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Thread: Relationships

  1. #1
    Veteran Member jennahoff's Avatar
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    Default Relationships

    What are the most important things for you in a relationship?
    Ive dated a bunch of guys, some serious(very serious), some just for fun and all the relationships seem to have been so different. Some i trusted, some i didnt, 2 i have loved, and one i down right hated (i was 16 at the time).
    So i guess over the years(im 26 now) ive been around long enough to know myself prety well and what i can and cannot deal with in a relationship?

    how important is a sexual relationship to you? How important is it that you like their family(or does that not matter?) and vice versa?
    how important are looks-careers? that sorta thing.

    Im just curious as to everyones standards..
    ~jenna~

  2. #2
    Veteran Member LiveFree's Avatar
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    Default Re: Relationships

    I'm told that as you get older, the career factor gets weighed more heavily into your decision-making.

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    Default Re: Relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by jennahoff View Post
    how important is a sexual relationship to you? How important is it that you like their family(or does that not matter?) and vice versa?
    how important are looks-careers? that sorta thing.
    Sex in a relationship is very important to me. I'm a sexual creature by nature...I need my sex0rs.

    Well my only family really is my mom. So he would have to be nice and cool with her. Also, be able to stand my crazy hippie beach loving mom.

    I've humped and dated some not so cute guys. As far as I care as long as he is attractive to me then that's all I care about. He has to have a job or be in college to get a job.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Relationships

    He has to think I'm the most awesome chick ever (obviously, that goes with never talking down to me... ever). He has to be smart and sweet and have his shit together. None of that "down the road" crap. He has to have goals.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Relationships

    I want a guy that's sweet and smart enough to carry on a conversation about more than just drinking beer and partying all day. Sex needs to be good, but really isn't the most important thing to me, and neither are looks. I'd rather have a sweet, employed, smart, cute guy that thinks I'm awesome than some douchebag that's hot but a total dumbass with attitude.

    I really don't care if my family likes my guy, they never have liked anybody I've dated and probably never will. It doesn't bug me anymore. Most guy's parents don't like me so I'm kinda used to that as well. I understand most parents not wanting their son to date a porn chick, so it doesn't hurt my feelings like it used to.

  6. #6
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Relationships

    He has to be a strange as me, and as loyal.

  7. #7
    God/dess CKXXX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Relationships

    Trust,respect and chemistry. The rest is icing!

    Quote Originally Posted by lexilou View Post
    "I'll picklepunch you in your twatwaffle!"

  8. #8
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Relationships

    CKXXX - I have to agree. Those are the basics .. the rest are just specifics.

    Granted, I'm realising in my current relationship that I am loving how affectionate this guy is towards me. I don't care if he says he loves me nor not.. just as long as he gives me plenty of hugs, kisses and "those looks"

    Plus .. yes.. we MUST be compatible sexually however that goes under chemistry IMO. I am a sexual being, I have my needs and desires and really won't be happy if they are not met some-what. I really can't understand how people can be involved in a sexually unfulfilling relationship....

    Sex is not the be all and end all however plays an important role for me personally.

    Career - I totally understand how it is very rare for people to be in the same "job" (or career/work) for the rest of their life... at least be qualified to do something that will provide steady employment... as I hope that the person extends the same "thought" to me (since I've had a few "careers" in my time and plan to go from this to dog grooming / animal care eventually).

    Must like animals ! Since I plan to move into an animal based "business" eventually... and have my own cat (I adopted Marnie 1st July)... and animals have and always will be a part of my life in some form/variety... you don't like them? I don't like you. Good bye.

    Otherwise, yeah, the rest is just specifics. I'm happy (very happy) with the guy I have now. It's still going great after 3 weeks and just feels so easy for me to be me around him (and the feeling is mutual on his end).


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Veteran Member LiveFree's Avatar
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    Default Re: Relationships

    LOL pretty much

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    Default Re: Relationships

    I NEED to be with someone who is upfront with me, no matter what it is. I also need someone who can deal with that quality in me. I don;t play games like that, ever.

    Other than that having a sense of humor like mine.

    Looks aren't very important to me at all. If I love someone they'll grow on me.

    I also don't care much about sex but if he never got aroused around me, that would hurt my feelings.

  12. #12
    Veteran Member renaissance's Avatar
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    Default Re: Relationships

    A while ago I spent some time thinking about this and wrote out what I'm looking for:

    "I want a girl who is funny and not afraid to be a dork (what I call adorakble...an adorable dork), has a positive mental attitude and can turn any situation into a fun one, kind and compassionate with a heart for others, intelligent but not overly intellectual (although I am a master-debater), clever and witty, fun to be around, a great friend to others, is able to be loved and to love, will talk to me about nothing on the phone for hours just because we have so much fun, knows a lot about something and is willing to share/teach me about it, adventurous knows how to please me in bed and up for trying new things, likes me for me, great at cuddling, will burp in front of me, loves dancing and going out but also loves having a movie night at home, thinks that it's cute that my favorite part about traveling is the airports, creative, takes naughty pictures and sends them to me when I'm not there, makes fantabulous sex noises, will come up with cute little surprises for me, supportive, fun and flirty, can cook healthy and take care of me, loves just spending time with me, has similar tastes in women and will bring them home for us to share (hey, I know what I want), aware of her personality and how she works so we can understand our similarities and differences to be able to better communicate, and is just overall a kick ass-awesome woman!"
    Conducting myself in a terribly sexy fashion on and

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Relationships

    deleted.
    Last edited by Brendita; 10-13-2008 at 02:47 AM.

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    Banned jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Relationships

    Well, I'm married now, but when I was single this would have been my answer.

    The sex has to be good. He HAS to have a great sense of humor. Also, must be kind, loyal, well educated and have good career possiblilities. It doesn't matter what kind of crap they spew about quitting drinking and going to school and getting their shit in order. They can always try AFTER they get their shit together.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Relationships

    Trust is the most important issue to me in a relationship. Especially after having two men cheat on me back to back. It'll probably be a while before I will ever be able to give someone full trust again which is primarily why I have put dating on the back burner in my life for now.

    I'd like him to get along with my family, particularly my grandmother because her and I are close. Getting along with her isn't hard to do though.

    As far as his family goes I don't want him to be up their ass because I have dated a "mama's boy" before and that wasn't fun. But I would prefer him to have a good-standing relationship with them, of course that's not something that everyone has complete control of and it's just a preference of mine. I also don't want to see anyone with children because I've also experienced that and it wasn't fun either.

    Chemistry is a must and he must take care of himself physically. I am not looking for a GQ model but someone who trys to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I find different things attractive physically at different times.

    Sex is important too but the trust and chemistry have to be there first. He doesn't have to be perfect in bed but willing to learn and eager to please me. Everyone likes different things so communication and openness is key.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Oh yeah, intelligence is a must a too, I can't deal with a guy who can't carry on an intelligent conversation. Of course he must be ambitious and desire to do well in his career of choice but that's not a deal breaker for me just so as long as he has a job and isn't a slacker.

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    Veteran Member RebeccaSolidarity's Avatar
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    Hmmm.

    First of all the sex needs to be good, and by good I mean both people involved need to be generous and creative and willing to commit to some serious marathons. People have told me in the past that I am a very challenging lay since it can take quite a long time to get me to come and it usually involves more oral than anything else. Though women can get away with not really working me far more often than men can. Plus intelligence is real important and so is compassion and a willingness to step outside of their comfort zone and enjoy experiences for what they are. They would also need to be able to accept what I do for a living. No racism allowed, no misogyny allowed, no classism or homophobia or transphobia or any of that allowed. Cuddling is good. But most important of all is space space and more space, not in the literal sense though. I like spending lots of time with whomever I am dating. But it needs to feel like they do not need me around all the time, they just want me around. If not hearing from me for a few days is going to put him on a week long bender of depression and alcohol then I am going to end that relationship pretty damn quick, as one poor young man learned the hard way not too long ago. Being a carpenter seems to help mitigate most other problems. For some reason I have this total jones for carpenters.

    There is more stuff but I cannot recall it all at the moment.

    Edited to Add: Oh yeah and if the person is a man then absolutely no 'haw haw, I made my girlfriend straight' jokes. File that under homophobia AND instant kill.

    I dunno about family stuff since I only made it that far into a relationship once and her puritannical conservative mother kind of hated me. Her sisters adored me but that was because we already knew each other and they were the ones who set me up with her. Since that relationship I have not really done so well on that front. Siblings tend to like me and I guess it is important to me that the family likes me but it is not something I spend much time thinking about. Maybe I have been trained to just accept that families are a non-issue because of the whole queers-for-years thing.

    Looks are more important to me than I generally admit, though there is also this weird standard in my head that makes me uncomfortable. Men do not need to be all that attractive so long as they are not particularly unattractive or anything like that. Plain is fine so long as they have a strong personality and make a good partner. Women on the other hand, well my standards are quite a bit higher for some reason and I tend to value things in different ways. Looks are far more important than I want them to be when it comes to women although I am very conscious about not expressing that as part of my criteria. I definitely avoid telling people that I am not interested in them because of how they look, even if that is the sole reason sometimes, and I can get pretty compulsive and paranoid about trying to not hurt peoples feelings when it comes to appearance stuff. Intelligence ceases to be quite so important to me but friendliness and general niceness becomes waaaay more important when I am dating a woman. This is all stuff that I am working on though, because I am sure most of it comes from various kinds of internalized fucked up bullshit. Still have not fully unpacked it all though.
    Last edited by RebeccaSolidarity; 07-06-2008 at 06:41 PM.

    It can be difficult to make a recently single man pay for sex when he knows that a quick trip to the local watering hole would secure at least one hard drunken tumble for far less cash. It is even more difficult when he is something of a dead ringer for James Bond as played by Daniel Craig and possesses the sort of awkard charm and confidence that brands a man like him as a lady killer.

    - Daisy Loveless, Serving Lunch Weblog

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