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Thread: Oh. My. God.

  1. #1
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Oh. My. God.

    I;m still crying with laughter.


    Major FAIL!
    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    My pussy eats vibrators like skittles.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    temporary abortions for everyone?

  2. #2
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    I LOVE THIS ONE. I continuously keep looking for it again cause it's so funny.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  3. #3
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    I want to get on the roof and scream the last half of this letter at my ex.....This is fucking hysterical!

  4. #4
    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    That was amazing! Are there anymore "dramatic readings"?
    "SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)

    "Show me a hot chick and I'll show you someone who's tired of fucking her."






  5. #5
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.




    "I don't take a piss without getting paid for it." - Harlan Ellison

    Life is movement, movement is life.
    To live is to move, to move is to be alive.
    - Mirka Knaster


    Quote Originally Posted by pixierocksonthepole View Post
    "tampons are proof that God exsists."

  6. #6
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    I once did this with one of my ex boyfriend's emails. The guy's spelling was abysmal and reading it aloud phonetically and dramatically made some of my friends burst into hysterical laughter.
    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    The big dick is dangerous. It makes you overlook certain character flaws and bad behavior .

  7. #7
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    I once did this with one of my ex boyfriend's emails. The guy's spelling was abysmal and reading it aloud phonetically and dramatically made some of my friends burst into hysterical laughter.
    My ex sent me 3 text messages in a row after our parting ways to tell me how he REALLY felt.....In THREE FUCKING TEXTS he still managed to be the same kind of obnoxious **** I couldn't handle in the first place. I wish I had saved them but they pissed me off so I deleted them. Dammit. I could have shared that shit with the world!

  8. #8
    Featured Member Jeska's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    I don't get it.. what's so funny?


  9. #9
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeska View Post
    I don't get it.. what's so funny?
    It's low class pseudo-English read so eloquently and literally!
    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    The big dick is dangerous. It makes you overlook certain character flaws and bad behavior .

  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    The narrator of this letter reminded me of Djoser when he's being funny on the phone. Especially the "HA HA" parts.

    I just fucking love this letter though!!!!!!! Even though it's silly it's very sincere.

  11. #11
    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    My ex sent me 3 text messages in a row after our parting ways to tell me how he REALLY felt.....In THREE FUCKING TEXTS he still managed to be the same kind of obnoxious **** I couldn't handle in the first place. I wish I had saved them but they pissed me off so I deleted them. Dammit. I could have shared that shit with the world!
    Sorry to thread-jack but we are having a heated debate here as to what **** , stands for...is it FUCK or DICK?

  12. #12
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    ^^^^^

    DICK...... BUT he qualifies for any 4 letter word used in Westernized English vernacular, he's so..........UGH!!!

    Edit to add- to be honest, we were mutally shallow with each other . The reason I loved the OP letter so much is that I'm having a "turf war" with my ex right now so it struck a chord with me.

  13. #13
    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    I love how he's actually cracking up several times inadvertently while reading this.
    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    Like super-fast, frenetic, chipmunklike stylized humping with this look on her face like "Kill! Kill!"
    Quote Originally Posted by iseestars View Post
    i think people like going to parties and clubs and looking like douchebags.

  14. #14
    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    ^^^^^

    DICK...... BUT he qualifies for any 4 letter word used in Westernized English vernacular, he's so..........UGH!!!

    Edit to add- to be honest, we were mutally shallow with each other . The reason I loved the OP letter so much is that I'm having a "turf war" with my ex right now so it struck a chord with me.
    DAMNIT! The boyfriend wins this time! *Shakes fist angerly*

  15. #15
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    Quote Originally Posted by echomadison View Post
    DAMNIT! The boyfriend wins this time! *Shakes fist angerly*
    I'll let you all know how it turns out. I might have met my match (we're both "jerks"- he called me a "jerk" in the TXTFEST!!!!) but seriously, it's fucking war.

    I want Djoser to comment on this thread, it's too fun.....Where is Mr. Smooth?

  16. #16
    Veteran Member ScarletPhoenix's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    I just cracked up and spat cornbread crumbs everywhere.

    *faints with laughter*

    Almost as good as Dmitri the douche.

  17. #17
    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    ^ I'm so sorry, I'm not Djoser (I seem to have to say this a lot on SW ), but if the original author were to deliver this, it would be one long breathless complete sentence that never ends. It's an amazing thing to watch. You wonder how in God's name does she inhale? Does she have gills behind her ears? The sentence never stops, it just goes on and on and on, winding mindlessly from subject to subject.

    My 7-year-old just walked into the room speaking in "never stop" mode and demanded to see a copy of the "Decoration" of Independence, right now, is it on the computer, can we find it, can we go see it, can we look at the back of it, I want to look at the back of it, I want to see Benjamin Franklin's notes to his brothers, and a 100 dollar bill and that building whateveritis and look in the top, daddy can we go now, and show me the back of the $100 bill, and where is the clock tower, and the bell is in there, and I want to walk in there and look and.....

  18. #18
    Veteran Member TheLioness's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    Jeska, do you have your volume turned up? I didn't think it was that funny either until I figured out that I needed to turn the volume on. Then it was LMAO!

  19. #19
    Featured Member Jeska's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    ^ah ha... Thanks


  20. #20
    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    hahah this is so fucking good!
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    I had the volume on and I still don't get it. I never laugh when people talk like that in class so maybe the humor is just lost on me. I'd rather have it being read in the nonstop angry voice.

  22. #22
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    It's the anger and indignation that's funny- everyone breaks up but not everyone bothers to articulate themselves.

    Another funny tale to go with this thread- when my sister caught her Fuck Buddy in bed with another girl, she tore up a greeting card she gave him and stomped out of his house. She's high minded about that stuff.

    Guys get mad like that too but they use less words and emotion.

  23. #23
    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    Your such n ass wipe n bastert!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Strippers are like ninjas. You never know how many there are or if the person next to you is one.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    ...I assume you probably don't want to deal with pervs, and the guys that just don't give a fuck about money are like unicorns...
    Quote Originally Posted by Sinder View Post
    I know I have said it before, and I'll say it again.... THE VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!


  24. #24
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh. My. God.

    I love that he said the caps with more force. I HATE YOUUUU, bastert! haha!

    Love it!

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