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Thread: i fucking hate fathers day.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default i fucking hate fathers day.

    its like a kick in the stomach to me. some people hate valentines day. i hate fathers day. my dad left when i was 2, and i met him when i was 15 for a week, then he was gone again.

    my stepdad married my mom when i was in kindergarten. he liked me till he had my sister. then he started hitting me, and treating me horribly. this lasted untill their divorce when i was 15. i never saw him or heard from him again.

    cut to late 2006, my grandmther calles me and informs me she saw my real fathers obituary in the paper. he had a heart attack, and has 2 other kids. i was not listed int he obituary. no one from his side of the family bothered to contact me or my family and they knew how to get ahold of my grandmother. i found out 3 months afterwards. i never knew what he died of until a year later. i know where his grave is, but i wont go i went once, all i could muster up was an i hate you and left. plus if i ever saw any of his side f the family they would get a beatdown right there in the middle of the cemetary for not even telling me about him dying.

    so yeah, i hate fathers days, and im incredibly jealous of any of you that have a good relationship with your dad. dont take it for granted.

    and yes i will feel sorry for myself today...i dont have a constructive way to deal with it, i never have.
    Last edited by i.breathe.in; 06-15-2008 at 09:05 AM.

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    Veteran Member Laylas's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    I'm sorry sweetie.. Your sperm donor missed out on an opportunity to be a dad to such a fabulous and dynamic woman

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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Yup, this is my first fathers day since my dad passed away. I hadn't seen him for nearly 10 years, we had a bad relationship, he asked for me when he was in the hospital and I couldn't bring myself to go. This day sucks.



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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Me too. My dad randomly stalks me around the country and tries to kill me because he thinks if I really knew what I was doing I'd rather be dead than not be with him. Last time I saw him I shot him. I hate fathers day.



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    God/dess Lady Jade's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    I hate Father's Day too. My bio-dad is a douche and my stepdad died suddenly almost 8 years ago. I'm the only family member that goes the cemetery because it's almost 2 hours away. My boyfriend doesn't even go with me, he'd rather referee soccer games all day.

  6. #6
    Shanti
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    I hate it too. My dad died when I was little and my stepdad and i have never had a close relationship. We're supposed to go out on a boat tonight to celebrate as a family and i'm getting an abortion tomorrow morning and I can't stop crying. i dont want to go.

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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Um. Aren't you a little early?

    Father's Day in Australia is Sunday 7th September 2008



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    Senior Member Dixie_Vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shanti View Post
    I hate it too. My dad died when I was little and my stepdad and i have never had a close relationship.
    Same here.
    Father's Day sucks.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    Um. Aren't you a little early?

    Father's Day in Australia is Sunday 7th September 2008

    It must be today in the US. My best friend's dad passed away about 5 years ago so fathers day for her involves visiting his grave and putting fresh flowers there. It's very hard for her.
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    It is today in the US. But you all know that.

    My Father's been gone since 1990, dead at 39 (Skin Cancer). I hadn't seen him for years before his death, and got the call when he was in the hospital dying. They were informing family, so if they wanted to, they had the opportunity to go and say goodbye. He was in Florida, and I of course was here, in RI. A good friend of mine offered to drive me all the way down there so I could make my peace with him. I didn't go, didn't want to. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of any forgiveness even when he was dying. He didn't deserve it.

    He died later that week and I did go to the funeral because they brought his body back here and buried him in the Veteran's Cemetery.

    I'd occasionally go to his gravesite to bitch him out. It was good therapy for me, anyway. Haven't been back in years now.

    A few years ago, my Sister received a box of things in the mail. Our Stepmother had tracked her down. In it, there were pictures of us, cards, and keepsakes that were ours that our Father kept all those years. Also in it were things he never sent, but wanted to. If he had, things would've been different.

    So yep, there's a moral to that story. Don't act like shit, or those you care about and who care about you, will think you're shit. Not even impending death will change that.

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon View Post
    It is today in the US. But you all know that.

    My Father's been gone since 1990, dead at 39 (Skin Cancer). I hadn't seen him for years before his death, and got the call when he was in the hospital dying. They were informing family, so if they wanted to, they had the opportunity to go and say goodbye. He was in Florida, and I of course was here, in RI. A good friend of mine offered to drive me all the way down there so I could make my peace with him. I didn't go, didn't want to. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of any forgiveness even when he was dying. He didn't deserve it.

    He died later that week and I did go to the funeral because they brought his body back here and buried him in the Veteran's Cemetery.

    I'd occasionally go to his gravesite to bitch him out. It was good therapy for me, anyway. Haven't been back in years now.

    A few years ago, my Sister received a box of things in the mail. Our Stepmother had tracked her down. In it, there were pictures of us, cards, and keepsakes that were ours that our Father kept all those years. Also in it were things he never sent, but wanted to. If he had, things would've been different.

    So yep, there's a moral to that story. Don't act like shit, or those you care about and who care about you, will think you're shit. Not even impending death will change that.


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    Featured Member Perry's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    This thread makes me so sad. I tried to make ammends for father's day. But he won't call me back

  13. #13
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    It's an artificial day, but it's meaningful to the kids. We're all close. Last year they qll gave me gushy cards that made me tear up. This year, they were back to their smartass selves, which is better. (My own father is dead. He killed himself slowly and miserably with cigarettes.)

    I'm very sorry for the missed opportunities that people are expressing here. Rise above it, don't let negative external factors (like bad family) control how you feel, and move on to a healthy approach to people and life.

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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lena View Post
    Me too. My dad randomly stalks me around the country and tries to kill me because he thinks if I really knew what I was doing I'd rather be dead than not be with him. Last time I saw him I shot him. I hate fathers day.
    yeah when my mom was going through the divorce my step dad sent me a card in the mail saying sorry your having such a hard time, if it doesnt get better ill supply the bullets.

    you shot him? god, as scary as that must have been, id kill for a chance to do that...

    (no pun iintended.)

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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Zeno View Post

    I'm very sorry for the missed opportunities that people are expressing here. Rise above it, don't let negative external factors (like bad family) control how you feel, and move on to a healthy approach to people and life.

    thats easy to say when you have had a good family life.

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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    I know exactly what you mean. I have a great relationship with my stepdad, but I lost my real dad, like Rhiannon, in 1990 and he was only 43.

    I get jealous also. Today and especially at weddings when I see a bride dancing with her daddy.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon View Post
    So yep, there's a moral to that story. Don't act like shit, or those you care about and who care about you, will think you're shit. Not even impending death will change that.
    I haven't had much communication with my father since I turned eighteen and he stopped paying child support to my mom....that was thirty two years ago.
    He never cared much about being a good dad, or any dad at all, when I was growing up so I returned the favor by pretty much removing him from my life when I became old enough to make that decision.

    I don't hate fathers day though it's not something that we make a big deal about around my house either. I have a daughter and I have spent twenty years proving to both her and myself that I didn't inherit the dick-head gene from my own father. On fathers day I get goofy cards and presents but the bond is there for the other 364 days of the year as well and that is much more important.

    I have thought many times over the years about how I will react when my father is gone some day, even how I will react when I get the news. Your post has pretty much confirmed that my current thought process is on the right track. Thanks Rhi.

    added after reading JZ's post...

    Don't let the actions of another person become an excuse for your own bad behavior. I never have. A big part of life is remembering that, if we don't learn from history we are destined to repeat it. There is nothing easy about thinking this way, especially when you are in pain. The best things in life are sometimes the things we have to fight the hardest for.
    Last edited by yoda57us; 06-15-2008 at 10:03 AM.
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    I hate today too. I went to the mall yesterday and the guy at the Godiva counter asked me if I was all ready for Father's Day. Dude, just give me the chocolate and no one gets hurt. I haven't seen my dad since I was 8 (my mom insists he's dead) and stepdad was a tool. I had my grandfather, who I loved more than anything but he's been dead for 7 years now. I've been ignoring this holiday for so long but it's so painful now that my grandfather's gone.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by DylanAngel View Post
    I know exactly what you mean. I have a great relationship with my stepdad, but I lost my real dad, like Rhiannon, in 1990 and he was only 43.

    I also lost my Stepfather back in '85. It's not something that I like to talk about, but.. He had Multiple Sclerosis like my Mother (they met at a meeting when she was still mobile). This man was a Father in every sense of the word. He loved me, and I adored him. One day early in the morning, he had us call the rescue because he was having chest pains. They came, checked him out, and he was fine. In the afternoon, I heard strange noises coming from the bedroom, so I went to see what it was. There was my Stepfather, clutching his chest in pain. I asked him what to do, he said "DON'T get your Grandmother." I couldn't listen to him about that and rushed downstairs to my Grandmother's Apartment in our house. She bolted up the stairs and started throwing cold water on him, and saying "Nick, wake up, wake up!". But, he was gone, in a matter of like a minute. It was a massive heart attack, and the pain he had earlier that morning was a "mini" heart attack--kind of like a warning shot. He was overweight, and the MS didn't help much with restricting his movement some. He also smoked about 3 packs a day. I still haven't gotten over the fact that I was the last one he spoke to, and I went against him when he told me not to get help. But, I miss him.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I haven't had much communication with my father since I turned eighteen and he stopped paying child support to my mom....that was thirty two years ago.
    He never cared much about being a good dad, or any dad at all, when I was growing up so I returned the favor by pretty much removing him from my life when I became old enough to make that decision.

    I don't hate fathers day though it's not something that we make a big deal about around my house either. I have a daughter and I have spent twenty years proving to both her and myself that I didn't inherit the dick-head gene from my own father. On fathers day I get goofy cards and presents but the bond is there for the other 364 days of the year as well and that is much more important.

    I have thought many times over the years about how I will react when my father is gone some day, even how I will react when I get the news. Your post has pretty much confirmed that my current thought process is on the right track. Thanks Rhi.
    You're very welcome, Yoda.

    I don't hate Father's Day either. Instead through the years and all the crap I've seen and been through--I've turned it around. I make sure that my Husband is there for our kids. He spends time with them, and he makes sure that they are the most important things in the world, to both of us. It's important that our Kids know every single day, and they appreciate him for it, every single day. You don't need to single out just one of them. You make them all count. My Ex Husband has always been there for the 2 children we had together, as well.

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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    added after reading JZ's post...

    Don't let the actions of another person become an excuse for your own bad behavior. I never have. A big part of life is remembering that, if we don't learn from history we are destined to repeat it. There is nothing easy about thinking this way, especially when you are in pain. The best things in life are sometimes the things we have to fight the hardest for.
    *sniffle* I'm so happy when people get this. I'm not great at learning from the past, but it so easy to become bitter that I just kind of have to learn. Or else I become my mom. Noooooo!

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseLeigh View Post
    *sniffle* I'm so happy when people get this. I'm not great at learning from the past, but it so easy to become bitter that I just kind of have to learn. Or else I become my mom. Noooooo!
    "Getting it" doesn't always happen over night. I'm fifty and I'm still working on it...
    One conclusion I came to a while ago was that you don't have to forgive someone to move on from the pain that they caused you. There is no twelve step program for walking away from the bad people in your life. You just have to do whatever it takes to not let their misery become your misery.
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    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    I had major issues with my dad. He has since passed on and we never reconciled. I regret that. Since then I have made sure my kids know I love them.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Veteran Member retiredangel's Avatar
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    I miss my Dad who died in 2000 a lot...more now than when he was alive.

    I am sad that so many didn't have the Dads they deserve...

  24. #24
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    thats easy to say when you have had a good family life.
    I didn't have a great relationship with my parents. The good family life that I've had is what I've made for my own family. I do feel bad for those who have had pain inflicted on them and urge them to emulate people who make life more positive.

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    Default Re: i fucking hate fathers day.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    "Getting it" doesn't always happen over night. I'm fifty and I'm still working on it...
    One conclusion I came to a while ago was that you don't have to forgive someone to move on from the pain that they caused you. There is no twelve step program for walking away from the bad people in your life. You just have to do whatever it takes to not let their misery become your misery.
    That's so true. I've lived most of my life with people who take out their bitter and whatnot because they can't forgive. I wish they'd start to get it a little, but I can't be sucked into their crazy either way, you know?

    I love when other SWers seem real. Instead of just my invisible friends.

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