i almost never cry and yet i'm on the verge right now. i know i've posted about health and financial woes before, mostly due to lack of health insurance. i'm sorry for the ranting... but i'm just so overwhelmed right now and i don't talk about this kind of "personal shit" with people irl.
right now, i feel truly hopeless.
things were back on track and going ok lately. we're paying all our bills (always have) and although i -still- need to go to the doctor for this 4 month long knee pain (i cant put any pressure on it at all and it goes numb) we were doing alright.
we were able to get a new mattress which we severely needed (old one was over 15 years old, broken in many places). i was able to get my dog an emergency surgery she needed (cost me 1,400.00). we were able to fix my boyfriends car when it broke down (TWICE). i was -just- about to make an apt for the doctor for myself because of my knee and a few other things... when my boyfriend suddenly notices a hole in his tooth. the next day, the hole is 2 times bigger, the 3rd day it's even bigger than that. an obvious problem.
so we make him an apt for the dentist. i drop him off today and go to my school to fill out financial aid papers for next semester. when i pick him up he tells me they didn't do anything. they won't give him a regular cleaning because he needs a "deep cleaning". the regular cleaning costs 100.00... the deep cleaning costs ONE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED. on top of that he needs a root canal and a crown. grand total??? "ABOUT 3 TO 4 THOUSAND DOLLARS".
ok. fucking FANTASTIC. so we paid 200 for the visit today (office fee and xrays) and he's no better off, other than knowing we need 3-4 fucking grand so that he doesn't have to be in severe pain since it's headed right to the nerve.
how the fuck does anyone afford that? we were going to save up to finally go on vacation in a couple months (i posted about it recently) but now i don't think that's happening. i seriously don't see any way possible we're going to get 4k together. not to mention -i- still need to start seeing doctors about things.
i know i sound like a pussy, but tears are welding up as i type this. i know i'm not special and there's a billion other people in these situations all over the country right now, but i don't care at the moment. i feel ripped off. i feel like it's not fair. i've worked my ass off since i was 16 (so has he). i have no major debt... and yet i have almost nothing (besides my car) to show for it... and i can't even get basic health problems taken care of. i feel like i'm always fixing or taking care of something. people always say "shit happens when you least expect it" well i feel like "shit happens all the time, especially when you think things are looking up".
i'm about ready to drop out of school so i can take two jobs. i don't know wtf else to do anymore. the only reason i dance in the first place is because i wanted to go back to school.
uhhhgg.![]()
i probably wouldn't be so upset if i had any kind of reasonable plan of action. i'm a logic-based person. i like to make detailed plans to fix things, and when i don't even know where to start, i get really frustrated. i feel angry and i don't even know who to be angry at. i want find someone i can deem responsible , shake them, and scream "IF TWO PEOPLE WORK THEIR ASSES OFF ALL THE TIME AND TRY TO BETTER THEMSELVES, WHY SHOULD THEY HAVE TO WALK AROUND IN PAIN AND WORRY!?!?!?"
goddamn it. i feel like a loser.



Reply With Quote



Bookmarks