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Thread: gawd......

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    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default gawd......

    As some of you might know, I'm currently staying at my parent's house while I recover and try to get a head start on saving money and restarting my life.

    There are NO jobs available where I live. I have applied at 4 different places (not clubs) and have received no callbacks, and when I called they said they aren't hiring right now. I have literally been everywhere I can that will hire me based on my skills/experience, and no place is hiring. This is due to the economy and the season, it's the summer.

    So.....My plan was to work a part-time day job and then have a night job (which my parents think is cocktailing/waitressing at a nightclub/restaurant).

    My mother is extremely neurotic. My parents put my phone on their plan, as I have absolutely no money right now and can't afford a phone right now. My parents also have this GPS locator thing on my phone, and all my siblings phones, so they can look us up and find out exactly where we are. I don't feel comfortable leaving the house without my phone, for safety issues, but if I bring it with me to work, she can look me up and find out where I am. The only way to make the locator not work is to turn the phone off. However... because she's neurotic, if I turn my phone off and I'm gone from 7pm-3am she might freak out.

    The only thing I can think of doing is calling her right before I get to work to let her know I got there, telling her I have to turn my phone off and put it in a locker because i'm going to be busy WORKING, and then calling her as soon as I get off to let her know I'm coming home. The only problem i can see with this is that if she wants to get a hold of me during the time i'm working, she may call the regular night club I said I'm working at and ask for me... and i obviously won't be there.

    I'm almost 20 and she's still neurotic about everything. When I was living away from her I would go to work and leave my phone on and she never located me there to my knowledge, but this is probably because of the time difference, when I was going to work then it was midnight her time, and when i came home it was 6 am her time.

    It's just really getting on my nerves living at home but I have absolutely no choice or other options. I have no friends I can stay with, no relatives, no money. The only thing i can do to gain independence again is to work my ass off, which I plan on doing , both with a 'regular' day job and dancing, because it will be the quickest and most efficient way. If I were to just work a day job, 45 hours or so a week, I'd still be only making 1/4 of what I could make combining it with dancing 3 nights a week.

    I am going to go to the phone store and see if I can get my own plan without switching the number, because that would be the most ideal situation, especially if I could get text messaging, because then i could just text her and let her know i'm find but can't talk. I just seriously don't have any money to do that right now!! A plan with text messaging and the lowest number of minutes costs 70 dollars a month, and i'm sure there's activation fees and all that. I've had this phone since i was a sophomore in hs, and it's only 35/month, which is why i haven't gotten my own phone b/c it's affordable for my family and it's on a contract, so there's been no issues.

    what should i do? Should I just turn my phone off when i'm at work and hope she doesn't freak out and want to call me or completely drain my bank account and get my own phone? I have no money. all I have is 70 dollars to my name atm.... on account of my idiot boyfriend stealing 800 dollars from me, my last LL stealing 1000 from me, and my current last ll STILL not paying me back my 700 dollar deposit. everything just sucks.

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    Member tlove0113's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    You could buy a pre-paid phone and leave the other one at home. You could also try working day shifts until you find a day time job. That way, you'll be working doubles and making more money.

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    Veteran Member Julie, Julie's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    Waitresses, IME, are NEVER allowed to receive personal phone calls at work, it's not an uncommon rule. You could simply tell her that you'd be fired for that and for having your phone on. Does she think you'd be at a regular restaurant or sc?

    Also, day shift is a good idea, as tlove mentioned so that her worry is curbed.

    A pre-paid phone is good, too, but then won't she wonder why you're not using the regular one?

    And, if you're REALLY INTENT on keeping this from her, you could always just "break"or "lose" the phone and request a replacement that has no GPS.

    But, it might have to come down to having a serious talk with your mom about how you need her to give you your deserved space and privacy b/c it is making you uncomfortable and feel too childish. You want to be treated like an adult. Then, casually state that if she can't respect your feelings/wishes that you'd need to move out since you won't accept being treated like you're not capable of beginning to take care of yourself. (Even if you realistically CAN'T move, act like you have a prospect and are serious about pursuing it, while stating that you'd rather not and appreciate her help but, frankly, she is not helping but stressing you out).

    As a 20 year old, I think you have a right to say this to her.
    j

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    Default Re: gawd......

    Gawd is right...

    I would simply turn off the phone while you are at work. If she freaks out about it, tell her your work does not allow cell phone use while on the clock and you will call/text her when you get to work and when you are on your way home. This way you can reach her from a location other than your work should she try and GPS you on the spot.

    Also let her know that on breaks you will check your phone for messages should she have an emergency and need to reach you.

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    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    yeah... i think i'm just going to call her right before and after my shift and keep the phone off at work. I have an option on my phone of turning location off, it says it won't block 911 from seeing my location but doesn't say anything about not blocking the gps locator from finding me... so idk if that will work. I think turning it off would be a better option.

    I'm just so freaking sick of hiding it from people, I should be able to dance and it shouldn't be so goddamn stigmatized. I have lies upon lies upon lies and it's really hard to keep up with them regarding my job and all my fake ones.

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    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    What do you think would happen if your parents found out you were at a club? just wondering (I have no idea how mine would react!)

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    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    I have a slight idea, because i mentioned to them a couple years ago when i was frustrated looking for a job that "i'm just going to be a stripper!!" my stepdad said that all strippers are whores... (his ex-wife was a stripper though, so he's a little biased), and my mom just rolled her eyes at me. I think my mom would be really critical and just be like "why don't you just waitress or work here or there, blah blah blah", and then they'd question me about all the lies i made up about where i worked in pdx... and it would just be a whole big mess.

    I don't want them to know I have danced or currently dance while i am living under their roof. period. I wouldn't mind them finding out in a couple years when I'm living far away and have my own place and am financially stable and all that... but right now I have no way to get my own place and no one else to stay with, and no savings, so i'm out of luck.

    and why don't i just get a waiting job?? b/c I don't want to, and no place around here is hiring, and i dont want to work in a non-vegetarian restaurant. Why do that when I can dance?

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    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    I agree with you 100%, lol. Why get a waiting job, when you could work stripping for a few weeks and get the money needed for your apartment. Its just the hiding thing thats hard, I did the same thing when I was 21, just moved back from Cali and was living with my rents for a few months. It sucked, I was paranoid 24/7 and had to hide all my dancing shit, but hey it worked right! I still can't believe I pulled that one off.

    How long do you plan on staying in FL? And where do you think you'll move?

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    Veteran Member Julie, Julie's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    ^^^^

    Ah, 'tis the life of a misunderstood dancer. We should all have a stripper-pride parade and roll down the avenues on floats waving flags of freedom... lol.

    I'm so sick of hiding it, too. I always use the "waitress" cover. But when "they" ask, "where do you waitress?" I trip up and get all weird and say, "uh, a nightclub or bar." Then comes, "oh yeah, where?" And I just get even more uncomfortable b/c if I lie and say one, the person will know it and then start asking me all these questions that I can't answer. And if I say bartender, they'll start asking me how to make all these crazy drinks, dammit, and I've never really bartended.
    Then the worst is when your friends ask to stop by and hang out... ummm... *think fast*.... "oh well, you know the manager really hates when I have friends come by because he thinks it is distracting and I don't work as well... ummm.... plus, he's really paranoid about the bartenders giving free drinks to their friends, you know?" *PHEW*

    But then they just stare at me incredulously, like, what the fuck is wrong with the bar that they don't want business...? K, weirdo...

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, grrrrrrrrrrrrr, grumble, grumble.
    j

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    Default Re: gawd......

    Does the PHONE have GPS or the SIM card? If you have a sim card and that doesn't have the gps, just get a new phone and put it in there. If they tried looking you up on gps you could say it stopped working (If they new phone you bought is the same).

    I would just ditch your phone. Tell her you don't want to be spied on all the time. She'll probably start accusing you of hiding something (if she's anything like mine) and just shrug you shoulders and leave the phone on the table. Just give it back and get a pre paid for emergency's.

    You could probably even get her to pay for it too because she'll want you to call her some how to "check in". If she's really anal just stick to not taking the GPA phone and she'll crumble. Tell her its either a new phone or nothing, that it really isn't you problem because your not the one that cares.

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    God/dess anomar's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    Have you been following up on your job apps? Most places won't call you back unless you call them within a week to confirm that the application was received & reviewed.

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    Senior Member Vesper's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    Your parents sound neurotic enough to actually check out the place where you'd supposedly work(waitressing). Or call the place you said you'd be. You have to make sure that they wouldn't do that because if you weren't to be found in the place you said you'd be and your phone is off i bet they'd be jumping to the walls.

    If you don't want them to find out then you need a gps-proof plan. The best i can come up now is that you have two phones, leave the gps-phone to the place you're supposed to be and divert the calls to the other phone you have at the club.

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    Default Re: gawd......

    I would go with your being required to turn off your phone while waitressing. What bar or restaurant is going to allow their waitresses to get phone calls while serving drinks, or especially dinner?

    About the parents--it never stops. When I had to stay with my parents after the end of a disastrous break up which left me destitute and virtually homeless, three years ago (yeah, my own fault, I'm not asking for sympathy here), they knew I worked in a stripclub, but:

    1) Never considered it any kind of 'REAL JOB'. Consequently tried waking me up the morning after I worked until 3 AM, so I could go get a REAL JOB (even though there were no real jobs other than bullshit service industry sheep positions paying 1/3 of what I made at my club). This did not go over well.

    2) Wondered why I didn't go straight to bed after arriving at home at 3:30 AM, since the 'normal' process of winding down after work was not valid at that time. God forbid I go online and they woke up to see me on my own computer in the garage at 5:30 AM. This resulted in serious screaming matches more than once, and led to me finally getting the fuck out of there.

    3) Incessant barrages of advice, delivered in various tones of parental-style superiority, advising me how to correct my goals, motivation, personal habits, money-management skills, etc., etc., etc.

    All this was insufferable, I had to get out and did.

    But they can't help it, they are parents, and they are human. They see their kid in trouble and revert to Parent Mode, even if that will no longer work or is no longer appropriate. So as irritating as it is, it isn't likely to change.

    You need to get out of there ASAMFP.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Veteran Member Julie, Julie's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    ^^^
    so you're saying rational discussion shouldn't even be attempted?
    j

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    Default Re: gawd......

    Quote Originally Posted by Julie, Julie View Post
    ^^^
    so you're saying rational discussion shouldn't even be attempted?
    Who me? Did you recommend it? Sorry, if you did I missed it, I didn't read every reply.

    Rational discussion is of course the only way to deal with it, under trying circumstances like these.

    But sometimes it will only go so far. When parents are motivated by anachronistic emotional instincts, to the extent of treating their offspring like a 15 year old again, because they are temporarily trapped in the same house due to some crisis or another, rational discussion sometimes has a way of falling flat on its face. When their child is or was involved in the stripping business, it's really hard for the vast majority of parents to deal with, sad but true. Which of course doesn't mean that screaming at them or lying to them is a better course of action, no.

    I'm not there, I don't know what she's dealing with other than what I read, but what I read leads me to recommend her getting out of there ASAMFP and into a situation where she is self-reliant and free from unnecessarily negative or constraining influence.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    update-- i have an interview for my day job tomorrow. i'm most likely getting it.

    i'm just going to work 40 hours a week at my day job, dance 3-4 nights a week, turn my phone off and deny deny deny if they question me.

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    Default Re: gawd......

    My phone does not get service in my locker @ work.
    So, tell them your work requires the phone to be in your locker while you are clocked in.
    And oops "on no it doesnt get service in a metal locker," but you can call when u get done. But turn it off just in case it does get service.

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    Featured Member Sveta's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    ^^ tell them your "night job" is as a club promoter. When I did promotions with an agency, it was common to be at a different place every night, so it's harder for people to keep tabs on where you are. Sometimes the promo teams would even go to multiple places in a night...so they can't really nail you down to any one location or come visit you at work. It was also fairly common to not know exactly where were were going on any given night, until we met up with the rest of our team and got our "briefings" for the night.

    So that would pretty much eliminate any "I demand to know exactly where you are at all times" BS.

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    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    yeah.... except my town isn't a club town.

    i've been a club promoter before, in college. i lived in a college town with a ton of clubs.

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    Default Re: gawd......

    Quote Originally Posted by keira0304 View Post
    update-- i have an interview for my day job tomorrow. i'm most likely getting it.

    i'm just going to work 40 hours a week at my day job, dance 3-4 nights a week, turn my phone off and deny deny deny if they question me.
    Yay, good luck!

    You should see if you can swing it for a while w/ just doing the 40 hrs/week... 60 hr workweeks could be pretty bad.

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    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    ^ i had the interview today. the job pays 9.50/hr and they could only manage to give me between 20-30 hours a week. they're going to call me for a follow up interview within the next week. so... i'm going to have to dance anyways, I can't just work a part time job and make enough money... that's only 180-280/week.

    i don't want to just get a waitress job either, i have no experience and i'd get freaking panic attacks doing it. i'd rather just dance naked in a crowded room. funny how that doesn't give me panic attacks.

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    Default Re: gawd......

    give her a call to check in when you're on the way. say the battery is low (leave charger home) so you're just gonna turn it off for now so there'll still be enough power in case you have an emergency on the way home.

    it sounds very responsible.

    i've said it before. well, it's been true for me. but that's why it's a good lie to use.

    (i've wanted to try waitressing, but it scares me too, which is so strange when getting nekkid is totally fine)

  23. #23
    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default Re: gawd......

    ^ and with waitressing you can't make any where near as much money. the only waiting jobs you're going to be making around stripper money at are the ones that are nearly strippers (hooters) and fine dining where you have to have experience and know all those fancy wine bottle pouring techniques.

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    Default Re: gawd......

    ^ eh, i think i could do fine dining fairly easily. the problem is getting hired. cos, lord knows i'm not working at dennys for experience.

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