I haven't been to work in like a week. I just started dancing at a gentleman's club, but I'm starting to develop an anxiety about going to work.
It all started last week. I started noticing that guys would get up to tip other girls, but no one would tip me when I worked the poles. I dance at a club that has an overwhelming predomination of white customers daily. I swear that I'm not trying to play the race card, but I'm fuckin' hot, and I'm not getting tipped. It gets pretty depressing when I'm dancing and no one tips me, they just sit there and watch, but as soon as the white girl with no tits and no ass whatsoever gets on stage, five or six guys get up and rush to the stage to tip her. I've just come to realize that it's twice as hard for a black girl to make money in a club that doesn't have a racially diverse crowd. As a black girl, you have to be unrealistically pretty to make the average redneck stand up out of his seat, walk over to the stage and put a dollar in your panties. Or is it that I'm the new girl? Are my moves on stage screaming "new girl" or something? I just don't get it at all. I guess you'd have to be there to make an accurate analyzation.
And then, as if I could sink any lower, I walk into the dressing room, and there's these out-of-this-world beautiful twins getting dressed to come out and dance. I was floored. I sat with two separate guys, trying to get up the nerve to ask them if they wanted a dance from me, and each one of them just talked to me about the twins the entire time. They made no comment about my looks at all. One of the guys said something that's still playing in my head: "Seriously, she's one of the top 5 most beautiful girls I've seen up close, and I've traveled around the world, met celebrities, whatever. I mean, look at her. It's like..... it's like not even fair." It crushed me. I felt like he was saying that it wasn't fair to the rest of the girls working in the club or something. I just sat there like, shit, I don't stand a chance. I just sat there for a few more minutes, with a plastered smile on my face, ignoring the fact that he pretty much shredded whatever smidge of self confidence I had left in me.
What am I going to do?![]()



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