Results 1 to 20 of 20

Thread: What Do I Do???!!!!

  1. #1
    Veteran Member AmArticia's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Dancing for Strangers, CO
    Posts
    659
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 9 Times in 3 Posts

    Default What Do I Do???!!!!

    Names have been changed for security in the following:

    So we got a new door girl at work about a month back named Janae. The first time I met her I was like, "Gee, she looks a lot like Jessica that girl from elementary/middle school." When she opened her mouth I was like, "Okay, it's gotta be her." I was just always too shy to ask.

    Anyway, today we were talking and I mentioned something about going to school in Louisville and she's like, "Wait...what schools?" "Uhh, Fireside and Monarch K-8...you wouldn't be Jessica, would you?" "Yeah, you're Andrea, arn't you?" Well, close, my name formerly was X, but I have since changed my last name.

    Anyway, she quickly caught me up on the gossip of the four years I missed in Louisville. Apparently Kelsey E. had a baby (score! she was a bitch) and other assorted people had various other drama. My best friend turned out to be a lesbian, no suprises in that one but apparently had a very hard time coming out, which was unfortunate. Mind you, with a mother like hers, I'd have been terrified to come out too.

    Anyway, the backstory to Jessica and I is that she was my "friend" in my elementary and middle school years, but while half-assedly befriending me, she was also spreading completely vicious rumors about me as girls are wont to do.

    She seems nice enough now, but the prospect of having to work with one of my main torturers and one of the people who caused me the most pain as a kid is really giving me trouble. I really want to think that she has grown up and matured, but I'm only so capable of giving people clean slates. The fact remains that she caused me a hell of a lot of pain as a kid and I'm not sure I can completely forgive her for what she did. I'm really torn between forgiving her, beating the shit out of her, and running in abject terror to the nearest dark corner so I can cry my eyes out in peace.

    When I found out who she was today, I played nice and was certainly interested in the gossip she had, but at the same time, I could still feel within me how much I hated her and really how terrified I still am of her. This is kinda shit for the therapist's couch, being faced with the adult that girl turned into was really a mind fuck. Passive-agressive person that I am, I have every intention of outward nicety towards her, but in my heart I am fairly sure I can never forgive her for the pain she caused me.

    This presents an interesting quandry though, how to deal with these emotions and scars left over from childhood so that I can peacefully work in the same club as her without being constantly reminded of the torture. To be honest, I don't really know what to do.
    "You are NEVER too old to storm a bouncy castle!"~Jade Puget

    My Current Pet Band Is: LAZRtag!

  2. #2
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    Ignore her. "The Devil you know is better than the Devil you don't know..." Siblings have to forgive each other for this kind of thing. You don't have to forgive but you can feel smug when you cruise out the door with hundies in your pocket, past her and her emptier pockets.

    You don't have to be pals.....Fuck that shit. You just knew her a long time ago, that's all.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member 3-Legged Man's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Sunny Chicago
    Posts
    403
    Thanks
    156
    Thanked 52 Times in 37 Posts
    My Mood
    Happy

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    MM makes good points. Besides, you're both adults now. If you hide in the corner or change clubs, you're just perpetuating that old inferior behavior. You should be showing her the new, confidant you. Eventually, she may fess up and apologize for her past behavior, who knows?

  4. #4
    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Richmond, Virginia
    Posts
    3,019
    Thanks
    90
    Thanked 193 Times in 107 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    You don't have to be her friend but you can have a cordial relationship at work. I wouldn't bring up the past at all with her. Show that she didn't break you.

  5. #5
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Some Fat guys Lap!
    Posts
    9,647
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 90 Times in 67 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    ^^ Totally agree. You're what, 20yrs old..this drama happened like 7yrs ago. Be cordial. You guys dont have to hook up and be buddy buddy tight.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  6. #6
    Veteran Member ediblecrayonz's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    232
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked 18 Times in 10 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    Just don't make the time to interact with her if you don't want to. Its easy enough to stay busy in a job like this. I mean she's the doorgirl, are there any required exchanges between you two during the day? You aren't really working with her, she's just a new decoration for the club.

  7. #7
    Featured Member Ava Jadore's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Location
    6,008 ft Above Sea Level
    Posts
    928
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 9 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    I don't really have any good advice...just wanted to say I feel your pain. I was bullied ruthlessly by a group of girls for most of 6th-8th grade because I was so different and it was a living hell. Luckily I moved to another state for high school and everything was cool after that. I don't know how I would feel if I ran into one of the girls who bullied me.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
    -

  8. #8
    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    your moms house
    Posts
    5,050
    Thanks
    269
    Thanked 648 Times in 256 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    people change. not always, but they do. there's even a chance she feels badly about her past behavior. just do what others said and keep it cordial/take things slow. there's no reason to bring it up for now. think of how much you've changed since then, chances are she has too... hopefully for the better.

  9. #9
    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    3,776
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    Siblings have to forgive each other for this kind of thing.
    liar

    but either way this isn't a blood relative.

    personally I'd be curious, and just point blank ask:

    "so was there a specific reason why you spread so much shit around
    as a kid about me? Are you still that type of person, just so I know?"

    and then unless she came up with something really good, then I'd ignore her.

  10. #10
    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Center of the World.
    Posts
    3,128
    Thanks
    66
    Thanked 82 Times in 51 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    I'd be cordial but there's no point in being friends now. You're not at the club to make friends anyways, right?

    Allow yourself to get over it - forgive, let go and move on.

  11. #11
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    4,183
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 14 Times in 12 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    I don't know if I would have let her know I thought I knew who should was or not. I myself have ran into people over the years that were bullies to me while I was in high school. Only a couple recognized me and the others would be all smiley like nothing ever happened.

    I think kids that were bullies in school are acting out their home environments at school. So more than likely they aren't getting attention at home or the right kind of attention.

    If you let her know you are bothered by her than you are giving into her IMO. Just pretend she is any other door girl and don't give her any undeserved attention.

    If it makes you feel better to confront her and throw it all there than you can but you don't know whether she has changed or whether it'll make an impact upon her or not.

  12. #12
    Veteran Member JDanielle's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Denver, CO
    Posts
    235
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 5 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    Something similar happened to me, I ended up working in a movie theater with someone who really made my life miserable in elementary school. I decided to give her another chance because we were older and she apologized for being horrible back then. But she was still as rude, gossipy, and vapid as she had been when we were 9.

    So I agree with everyone else. Don't make a big deal out of it, but I wouldn't ever really talk to her unless I was getting big bills at the end of the night or something.

  13. #13
    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    1,362
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 32 Times in 14 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    treat her like all the other dancers. Be cordial and nice, but keep to yourself and do what you're supposed to be doing- making money.

    and plus... you're both strippers now, what does it mattered what happened in the past? You're on a level playing field. Since she's new... you're even a little bit higher.

  14. #14
    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Nudie-Land
    Posts
    7,219
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 4,151 Times in 1,462 Posts
    My Mood
    Sneaky

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    I'll tell you what to do. Stop freaking out. You wrote everything down, got it off your chest, lifted a burden from your shoulders. Get it the fuck out of your system and get back to making money.

    What happened years ago doesn't matter. When you work you have to put the blinders on and be the best you can be. Don't let the universe implode in on itself... that's just your imagination.


    Hustle hard, Work smart, and don't think about that bitch... or any bitch at your club. Go for the $$$$$!
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

  15. #15
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    235
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    Or . . . you don't have to give her a clean slate.
    You don't have to "play nice." But, because she is a co-worker, it would be in your best interest to be civil.
    But now you have time and experience on your side.
    Today, you have the power to not allow yourself to be bullied. Now, you can say, "I will not allow this". Remind yourself of who you are now, that you're in the present, it's 2008, your name is -------- and you're not a kid anymore. You can be an adult and say "We need to talk about your unacceptable behaviour" if she's currently giving you shit. If not, then know that those angry feelings towards her are real - those are the feelings of you back then, of you now looking back on how helpless and inferior you felt back then. What is she doing to you now? Don't let her - or anyone - do that to you again.

    And who knows? Maybe she remembers and feels shitty, or maybe she doesn't remember, or even care.

  16. #16
    Veteran Member Arizona_Angel's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Currently in Chicago, Illinois
    Posts
    441
    Thanks
    148
    Thanked 55 Times in 42 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    I had a similar childhood, completely made fun of and tortured by a select few. I ran into two of them at a reunion where they were overly nice and they even tried apologizing. I told them to shove it up their asses....

    Maybe I should have been the 'bigger person' and written it off as kids being kids but what they did really hurt me and I am sorry...I won't forgive them. Petty, yes.

    If I was in your situation I would just be friendly only to keep peace within the workplace. You certainly don't have to forgive or forget, but don;t let her do it again. You have every right to work there and feel okay about it.

  17. #17
    Banned
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,475
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    Yha just treat her like you would treat any other door girl. Don't try to be friends and don't ignore her and you'll be okay. My worst enemy got a job at my job a couple years after I last saw her (I was still only in 10th grade) and I did this and all was well. She hadn't matured at all (as I heard her spreading crap about someone else) but i was of no interest of hers anymore.

    Yall are adults now so you have even more of a chance that she won't be weird.

  18. #18
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    2,222
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    I agree with what most others have said. Be civil to keep the peace at work but odn't feel you need to be overly nice to her or bring up whats happened in the past. The best thing you can do is be confident, make money and show her what a beautiful well adjusted person you've turned out to be. Don't let whats happened in the past bring down what you have now.



    "I don't take a piss without getting paid for it." - Harlan Ellison

    Life is movement, movement is life.
    To live is to move, to move is to be alive.
    - Mirka Knaster


    Quote Originally Posted by pixierocksonthepole View Post
    "tampons are proof that God exsists."

  19. #19
    Featured Member exotica268's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    895
    Thanks
    318
    Thanked 58 Times in 44 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    I agree w/not having to be friends w/her. She's your coworker, and you're there to make money, not friends. I wouldn't even bring up stuff she did to you in the past. Turn all of that negative energy into positive energy put into making money.

    I don't know what I'd truly do if I were in your position. Hell, I won't even accept a friend request on facebook from my elem school bully, and she even mssged me asking why I won't lol. As immature as it may sound, I almost wanted to change my Myspace page to make it look like I'm deranged and would kill someone...and have my favorite movies as ones where bullied school kids kill their enemies...and have a really dark crazy looking page...that would scare her...and then add her as a friend! I still think about it. I still wish I could make her suffer, physically and mentally to the point of ALMOST breaking. Um...yeah

    Anyhow, keep telling yourself that you're not in school anymore. You've matured, and I'm sure your past has gotten you where you are now...in both bad AND GOOD ways.

  20. #20
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    1,420
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: What Do I Do???!!!!

    deleted.
    Last edited by Brendita; 10-13-2008 at 02:43 AM.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •