I had a pretty in-depth discussion last night (around 5am) with the boygirlfriend (he's in the midst of gender transition, so this may be on the table for her later on) about my impending breast augmentation. I'm currently saving up for it, and have breeched the halfway mark. It's like, totally going to happen. We talked about what I'd need during recovery, in terms of him being off of work for a few days, me needing every little thing done including my butt wiped probably for a day or two, pain pills, all the beautiful gory detail. Yes, we're that close.
(We use genders interchangeably in this house. But that's not the point.)
The point is that I am having nightmares. I wouldn't exactly say recurring nightmares. They get a little worse every time. This would be the third occasion I can recall having it . . .
. . . In the dream, it's just after my surgery and I'm sitting up in bed, screaming in pain. In the shadows of my bedroom is my seriously nice-as-pie surgeon (Dr. Mentz in Houston) and he's leering at me like a schizophrenic on PCP. I look down and my breasts are beautiful, big, perfect, everything I ever wanted. Suddenly, they explode. With ants. My breasts were full of ants. ANTS. And they're biting me inside and out. I can actually feel the searing pain in the dream, which leaves me sweaty and shaking when I swat myself awake.
I really don't like my natural breasts. I've wanted augmentation for most of my adolescent/adult life. Is this normal trepidation? Or is it a sign that I should research my doctor more? Has anyone else had Dr. Mentz before that can maybe put my mind at ease? He's totally overqualified and has a killer portfolio, so I don't get it . . . maybe it's the fact that the only surgery I've ever had before was my wisdom tooth removal, and that did NOT go so well.
I don't know. I just woke up from one of these nightmares, and am still glistening like an overworked horse.
I could really use some guidance. This sucks.



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