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Thread: Single again and feeling like an out of control party girl...

  1. #1
    Senior Member Gwennnnnn's Avatar
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    Default Single again and feeling like an out of control party girl...

    Ok, I'm almost 27 and have certainly done my share of partying in my life. (read: going out and drinking and doing drugs) In fact, by the time I was 20 I'd done enough to last my whole life...I was a wild teenager!

    I had a serious live in bf for three years, single for a year, then another bf for almost a year. I've been single again for two months, and honestly, I'm realizing I'd rather be in a relationship.. I like having a guy to come home to, to be normal and domestic together, to eat together.... I'm feeling really codependent because of how much I'm missing being in a relationship!

    Anyway, back to the partying, last week I went out 4 nights out of 7, drank all four and did blow two of those nights, which I haven't done in forever.. stayed up til dawn or later, and felt completely shitty and depressed afterwards... Granted, it was Memorial Day weekend, parties here in Brooklyn every night.. But I can't stop beating myself up over it, over how crazy I've been lately... Whenever I am single I get like this... lonely every night I'm not working and obsessed with nightlife.. And I definitely use alcohol as a social lubricant.. Lately I feel like I should maybe just become completely sober but thats such a serious ultimatum to put on ones self.. I'm not sure I have a problem with alcohol its more the compulsion to go out and get wasted all together.. (I do drink while dancing but almost always in moderation because I'm focused on working..)

    Can anyone give me any advice or support? Tips on how to deal with being single in a big city yet a whole complete woman without a man.. I know I need to focus on stuff I can do home alone sober or activities with other people that don't involve bars.. Of course I can figure this stuff out on my own, I just really needed to vent and ask for support. (FYI I do have a whole other career besides dancing, I work in freelance photography..)

    I really need to become more of a "domestic diva" type...

    Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent about this...

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    Senior Member Gwennnnnn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single again and feeling like an out of control party girl...

    P.S. I posted this in Body Business because it has to do with anxiety and addiction and the mind...

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single again and feeling like an out of control party girl...

    I know you said that you can figure out things you can do sober by yourself, but I just have to recommend doing some volunteer work. It's really fulfilling and knowing that you're directly helping someone/something is a really rewarding feeling. Plus it's something that'll make you feel really independent since you're doing it alone and it's a pretty big deal. You could volunteer with something for kids and that might help you feel more domestic?

    And don't worry girl you've got tons of support here.

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    Default Re: Single again and feeling like an out of control party girl...

    I totally feel for you girl, I'm in the same position! My live-in relationship recently ended after two years and whenever I'm single ...my life seems to spin out of control. I think a lot of it is a comfort thing - I know when I am single I seek out comfort anywhere and any way I can since I no longer have it to go home to. Unfortunately, I find that comfort when I go out until dawn with friends who make me feel like myself and accepted. These are wonderful people - but not the kind I should be spending all my time with when I have a Mon-Fri daytime job and can't make it to work on time after going to bed at 6am!

    Ugh - it's sort of uncontrollable though ...when the opportunity to go out comes up, which is generally 4-5 nights a week, I just can't turn it down knowing that if I do I'll be sitting at home, possibly depressed, maybe going through a bottle of wine by myself and laying in bed awake anyway since my sleeping habits are so screwed up. Unfortunately, my hours at this daytime job just got cut - even more reason to go out and drink rather than deal with the stress of being broke and lost in life.

    Even worse - I have a puppy that basically gets neglected while I'm out getting wasted every night to distract myself from being single. I know ...I'm a horrible mommy ...and I get home in the morning and just hold her feeling like shit about myself. She whines and cries in my arms and looks at me like she thought I was never coming home for her. It's devastating.

    If you come up with a way to turn things around - please share! Until then ...we're in this together. I'll work on my self-control if you work on yours! Keep your head up!

    XoXo
    Hollie

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    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single again and feeling like an out of control party girl...

    Oh dude, I *have* a boyfriend and I still feel like that sometimes.

    First of all, the depression is what I like to refer to as a "coke-over" (instead of a hangover). Coke depletes all your endorphins, and that's why the next day instead of just feeling physically bad you feel like the worst human being on earth. Plus, when you're sober, you're probably not okay with the idea of doing coke, and it makes you feel like you break a promise to yourself. It's the white bitch- anybody who has ever done it a lot at one point in their life (believe me I speak from personal experience) has a hard time being in the same room with people doing it and not... I'm totally fine if I'm sober and see people doing it, but if I'm really drunk I just get the overwhelming urge to do it and loose all control....I've never been a bump here or there person, more of a line from here to Texas person. The next day I have the "coke-over"... I am physically hungover, but also I feel terrible that I broke a promise to myself. This generally happens to me about once every six months, which in the scheme of things isn't exactly being a "heavy user" of the drug, but stilll... it's extremely dissapointing.

    And I do understand the urge to go out when you have no bf. It's depressing to stay home alone, you know? And really after 10 pm, what is there to do but go out and drink? You know? How many adults are sitting around in a coffee shop?

    I wish I could offer you advice but I can't; All I can do is let you know you're not all alone, and that I feel you.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

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    Senior Member Gwennnnnn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single again and feeling like an out of control party girl...

    Hollie and Vegas Princess... thank you for your replies!! Yes, there is just so much temptation, esp if you live in a party city, like Vegas or NYC... Its wierd, I don't have a problem drinking while dancing.. which I do... but coming home to an empty apartment kills me.. I always call whoever I know is out and go out at like 2 or 3 which inevitably leads to me drinking til 5 or later or sleeping with this dumb fuck buddy of mine who will never be anything more than that, or even worse, doing coke..
    Yeah, the coke over is the worst..
    Its really hard to say no to coke while drinking, but this is my first change, to not do coke..
    Its also hard for me to not have any family near me.. My fam lives in Alabama and I live in NYC...
    We have to try to be better, though... I really feel like I'm aging myself and that really pisses me off cos I have so much potential and youth left!!
    I gotta do it for myself and my cat and my plant and my family!!!
    Thanks ladies...
    Last edited by Gwennnnnn; 05-31-2008 at 10:40 AM. Reason: grammar

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