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Thread: Ladies, help please

  1. #1
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    Default Ladies, help please

    I'm working my way through the 1,000 Things To Do Before You Die, and one of them is to date/fuck a hot stripper. To me, "hot stripper" means a brunette 18-25 y/o, between 5'2" and 5'6", slim build with largish natural breasts -- so if you can help me nail someone within those parameters, that'd be great, kthx.

    I'm older, not particularly attractive (I wasn't even attractive when I was younger, and it's only gone downhill), not much money to lavish on anyone (paying for it wouldn't count anyway), and I don't have traditional "game" with the fairer sex. I don't own a guitar, and have no hair to thrash while head-banging, but I can still play my tuba pretty well. I don't have muscles and my penis is merely average-sized. I do have a big heart and a lot of love to give.

    And oh, I'm married, so this all has to be on the downlow.

    Knowing my goal and what I have to work with, what are the magic words? Cmon ladies, give it up, I need the Keys to the Kingdom, the Double Secret Password. I know it's out there somewhere. Help a brotha out.
    Last edited by Everyman; 07-08-2008 at 06:40 AM. Reason: To make it funnier -- tubas are funnier than trumpets

  2. #2
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    You forgot the "I'm a nice guy" LOL.

    ETA: Deposit $1000 into this paypal account and I will give u the secret, it's much better than those other ones out there.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    You forgot the "I'm a nice guy" LOL.

    ETA: Deposit $1000 into this paypal account and I will give u the secret, it's much better than those other ones out there.
    I AM a nice guy, but I can play the "bad boy" if it will help me bang my hot young brunette stripper. You tell me.

    Put $1000 into your paypal?......maybe later.

  4. #4
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Maybe later LOL. I think Im gonna kick the next maybe later in the balls!!

    Hey it's cheaper than that pick up a stripper course someone mentioned on here a while back. Hehe well I dont even have paypal anyway LOL.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  5. #5
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Wow, an older, self described unattractive man with no money....., there is probably not a magic password that would make a "hot stripper" drop her panties for you unless you find a genie in a bottle and he grants you three wishes....oh and you're MARRIED on top of it. Nice. How many times do we have to say this?

    THERE IS NO SECRET PASSWORD. We're strippers. Not video games.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

  6. #6
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    lord, just get a hooker and live the fantasy youll have a lot better luck.

  7. #7
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Guys... you do realize that he's being satirical, right?
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    ^seriously.

    It's a joke kids.

  9. #9
    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    ^ Yep. A pretty funny one, actually.

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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Kandie says "joke", Jenny says "satirical" ... I could probably write a chapter on that right there. Probably with footnotes re: monocles, cigarette holders, and the correct pronunciation of the word "aunt".

  11. #11
    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    I wanna know how many PL's have this thread bookmarked.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

  12. #12
    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    And oh, I'm married, so this all has to be on the downlow.

    Does you wife know how lucky she is to have a man like you?

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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    Does you wife know how lucky she is to have a man like you?

    My wife is in a coma.

  14. #14
    Veteran Member Gabrielle MB's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    My wife is in a coma.
    self induced? So she does know!

  15. #15
    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    My wife is in a coma.
    Then she is lucky since she doesn't have to deal with you.

  16. #16
    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    I'm working my way through the 1,000 Things To Do Before You Die,
    What have you come up with for number 999?
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

  17. #17
    Veteran Member rlams2000's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    I wanna know how many PL's have this thread bookmarked.
    I have. I want to know the secret. Do tell.

  18. #18
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    too bad you want natural breasts. guess that means im out...damn

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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    deleted.
    Last edited by Brendita; 10-13-2008 at 02:44 AM.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Brendita View Post
    If she's in a coma, then I don't suppose it matters if it is on the DL, right?
    You'd think that, but she has 4 identical sisters (she is one of a set of identical quintuplets, oddly enough born without fertility drugs), and I think 3 of her sisters are keeping an eye on me. They go see her all the time, and who knows how much she understands of what they tell her? I mean, sometimes we get hand squeezes that might be interpreted as "yes" or "no".

    So to be safe, better keep it on the DL for now.

  21. #21
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    *Sigh* If only I could find a man like you...

  22. #22
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    *Sigh* If only I could find a man like you...
    i know.... why is it all the good ones are taken? and dont like fake boobs?....

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Ha Ha Ha
    We are the all seeing all knowing scum of the earth...
    Do not fuck with us - Tyler Durden


    Snootchie Bootchies

  24. #24
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    ^It's our lot in life to have to settle for men of a lesser caliber. Not all women are meant to have top quality partners. It's a sad truth.

    And they don't like fake boobs because they're afraid that if they try to drown you, your fake boobs will keep you afloat.

  25. #25
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Ladies, help please

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post

    And they don't like fake boobs because they're afraid that if they try to drown you, your fake boobs will keep you afloat.
    you are officially the first person ive ever siggy quoted

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