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Thread: Going to a SC=Cheating?

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    Veteran Member Julie, Julie's Avatar
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    Default Going to a SC=Cheating?

    I found this article and debate on AskMen.com.

    Some of the things people have posted are interesting and ridiculous. I found that I was feeling ashamed, hurt, and misrepresented by the posters.

    I wanted to get both dancers' and custys' opinions of these posts/article.

    And, please, feel free to post away!


    http://www.askmen.com/blogs/relationships/are-strip-clubs-cheating.html[/URL]
    j

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    I don't know. One post like that I can get wounded. Give me three in a row, and it is just ridiculous and stupid and some are plain made up, and it leaves you thinking "Why would I even care what you borderline illiterate twits think of either my profession or lifestyle? (Yeah, by the way - the strippers think they are way, way smarter than you)."
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    not reading the posts, or the article.

    it's cheating to some folks, but not to other folks. and the reasons why are interesting, but beyond the scope of this post.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    Im not gonna read the article either.

    But to me (because I believe it's a personal thing) if my man got a lap dance and touched the dancer in any way he wouldn't be touching me anymore. That's my answer. No Im not a hypocrite coz customers dont touch me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    ^^Oh, really? Cause you haven't mentioned that in like 5 minutes.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    ^^
    LOL ............ok. It doesn't bother me when girls do. Just dont want to be accused of having double standards in my relationship.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Veteran Member JDanielle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    I read the article and some of the comics. That Nev person is coming off as petty and probably jealous.

    Anyway, my fiance hates strip clubs, so this is easy for me to say: I wouldn't have a problem with him going to strip clubs or getting lap dances at all. So, for me, it's not cheating. But to some girls, it is, and I hope their significant others would respect that.

  8. #8
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    Wow some of those comments have me reeling.

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    Veteran Member SexyJess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    My take on it is that it should be up to the couple.

    If a man wants to go to a strip club, and the wife or girlfriend really has a problem with it and would be hurt or leave him over it, I really don't think he should. I think he should respect her wishes. However, I think the wife or girlfriend should also figure out exactly what about it bothers her and why she feels insecure about it, too. Plenty of wives are ok with their men going... hell, some send them with money. But just as many are against it.

    Sometimes customers brag about having to hide their strip club habits from their wives. They act like I should be happy that they in there behind their backs. I'm not. I think it's sad that they feel the need to go behind their spouse's back like that. They act so happy to be "getting away" with something.

    The only thing that annoys me about the whole thing are when the wives start blaming the dancers for their husband's shortcomings. They call strippers all kinds of names, like they did in those comments on the article, when really, their husbands are the ones with the problem. I do not exist solely to tempt your fat, smelly, lazy, piece of shit husband away from you. Their jealousy and pettiness is irritating. Instead of trash talking the dancers, they should identify the real problem and work on fixing it.

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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    I don't think that there can be a blanket statement if it's cheating since so there can be so many different levels of experiences in a SC. To me, I would consider it cheating if the person got sexual satisfaction from the club. I think it's okay if it's just sexual stimulation.

    By sexual satisfaction I don't necessarily mean doing things to completion. I mean having sexually-related experiences which take away from sex in the relationship. If a guy goes to the club so much that he doesn't want sex with his SO anymore, I consider that cheating. But if he just gets revved up and brings the extra energy to the bedroom, that's fine.

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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    No I definitely don't think getting a lapdance is cheating, and I sure as fuck don't think just being in a strip club is cheating.

    I get the feeling that a lot of the comments on that page were from scorned women.

    Bah, I don't know. I'm just not the jealous type.

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    Veteran Member fluffypenguin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    Basically people cheat for a reason. If they are happy and secure they aren't going to seek validation (love, attention or whatever) from someone else if they are getting it at home.
    If they are in a happy secure relationship getting a lapdance, or being hugged by a team mate during a football game, or whatever is not going to be cheating.
    My 2cents anyway.

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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    Within the context of my relationship, it isn't cheating. Hell, he went to a club two weeks ago with his boy and got a few dances.

    If a guy's SO is very against SCs then I think a guy should respect that.
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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    if i found out my bf went to a SC without me (and not at some planned event i knew about, like a bachelor party) it could very likely end our relationship.

    i don't want him spending time and money on other women without me. period.

    i'm not even a jealous person. it's hard to explain.

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    Featured Member Perry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    Cheating is whatever has been agreed on by the couple.

    A lot of couples are polygamous, or have 3 somes, but no one gets hurt. Neither of them consider it adultery. It's been discussed, and rules are set to suit the both of them. Some girls get stark raving pissed over the boyfriend watching porn, others will sit down next to him and have a beer.

    Personally, me giving dances is fine. But my BF getting them is not. I'm not a hypocrite. It's my job. If he were a mechanic but I let someone else change my Toronado's oil he'd be pissed and hurt and feel inadiquite. Or if he were a proffesional turnip grower, but I went out and bought them at Meijers.

    The point is, if it's going to hurt someone, don't do it. Every couple has the, "What if I did blank. Would you be upset?" conversation. If going to strip clubs is unacceptable to a gf, well then it is.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    Quote Originally Posted by Perry View Post
    Cheating is whatever has been agreed on by the couple.
    This is also the way I define it. One person can't define it. It takes two to define the limits and what is or is not cheating to each other.

  17. #17
    Peanut_Butter
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    personally, it isn't cheating to me. My bf and I go to SC's together all the tiem and he gets dances. He goes t SC's with his friends and gets dances. I don't care at all. Only rule is no VIP rooms iwthout my prior consent.
    I'm not worried abotu him getting extras cause he thinks they are gross too. If a stripper is willign to touch or suck your disk, odds are she's been grabbing cock all night....it's gross. So i don't care if he goes to clubs...

    but some women might and that's ok too. Whatever is agreed on in tha particular relationship. If it's agreed that sc rips are not ok, and the guy goes, yeah, it's cheating.

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    Veteran Member Julie, Julie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    I wonder why some people refused to read the article. Was it to avoid any possible negative feelings which may have crept over you b/c of reading it?

    It SOOOO funny, and I've learned a lot, especially from the dancers' responses.

    I thought that the fact that my bf's friend encouraged him to spend an hour in a strip club about 6 months ago was UNACCEPTABLE to me. So I asked him EVERY SINGLE question I could. He generally doesn't like the whole scene and has only gone with me once or twice which was great fun. BUT... when I found out he had gone to one w/o me... I became livid - and yes I am a jealous person.

    He is a big believer in the no-contact dances, even pushing dancers slightly away if he feels that they get too close and/or making sure his knees are as close togrther as posible so they can't graze his "special parts", lol. As I've seen him do, myself.

    He even pressures me constatly about how close my leg/knees come to my customers' crotch area. I cannot be completely truthful, yes, it is low contact, but as someone said before: IT IS OUR JOB.
    And nothing makes me happier than to be able to come home to him and know that I have the "real thing" - my man whom I would make love to all night. It really helps distinguish what you do on the job from what your "baby" means to you. Sometimes I get so excited knowing that I am with someone who I WANT to touch me, grab me, and that this act with him is far from feigned, like it is with custys my whole shift. I feel like I've learned to appreciate our intimacy much more having started stripping...

    Anyway, it took about a month of bickering btw us to resolve it: he had just 2 dances, both of which his friend payed for, he did not touch any part of the dancer, and told her if her level of contact made him uncomfortable. Lol, I kept trying to have him enact the whole scene over and over until I was satisfied and felt secure in his answers.

    I trust this man implicitly, and if I hadn't, this boy-boy night excursion could very well have been the death of us.

    Lap dances with me around = super cool and a fun night out.

    Lap dances w/o me around = resentment, jealousy, and a big FAT "why?" and "what EXACTLY happened"?! and I could only forgive him once, maybe.

    Most importantly though, he never tried to hide the fact he went. He volunteered that info to me, so how could I really end our relationship over all the honesty he portrayed... which he didn't HAVE to. I love him for this.

    But bELIEVE me: if there is a next time, I better be right there beside him!
    Last edited by Julie, Julie; 06-14-2008 at 01:46 AM. Reason: misspelling
    j

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    I thought that the fact that my bf's friend encouraged him to spend an hour in a strip club about 6 months ago was UNACCEPTABLE to me. So I asked him EVERY SINGLE question I could. He generally doesn't like the whole scene and has only gone with me once or twice which was great fun. BUT... when I found out he had gone to one w/o me... I became livid - and yes I am a jealous person
    Wow. Controlling much?

    Anyway, it took about a month of bickering btw us to resolve it: he had just 2 dances, both of which his friend payed for, he did not touch any part of the dancer, and told her if her level of contact made him uncomfortable. Lol, I kept trying to have him enact the whole scene over and over until I was satisfied and felt secure in his answers.
    Secure is hardly the word I'd use to describe that behavior.
    Last edited by Jenny; 06-17-2008 at 09:01 AM. Reason: Removed a personal comment.
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    So you don't mind if your knees happen to accidently graze a customer's crotch area because it's "your job" yet you are all happy when your boyfriend tells you that he has the gall to push girls away from him during a lap dance. Aren't those girls just doing their job though? Hypocritical much? AND you actually hand him reinact the whole lap dance for you. How would you feel if he made you reinact every single lap dance that you did that day when you were at work?

    Whatever.

    In my opinion, I wouldn't consider it cheating if my husband went to a strip club without me and got a few lap dances. Why? Because they're just lap dances, duh. It's not like he's going to fall in love with the dancer and run off with her.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    Quote Originally Posted by Julie, Julie View Post
    I wonder why some people refused to read the article. Was it to avoid any possible negative feelings which may have crept over you b/c of reading it?!
    I dont usually read links coz I plain old can't be bothered so that was my reason.

    Quote Originally Posted by Julie, Julie View Post
    I thought that the fact that my bf's friend encouraged him to spend an hour in a strip club about 6 months ago was UNACCEPTABLE to me. So I asked him EVERY SINGLE question I could. He generally doesn't like the whole scene and has only gone with me once or twice which was great fun. BUT... when I found out he had gone to one w/o me... I became livid - and yes I am a jealous person.

    He is a big believer in the no-contact dances, even pushing dancers slightly away if he feels that they get too close and/or making sure his knees are as close togrther as posible so they can't graze his "special parts", lol. As I've seen him do, myself.

    I kept trying to have him enact the whole scene over and over until I was satisfied and felt secure in his answers.
    Sorry I just dont believe this. From your behaviour towards him it would not be in his interests to tell the truth about what went on. I mean, I don't know the truth and he may well be telling the truth but I just cant imagine a customer pushing a dancer slightly away. I've never seen that in my club at least.

    I also think it's weird that u wanted him to reenact the whole scene. That's just horrible I can't imagine how that must have felt for him.

    I am also the jealous type so I do understand it from your perspective. I also wouldn't appreciate my man visiting sc's and wasting money on dances when he has a dancer he can fuck at home but I don't think it does sound like u trust him because of the way u handled it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  22. #22
    made_of_sequins
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    I don't consider it cheating. I'd be fine with a boyfriend going to an SC and getting as many dances as he wanted. As long as he's spending his own money and not getting extras (sex, BJ, kissing, fingering), it's all good. It's just a lapdance.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    Quote Originally Posted by Perry View Post
    Cheating is whatever has been agreed on by the couple.
    Quote Originally Posted by xdamage View Post
    This is also the way I define it. One person can't define it. It takes two to define the limits and what is or is not cheating to each other.
    Well yeah, but in many cases it is not so much what is agreed upon as it is accepted (and lied about) by the man. If the lady in the relationship thinks it is cheating and the husband does not who is going to give in? Most likely the husband. This is not a mutually agreed upon decision, it is a way to avoid sleeping on the couch or worse.
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  24. #24
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Well yeah, but in many cases it is not so much what is agreed upon as it is accepted (and lied about) by the man. If the lady in the relationship thinks it is cheating and the husband does not who is going to give in? Most likely the husband. This is not a mutually agreed upon decision, it is a way to avoid sleeping on the couch or worse.
    True enough, still just if we are going to go there, I am thinking:

    1.) If tomorrow all customers woke up and decided to seek permission and fully disclose their SC wishes, half or perhaps much more of the money being spent on SCs would be gone because many SOs would have problems with their man spending large sums of money to touch or even just look at other women. BTW i'm also thinking most men would not be happy if their women were spending large sums of the couples $$s to touch hot studly male dancers.

    2.) If tomorrow everyone was to come truly clean, the number of cases of unknown cheating come to light would probably leave the vast majority of couples broken up or seriously threatening it.

    Point? None really other then I guess I've accepted that complete honesty is uncommon, and much of the world would be a different place if everyone was truly and fully honest all of the time. I am not saying lying is good but by the same token, I don't trust people who tell me they never lie either. I am thinking that is the biggest lie of all. If there is an exception out there, I'd like to meet him/her. I doubt I have yet.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going to a SC=Cheating?

    So it anyone notices their post deleted - it's because it was inappropriate. Reposting will result in point.

    Relax people. You can all take issues with stories without being blatantly insulting. I've seen you do it.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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