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Thread: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

  1. #1
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    So... I have until August 18 (when my classes start) to really put my nose to the grindstone and make money to put away towards school. My hours are 8 PM - 4 AM. My boyfriend's hours are 8 AM - 6 PM. We have exactly opposite schedules.

    I really need to work 6 days a week until school starts. I need a buttload of money for tuition, books, an emergency fund (I want about 5K in cash savings in case I need to take a weekend off to study for midterms or finals), pay off my credit cards, and pay off/fix my car... that and we're supposed to go to his father's in Mexico for Thanksgiving and his mother's in Conneticut for Christmas so I need money to split travel expenses. In short, I need a lot of money and I am kicking myself for working so little and spending so much.

    When school starts, it's not going to be much better. I'll have a lot of classes Monday - Thursday, and work Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

    I often stay home because I love him so much that I want to give him a more "normal" life. It's nice to do couple stuff on weekends like paint a room, go to the gym, run errands, work in the garden, cook, etc. It's nice on weekdays to cook dinner together and spend the evening together. He's at a totally different place in his life. He has his degree, he has a great job with good pay and benefits. I have so far to go and so much work to do before I get there. He's a little older than me, but so much farther along in his life. But I NEED to do all this stuff to get to the same place he is. I know he never would, but I guess I'm afraid he'll leave me for a girl with a more "normal" schedule and set of priorities someday.

    I feel so incredibly guilty because I leave him alone at night. How do you guys deal with this?

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    Why not switch to day shifts? I prefer day shifts for a lot of the same reasons, not just so K can have a normal life but so I can too. I hate being up all damn night and having to sleep in the daytime (I never sleep well when the sun is out). There is still good money to be made on day shifts, it's just a different kind of hustle. I know you can't do that while school is on, but for the rest of the summer you could.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    are you sure your not feeling worried he will cheat on you instead of guilty? a lack of trust?

    why does it have to be your schedual that needs changed? im sure you can coordinate off days.

  4. #4
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    Yek, the money difference between nights and days at my club is RIDICULOUS. Night girls make much, much more. I've thought about it

    IBI, I know he would never cheat in my logical mind. It's an irrational fear.

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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    I could have written this post myself.

    I've come home early so many times just so I can get a couple hours in with him...it really kills my money. I also know what you mean about how it's not really fair for him but...what can you do?

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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    ^ Nah, it's not an irrational fear. I think that way too sometimes, especially because I've been in the reverse position, when he was working all day and all night and never had any room for me except about once or twice a week we'd sleep together, but his mind was obviously on work, and he'd bolt out of the house early the next day to go back to work. When I asked him about a little more time together, just to hang out, he said his schedule was really important, and it meant a lot to him in that phase of his life.

    And I accepted that and wasn't less faithful or loving or whatever, but I did think about our relationship a lot, and whether or not it was worth maintaining with him, if i barely got to see him. As wonderful of a person he was, I still thought that maybe it would be better for both of us to just be single if the emotional balance was off.

    So, I can see what you mean.
    It's gotten better for us because he has less to do now, while my schedule has picked up. I've been trying to coordinate my schedule with his, so that i work on nights/days he'll happen to be busy too, etc.

    I think an important thing to consider is how much of your schedule you would be willing to compromise, so that you both go halfway for each other. How does he feel about it? Maybe you should talk to him and see what he wants or needs.

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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    Holy shit... viola, we have EXACTLY the same schedule. I work 9-4am fri & sat, 8-2am sun, school mon-thurs & i TRY to do something w/ him on school nights, but I feel terrible because I'm so ridiculously TIRED whenever he sees me! I feel like such a let-down... He's very understanding (and I would never let any boy, as much as I liked him, get in the way of school/work), but I do feel bad that my schedule is SO insane. I think it's the 4 am thing that really does it- I know you know what I mean... because then you sleep ALL the next day and kill any chance of hanging out/spending quality time unless you want to be a wreck at work the next night. Sucks.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jewel21's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    I know exactly where you re coming from. I'm still in school and my boyfriend is at a totally different point in his life. Like yours, he has his degree, a great job with benifits, inssurance ect...and I'm still working till 3 am...It's very hard for both of us, but specially him.
    What I did is I start work a bit later, around 9 pm so we can still have a "normal" dinner together and at least spend a bit of time together before work. I always feel bad when he goes to drop me off at work and I know he's going home alone with not much to do but think that I'm at work getting touched and paid by other men. He doesn't have a problem with it, but it makes me feel bad!
    I know going in later might not be the best option money wise, but those few hours you get to spend with him might be worth it.

  9. #9
    Peanut_Butter
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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    hmm....for week days....you get home at 4am, he leaves at 8am, so I assume he wakes up between 6-7am, right? What if he sets his alarm to wake up just a half an horu eariler, and you can cook breakfast for him before you go to bed. You guys can spend some time then talking abotu yoru night at work, his plans for the day...just catch him and get some time in.

    Them in the evenings, he gets home at abuot 6:30-7pm, right?
    That's just when your getting up and ready to go to work, right?
    Can you go to work just a half an horu later, and he can cook you dinner, and you can sit and enjoy dinner talk abtou the day and get in a little time then?
    It isn't much, but that little extra time can really help.

    Do you have the same days off or is there any way to arrange at least 1 shared day off together?

    Or....at the very least....write love notes. before you go to bed, write him a cute note and stick it on the bathroom mirrior or hide it in the fridge so he sees it first thing in the morning when he gets up.

    And...you always can spare 5 minutes for a quick cuddle.

    When it gets hard though..rmind yourself and him...this is only temporary so that you can have the time to spend yoru life with him. I know your planning a family in the future. just remember why you have to have a hard time now and no time to spend together..it's so you can have your whole lives together, comfortably.

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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    I been reading about your deliema . Don't worry about him stay focused on school he will see you are amazing.He is lucky to have a girl with such high goals.

  11. #11
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    ^ thanks. We've talked about it, and he likes having three nights a week to hang with friends, ride his motorcycle. Etc. He's actually more independent than me, I thought it was the opposite! And honestly, it's a rare week that I make it in three nights. I do just fine with two. I'd rather let work suffer than school or my homelife.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    I know this is an old thread and I'm glad that it worked out well. I just wanted to say that I often feel bad for leaving my own bf to get naked for other men on the weekends. He doesn't seem to mind when I work during the week since he has a normal 9-5 job but he's thrilled whenever I have a free weekend for us to go out at night and then sleep in the next day.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: I feel bad for my boyfriend because of my schedule.

    Do not get down on yourself stay focus.God is just giving you little bits of a puzzel now you will see on thats why things happen in your life,everything is going to be better that you could have hoped for.Stop drinking so much.

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