Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 30

Thread: The ugly friend

  1. #1
    Senior Member lil_miss_kabuki's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Sacramento
    Posts
    173
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    The ugly friend

    Okay let's start off with some background information.

    This is my myspace: www.myspace.com/lil_miss_kabuki
    This is my friend's myspace: www.myspace.com/raiven_isthar

    She call herself the ugly friend. I try to cheer her up and help her out by passing guys that I'm not interested in her way. Heck, I know she has a few hygiene problems that I have been hinting that she needs to work on. ALso she's kida butch when we hang out, but that's because she started becoming very protective of me when I was pregnant with my son.

    I try very hard to help others, but in the past I have nearly lost everything. I don't want to risk anything now because I am starting to suffer from chronic back pain.

    I read her blog yesterday to see how she was feeling and this is what I got.

    This is the blog post.

    In the last couple of days i've noticed a lot of stuff happening. Somethings bug me but others i find just sad. I've been hanging out with a friend of mine for the last couple of days and compared to her i'm the ugly ducking. I know it's not her fault but people notice her haloed in a glowing light and i'm stuck sitting in the shadows. But its ok i'll get over it. Ok so here's what i find sad about what's happened in the last couple days. I'm still single and i hate that, i've actualy put myself out there with a few people only to be shot down and asked 'hey what's up with your friend is she single?' :-| wouldn't that put a slight damper on ones selfesteem? Any way thing at work will hopefully go alot better come monday. But damn it august isn't coming fast enough. ;-) well i'll try to keep everone updated. Ja ne

    What should I do? I want to help, but I can't spread myself too thin.

  2. #2
    Senior Member lil_miss_kabuki's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Sacramento
    Posts
    173
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    I put the url's up there so you can see our pictures. the one's in her OMG its me album are the most recent. So are my bathroom pics.

    Any ideas?

  3. #3
    God/dess loveandluxury's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2008
    Location
    In my box
    Posts
    2,358
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    It says invalid friend ID, so I can't see her.

    Either way, there's not anything you can do. You can only tell somebody they're pretty so many times, she sounds like she just wants people to feel sorry for her. If she really wanted to fix the problem then she would address her hygiene issues herself. I'd say leave it alone.. if she doesn't fix her problems and continues to be a whiner, I'd quit talking to her until she can get her shit together.

    I may be a bitch, but we all have things we don't like about ourselves so there is no need in feeling sorry for yourself all the time. If you're a little heavy, work out. If you have smelly breath, use mouth wash and a tongue scraper. If you have no style, get a stylish friend to help you shop.. There are solutions to just about every problem. I wish I didn't have love handles, but I don't whine about it to other people... it's my own damn fault, I need to work out more.

    Animals are my friends, and I don't eat my friends.
    - George Bernard Shaw

  4. #4
    Senior Member lil_miss_kabuki's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Sacramento
    Posts
    173
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    try this one.
    http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endid=55655391

    Thanks or the advice. I figured that was what I had to do. She' supposed to be moving out to LV in august. I was planning on stayng in contact with her until she moved.

  5. #5
    Featured Member aviendha's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    978
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 13 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Well, you could try being less cute.

    I'm just kidding, but seriously, what does she expect you to do about it? I have friends that are better-looking than me. I just have to deal with it. She will too.

  6. #6
    Senior Member lil_miss_kabuki's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Sacramento
    Posts
    173
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Yeah well, what am I suppose to say when she starts this guilt trip? It doesn't affect me. But what do you really say to that?

  7. #7
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Over the hills and far away
    Posts
    4,902
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 368 Times in 56 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Pay someone to hit on her at a bar?

    Love it!

  8. #8
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2003
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    7,772
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 40 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Ignore it completely. If you respond to it in any way, they just feed off of it. If she asks for specific advice, feel free to give it to her... but don't buy into her pity party.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  9. #9
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Apr 2008
    Location
    MA
    Posts
    323
    Thanks
    15
    Thanked 14 Times in 10 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Quote Originally Posted by lil_miss_kabuki View Post
    Yeah well, what am I suppose to say when she starts this guilt trip? It doesn't affect me. But what do you really say to that?
    Hmm ok im editing my comment to make it shorter, but essentially i meant to say-

    She's jealous of you, but her real problem is with herself and low self-esteem. If you need to respond, ignore anything that has to do with you, pretend you don't notice anything, just redirect the conversation to what's going on with her, give her positive feedback, and then send her off on her merry way to deal with things herself.

    Her: "I feel gross, people like you more, no one cares about me, blah blah blah"
    You: "Ummm... Yeah i don't think that's the case, they were just a couple of coincidences. There are plenty of reasons to like you and lots of people who do, and who will! we just need to go get ready and find them! Every person has their own complements... How have you been feeling about yourself lately anyway? What will help?" etc

    And if she's still whiny, tell her something like "sleep on it" or "wait a while, things will get better" and see if time solves things... or she'll move away hahah

  10. #10
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Lil Rhody
    Posts
    10,471
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21 View Post
    Ignore it completely. If you respond to it in any way, they just feed off of it. If she asks for specific advice, feel free to give it to her... but don't buy into her pity party.
    Exactly what I was going to say.

  11. #11
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    the mountains ....
    Posts
    14,202
    Thanks
    15,165
    Thanked 21,346 Times in 9,308 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    ^ Lol. Just when I was thinking " Oh cool .... a dude that likes the bigger ladies " .

    It's nice that you are concerned, but other than helping her talk through self improvement goals , what can you really do ?

    It's up to her to change anything she doesn't like about herself. All you can do as a friend is help her stick to the goals that she commits herself to doing.

  12. #12
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Location
    MKE
    Posts
    4,660
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 182 Times in 40 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Wow, tricky situation!

    You know though, okay, obviously if you are the "prettier friend" you are going to get more attention....but lemme tell you, I have a girlfriend who weighs about 200lbs and let me tell you she has the sweetest best personality, has a boyfriend now, but back in the day she had NO problem getting laid. If you're friend is shy, she won't get as much attention period.

    For instance, my cousin is shy, and I get hit on waaaay more than her, even though she is literally the prettiest person I have ever seen in real life. (Not that I'm not pretty, but I think she's prettier.) I'm really outgoing, and I think people gravitate toward that.

    A lot of it is personality, you know?
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

  13. #13
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    431
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Have you ever tried to give her a makeover, take her out shopping or get her hair done with you? Maybe she herself doesn't know how to "doll herself" up. I've met some women that don't know how to apply makeup or know anything about dressing stylishly, and they always could use friends to help.

    You don't have to directly say "This is what you should change about yourself," but bring her along when you go to the mall and they can give her one of those makeovers at the makeup counter or something?

  14. #14
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2003
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    7,772
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 40 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    ^Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think anything along those lines would be a complete waste of time.

    Unless your friend has some sort of health problem so that she can't help her weight: Every time she bitches about her looks, offer to be her work-out buddy. THAT will help her more than anything... and shut her up if need be. She wants to hang out? Look up spots that are good for hiking. Every time she starts to whine, ask her if she wants to hit up the gym tomorrow. Or, that very day. Sitting around and bitching isn't going to do a thing. Bobbi Brown could come and her make-up herself, and that isn't going to hide the fact that she could stand to loose 100lbs.

    One more thing... and I'm just being honest here... You should take another look at the vibes you are sending her way. "She call herself the ugly friend. I try to cheer her up and help her out by passing guys that I'm not interested in her way. Heck, I know she has a few hygiene problems that I have been hinting that she needs to work on. ALso she's kida butch when we hang out, but that's because she started becoming very protective of me when I was pregnant with my son. "

    Please help me... my friend thinks she's ugly... I mean, she's all butch and doesn't know how to clean herself... but what can I do for her? I give her my rejects, but that doesn't seem to help her self-esteem.

    Just sayin'...
    Last edited by Bella21; 06-09-2008 at 06:43 PM.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  15. #15
    Darcy Foxx
    Guest

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    until i actually clicked on more photos, i was going to say "well.... you both look like really hot cartoon cats, to me......"

  16. #16
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    431
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21 View Post
    ^Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think anything along those lines will be a complete waste of time.
    It's okay, but that's the only thing I could think of doing without directly hurting the friend's feelings by saying "This is what you need to do."

  17. #17
    Veteran Member UV69's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    686
    Thanks
    47
    Thanked 276 Times in 120 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    I don't know I try not to hang out with people who feel they are competing with me or have to compare themselves to me. I mean really why should a friend give a rats ass about how you look or how they look compared to you? What should it matter? You obviously see something about yr friend you like soo maybe you should try to have her appearicate what it is about her that rocks instead of allowing her to obesse about your looks or encourging her to look more like you. I know you are trying to help and all, but let her worry about her own looks and stop her from comparing her looks to yours.

    Yes I know it's normal for friends to get jealous/envious ect..ect and the rest of the world has eyes soo other people are going to feed into her insecurity, but truely self esteme stems from inside and as long as she takes no pride and puts no effort to start from within there is not a damn thing you can do about this. Trust me all the mac makeup and passing on leftovers will never help her find self worth in herself if all the 2 of you are doing is focusing on her being jealous of you. She needs to find the beauty in being herself even if you will always be the prettier 1 as looks are no everything and pretty comes in many forms exspecailly when some1 learns to find it themsleves by being true to themsleves. So what if yr friend is the ugly duckie sloppy bummy butchy type I know it might not turns all the guys heads like you do, but 2 some1 like a friend or the person she's meant to be with that is going to be all the beauty she is going to need and that's what really matters.

    I tell my ugly fat friend (I luv and see as a the most beautiful person)all the time I would gladly give up all the superfiscal/sexually obessive attention I get becuz of my looks just to have some1 ask me how I'm feeling or doing before going on about how good/hott I'm looking as if who I am as a person always seems to stand in the shadow to what others people see 1st when they look at me. In many ways we get along becuz we see eachother for who we are and not what is just what people see as that's just a small part of what a person is and we both know it/respect where eachother is coming from.

    PS what is this thing about yr friend being butch=ugly?? I hope you know that different strokes for different folks, but to some (and I'm speaking of men too) butch is sexy/beautiful in a way feminine just isn't to all to them. Sorry, but as unbelievible as that might be to you beauty really is all in the eye of the beholder.
    "Happiness does not depend on material things, but on having others pay for them"
    "Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition"

    Add Me To Your MySpace Friend's List

  18. #18
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    722
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    You guys are not like night and day different.

    I mean, there is a difference but she's not like the spawn of satan, and you the pretty princess.....

    Um, there will always be someone prettier than you , no matter who you are so women that like being friends with other women should learn how to deal with that. Maybe she hasn't had too many girlfriends, and that is the problem? It is a learning experience I think, to stop being jealous of another's beauty. Just like it is a learning experience to not be jealous of wealth, power etc.

    Beauty seems to be the thing most people are envious of because unlike wealth or power, you can not create beauty outside of surgery.. (but even then, there is no turning a 2 into a ten or whatever)

    But anyway. I am usually(try not to be) not envious of beauty or wealth or power. Can't say i have always been this way but it is totally a learning experience.

  19. #19
    Senior Member 8eyespyder's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2004
    Location
    LOs ANgeles
    Posts
    195
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Quote Originally Posted by VegasPrincess View Post
    Wow, tricky situation!

    You know though, okay, obviously if you are the "prettier friend" you are going to get more attention....but lemme tell you, I have a girlfriend who weighs about 200lbs and let me tell you she has the sweetest best personality, has a boyfriend now, but back in the day she had NO problem getting laid. If you're friend is shy, she won't get as much attention period.

    For instance, my cousin is shy, and I get hit on waaaay more than her, even though she is literally the prettiest person I have ever seen in real life. (Not that I'm not pretty, but I think she's prettier.) I'm really outgoing, and I think people gravitate toward that.

    A lot of it is personality, you know?
    So true. I have 2 friends, one is really pretty an the other average, an teh average girl get's so much attention over the prettier one, an I notice it;s because of her personality, she is very outgoing an liveley an fun. The other is more serious an shy. So I do agree that personality can have a lot to do with it too.

  20. #20
    Member
    Joined
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    27
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    diet, exercise, well fitting clothes, good skincare+haircare products, a good attitude.... it takes effort but pretty much anyone can be attractive.

    Still if someone sucks the energy out of those around them, even if they're a friend, you're probably better off hanging out with other people who give value+fun rather than drain it away. Theres no point in helping those that dont first try to help themselves.

  21. #21
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Is there any chance that this friend will find the link to her myspace page on this forum? I hope not!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  22. #22
    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Center of the World.
    Posts
    3,128
    Thanks
    66
    Thanked 82 Times in 51 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    I didn't see a night and day difference either. You obviously take better care of yourself. How about if you both take a trip to do whatever you do tomaintain yourself? Like, take a trip with your friend for eyebrow shaping and whatnot. Girly things.

    Aside from that, it's not YOUR problem. It's hers. I'd ignore her comments about feeling like the "ugly" one.

  23. #23
    Senior Member lil_miss_kabuki's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Sacramento
    Posts
    173
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Is there any chance that this friend will find the link to her myspace page on this forum? I hope not!!
    Most likely not. And If she does all I am going to say is:

    "What? I wanted advice. And the only people that would truly give me an honest opinion was on Stripperweb."

  24. #24
    Senior Member lil_miss_kabuki's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Sacramento
    Posts
    173
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Quote Originally Posted by ahmeerah View Post
    I didn't see a night and day difference either. You obviously take better care of yourself. How about if you both take a trip to do whatever you do tomaintain yourself? Like, take a trip with your friend for eyebrow shaping and whatnot. Girly things.

    Aside from that, it's not YOUR problem. It's hers. I'd ignore her comments about feeling like the "ugly" one.

    Now here's the funny thing about that. If I'm not working or running errands, I'm a home body most of the time. All the things I do to maintain myself, I do at home (exercise, grooming, facials). Stripperweb has helped me not spend a lot of money on the things I can easily do at home.

    I have taken her out before to my favorite makeup counters, skin care hangouts, and even rambled here and there about the recent things I learned on grooming.

    It's just weird. She would catch on at first, just because I was interested. And then about a week or so later she would just give up on it right when the improvements were about to happen.

  25. #25
    Senior Member lil_miss_kabuki's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Sacramento
    Posts
    173
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: The ugly friend

    Quote Originally Posted by UV69 View Post
    PS what is this thing about yr friend being butch=ugly?? I hope you know that different strokes for different folks, but to some (and I'm speaking of men too) butch is sexy/beautiful in a way feminine just isn't to all to them. Sorry, but as unbelievible as that might be to you beauty really is all in the eye of the beholder.
    I understand that the way I worded it sounded negative, but I was upset at the time of the first posting and I rather apologise about what I say later on in the thread so that others know what we are reffering to.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. To friend or not to friend: Hanging out with coworkers
    By Athena87 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 09-22-2009, 12:49 PM
  2. I Really Like Being Ugly...:)
    By Candice in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 06-22-2008, 10:57 AM
  3. Guy buys friend a dance, friend says no thanks
    By Kaylinn in forum Hustle Hut
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 01-17-2008, 03:44 PM
  4. my ass is so ugly! help! [ugly ass pic attached]
    By Raven_angel in forum Body Business
    Replies: 70
    Last Post: 02-21-2005, 05:22 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •