This past Memorial Day weekend, I spent the holiday with two of my good girlfriends at one of the girl's (I'll call her S) parents' house on the coast. While eating dinner together, S blurted out to her mother that I was a stripper. I was embarrassed and a little uncomfortable that S had decided to just reveal this information without my consent. Her mother didn't react with shock, she just said "Oh sweetie, that's such a dangerous environment, full of negativity and sickness. I hope you are being careful." I assured her that I was and the subject was dropped.
Today, two (three?) weeks later, I received a letter in the mail from her mother. I'm typing it up word for word here because I was utterly appalled, first at the nerve of this woman, who barely knows me, to intrude, and also shock on my part from how close to home she hit. I don't know what to think.
Dear C (that's me) and S (apparently she wrote it to her daughter as well),
I had trouble sleeping last night because I was thinking about you two. From the perspective of an older woman and a mother I feel very sad and concerned about the work you're doing, C. I understand that women your age do not have the experience of life to understand that our words and actions of today create our well-being for tomorrow, and I'd like to share with you that perspective. This is only out of concern for your well-being and because it is obvious to me that you have a lot to offer this world.
The consequences of your work can be physical, psychological, and spiritual. I think the physical ones are more obvious. I work with parolees and probationers and I am surprised how many of them there are; I see them everywhere. So in every one of your audiences there is at least one, if not more, persons who are criminals, sex offenders, sociopaths or psychopaths. This work DOES greatly increase the possibility of physical violence for you. The other physical danger is falling into addiction. It is well documented that these establishments are filled with high alcohol and drug use; both by clients and workers. Also, easy money is addictive, and you can start in one place and so easily end up in another where you did not intend to go in the beginning. Of course, it may be possible to avoid the physical risks (although very difficult to do if you stay very long in the sex trade), the psycho/spiritual risks are nearly impossible to avoid, and may do even more damage to your well-being.
All of those people who are watching you do not see you as a person with an intelligent mind, kind heart and a possibility of unlimited consciousness, they see you only as a sex-object, a body, a way to satiate their own desires. The negative, dark energy this extreme self-centeredness emanates will affect you; each time you walk into the strip joint you are bathing in that energy. It's like walking from a beautiful sunny day in a garden into a dark room filled with smoke and stench and disease. It will not help you to feel good about yourself in the long term, even though in the beginning having the power to turn so many men on and make so much money may be exciting and feel good to your ego. Your psyche is so much more than your body and it will cry out in distress and depression eventually, because it is here to expand and grow, it is here for a purpose; and making money is never its purpose. Making money in a way that helps you and other people is a positive thing, but making money in a way that degrades you eats away at your psyche.
So please do me a favor. Spend 20 minutes in silence every so often. Watch your breath and be aware of your thoughts; let them go as soon as they appear. When you are feeling somewhat peaceful go into your heart and ask it if your work is helping your self-esteem, ask if it is helping other people, ask if it is making you happy. Then don't let your thoughts take over, just FEEL what your heart is telling you. When you feel sadness or pain in your heart, please stop that work immediately. No matter how much you are being paid, it is not worth selling your spirit. I think this work has a good possibility of taking away any innocence you have forever. It also can erase hope and the ability to see goodness in yourself and others.
S, you once before expressed an interest in becoming a stripper and I wanted to cry. I've had conversations with other parents about what the things our children could do that would be the most painful for us, and through this experience I have realized this is one of them. A beautiful young woman like you or C doing such de-humanizing work is very hard for a more experienced adult to accept, because we very much want the best for you, and are quite positive this will not lead to positive consequences in the future.
I love you both, regardless of what choices you make, but I pray they are ones that will be for your highest good.
B
---
My first reaction to this letter was absolute rage. I've met this woman, S's mother, about 4 times. She is a very, very nice lady. I liked her a lot. And although a bit peeved that S told her mother about my job, it didn't seem to be an issue at the time. So for her to SEND ME A LETTER, passing judgment, intruding on my life, expressing her opinions without any experience in the matter, treating me like a child who doesn't know what she's doing (I'm 21), really incensed me. Who did this lady think she was? I called up R, the other friend who had accompanied me to S's home for the holiday and ranted for about thirty minutes straight. I was mad for hours.
Now, re-reading the letter, I've calmed down some. I still don't think it's ANY of this woman's business what I do with my life. She doesn't know me or what I want out of life or who I am. But there are little bits of truth in her letter that struck a nerve, which may be why I got so angry. The part about the negative, dark energy of a strip club, describing it as a room filled with smoke and stench and disease...while a bit dramatic, isn't too far off from reality. I often feel like I'm walking into a pit of dark despair, sad, unfulfilled lives, and the basest form of humanity when I walk into my club. I usually just ignore the feeling because, well, it's work. I suck it up, do my job, and shrug it all off when I leave. I don't think it's really affecting me that negatively. But this letter scared me a bit. The whole "eating away at my psyche, losing all innocence, erasing hope" crap...not exactly encouraging.
I don't know. I'm still pretty pissed. I really just need to learn to keep my job to myself because EVERYONE has a fucking opinion, and this woman felt the need to write me a goddamn letter on hers.
I just feel confused now. Still angry, but also a little sad at how true some of her words are.



Reply With Quote



Bookmarks