Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Dealbreaker

  1. #1
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2002
    Location
    ...hehehe... email me to ask me where i am ! (i dare you!)
    Posts
    11,486
    Thanks
    42
    Thanked 127 Times in 51 Posts

    Dealbreaker

    In my adventures in dating and just life I'm finding that there is one thing that seems to be a deal breaker for a lot of men in my life.

    This one "tiny" thing is not tiny to them. It can sometimes be one of the biggest reasons why they can't see me as date-able. Seriously.

    They know me. They know what I do. They honestly 'love' me (as a friend and a lover) yet due to this one "tiny" thing... No go for me.

    Why is it that my decision to not want to have any children of my own seems to be a deal breaker for a lot of men? These men also range in age from my age to mid-late 30s.

    Plus these same men are not exactly being successful with relationships. They have had long term relationships or at least "proper" ones as such however in the end none have lasted. They are currently childless. Yet they still want children.

    Do they really realise that even if they do have children (or a child) with someone they have to deal with that person for the rest of that child(ren)'s natural life (or at least til they are mid-late teens)?

    It's starting to make me question what is really wrong with me if this is one of the main big reasons why someone won't have a meaningful relationship with me?

    Do men get clucky not just women?


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

  2. #2
    God/dess
    Joined
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    8,031
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 143 Times in 42 Posts

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    You've got me; I've always found it a deal-sealer! Sounds to me like an easy excuse when really they have other reasons for bolting.

  3. #3
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2002
    Location
    ...hehehe... email me to ask me where i am ! (i dare you!)
    Posts
    11,486
    Thanks
    42
    Thanked 127 Times in 51 Posts

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    No. To these few men it is a huge thing for them. To me it isn't... due to the fact that I don't want children... I will gladly inherit children however I don't want to produce any out of my own womb.

    I really have been curious about this topic for a few days now. I hope I'm not the only one who has experienced this... ?


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

  4. #4
    MsQwerty
    Guest

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    a lot of men want kids and the family thing, i think the do get clucky just in a different way to women. I try to look for men who already have them or for the adventure type as it seems to me they often dont want to settle.

  5. #5
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2002
    Location
    ...hehehe... email me to ask me where i am ! (i dare you!)
    Posts
    11,486
    Thanks
    42
    Thanked 127 Times in 51 Posts

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    I guess I'm also posting because the man who is persuing me and it seems may be a good match for me is a father at present. He usually has his kids of a weekend (fri-sun) and I met them sunday past. They really are two lovely kids and it got me thinking about how I have to seek out men who already have children.

    It's such a shame as there are two men in my life that otherwise would be well suited to me .... and they have even admitted it themselves... however... for them... the whole fact that I am really stead fast on NOT wanting any children is really a huge reason why they will never see me as "date-able" or "relationship worthy" as such.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

  6. #6
    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2008
    Location
    mississippi
    Posts
    394
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 14 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    not wanting children is your choice. It should be respected. There are men out there that feel the same.

    however, when I was a single mom, I found a lot of the opposite of what you are encountering, men that did not have children that did not want kids, be it theirs, or anyone elses. I finally found someone that likes things with me and my girls the way it is. he can't have kids and thinks mine are groovy. We have been married a while now, and the paperwork is the works because he wants to adopt mine.

    hang in there, you will find someone that feels the way you do. And when you find him, it will have been worth the wait.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I got a lot to think about, oh yeah"---Concrete Blonde

  7. #7
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Livingston, NJ
    Posts
    1,576
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    Why is it that my decision to not want to have any children of my own seems to be a deal breaker for a lot of men? These men also range in age from my age to mid-late 30s.
    [...]
    They are currently childless. Yet they still want children.
    a lot of my friends that don't have children (or wives, for that matter) have NO clue what it's all about.

    some are even dumb enough to figure having a pet of some sort in the past somehow qualifies them even a little. *head-smack*

    but i chalk it up to that most men (and women, for that matter) have been conditioned to think/assume that the woman will be taking up most of the child-rearing responsibilities anyways. so they (the guys) look at a family as merely a financial upkeep thing, not realizing the true 'investment' is lifelong and constant (as mentioned).

    like qwerty mentioned, i think it's the reproduction thing too. i can't fault people for that though.

    looking at it both ways, it's a valid dealbreaker (despite my critique above) for both sides. frankly, if i was a girl i doubt i'd ever look forward to the prospect of pooping out a watermelon-sized whatever.

  8. #8
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    5,449
    Thanks
    74
    Thanked 165 Times in 119 Posts

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    I think guys are mostly wired to want sex, and children are mostly a by product, but that is not the entire story. There are exceptions of course, but I think the majority of guys are wired on some level to have some urges to pass on their genes via children. It may happen a little later in life for them, and the urges are not necessarily as strong or as clear in their minds, but they do on some level tend to weigh this as a factor when choosing a long term mate.

    There is really nothing abnormal about any of that. After all, if it wasn't so we wouldn't be here to have this discussion. Someone had to have children, or none of us would be discussing the merits of not having them.

    On the flip side, is there any chance that you are sub-consciously choosing men who want children? After all, human sexual attractors run deep and wide in our genes. You may be choosing the type of man who is more likely to want children without even being aware you are doing it.

  9. #9
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2002
    Location
    ...hehehe... email me to ask me where i am ! (i dare you!)
    Posts
    11,486
    Thanks
    42
    Thanked 127 Times in 51 Posts

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    ^^ Or in that vein I might be choosing men based on who I think have good genes or something... a human instinct i can't totally supress????

    None the less, the single (part time) father I'm dating just asked me to be his girlfriend/partner tonight. So yeah. I don't really have to worry about this anymore as he has kids. I don't have to produce them!


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

  10. #10
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    Of course it's a dealbreaker for them just like them wanting children is a dealbreaker for you!

    You're looking at it entirely the wrong way.. saying they don't like you because of this one thing... if it wasn't such a deal breaker for you AS WELL, you wouldn't have a problem with it.

    Shoooockingly, spending the rest of your life with or without children is kinda a major huge thing.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  11. #11
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    11,302
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 143 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    yeah, seems like a reasonable dealbreaker to me

  12. #12
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: Dealbreaker

    I'm too cynical- I think some guys figure out which excuses they want to use if they want to break it off...& "I want to have kids" is compelling, seeing as it's a pretty popular aim. (It also sounds better than "BUT you're STILL a stripper WAAHHHH")

    On the other hand, I have dated guys who proved to me that they really wanted kids and were being sincere in rejecting me over the whole zero-zygotes personal policy.

Similar Threads

  1. Would this Person be a Dealbreaker for you?
    By Katrine in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 68
    Last Post: 01-20-2008, 03:42 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •