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Thread: Depression and Cutting

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    Default Depression and Cutting

    My depression is getting the best of me. I’m trying really hard to stay positive and all that, and I’m taking my medicine like I should, but it’s not working. I feel so small and alone, even if I have people around me. I’m just so….sad. It’s not just one thing that I can put my finger on, it seems like everything in my life has merged together to make me feel like I’m some awful person who only deserves to be unhappy. I hate it.

    So, suggestions to help me feel better instead of cutting? I haven’t done that in 21 months and I really don’t want to, but it’s all I can think about at the moment. I don’t want to give in to that. I took a super long Lush bath last night and just cried the whole time. This sucks. *Sigh*

    Ok, I’m done rambling. Sorry ya’ll.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    this isnt veryconstructive, but i used to be a cutter. when iw as trying to stop i would stab the ends of my fingers with safety pins. it still hurt but never left marks that anyone noticed. im proud of you for not doing it for so long. try not to drink also it made me more prone to cutting when i was alone so if your feling depressed it may be something to avoid. i would wake up in the morning with cuts on my wrist, and be even madder at my self.

    ill be generic and suggest something that hurts but is good for you like joining a spinning class, pilates, or maybe kickboxing.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    I'm SO sorry. And I hesitate to post cause I've never dealt with real depression myself, but I just wanted to say, I hope you have a great doctor to talk to about your medication because hormones can be such a huge factor. At least in my limited experience. I used to go through really terrible mood swings (as most of us do) during PMS time. I mean, each time I would feel like I was going nuts, like cry in public during the day, quit jobs, move, I mean weird shit, but since leveling out my hormones (just mysteriously happened randomly after going through pregnancy - don't know any more than that) every thing's been a whole lot more stable. Not 100% but a lot better. So, I don't know, I feel relief knowing that it really wasn't my life or me or anything, just these hormones, you know.

    Anyway, good luck sweetie. You are such a cool girl, so I hope you can keep fighting.
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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Honey, I'm going through this now. I made a post on another forum about making a Recovery Box. I will link to the post. Read it carefully.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    What is it you crave about cutting? The pain? The sight of blood? Is it compulsive?

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    i cant speak for her, but for me cutting is about making the pain physical instead of emotional. you see your pain, its easier to deal with. its a big sigh of relief. an emotional enema.

    i havent cut in almost a year, and before that a few. as i said i used to a lot when i was younger, but the past coupleof years only when i was depressed and drunk....

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    What is it you crave about cutting? The pain? The sight of blood? Is it compulsive?
    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    i cant speak for her, but for me cutting is about making the pain physical instead of emotional. you see your pain, its easier to deal with. its a big sigh of relief. an emotional enema.
    Yep. It's something that I can control and nobody can take that from me. If I am crazy emotional for whatever reason and I feel like everything is out of my hands, cutting gives me back that feeling of control. I like watching it because I know I'm the one that did it.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberrySwitchblade View Post
    Honey, I'm going through this now. I made a post on another forum about making a Recovery Box. I will link to the post. Read it carefully.
    Thank you. Seriously.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    I'm a recovering cutter too. I would do anything to help another in recovery to stay in recovery. You are more than welcome, hon.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    When I was depressed, my eating disorder was about control and the cutting was more about the pain and less about control so I may not be able to help you as much.

    I started controlling myself in healthy ways. I made myself eat 5 pieces of fruit a day and I even had a chart to check them off, I started walking and set goals for myself. I now do it with my dancing. I'm a super control freak when it comes to my goals and documenting my earnings.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    I pulled this off google, maybe something here will help. Take care, honey.
    Deep breathing.
    Relaxation techniques.
    Call a friend, your therapist or a crisis line.
    Try not be be alone (visit a friend, go shopping, etc.)
    Take a hot bath.
    Listen to music
    Go for a walk
    Write in a journal
    Write poetry- it'll be dark, but it'll be raw emotional, and that's good - it's a less harmful way of releasing things.
    Wear an elastic around wrist and snap it when you have the urge to harm yourself.
    If you tend to have decent runs of not SI-ing, then fail and do it, do a tally. Write 'days I self injured' in one colomn, and 'days I didn't' in the other. At the end of every day, draw a line in either colomn, depending on if you self injured or not that day. Over time, those tallys in the 'didn't SI' box will grow, making you feel better.
    Some people find it helpful to draw red lines on themselves with washable markers instead of cutting themselves.
    Hold ice cubes in your hands - the cold causes pain in your hands, but it is not dangerous or harmful (some people find it relieves the urge to harm themselves for that moment).
    Punching a bed or a pillow or any kind of sport- even if it's just pressups and situps in your own room- burns away the energy
    Meditation
    • Just sit down comfortably, eyes closed and take long, slow breaths - concentrating on the breath itself as it goes in and out and nothing else. After even eight or nine breaths, as long as you keep them slow, you can feel more relaxed. The more the better!
    • sit down comfortably, eyes closed and repeat to yourself a word which indicates something you want to have that you don't (emotions wise) or a state you want to be in- like 'happiness. happiness, happiness' or 'confidence, confidence, confidence'. The idea is that in time, you 'fool yourself' that you HAVE these things, and in doing so you DO have them because it's YOU that gives them to you in the first place!!
    Scratch draw a picture on a thick piece of wood or use a screw driver and stab at the piece of wood. (can be another physical way to release your emotions without harming yourself.) If you don't think you can 'trust yourself' with a screwdriver please avoid this alternative.
    Avoid temptation
    Try to find your own creative ways as outlets for emotions - writing, drawing, painting, etc.
    Learn to confront others/making your own feelings known instead of keeping them inside, but pick your trustees carefully!
    Go outside and scream and yell.
    Take up a sport (a form of exercise can help you release tension, etc. - it doesn't have to be at a club or gym if you don't want; sport's sport wheverer and whenever you do it.)
    Work with paint, clay, play-dough, etc. (the person who suggested this mentioned that they would make a big sculpture and do whatever they wanted to it. They said it was helpful to calm the urge to self-injure, plus it gave them some idea of what might be underlying the pain.
    Draw a picture of what or who is making you angry.
    Write a letter to the person who's making you feel this way (if there is one)- you don't ever have to send it; it may be best to burn it afterwards, but just writing it down helps work stuff out.
    Instead of harming yourself, try massaging the area you want to harm with massage oils or creams, reminding yourself that you are special and you deserve to treat yourself and your body with love and respect.
    Go to church or your place of worship- not necissarily an 'established' place of worship- the natural world, for example, is pretty spiritual- parks or a lake.
    Wear a pipe cleaner or something that will fit on the places that you injure. One person did this as a way to remind herself that she could call someone instead of hurting herself and that she had other ways to cope.
    Break, bury or throw away the object that you use to self-injure as a way to show that you have control over it.
    Do some household chores (i.e. cleaning).
    Do some cooking.
    Try some sewing, crossstitch, etc.
    Recite a poem, prayer or anything else familiar the comforts you, multiple times.
    Write down all your positive points and why you do not deserve to be hurt. Keep it to refer to in the future.
    Write in your journal why you want to hurt yourself and if you have hurt yourself, write down what caused it to happen so in the future you can prevent it from happenings - or find out what your triggers were.
    Play some kind of musical instrument. Even if you don't really know how to play, picking out tunes is a way to concentrate and help get rid of the urge to harm yourself.
    Yoga.
    Allow yourself to cry. Getting the tears out can make you feel better. It allows the inside to release, as opposed to self abuse. Picture your "ickies" pouring out as you cry.
    Take a shower.
    Write down a word best associated with what you are feeling (i.e. horrible, sad, lonely, angry) and continue to write it down, over and over. Sometimes when you do that, the words looks silly etc., and it puts humour or a smile in your life.
    Sing a song on what you are feeling. It's another way to get it outside. Shout if you feel, etc. Let the words just come to you.
    Scribble on paper. Clutch the pen in your fist. It's a way to diffuse your emotions on to paper. (Get a few sheets so they don't tear.)
    Take item you are self injurying with and use it against something else. For example, if you are using a razor blade, rip it across a towel. Sometimes seeing what "can" be done to an object can make a person think twice about using it on themselves. Can also give the feeling of "doing it"...the tangible aspect.
    Make a list of reasons why you are going to stop cutting.
    Tell yourself that you can't cut for another 5 minutes. If you make it 5 minutes then I tell yourself to wait another 5 minutes. Sometimes you might no longer feel like cutting after only 5 minutes.
    Every time you get the urge, read the list to remind yourself why you shouldn't.
    Also remember to put on that list that you do not deserve to hurt yourself. You are important and special and you do not deserve to be hurt.
    Hit a punchbag - punchbags are goooood - or stree sponges.
    Keep dangerous things out of your house/apartment.
    Make a list of friends you can call. I do not do this because I do not have local friends that I can call. BUT, I know many people who find this list of friends to contact extremely helpful, even if they don't actually call anyone. Or make a list of helpline numbers in your area.
    Focus on what is real and around you right then. There is no such thing as the past or the future- only the now!
    Give yourself rewards, even if they're stupid, mundane little things like watching a TV show you like or eating a food you like - and indulge yourself in these things when you feel bad - makes you remember there are good things in life, however small.
    Be aware of the world- say to yourself what you see. ie. The couch is green. The light is on. I can feel my shoe pinching my foot. This can sometimes be enough to ground you.

    Get a warm drink and curl up in a warm place with a stuffed animal.
    Put on a (happy) movie.
    Post at a self injury bullitin board on the web. (Be careful to avoid triggery posts, but talk to people- it's totally anonymous, so just type how you feel- you might find some people who know what you're going through.)
    Have a bath and finger paint with ketchup.
    Try not to be to hard on yourself for feeling this way. Try not to beat yourself up inside by calling yourself names or expecting yourself to just "not feel this way" or to "snap out of it." This internal namecalling and self-verbal abuse will only make you feel worse.
    Tell yourself how you feel now will not last forever. It is hard to remember that while you are in the midst of these feelings, but EVERYTHING changes. Just focus on you and what you need to do to get through these feelings as safely as you can.
    Use a toothbrush instead of a razor.

    Do something physical and violent, something not directed at a living thing, such as;
    • Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock.
    • Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at. Cut and tear it instead of yourself.
    • Flatten aluminum cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go.
    • Use a pillow to hit a wall, pillow-fight style.
    • Rip up an old newspaper or phone book.
    • On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do.
    • Cut and tear the picture.
    • Throw ice into the bathtub or against a brick wall hard enough to shatter it.
    • Break sticks.
    Crank up the music and dance.
    Stomp around in heavy shoes.
    Curl up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book, babying yourself somehow. Do whatever makes you feel taken care of and comforted.
    Use light sweet-smelling incense and listen to soothing music.
    Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read. Visit a friend.
    Slap a tabletop hard with another object.
    Clap hard.
    Take a cold bath or immerse your arm/leg into icy water.
    Play a difficult computer game.
    Choose an object in the room. Examine it carefully and then write as detailed a description of it as you can. Include everything: size, weight, texture, shape, color, possible uses, feel, etc.
    Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it.
    Pick a (safe) subject and research it on the web.
    Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out.
    Get a henna tattoo kit. You put the henna on as a paste and leave it overnight; the next day you can pick it off as you would a scab and it leaves an orange-red mark behind.
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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Hugs to you Ginger,I've been through the same thing keep your head up.
    DON'T cut yourself your beautiful! You don't want to spend 4,000 on scar removal like I am. I have a long, large hypertrophic scar from a suicide attempt I am trying to remove. They have done a great job and it looks a lot better but still is a reminder of how stupid it was for me to do that. You will look at yourself and feel like an idiot for scarring your body.

    I no longer feel the urge to cut myself because I changed my life, people who I hung out with that were downers, ridding myself of toxic relationships.
    Get a punching bag and beat the hell out of it to let go of aggression, take runs
    and walks to relieve stress.

    Maybe its your environment that is adding to this? I'd say get away from it.
    Take care XOXO

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Oh honey. Fuck a whole bunch of whoever is doing this to you. Want I should come down there and get Jersey on their ass for you?? I totally will!!

    You have my number...use it if you need to.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Also, have you talked to your doctor? Maybe he can adjust your meds to control the depression better. Just a thought.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    I'm sorry babe. I used to do the same thing. I hope that by now you already feel better.

    Working out helps. It makes you feel productive, and releases endorphins.

    Do you have any pets? That helps tons.
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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Recovering cutter also. It's been almost a year. When I went through my longest streak I would throw ice in the shower. I love the sound it made and the way it looked as it shattered. I also went onto a website that had a chat that helped. I haven't been able to access that site for a long time though. It was great. I also would wear a rubber band around my wrist and snap it if I felt like it.
    For me, I wanted to to see the blood...it never actually hurt when I was doing it. So, I would also use marker and "color" slash marks onto my skin. Use washable marker though.
    I went through DBT also (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and it helped a great deal. You may want to see if someone offers it in your area.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Quote Originally Posted by CKXXX View Post
    Oh honey. Fuck a whole bunch of whoever is doing this to you. Want I should come down there and get Jersey on their ass for you?? I totally will!!
    If nothing else that would make me laugh, so I'd be down for that.

    I still feel awful. I tried to eat today and I simply couldn't. It didn't matter what kind of food it was, I couldn't actually eat. So now I'm hungry but not, sad but mad, and still depressed as fuck. I swear if I could get away with totally giving up I would. I've done it before and while it didn't actually solve anything, it totally made sense at the time. I will say that I haven't cut. I can't find any of my preferred cutting tools in my house, and I'm not going to Wal-Mart to buy any. I really fucking want to, and I think if I had some here I would do it, so I'm avoiding going to Wal-Mart/Walgreens/whatever for a few days.

    Thanks for reading me whine ya'll.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Quote Originally Posted by gingerlee View Post
    If nothing else that would make me laugh, so I'd be down for that.

    I still feel awful. I tried to eat today and I simply couldn't. It didn't matter what kind of food it was, I couldn't actually eat. So now I'm hungry but not, sad but mad, and still depressed as fuck. I swear if I could get away with totally giving up I would. I've done it before and while it didn't actually solve anything, it totally made sense at the time. I will say that I haven't cut. I can't find any of my preferred cutting tools in my house, and I'm not going to Wal-Mart to buy any. I really fucking want to, and I think if I had some here I would do it, so I'm avoiding going to Wal-Mart/Walgreens/whatever for a few days.

    Thanks for reading me whine ya'll.
    If you need someone to call, and prefer someone anonymous, PM me and I'll gladly volunteer my cell number. You can call me and rant, or cry, or just talk. I'm cool with it. I've been in your shoes, and am currently walking in them again.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    I found what helped me, was getting drawing supplies, and stage makeup.

    I'd get the urge to cut, would draw myself, and draw out what i wanted to do, in as much detail as i humanly could(made for some fuckign disturbing art) Then I'd take the stage makeup, or a pen, in a pinch, and draw it on exactly. I'd look in the mirror, and deep breathe, and wash it all off. With me it wasnt necesarely about seeing the damage, but it gave me a place to focus my energy and my urges, that wouldn't bite me in the ass later. It was about admitting i HAD the power, and the intelligence, and the control, and i could choose the degree and the manner, and then wash it all off.
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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberrySwitchblade View Post
    If you need someone to call, and prefer someone anonymous, PM me and I'll gladly volunteer my cell number. You can call me and rant, or cry, or just talk. I'm cool with it. I've been in your shoes, and am currently walking in them again.
    Same here. I'd be glad to get downloaded on.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    I give up. I really do. I go to sleep crying and wake up crying and can't deal with it anymore. Like, why do I have to be this way? It's not fair, and I know life's not fair but fuck, can I catch a break?

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    I heard a lot of girls in my club last week talk about how you're the best feature I was like!! i kinda know her! (not really) but

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    im bipolar and am slightly borderline, and I find that smashing glass in a pillow case or throwing it in dumpsters is awesome. the crunching and noise is awesome. Also, walks, music, writing works too. You really have to try a bunch of things and find what works for you.
    look into dbt therapy, it keeps your mind in the here, the now.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    ^^The smashing of glass actually sounds like something I would do. I just have to get my hands on some stuff I can break and not feel bad about it.
    Last edited by gingerlee; 06-08-2008 at 11:34 PM.

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    Default Re: Depression and Cutting

    *hugs* You know where to find me. Be strong.

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