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Thread: How much "guy time" is normal?

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default How much "guy time" is normal?

    I have a question for everyone out there. I have a guy friend who spends a tremendous amount of time with another guy. He claims he is not gay and I don't think he is. This guy stays with him some here but also has a place in NYC. But when his friend is in NYC he goes and sees him up there. They do everything together and are always together or on the phone. I have never known two men to spend so much time together. Is this considered "unusual" at all? Do guys get this close?

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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    Hi Greenid,

    It's tough to tell from the information given--for instance, if they're in their early twenties and were together in college maybe they're leaning on one another as they begin to make their way in the world. Is it a guy you want to spend more time with, is that why you're asking? This doesn't sound strange to me unless this person is the ONLY guy he spends time with, which would indicate he depends on him too much, perhaps, and in terms of (your) future relationship with him that could be a problem.
    JK Jim

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    Featured Member aviendha's Avatar
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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    Yeah, I was cynically thinking that if you're happy with the time you spend with the guy, then any time he spends with his friends is "normal". *heh*

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    Veteran Member alessandra's Avatar
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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    IMO Guys do get close, but that seems really, really close...have they been 'friends' for a long time? Or have they only known one another <1 year? Do they share a particular interest that they are both mildly obsessed with? Or do they just enjoy spending time together?

    I think knowing a little more about the relationship would help you figure out what's going on. Have you known your guy friend long?

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    I've known him for a few months. They are both in their late 30's. They have been friends for years though from what I understand.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    Yeah, I think I'd like to spend a little more time with him. He spends most of his leisure time with this guy though. I know he has other friends he talks to on the phone but he doesn't see anyone as much as he does this guy. His friend is pretty obnoxious and loud unlike him, he's more easy-going like I am. I dunno his friend is a bit "much" for me to hang around over long periods but he rarely asks me to hang out with them, so... Neither of them have girlfriends either.

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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    Unfortunately, it appears that you will be competing with his buddy for attention indefinitely. Is your friend making a clear choice between spending time with you/with his friend?

    BTW, did he spontaneously share with you "I'm not gay"? Perhaps you should inform him bluntly that: "This is NOT Spartaaaa!"

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    No, he didn't and I don't ask him to chose between us. I just think it's odd. He claims he loves women. I believe he does too. But he might like men as well.

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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    I have two guy friends that are always together unless they are at work. They are not gay but sometimes I wonder! LOL
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    Yeah, I know several guys like that. Some just are... and others are not... if you're concerned about possibly flamboyant gayness, keep your eyes peeled for other red flags like:

    He gets his eyebrows waxed/he tans/he gets manicures/pedicures.
    His friend lives in Chelsea in NYC.
    He knows what a fag hag is.
    He has very few ex gfs.
    He gives you that general gaydar vibe.
    And most importantly, you see him checking out more men than women.

    OK, that was obvious shit, but sometimes we can't see what we don't wanna. Sorry GreenID... I hope you figure it out though before yalls get into something serious, cause that'd hurt later moreso than now.

    Love it!

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    Veteran Member StuartL's Avatar
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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    I wouldn't say that this is necessarily unusual. For years my best friend and I were virtually inseparable. We grew up a few streets away, went to the same school, played hockey for the same team. Then at 20 he joined the Navy and travelled the world. When he quit at 28, I'd moved country too. But for probably 8+ years, if you saw one of us, the other was nearby.

    That said, we weren't in our late 30s...

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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    Yeah, I haven't invested a lot into him. I'm probably not going to either. He seems happy with his situation and I certainly am not miserable so I'd rather keep it that way.

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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    That seems rly close IMO, but who are we to judge what's normal? Maybe they have something in common that you don't know about and they need each other. Something like a horrific childhood terror or a drug addiction. Or maybe they're gay and they're feeling pressure from friends/family/society to hide it.


    ETA:
    I had a thought. Girls can spend weeks together, talk on the phone for hours, check out each other's boob jobs, and no one thinks it's weird. Maybe guys have the same need, and these two aren't afraid to fulfill it.

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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    ^^ It's a cultural thing: there are many cultures where guys hang out like women do here and nobody finds it abnormal, so I'd tend to agree with you.

    Two males I know hang out so much together that when one of them got married, a few acquaintances were surprised, in the "I thought you were gay!" type of surprise.

    Our culture has something about males socialising, in a weird way. Occasionally, I've even come to the conclusion that a few engage in business activities where the real purpose is to have an "acceptable" reason to socialise with their buddies a/k/a business partners, and the business is secondary.

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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    My bf's brother is like this. I think he is gay though, because he and the friend sleep together in the same bed often. Also when others are around they kind of chase them away, as if they want to be alone.

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    Veteran Member LadyLuck's Avatar
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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    Based on what I have observed I think a couple of hours every weekend is pretty typical for the happy domesticated male. If he's a sports guy, which many are, double the norm of hours for their sports "season".

    just my
    There never was a good war or a bad peace.

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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    totally normal.

    he has a best friend. they share most of their interests. not a big deal.

    It can be difficult to make a recently single man pay for sex when he knows that a quick trip to the local watering hole would secure at least one hard drunken tumble for far less cash. It is even more difficult when he is something of a dead ringer for James Bond as played by Daniel Craig and possesses the sort of awkard charm and confidence that brands a man like him as a lady killer.

    - Daisy Loveless, Serving Lunch Weblog

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    Default Re: How much "guy time" is normal?

    who cares whats normal. Enjoy life and dont give a shit about what others think

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