Names have been changed for security in the following:
So we got a new door girl at work about a month back named Janae. The first time I met her I was like, "Gee, she looks a lot like Jessica that girl from elementary/middle school." When she opened her mouth I was like, "Okay, it's gotta be her." I was just always too shy to ask.
Anyway, today we were talking and I mentioned something about going to school in Louisville and she's like, "Wait...what schools?" "Uhh, Fireside and Monarch K-8...you wouldn't be Jessica, would you?" "Yeah, you're Andrea, arn't you?" Well, close, my name formerly was X, but I have since changed my last name.
Anyway, she quickly caught me up on the gossip of the four years I missed in Louisville. Apparently Kelsey E. had a baby (score! she was a bitch) and other assorted people had various other drama. My best friend turned out to be a lesbian, no suprises in that one but apparently had a very hard time coming out, which was unfortunate. Mind you, with a mother like hers, I'd have been terrified to come out too.
Anyway, the backstory to Jessica and I is that she was my "friend" in my elementary and middle school years, but while half-assedly befriending me, she was also spreading completely vicious rumors about me as girls are wont to do.
She seems nice enough now, but the prospect of having to work with one of my main torturers and one of the people who caused me the most pain as a kid is really giving me trouble. I really want to think that she has grown up and matured, but I'm only so capable of giving people clean slates. The fact remains that she caused me a hell of a lot of pain as a kid and I'm not sure I can completely forgive her for what she did. I'm really torn between forgiving her, beating the shit out of her, and running in abject terror to the nearest dark corner so I can cry my eyes out in peace.
When I found out who she was today, I played nice and was certainly interested in the gossip she had, but at the same time, I could still feel within me how much I hated her and really how terrified I still am of her. This is kinda shit for the therapist's couch, being faced with the adult that girl turned into was really a mind fuck. Passive-agressive person that I am, I have every intention of outward nicety towards her, but in my heart I am fairly sure I can never forgive her for the pain she caused me.
This presents an interesting quandry though, how to deal with these emotions and scars left over from childhood so that I can peacefully work in the same club as her without being constantly reminded of the torture. To be honest, I don't really know what to do.




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