon.

  8. #8
    Member JRA33606's Avatar
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    Why not look at applying for a pardon?

  9. #9
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    ^^^I've looked into that. You can't get pardons for misdemeanors. But you can for felonies. So a hard core criminal can get a second chance at life but people with minor infractions can't. Yeah, that makes sooo much sense.

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    you might want to look into getting your records sealed. it's been long enough (generally have to wait 10 years), and it may be an option for misdeameanors.

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    That's completely retarded. It's basically telling people who have "screwed up" that they aren't welcome back.

    Firstly, what's wrong with stripping? It pays better than most "real" jobs and there's a lot more flexibility. I think it's Emily that had that quote about getting two "BAs" and which one was most helpful :-). Made me laugh every time I saw it.

    Secondly, if you want to get out of stripping (and aren't just reacting to your mom), can't you move somewhere nicer?

    For what it's worth, I've never had a job where someone wanted to do a criminal background check on me. I had one that wanted to do a credit check (didn't end up returning their forms since I found another one in the mean-time).

    A large part of this is because of where I've lived (Ontario, Quebec) and that it's not so common/legal in general, but I think a big part is because of the places where I tend to find jobs: small "owner-operated" type places. Places like that can't really ask, because it would put the whole relationship on a bad footing to start with. Maybe you can look in places like that... if you want to get out of stripping.

    Another approach would be to tell potential employers your story up front, so that they don't get surprised.

  12. #12
    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Can you get the misdemeanors expunged from your record? I know it varies from state to state, but in Wisconsin, you can get misdemeanors expunged if you were convicted of them when you were 21 or younger. Sorry about your mom not being accepting of your job-my parents are the same way.






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    expunging isn't an option yet in tx (unless all charges were dismissed or you get that super-rare pardon, heh), just sealing, but sealing should serve her purpose, since it's a nondisclosure order.

  14. #14
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Yeah, it is retarded. In my opinion, that's why there's such a high recidivism rate in this country. If you can't make a better life for yourself b/c of your past, all you can do is go back to what you did before-yanno?

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with stripping. I absolutely love it, and always tell employers up front when I try and get straight jobs.

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    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    that breaks my heart

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    Virgoamm. I feel your pain. I have 2 English degrees, and here in Florida, it's much the same. No one in the world wants to hire someone with a Master's in English, but if you have a BA in business, you're good to go for a day job making double what I am as a secretary! (True enough for folks in my day job...girl behind me makes $40K a year, I make $25K. Of course she only works one job though!)

    I too got into stripping for the same reasons you did, and, like you, I told my folks I was a cocktail waitress. I think my mom was suspicious of my story, but I've never come clean yet and don't plan to. She would FREAK!

    Anyway, as some others here have already said, I think she's angry and in shock right now. Give her a little time and space, and she'll hopefully come around. In the meantime, please take care, and holler if I can help you!

    Good luck!

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    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    I am so sorry your mom does not see you for what you really are.

    I would trade my son for you in a moment--drunk every day, steals from me, lies to me, dropped out of college because he didn't like to study, fired from two jobs for sleeping on the job, out of work for up to a year at a time, being sued in small claims court every few weeks.

    If your mom wants him, I'll take you. Even trade. She doesn't know what she's got. You are a great person, and don't forget it. Your mom's approval is not necessary for that to be true.

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    Ive always had supportive parents, no matter what Ive chosen to do in life(thats not to say Ive had some raised eyebrows and such) and have been lucky enough to keep my stupid teenage years from ever reaching a point were I went to jail(I still dont know how I managed this.)

    I would certainly look into sealing your records, perhaps talking to a lawyer about the best way to go about this would be your best bet in the end? Not sure what part of TX your in but, dealing with the right county/jurisdiction among other things, could make a difference due to our good ole bible belt that we have to deal with here.

    Speaking from experience, as long as YOU believe in what you do, no matter what it is in life, be it profession, love, or other then you have nothing to be worried about. You love your job and thats all that matters, its natural for parents to be concerned for their kids, specially when it comes to a profession they only hear a lot of negative about. Perhaps you could show her the positive and kill some of the negative?

  19. #19
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Thanks so much you guys. Your kind words mean so much to me. I've been an emotional wreck all day and I'm finally feeling a little bit better. Unfortunately you can't seal records in Texas unless your charges are on deferred adjudication probation which mine were not. I've explored all of my options to try and get out of this situation with no luck. Hopefully with enough time I'll be able to eventually get my life in order. But for now, I absolutely love dancing and hope my parents will come around and accept me for who I am.

  20. #20
    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    hey hun, where are you moving???? pm me if you don't want to say publicly

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    shoot, babe, i'm sorry. *hugs* i hope they can come to terms with it and accept you.

  22. #22
    Glamazon
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    I hope your mom comes around.

  23. #23
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    wow, I'm so sorry about all of that babe. Your parents might just need some time to accept the fact that you're a stripper so hopefully they come around in time.

    As for other jobs, since it's hard/impossible for you to find one working for someone, why don't you try and work for yourself? Maybe start a blog and get money from ads, sell something online, start a small business?

  24. #24
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Thanks Molly. I always told myself that I would never, ever tell my parents but the way she asked me it was kind of like she already knew so I didn't want to lie. One of the things that hurt me the most was when she asked if my boyfriend knew and I told her yes she said that she just lost all respect for him. That really stung. He's such a wonderful guy (and she knows it). I still haven't talked to her since it happened. I'm just going to give it some time and let her have time to think about it. She'll call me when she's ready.

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