Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 48

Thread: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

  1. #1
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    4,967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    Is it bad to not want to date someone with 2 kids? i love my boyfriend but its seriously wearing on me. hes a great guy, but i think i boiled down everything that i dislike about the relationship is related to him having 2 kids. they are great kids, and i want my own some day....but not someone elses.

    he would be the ideal package otherwise. i know everyone settles to some extent in a relationship but this is a big settlement situation. i love him, but i dont feel that i can handle being with someone with 2 kids. weve only been together 4 months and i feel a lot for him but, like i said i feel this might be a deal breaker for me.

    does this make me a shallow person for not wanting to date people with kids?
    Last edited by i.breathe.in; 07-01-2008 at 11:36 AM.

  2. #2
    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Location
    the woods
    Posts
    2,215
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 17 Times in 14 Posts

    Default Re: last relationship post i will make, i promise...advice needed.

    No way. You can't help how you feel. I'd NEVER date someone with kids, as bitchy or selfish as that may sound. It means they had that experience and connection with someone else, and it wasn't me. Plus, they are on a different level than someone who doesn't have kids. Its harder to relate. My boyfriend once asked me if he had kids, would I still date him? And I said, no definitely not. I wouldn't be able to handle it. Its ok to recognize that!!

    And PS.....if you're implying by the title that you talk about your relationship to much, I haven't even noticed seriously. So I don't think you are overkilling the topic, if ur worried about that!

  3. #3
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    4,967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: last relationship post i will make, i promise...advice needed.

    well ive made 2 threads in the past week about it, and i feel it excessive, but i really wanted input on this. i dont complain about relationship problems unless im really stuck on something.

    how do i tell him that its too much for me? i thought it wouldnt be an issue at first. it just sucks becuase everything else is so good.

  4. #4
    Banned
    Joined
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    734
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: last relationship post i will make, i promise...advice needed.

    If it's that big of an issue, this just isn't the right relationship for you. Kids are a big commitment, and being uncomfortable around them never makes a good environment for them either. There's plenty of guys out there, and there has to be one that's the total package without kids.

    Just be honest with him. The longer you wait to tell him the reality of the situation, the harder and more painful it will be.

  5. #5
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,427
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: last relationship post i will make, i promise...advice needed.

    omg i can relate to that 100%. my ex that im still going back and forth with has 2 kids and i feel like our relationship would be TOTALLY different if he didnt. i'm not ever going to come first. he's always going to want to see his kids over me, given the choice. he cant come over here barely ever bc he has his kids half the week, so i have to go to him. when i sleep over, i dont LIKE being woken up by his kids getting in bed in the morning. he really didnt have much time this week to come see my after my surgery unless he brought his kids.. and i told him no. i did not want him to. i have to adapt like crazy.. he wanted me to move in, and all i could think was "i'm 22. i don't want to live with your kids."

    as awful as it sounds.. i dont really like one of them theyre cute. but one of them is just so badly behaved and i dont agree with his parenting style, which of course i cant comment on. when you think about that future, you always have to consider the kids and thats so hard on a relationship. say you got to a serious point and you were saving money together or whatever.. do you want your money to pay for his kids stuff? i felt like SUCH a bitch when i said that to my bf.. but when he mentioned moving in and saving together, i dont want my money going to his kids. sorry. never.

    im not glad youre in this situation, but i'm glad i'm not the only one. i definately dont think its shallow. i dont know how old you are or your bf but i totally know where youre coming from.

  6. #6
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Dear FSM plz send money to Oregon K luv you bye
    Posts
    1,491
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: last relationship post i will make, i promise...advice needed.

    I'd have a hard time dating someone with kids too. I don't wnat kids, I don't want repsonsibility over someone elses, and most of all, I don't want my life to be limited by them. At this point, i wouldn't say i love living in Oregon. What if i date a guy with kids, and he doesn't want to move out of state with me, because he'll be too far away from them? Its not fair for me to compromise my lifestyle for someone elses choice. And yeah, I'd cut it off soon, if its upsetting you as much as it sounds. THe longer you keep trying to make it work, tbe more strained it will be for the kids, the more damaging the attachments to him will be, and the harder it will be.
    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    My pussy eats vibrators like skittles.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    temporary abortions for everyone?

  7. #7
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    4,967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: last relationship post i will make, i promise...advice needed.

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    omg i can relate to that 100%. my ex that im still going back and forth with has 2 kids and i feel like our relationship would be TOTALLY different if he didnt. i'm not ever going to come first. he's always going to want to see his kids over me, given the choice. he cant come over here barely ever bc he has his kids half the week, so i have to go to him. when i sleep over, i dont LIKE being woken up by his kids getting in bed in the morning. he really didnt have much time this week to come see my after my surgery unless he brought his kids.. and i told him no. i did not want him to. i have to adapt like crazy.. he wanted me to move in, and all i could think was "i'm 22. i don't want to live with your kids."

    as awful as it sounds.. i dont really like one of them theyre cute. but one of them is just so badly behaved and i dont agree with his parenting style, which of course i cant comment on. when you think about that future, you always have to consider the kids and thats so hard on a relationship. say you got to a serious point and you were saving money together or whatever.. do you want your money to pay for his kids stuff? i felt like SUCH a bitch when i said that to my bf.. but when he mentioned moving in and saving together, i dont want my money going to his kids. sorry. never.

    im not glad youre in this situation, but i'm glad i'm not the only one. i definately dont think its shallow. i dont know how old you are or your bf but i totally know where youre coming from.

    god i have someone to relate to thank goodness.

    im 28 and he is 33. his kids are 4 and 8 both boys. i know it makes me feel bad to say all that becuase i am glad he is such a good dad and takes care of his kids but at the same time i dont get the attention i want. also i hate staying over and the kids waking me up and it just creeps me out to have sex with 2 kids in the next room....

  8. #8
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,427
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: last relationship post i will make, i promise...advice needed.

    ^ thats another really good point. when my guy talks about moving in, he means me moving there. i dont want to live there. and he cant move due to custody issues and being close to them.

  9. #9
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    4,967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: last relationship post i will make, i promise...advice needed.

    Quote Originally Posted by needtodance View Post
    At this point, i wouldn't say i love living in Oregon. What if i date a guy with kids, and he doesn't want to move out of state with me, because he'll be too far away from them? .
    i have thought about that also....

  10. #10
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,427
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: last relationship post i will make, i promise...advice needed.

    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    god i have someone to relate to thank goodness.

    im 28 and he is 33. his kids are 4 and 8 both boys. i know it makes me feel bad to say all that becuase i am glad he is such a good dad and takes care of his kids but at the same time i dont get the attention i want. also i hate staying over and the kids waking me up and it just creeps me out to have sex with 2 kids in the next room....
    yup. there are so many issues. its just WEIRD. like you dont wanna be the stepmommy haha. and then you look like a bitch for complaining bc you want more of his time. one time we got in a HUGE fight bc i was really sick, and i texted him after i got out of the dr telling him what the dr said, and he wrote back with "yeah my daughter is sick too blah blah blah" and i got mad bc no offense but i was talking about ME. it makes sense for him to care more that his kid is sick but at the same time its not fair to the girlfriend. and he got mad saying that i dont care about his kids.

  11. #11
    Veteran Member LadyLuck's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2008
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    521
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    Men dump and or refuse to date women with kids all the time. Equality goes both ways so if you are not into it, then I don't see why you should go further in that direction.
    There never was a good war or a bad peace.

    Benjamin Franklin

  12. #12
    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    3,776
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    you already know what you have to do, and pretty much everything you have to say.

    now you just have to do it.

  13. #13
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,427
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    bah. im so glad you started this thread. sorry for venting my own frustrations into it but damn do i have to get this out!

    he has his kid thurs and fri, overnight, then sat day, he works sat night, then he has them sun day and sometimes at night. he has them today for some reason, and i said ok well then he can come see me thursday, bc his ex can keep them then. he said no, why wouldnt he want to see his kids as much as he can? um, why wouldnt you want to see ME, who has had SURGERY, who you claim to care about enough to want me to move in? i'm just so sick of it. its not like he's missing a day, he's got them now!

  14. #14
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    4,967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    i know i feel guilty for wanting his time, becuase i wish my dad cared about me as much as he cares about his kids. he has them every other friday every sat and sun afternoons. sometimes he takes them in the week too. and then every other holiday.

    i think the straw that broke the camels back for me was we had this romantic fourth of july planned then he found out he has his youngest that night so hes going to have to come to the fireworks. he just told me today about it.

  15. #15
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,427
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    ^ ugh that just sucks. and it sounds shitty to say you dont want the kid around, but its totally understandable! it sucks bc cant you just imagine how different the whole relationship would be without the kids?

  16. #16
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    4,967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    ^ ugh that just sucks. and it sounds shitty to say you dont want the kid around, but its totally understandable! it sucks bc cant you just imagine how different the whole relationship would be without the kids?
    exactly. so are you planning on staying with your man? or are you going to split?

    im thinking im going to have to break up with mine. i love him, but the kid thing is too much...i feel like an assbag.

  17. #17
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,427
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    we arent even together right now. we've been on again off again since october.

    i just told him that if he cant be away from his kids for a while to see me, who he wants to move in with him, than he has no right to even ask for that type of committment. if i were to make that sort of committment, it would be to HIM, not his children.

    eta: he told me i'm acting like i'm jealous of his kids and i'm being ridiculous and he'll call me later. i said yeah, i am upset that he has them today because he wasnt supposed to and i thought maybe for once i'd get some of his time. is that really so much to fucking ask? i dont even care if he gets mad anymore.. i am sick of our relationship revolving around his children.
    Last edited by britt244; 07-01-2008 at 03:05 PM.

  18. #18
    God/dess CKXXX's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2008
    Location
    in my head
    Posts
    3,467
    Thanks
    20
    Thanked 300 Times in 181 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    I dont blame you guys. I dont want kids and if I was single I'd be REALLY hesitant to date a guy with kids. It isnt that I dont like kids..I just dont want to be mommy(or stepmommy!)

    Kids are a huge issue...it isnt like you are breaking up with him because you dont like his haircut....

    Quote Originally Posted by lexilou View Post
    "I'll picklepunch you in your twatwaffle!"

  19. #19
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    Not only is it okay to break it off because he has kids, it's the right thing to do. He needs to focus his energies on being a father, not on dating. He can have a love life when the kids are grown. They don't need random women trooping in and out of their lives. Tell him that, and hopefully you'll be the last one.

  20. #20
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    4,967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Not only is it okay to break it off because he has kids, it's the right thing to do. He needs to focus his energies on being a father, not on dating. He can have a love life when the kids are grown. They don't need random women trooping in and out of their lives. Tell him that, and hopefully you'll be the last one.

    well on the other end i know lots of single moms that have boyfriends and date, and its ok with most people. i dont see the problem in dating. i really thought i could handle it but i cannot....its just not for me.

    well, he was almost perfect...

  21. #21
    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    1,818
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    It's definitely not wrong of you, IMO. I won't date guys with kids. I'm 28 also, and I really never have dated anyone w/ kids....on purpose. It's pretty much a deal-breaker for me.

    Good luck whatever you decide to do. :-)






    (just click to donate FREE food to those in need...REALLY!)

  22. #22
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,427
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Not only is it okay to break it off because he has kids, it's the right thing to do. He needs to focus his energies on being a father, not on dating. He can have a love life when the kids are grown. They don't need random women trooping in and out of their lives. Tell him that, and hopefully you'll be the last one.
    whoa. i don't agree with that at all. so because someone has a child or children and theyre divorced, that means they shouldn't have a love life until their kids grow up? i don't think that's right.

  23. #23
    God/dess shasta's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    2,175
    Thanks
    778
    Thanked 658 Times in 317 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Not only is it okay to break it off because he has kids, it's the right thing to do. He needs to focus his energies on being a father, not on dating. He can have a love life when the kids are grown. They don't need random women trooping in and out of their lives. Tell him that, and hopefully you'll be the last one.
    I also do not agree. I recently tried to date someone with kids who for years has had the above attitude. He is so unhappy and only focuses on his kids happiness. He doesn't even think he deserves love.

  24. #24
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    We can agree to disagree.

  25. #25
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,427
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: is it bad for me to not want to date my bf just becuase he has kids?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    We can agree to disagree.
    also, in my case, im the only person he's dated since his split, and i didnt meet his kids until.. march maybe? like i said, we've been on and off since october. he waited a long time before he wanted me to meet them because he DOESN'T want random people in and out of their lives.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Customers wanting to talk about their kids or your kids?
    By Laurisa in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 01-07-2012, 02:40 PM
  2. Replies: 22
    Last Post: 08-01-2007, 10:00 PM
  3. Which celebrity would be a "bad date" for you?
    By PhaedrusZ in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 03-01-2006, 07:07 AM
  4. PDX girls, what's the Bad Date Line number?
    By maryxmas in forum Club Chat
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-07-2006, 11:37 AM
  5. Bad Date
    By Hottie7268 in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 10-07-2004, 02:28 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •