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Thread: can't stop drinking

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    Veteran Member KennedyWinters's Avatar
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    Default can't stop drinking

    It really bums my boyfriend out when I come home drunk. To the point that last night he chose to sleep on the floor rather than be next to me. I had planned on rationing myself out just two drinks and being done with it but so many other girls had bottles with them in the dressing room that I ended up smashed before 2:00am.

    I'm not going to go to AA because I don't want to give myself over to a higher power and stay "in recovery" for the rest of my life. I just need to learn the importance of moderation when it really matters the most. Earlier that day he had brought me flowers to quell the bad feelings swirling around caused by an argument. So it was like a slap in the face for him because he had been asking for my forgiveness. AHHHHH!! How did I get so weak? I just really REALLY can't face the customers sometimes without getting all liqoured up. I don't do anything wrong- I just become a whole helluva lot nicer person. It seems like there must be a better way...

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    sounds to me like you need to either

    a- go work at a club that does not serve alcohol

    or

    b- not dance for a while untill you get it under control or stop all together.

    set personal boundries and dont cross them or compromise them, that may help you deal with the dancign aspect without drinking. but if it doesnt or you cant make a living then i think this job may not be for you.

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    Veteran Member KennedyWinters's Avatar
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Thanks.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    try to limit your intake to one drink per hour. i know its hard i have the same problem. work is so much more fun with a few drinks under my belt but i usually have to drive so i do the one per hour rule. also i dont know what u drink but when im working i stick to low alcoholic beer and drink water or softdrink in between each drink.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    k you arent going to want to hear this. but if you have that kind of problem (and you do) moderation isnt quite going to be possible. at least until you have a loooooong break.

    go my route. get a dui. that'll wake you up. not right away, though. i kept right on getting blackout drunk and driving home until i got the breathalyzer in my car. you sure as hell wont be drinking then.

    now i rarely drink. i went to a club that does not serve alcohol. i got into the HABIT of not drinking. i learned how to make HEAPS more money staying sober. but still, when i drink, i get out of control. there is no such thing as moderation for me and i realize that. but it takes a long time to get there. and i didnt do AA or any of that.

    also, oftentimes now i realize that i dont actually like the feeling of being drunk. i might crave a drink, or take 5 shots in 5 minutes, but the feeling that follows is NOT one that i enjoy. but it took a BREAK to realize that.

    you just HAVE TO STOP. change the people youre around. there's no way around it. do you want to lose your boyfriend? it's all a downward spiral from there.

    or, yanno, dont, and like i said, end up in my shoes. you'll nip the drinking in the bud then, i promise you that.

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    Featured Member iseestars's Avatar
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    If you can't stop drinking, then you do have a problem and you should go to AA. It's actually not bad. I used to go with my exboyfriend as support (and to make sure he was actually going) and it was very motivational and the meeting was only an hour, the people there were cool, and there were like 10 meetings in different locations less than 10 minutes from whereever we were.

    If you think you can somewhat control it, then you could do what I do and tell the bartender in the beginning of my shift that I want almost no alcohol in my drinks and only order mixed drinks. I might get a slight buzz going but I would have to drink 50 of those juiced up drinks they give me to get smashed. And stay out of the dressing room.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Quote Originally Posted by KennedyWinters View Post
    I'm not going to go to AA because I don't want to give myself over to a higher power and stay "in recovery" for the rest of my life. I just need to learn the importance of moderation when it really matters the most.
    Unless you can't, if you're an alcoholic or have a drinking problem, and then as britt pointed out you will have to hit your personal bottom. If you can't work without being drunk or buzzed, either find another job or another non-chemical way to deal. There's nothing wrong with a drink or two at work but habitual drunkenness is just so damaging.

    AA is not the only way to quit drinking. Can you drink in moderation, or do you usually get shitfaced but drink in moderation once in a while, allowing you to perhaps mistakenly think you can? If you can't stop drinking be it socially or at work, there's a problem. You may not need AA but you probably need something. I have no techniques to share for moderation because none worked for me; only total abstinence.

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    Veteran Member AmArticia's Avatar
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Wayward View Post
    If you can't work without being drunk or buzzed, either find another job or another non-chemical way to deal. There's nothing wrong with a drink or two at work but habitual drunkenness is just so damaging.
    123!

    I used to drink a lot and eventually I just got tired of it...so I went Straight Edge. I was still edge when I started dancing (I even wore the X on stage sometimes, lol) but eventually I got tricked into drinking again and this time around it's worked out a whole lot better. I refuse to pay for my own booze which means I might score a couple of drinks off customers per day, but I usually order a mixed shot or a rum and coke. I actually get drunk at the club maybe once or twice per month.

    I've trained myself to link alcohol with having fun as in I must be having fun FIRST to then consume alcohol, so to get drunk I have to get an awesome customer who I truly enjoy chilling with.
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    dont you work at the body shop? they dont serve alcohol i actually like that about it, but now i see why i never made any money there. the crowd is terrible. i stay sober, but i dont think i would even be able to handle them drunk, i dont know how any of you girls do it, the guys are sooo fucking cheap and cocky there. i would try a different club. at most of the other nude clubs i have worked at in LA everyone followed the no alcohol rule. the body shop is the only place i know where management lets the girls and the customers BYOB (and the management often offers the girls alcohol, WTF IS THAT??? creepiest management ever!!!). in fact in the nude club im working at right now one girl got fired for being drunk. try a club that FORCES you to work sober, and also hopefully has better customers.

    and idk how you guys can work drunk. i kinda wanna try it to see if it makes me better money but lately drinking just makes me sooo sleeepy

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    Member chevelle454's Avatar
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    When i first started I would drink a lot, but then i cut waaaayyy back, i found maybe my drinking, personally stemmed from a lack of self esteem from my appearance. funny how things work. people give you $$ to see you helps that, at least for me.

    it seem your bf really cares for you, and I know its hard to stop or slow down. I found distractions when i start thinking about a drink work. PM me if you want...either way...dont expect instant change, thats why the drink is drank in the first place for most. dont beat yourself up about it either if you don't stop right away.

    have a good weekend
    Last edited by chevelle454; 06-29-2008 at 04:09 AM. Reason: doh!

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    k you arent going to want to hear this. but if you have that kind of problem (and you do) moderation isnt quite going to be possible. at least until you have a loooooong break.

    go my route. get a dui. that'll wake you up. not right away, though. i kept right on getting blackout drunk and driving home until i got the breathalyzer in my car. you sure as hell wont be drinking then.
    Agreed. I had to go to AA, rehab and counseling and probation when I got my DUI. A lot of people get breathalizers put in their car, or alcohol sensing tethers on their ankles. If you don't choose your own method to quit drinking soon the court will do it for you. Oh, and they'll take TON of your money and possibly your liscense which will hurt your ability to make it back.

    Personally, I can't stand AA either. You have your own friends and family that will help you get through this if you ask them for support. The thing is, you have to really want it.

    I've known doctors and psychologists who can perscribe pills that will help you devolpe a food aversion to alcohol. Whatever you decide, good luck. PM me if you like.

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    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    If a majority of girls are bringing a fifth of hooch to the dressing room with them, that is the VERY wrong club. I don't have a drinking problem, but I'd run away fast from that shit.

    On another note, since limiting your intake doesn't seem to work for you at the moment, you might want to go cold turkey until you have sorted out exactly what is spurring the desire or need to overdo...

    And on a third note, I find that since going on the right antidepressant I've had a hell of a lot less of the "fuck, people, I hate people, go the fuck away" moments while trying to smile and laugh. The other night I skipped my pill (it's not an SSRI, it has a short half-life, so it's possible to skip a day: it needs to be taken in the morning for best effect, so if I don't manage to take it in the morning I sometimes just skip it altogether) and while I didn't have serious emotional problems or anything, I went to a party and found that I was crabby / crapped out on people after about two and a half hours. That reminded me that I used to be like that a lot more of the time. It's weird, but the things that antidepressant's fixed mostly don't sound like depression symptoms -- I am less anxious, I have a better "rebound time" from things that bum me out and they don't leave me exhausted, socializing doesn't leave me exhausted. Antidepressants aren't the only thing that can fix up brain chemistry, but I just wanted to share that feeling anti-social can be rooted in a brain chemistry glitch (solve it as you may.)
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    i think people like going to parties and clubs and looking like douchebags.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    I do understand why your boyfriend would be annoyed. We are in a vulnerable position as it is at work and he prob worries that being wasted makes u even more vulnerable to sleasy customers.
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    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    I had an issue with binge drinking at work - to the point I was wrecked almost every night (unless I was seriously hungover). The only way I stopped was I got pregnant and stopped dancing for the remainder of my pregnancy. Working a non-dancing job out of a bar/club made me realize it was kind of nice to be thinking clearly. When I went back after my baby was born the one thing that stopped me was having a baby at home...otherwise I cannot tell you for sure I would not have drank.

    For me it was a confidence issue and I felt like it was difficult to be 'myself' and open up to cutomers unless I had a buzz. I had to relearn alot of things like how to hustle sober - took a bit but I don't miss feeling like shit every morning.

    I moderate now and I rarely drink anymore. I agree with a PP saying to set limits - now I only drink in the CR and that's it. Nothing on the floor. If I go out with a friend I drink 1 glass of wine or whatever an hour with no more than two. It's actually not hard to do anymore.

    Maybe try seperating from dancing for a bit, doing private shows or waitressing, something where you cannot drink on shift?

    I had to get to the point where work was work - that's all.
    Last edited by Arizona_Angel; 07-01-2008 at 06:49 AM.

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    Senior Member Daniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    I had a drinking problem at work too. I'd come to realize that I wasn't happy with the job, and that maybe sales is not for me. I was never into the thrill of the chase that most people in sales (other industries included) love. If I wasn't drinking I felt disconnected with customers, so conversation or dancing wouldn't flow-I made less.

    I guess alcohol gave me the "confidence" to go up to customers, the patience and genuine interest to hear their story, and after the 3rd drink I actually liked being there...err

    At one point I was working 4 to 5 days straight..ugh..too much on my liver. It was a Vicious cycle for me, I had to change careers.

    To the OP:

    Maybe it's the job environment that elicits this behavior. Do you binge like this at restaurants or lounges with your friends? Would you need to drink if you were in a day job, or working as a bartender, cocktail waitress..etc??

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    Featured Member short skirts's Avatar
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Any possibility of setting a limit and exercising the self-control to stick to it?

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Quote Originally Posted by short skirts View Post
    Any possibility of setting a limit and exercising the self-control to stick to it?
    um. no. not likely from how she sounds. saying that she cant stop herself from drinking is usually not a good sign. do you know how many times i went to work saying "oh i'm not going to drink today" or even right when i got my new car, i told the bartender to cut me off at 4pm (dayshift) bc i left after 7 so i thought i'd be good, and i lied to her and told her someone was driving me so i could keep drinking. then when i was cut off completely from drinking at that club after one particularly bad incident, i paid waitresses to serve me.

    so i'm gonna go with no, chances are once she starts any possibility of saying "ok just 2 drinks" flies out the window.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    I just wanted to say that you are doing very well for yourself to even be thinking about this. Some people can go on forever without ever admitting it is an issue. I know how easy it is to drink. In my day to day life I am much more of an introvert so drinking helps me be Miss Social Butterfly at the club. However I am at a point in my life where I refuse to rely/depend on anything so I am learning to be more outgoing with out drinking. Just make sure and take good care of yourself!
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    Featured Member Kaiyla's Avatar
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    I agree with britt. I had a VERY difficult time controlling my drinking at work, and also got a DUI. Let me tell you what a belittling, shameful, horribly inconvenient situation.
    Limiting yourself may work for a night or two, or even a few weeks, but eventually you'll make excuses to push moderation beyond your control again. I envied the hell out of the girls who could do it sober. I thought they were so strong, and wish I had the balls to dance without drinking myself. In the 6 years that I danced, the few months that i actually did do it sober, actually built my confidence up incredibly. You can do it if you really put your mind to it, but abstinence from alcohol rather than moderation may be the key. Good luck to you.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Quote Originally Posted by Arizona_Angel View Post
    I had an issue with binge drinking at work - to the point I was wrecked almost every night (unless I was seriously hungover). The only way I stopped was I got pregnant and stopped dancing for the remainder of my pregnancy. Working a non-dancing job out of a bar/club made me realize it was kind of nice to be thinking clearly. When I went back after my baby was born the one thing that stopped me was having a baby at home...otherwise I cannot tell you for sure I would not have drank.

    For me it was a confidence issue and I felt like it was difficult to be 'myself' and open up to cutomers unless I had a buzz. I had to relearn alot of things like how to hustle sober - took a bit but I don't miss feeling like shit every morning.

    I moderate now and I rarely drink anymore. I agree with a PP saying to set limits - now I only drink in the CR and that's it. Nothing on the floor. If I go out with a friend I drink 1 glass of wine or whatever an hour with no more than two. It's actually not hard to do anymore.

    Maybe try seperating from dancing for a bit, doing private shows or waitressing, something where you cannot drink on shift?

    I had to get to the point where work was work - that's all.
    in cali there is no alcohol allowed in any of the nude clubs. you dont need to quit in order to stop, just change clubs and work at a club where there is a no tolerance for alcohol policy
    like i said, the body shop is the only place where i have seen girls allowed to drink even though it is against the law.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    k you arent going to want to hear this. but if you have that kind of problem (and you do) moderation isnt quite going to be possible. at least until you have a loooooong break.

    go my route. get a dui. that'll wake you up. not right away, though. i kept right on getting blackout drunk and driving home until i got the breathalyzer in my car. you sure as hell wont be drinking then.

    now i rarely drink. i went to a club that does not serve alcohol. i got into the HABIT of not drinking. i learned how to make HEAPS more money staying sober. but still, when i drink, i get out of control. there is no such thing as moderation for me and i realize that. but it takes a long time to get there. and i didnt do AA or any of that.

    also, oftentimes now i realize that i dont actually like the feeling of being drunk. i might crave a drink, or take 5 shots in 5 minutes, but the feeling that follows is NOT one that i enjoy. but it took a BREAK to realize that.

    you just HAVE TO STOP. change the people youre around. there's no way around it. do you want to lose your boyfriend? it's all a downward spiral from there.

    or, yanno, dont, and like i said, end up in my shoes. you'll nip the drinking in the bud then, i promise you that.
    Yeah...do you drive home like that? Not only could you kill someone, but you WILL eventually end up with a DUI. I just got my first, I might get lucky in court because I only had one drink in me, but nevertheless, being handcuffed and stuck in a jail cell alone will scare you out of drinking so much.

    Don't let it get to that point. I agree with i.breathe.in, you have to take a break from it. Don't be scared of losing money if that means a break from dancing, b/c one DUI could cost you $10,000 plus ridiculous insurance rates for years, and an embarrassing record.

    It. fucking. sucks.
    but you have to do it.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Start taking Milk Thistle to help your liver clear the toxins out as fast as possible. That will help.
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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Kennedy,
    When you go to an AA meeting, you don't have to stop drinking. All they ask of you is the Desire to stop. You can even show up with a good buzz going if you want. I'd suggest that you go to a few, just to hear about the devastation that alcohol can cause. You don't have to go down that path if you don't want to.

    The kicker for me is when you say that you can't face customers without being liquored up. Your problem isn't drinking. The drinking is a symptom of something else. I have no idea what that 'something else' might be, but if you can't face your customers without alcohol, maybe stripping isn't really what you should be doing.

    I admire you for just asking the question. You'll hear a lot of things that you probably don't want to hear, but they are things that you probably Should hear.
    Best wishes for you.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Quote Originally Posted by Kicks View Post
    Kennedy,
    When you go to an AA meeting, you don't have to stop drinking. All they ask of you is the Desire to stop. You can even show up with a good buzz going if you want. I'd suggest that you go to a few, just to hear about the devastation that alcohol can cause. You don't have to go down that path if you don't want to.

    The kicker for me is when you say that you can't face customers without being liquored up. Your problem isn't drinking. The drinking is a symptom of something else. I have no idea what that 'something else' might be, but if you can't face your customers without alcohol, maybe stripping isn't really what you should be doing.

    I admire you for just asking the question. You'll hear a lot of things that you probably don't want to hear, but they are things that you probably Should hear.
    Best wishes for you.
    i HATE when people say "if you cant do it sober you shouldnt be doing it." she hasn't DONE it sober. she doesnt know that she can't. as girls have said in this thread, and multiple other times on this board, you can do it sober. it's just a change. any big change in your life is difficult. i'd be willing to bet that yeah, she sure can do it sober, she just has to TRY it. and keep at it, even though the first day might not be as easy as she wants.

    it's the drinking that's the problem, not the dancing.

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    Default Re: can't stop drinking

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    i HATE when people say "if you cant do it sober you shouldnt be doing it." she hasn't DONE it sober. she doesnt know that she can't. as girls have said in this thread, and multiple other times on this board, you can do it sober. it's just a change. any big change in your life is difficult. i'd be willing to bet that yeah, she sure can do it sober, she just has to TRY it. and keep at it, even though the first day might not be as easy as she wants.

    it's the drinking that's the problem, not the dancing.
    Yes the drinking is the problem, but it's also a symptom of something bigger that is likely entwined in being in the atmosphere of the strip club. I know for myself, compulsive drug behavior is definitely tied into environment... I was able to go cold turkey off of hard drugs once I started working somewhere that didn't have any and I couldn't seek it out. Just as I could focus in the club until the dealer walked in, I think the OP is saying she can't be in that environment without saying 'Yes' to the first bartender or customer she sees.

    So... I agree with people who say you need to get into either a club that serves no alcohol or to get a job where alcohol isn't available. The club = getting smashed just like the club = getting high for me.

    And I agree w/ suggestions to maybe check out an AA meeting. You don't have to participate. It's an experience like any other. No one's going to ask you to stand up and give your story.

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