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Thread: Making plans and breaking them

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Making plans and breaking them

    I have developed an annoying pattern of behaviour.

    I make plans with friends and I usually break them. When it comes time to do whatever we planned I just don't feel like it. It's not that I dont like the friend or that I don't care, it's just that when it comes time to catch up I'd prefer to be at home.

    I don't know what my problem is. I think I'm getting worse with my introversion. I know my friends will get sick of this eventually and I'll end up with no friends. Part of me is bothered by that and the other part thinks "well at least I won't have to do anything".

    I'm not depressed I just think I'm lazy and often tired. The only thing I can be bothered doing is working and sleeping. It doesnt leave me much energy for anything else. Actually dancing pretty much drains my energy.

    It's the same with my training sessions with my trainer at the gym. I always get the urge to cancel my sessions because I can't be bothered.

    This sucks.

    Does anyone else have similar problems?
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Featured Member aviendha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    I have the problem too. If it's a close friend or family member, I will occasionally "call in" and break the plans, but otherwise I will suck it up and go. After all, it bothers me when other people do it to me (and let's face it, everyone does at some point) so I try to hold myself to the same standard that I would expect of others.

    When I do suck it up and go, I almost always have fun and become energized, so I recognize that a lot of it is psychological. Think of it this way, you can always beg off and leave early if you truly are tired. And you can certainly schedule fewer activities and book yourself some nice "me" time instead of hanging out, just tell people you have plans (to sit at home in your jammies).

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    deleted.
    Last edited by Brendita; 10-13-2008 at 03:12 AM.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    i have to be forced to do things. no matter who its with. otherwise i would live in solitude, and i used to be a very social person.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    I do this all the time. It doesn't help that my husband does it too, so we are always making excuses together and feel like it's ok b/c we both agree. We always wait til the last minute to cancel too, or day before. We haven't hung out with friends in forever, they don't give up tho. I feel like all our friends think we hate them. Two hermits with social anxiety . We went out saturday tho, once we get going we do really well for a while and then just drop off the face of the earth for awhile.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    I feel like this a lot. I have to force myself to go through the motions of getting my ass in the car and driving. Once I'm there, I'm fine. Shoot, I could leave early if I wanted to. The point is, I got out, I socialized, and I showed my friends that I'm not a flake. Even if it seems like a chore, it's important to be social outside of work for your own mental health.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    If it is a good friend, they will understand that between work and study you may not have a lot of energy to deal with people. At the same time, force yourself to go out as sometimes it is worthwhile for you to do so.

    Plus it really sucks to be on the receiving end of it. I know. I have been on the receiving end of someone canceling only hours before us meeting up from a specific person in my life recently. I don't like it however I realise that this is just part of him being him. That he will and does have things that do last minute pop up. That he isn't always in the mood to socialise.

    Make a day or two a week where you will devote a good couple of hours or something for friends to catch up in person.

    As for the trainer, if he was doing his job properly you would be super pumped for the sessions thus wouldn't have any reason to cancel (that's just my personal opinion). I would only ever cancel not going to Capoeira if: I couldn't afford the fuel cost of attending, am sick/injured or working. I know that no matter how I feel before I go to Capoeira, it always puts me in a better mood afterwards thus the reason I go more often than not.


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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    I feel like this. This job is so draining, not just physically draining but emotionally draining. I feel like all my socialising energy is used up on guys at work, at home I have no socialising left in me. It used to be that once I made the effort and got out there I'd be fine but recently even once I'm out I still can't be bothered. I usually end up dragging myself out, staying for a bit and then leaving early. I feel like its all a big waste of energy. At least I'm still seeing my friends tho.



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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    ^^
    Same here. I dont even usually enjoy myself while im there and can't wait to go home. Years ago I was the girl who was never home and used to go to clubs a lot.

    How I am now began before I started dancing - just getting older and being in a relationship etc. I found I was over clubs once I had a bf.
    But dancing has def made me not want to go out. I used to go out coz it was a sat night whereas now I work every sat.

    There is my best male friend who I don't flake on coz I find that his and my energy levels are about the same and being around him doesn't drain me. We meet up for coffee, spend about 30 mins to an hour together and then we are both ready to leave. If all my friends were like this I would hang with them so much more.

    Another thing is that friends who have moved far away I just can't be bothered making the effort to visit. One of my friends used ro live nearby and she now lives over an hours drive away. I just can't justify sitting in that traffic and driving out there to visit her. Plus she has two small children and the thought of being in the house with them provokes anxiety in me. I can't relax around noisy kids and it makes me feel nervous and awkward.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    Have you told that friend (who lives far away as well as has kids) about how you would love to get together just YOU and HER .. no kids.. and in a spot that is kinda a half way point for the both of you?

    I can relate to the whole distance thing tho' esp. with the cost of fuel.

    I still say make a day (or even half of a day or a night) each week you will devote to catching up with a friend or two (or however many you 'feel' like catching up with that week).


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  11. #11
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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    ^^
    Same here. I dont even usually enjoy myself while im there and can't wait to go home. Years ago I was the girl who was never home and used to go to clubs a lot.

    How I am now began before I started dancing - just getting older and being in a relationship etc. I found I was over clubs once I had a bf.
    But dancing has def made me not want to go out. I used to go out coz it was a sat night whereas now I work every sat.

    There is my best male friend who I don't flake on coz I find that his and my energy levels are about the same and being around him doesn't drain me. We meet up for coffee, spend about 30 mins to an hour together and then we are both ready to leave. If all my friends were like this I would hang with them so much more.

    Another thing is that friends who have moved far away I just can't be bothered making the effort to visit. One of my friends used ro live nearby and she now lives over an hours drive away. I just can't justify sitting in that traffic and driving out there to visit her. Plus she has two small children and the thought of being in the house with them provokes anxiety in me. I can't relax around noisy kids and it makes me feel nervous and awkward.
    Yeah I relate!
    I force myself sometimes though but I find myself getting more irritated when people pester me to go out or catch up etc so i talk less and less to people outside of work.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    I'm the same. I used to be more social. I decided I might need to paint my papartment a bright yellow. Once I'm here, I rarely if ever feel like leaving -- I t hink it's because of the current color of my walls. No idea but I want it to change.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    Have you told that friend (who lives far away as well as has kids) about how you would love to get together just YOU and HER .. no kids.. and in a spot that is kinda a half way point for the both of you?
    she snapped at me when i suggested half way saying it's much easier for people without kids to drive to her house but it's hard for her. then she said other friends dont mind coming to visit her!
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    I've become extremely introverted lately. I don't even want to go shopping.. I just want to hang out at home. I hadn't seen my best friend in a while so we made plans to take our kids to the park on Saturday morning and I barely made it because I just flat out didn't want to go. I know exactly how you feel!

    Animals are my friends, and I don't eat my friends.
    - George Bernard Shaw

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    Yes, I often do the same thing. I think it's because I don't want to be tied down to something and I'd honestly rather be alone. It's like hanging out with someone tires me out more and being alone rejuvenates me. I am lacking motivation right now too. And I think my body takes on stress in a more physical way. So when I get stressed or tired I get physically ill.

    I am not saying this to sound conceited at all but I've met roughly 6 people in my life I'd rather be with than alone. And I have found those attachments weren't healthy because I was somewhat dependent on those people.

    As long as you are isolating yourself for fear of going out or depression I wouldn't worry about it. Just be yourself. We all can't be the same and you can't make everyone else happy and yourself.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    Yes, I often do the same thing. I think it's because I don't want to be tied down to something.
    Seriously this stuck out to me!! This is a big part of why I dont want to make plans because I dont know how I will feel that day. I would rather if a friend rang me spur of the moment and I'd be much more likely to go. But to make plans for say thursday, then when it comes to thursday I'm tired or really don't feel like going out. I hate that feeling that I'm tied down to something.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    ^^ Ditto.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    I hate to be on the receiving end of this. Wouldn't it be easier to just not make plans in the first place? Believe it or not, you might really be disappointing those that you are cancelling on.

    Recently an old friend wanted to get together. It was her idea and everything. We planned on a Sunday night, which is often my only free night. Two hours before we were to meet she texts me and cancelled. I was seriously pissed. I made time for her, to do what SHE wanted to do, and she cancelled. It will be a long time before I make any kind of plans with her again.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    There is my best male friend who I don't flake on coz I find that his and my energy levels are about the same and being around him doesn't drain me. We meet up for coffee, spend about 30 mins to an hour together and then we are both ready to leave. If all my friends were like this I would hang with them so much more.
    my old best friend and i were on the same page when it came to going out. we didnt go out to the bar til 12:30 and then we were only there for a short time (bars close at 2 here) and we'd go to someones house or something. its easier to be at someones house than at a club for some reason.. when im there im always thinking about what time we can leave.

    a lot of the time i do actually have fun if i force myself to go though. but thats with other activities, like horseback riding or going to the movies or something - not going out out.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    ^Yep, I never know how I'm going to feel either. I'm much more likely to do something spontaniously.

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    Default Re: Making plans and breaking them

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    she snapped at me when i suggested half way saying it's much easier for people without kids to drive to her house but it's hard for her. then she said other friends dont mind coming to visit her!
    she snapped at you thinking it would be "easier" for you JUST because you do not have children ? That is one screwy person! Just because you do not have children does NOT mean you don't have a busy life. Plus there is the cost of fuel these days and the time it will take to commute to her place. Wow. Way to go to be understanding! She doesn't really 'sound' like someone to have in your life if she isn't more than happy to come to a compromise. What her "other friends" do is of no concern to you, if she valued your friendship then she would make it work. That's all there is to it.

    You don't have to be friends with everyone for life. People come, people go in our lives for various reasons.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Seriously this stuck out to me!! This is a big part of why I dont want to make plans because I dont know how I will feel that day. I would rather if a friend rang me spur of the moment and I'd be much more likely to go. But to make plans for say thursday, then when it comes to thursday I'm tired or really don't feel like going out. I hate that feeling that I'm tied down to something.
    Life does throw us curve balls. You could be feeling great one day, then the next due to something that happened the day before.. feel like crap. Goodness, I know! I've been there (up/down emotionally) the last few weeks... it's only now that I'm finally feel like I have it all under control (as much as I can).

    If you would rather people just make "spur of the moment" meetings, then say this to everyone. Tell everyone that you never know how you will feel day to day thus give you a call.. and if you are not busy and up to it.. you will go hang out together you can't expect your friends to be mind readers.

    all i know is that being on the receiving end of such behaviour sucks.

    the old "put yourself in their shoes" cliche

    i re-iterate.. be assertive.. tell people that your life is a little unpredictable at the moment .. thus you can't make plans too far in advance hence "give me a call if you want to catch up spur of the moment" (or some such)


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