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Thread: views from the outside

  1. #1
    Featured Member glitzy's Avatar
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    Default views from the outside

    Some guy in my town I used to know (but stopped talking to alltogether because he wanted was too pushy about trying to get with me) found out that I work at a bikini bar & started spreading all these rumors about me to people who I am actually friends with & care about their opinion. The usual shit that I'm sure many of you have had to deal with: that I'm a "slut" (I've slept with three people), that I'm a "gold digger" (I pay for my own rent & college & am not even dating anyone; I also supported my ex for months when he didn't have a job), that I'm a "stripper" (okay, kind of, but I don't take my clothes off & I just do my hula hoop act; shit, I don't even mind being called a "stripper," but saying it just for shock value combined with other lies & not the full info. on my job is lame).

    All of this because I rejected him.

    So I run into the guy at a coffee shop across the street from campus where I'm working on my final essays. I probably look the furthest from a stereotypical stripper as possible: greasy hair, no makeup, glasses, a hoodie. I confronted him about all the rumours & he said he said all of those things because he thinks that working in a "titty bar" is gonna lead me nowhere & basically that because I'm dancing now I'm going to go nowhere in life, no exceptions. He thinks I need to be saved.

    Of course I just laughed this off, because here I am, looking like a bum, writing a paper on the globalized economy that he wouldn't even understand.

    But he said something which caught my attention and made me wonder if any of you have run into this before:


    This guy kept on saying things like "See, you hang out in this coffee shop with the glass windows so you can be seen," (uhhhh, hope nobody saw me looking like this today LOL) & "That's why you always wear such bright colored clothes" (I enjoy cultivating personal style), & the topper: "If you didn't dance you would feel like nobody cared about you."

    WOW. Dancing actually does quite the opposite for me, & I'm lucky to have good friends to lean on when I come home from work feeling like I have lost faith in humanity yet again.

    So now, I ask you:

    Do people assume you dance for the attention?
    &
    What is the most ludicrous stripper stereotype you have encountered?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    People are always thrown for a loop when they find out I dance because I'm a radical feminist, hold two honors bachelors' degrees, have plans, etc., etc. Of course I'm not the only dancer like this. Customers always either accuse me of lying, or ask me "why the hell" I dance. I dance for the same reason as every other girl:

    THE MONEY!

    Getting two bachelors' degrees from a top university means accruing massive debt. Preparing for law and/or grad school means saving lots of money. Being independent means making as much money as I can to pay off what debt I have and maintain a certain standard of living. Being a "free spirit" (gawd, I hate that term) means not working for the corporate capitalist machine day in and day out for a shitty paycheck just so I can "use" my degrees.

    Douches, excuse me--dudes, like that need a reality check.

    He said those things to you to get under your skin. He wants to show you that he knows you better than you know yourself, or so he'll say to justify his inexcusable and abusive behavior. In reality, he's trying to hurt you so that you'll submit to him. He's an asshole. Don't let him get to you.

    To answer your questions (sorry for the rant):

    Nope. But they ask a lot of stupid and annoying questions and make some startling assumptions that indicate their misogyny and hence are cut off.

    &

    We're all drug-addled single mothers working for our pimp boyfriends (who doesn't know we do this because why would he let us strip! He also doesn't know that we're all secretly bisexual or lesbian) and we're all lying about school--we did one semester and dropped out and will never go back because the money we get getting turned on by all the guys trying to sexually assault us is so addictive that we'll eventually just start hooking and/or doing porn (which we already do if the price is right) because our daddies didn't love us enough and our uncles molested us when we were children so now we seek the attention of drunk, abusive men with bad breath and hygiene problems because we're looking for daddy or any other man who will pay our bills so we can stop doing this job that we hate oh-so-much because all the girls are so catty and mean, and we just wanted to be actresses/singers/models but now we're stuck in this terrifying dark underworld of sex, lies, and drugs.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    wow your friend is a serious dick. don't even listen to him. in fact, cut him out of your life .

  4. #4
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    I've been dumped by friends because I started stripping. I discovered that those people were very shallow and couldn't see the person beyond the job description.

    One of the people that dumped me, I had been friends with since childhood, like since we were 11 years old. When she found out I was stripping (aged 29) suddenly she couldn't be my friend anymore? WTF?

    It just kind of goes along with the industry, I guess. I think the social ostrisization keeps girls from stripping for a living as much if not more than being worried about being pretty enough.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  5. #5
    Veteran Member BeBe's Avatar
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    I had a girlfriend who claimed that my only reason for dancing was to get all this attention from strange men and feel special and be put on a pedestal. She said that I was re-living my teens as the wild child I've always wanted to be, which is so opposite of the truth.

    However, it didn't take me long to figure out that she was a jealous hater (long story) and was not a true friend.

    Dancing is a job, plain and simple. I cut anybody else off who is just a pain to deal with because they refuse to respect and understand me. We put up with enough at work, I don't need any extra unnecessary drama in my personal life.

  6. #6
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    This is something MY MOTHER emailed to me (copied and pasted, word for word) after she claimed I owed her $600 for some imaginary debt AND told me I had to pay her back because she claimed me on her taxes (I'm 25 and have been self sufficient for 7 years!) and she had to send the money for the rebate back to the IRS. BTW, this woman doesn't work bc she has a back injury (AKA addicted to pain pills after a minor accident), lives on social security, and has never supported herself in her life.

    "I know you don't care about anyone but yourself. That is very apparent. I wanted so much for you when you were little. But you like get your ego stroked all the time so stripping is a high for you. I am so hurt and disappointed by you. I wasn't being greedy about the taxes. I thought I was truly helping you out. I have your current address too. You can tell your pimp that I will be looking for the money." (the pimp is my boyfriend who is an IT project manager for a bank )

    So yes, stereotypes are hurtful when used against you like they are some self apparent truth. It took all my maturity not to tell her she was a bitch and the only reason I ever became a stripper was to be independent of her and her demon of a husband (my father). I simply wrote back "I cannot speak to you anymore" and haven't talked to her since. I actually HATE stripping most of the time, but I am also eternally grateful to it because it gave me a way out of abuse and to finish school and give myself the things my parents wouldn't.

    Th guy who did that to you is a fucking asshole. Your real friends will not believe him. I would spread a rumor that he has a 4 inch dick, though.
    Last edited by ViolaStrings; 06-29-2008 at 06:45 PM.

  7. #7
    Member AnnKatherine's Avatar
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    It's amazing how men can be so intimidated by women..............

  8. #8
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    Quote Originally Posted by glitzy View Post
    So I run into the guy at a coffee shop across the street from campus where I'm working on my final essays. I probably look the furthest from a stereotypical stripper as possible: greasy hair, no makeup, glasses, a hoodie. I confronted him about all the rumours & he said he said all of those things because he thinks that working in a "titty bar" is gonna lead me nowhere & basically that because I'm dancing now I'm going to go nowhere in life, no exceptions. He thinks I need to be saved.

    This guy kept on saying things like "See, you hang out in this coffee shop with the glass windows so you can be seen," (uhhhh, hope nobody saw me looking like this today LOL) & "That's why you always wear such bright colored clothes" (I enjoy cultivating personal style), & the topper: "If you didn't dance you would feel like nobody cared about you."

    Do people assume you dance for the attention?
    &
    What is the most ludicrous stripper stereotype you have encountered?
    True funny story- unbeknownst to me, my ex was stalking one of our club's waitresses while I was seeing him (I know, he was a prize.) She rejected him flat-out, so he urged her to get out of the nightclub biz before she became a bitter jaded fallen woman (I'm assuming her was thinking of me when he said that.)
    BASICALLY, it's sour fucking grapes when people assume your top priority for dancing MUST BE something self-destructive or detrimental. ('Cause you know, our waitress puts up with drunk horny stupid SC patrons because she likes it. Not because she likes the money .) The average girl who works the nightclub business is pretty, savvy and working all the angles- you have to be to excel in such a raw environment. When you have an edgy job, you're "riding the tiger"- many people are just so god damn jealous that you have that open to you when they don't.

    Oh, and funniest stereotype? My neighbors thought my brother was my pimp.....Cerously. It's fucking hysterical.

  9. #9
    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    Oh, that guy? find his phone number, put it up in some bathroom under "call me, I give good blowjobs."
    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    Like super-fast, frenetic, chipmunklike stylized humping with this look on her face like "Kill! Kill!"
    Quote Originally Posted by iseestars View Post
    i think people like going to parties and clubs and looking like douchebags.

  10. #10
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    Yea, let's plot stripperweb revenge on him. Like, a subscription to newsletter sent to his work and rice in his gas tank. OH and a profile on Craig's List for casual gay sexual encounters with his pic if you can find one! With his name, number, and email address... or his girlfriend's number.

  11. #11
    Featured Member glitzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    ^^^^yesssssss, craigslist revenge! & the bathroom stall idea is great too. i live on the same block as a gay bar, i must take advantage!

  12. #12
    Senior Member kittytheflamingo's Avatar
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    I once dumped a guy for telling me he couldn't tell his friends he was dating me cuz he was a youth pastor and I refused to lie about my job and religion. I had my best friend from childhood tell my now husband that I was on cocaine and fucking customers (she was "borrowing" money from me all the time, and was afraid it'd stop if I got with him- her mother told me cuz she didnt think it was right). One good thing is, I can find out sooner if someone's a douchebag and get rid of them if they are.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Pft. English. Toilet. Flush.
    Quote Originally Posted by Polekitten View Post
    Really, I just wanted to rip my arm off just so I'd have something to hit him with.
    WHY ME??????

  13. #13
    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
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    Default Re: views from the outside

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah Andi View Post



    We're all drug-addled single mothers working for our pimp boyfriends (who doesn't know we do this because why would he let us strip! He also doesn't know that we're all secretly bisexual or lesbian) and we're all lying about school--we did one semester and dropped out and will never go back because the money we get getting turned on by all the guys trying to sexually assault us is so addictive that we'll eventually just start hooking and/or doing porn (which we already do if the price is right) because our daddies didn't love us enough and our uncles molested us when we were children so now we seek the attention of drunk, abusive men with bad breath and hygiene problems because we're looking for daddy or any other man who will pay our bills so we can stop doing this job that we hate oh-so-much because all the girls are so catty and mean, and we just wanted to be actresses/singers/models but now we're stuck in this terrifying dark underworld of sex, lies, and drugs.
    .....so perfectly compiled.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris View Post
    I've been dumped by friends because I started stripping. I discovered that those people were very shallow and couldn't see the person beyond the job description.
    I didn't have friends actually dump me, but, alot of people started to act very differently. Everyone started to victimize my husband like "Oh, poor C, suffering through his wife stripping" All of a sudden it was pro- C and anti-me. Now that I am not dancing anymore some folks have started to come around but I just am kind of smug.

    To the OP.....fuck the loser, but what sucks is this isn;t going to be the only time you deal with "outside views" as long as there are people in your life aware of what you do for income, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one!
    You've got alot going for you, you're in the pursuit of an education, sound like a smart gal so FUCK what anyone says. I wish I had two degrees!

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