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Thread: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

  1. #1
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    Default Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    I've been dating a girl who I met at her club. We've been together for eight months. We have a great time together, lots of common interests, always make each other laugh, and strong attraction. She's become my best friend. We've even used the "L" word to each other.

    Here's the problem, though. At times, we talk about everything. She's told me about her very messed-up childhood (abuse, foster care) and her problems with drugs and alcohol. She still has strained relations with her family. Yet, just when we seem to get really close, she shuts down on me and pushes me away.

    We went away for a weekend together about a month ago.

    When we got back, she didn't call for several days. When I finally talked to her, she accused me of going to her club and picking up other girls. I would never do that. She is the most amazing woman I've ever known. Everyone there knows me as her bf. Besides, I live almost 200 miles from her and have a full-time job. She said "You don't know me at all. You don't understand what I go through every day." She has basically refused to talk to me since.

    I just don't understand her behavior. I tried to give her plenty of space. I've treated her with kindness, respect, tried to make her feel special--and she still can't trust me. I'm worried about drugs and alcohol. I love her and I'd do anything for her. How do I show her that she can TRUST me and COMMUNICATE with me?

    Thank you for your replies.

  2. #2
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    You can't show her. She's pushing you away to protect herself. If she wants to be with you she'll do it on her own free will. There is nothing you can do or say and trying to do more will push her away even further.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    She probably has trust issues. It's great that u care so much about her. I don't know what to suggest but maybe try to talk to her about being more open and communicating with you more.

    Sorry I cant suggest anything more helpful.
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  4. #4
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    It's nice of you to care so much. But that won't be enough if she's just not ready to let you be more important in her life.

    The above posters (greenidlady1 and jaizaine) have great replies. Good luck and I hope you both move your relationship to a place where it can survive and flourish- you sound lucky to have eachother.

  5. #5
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    Sounds like a girl at my club. To a T almost. She gets on the phone with this guy who lives a LONG ass way away and cries and throws a fit about how he doesn't understand and he's older than her and he's supposed to set the example. Then she gets off the phone and laughs and a few hours later he's there giving her money. He's also bought her a car and boobs and gone on vacations and such. She even says the L word. I hope for your sake she's not playing you. After what I've seen though it sounds likely.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    Quote Originally Posted by ajbaer View Post
    Sounds like a girl at my club. To a T almost. She gets on the phone with this guy who lives a LONG ass way away and cries and throws a fit about how he doesn't understand and he's older than her and he's supposed to set the example. Then she gets off the phone and laughs and a few hours later he's there giving her money. He's also bought her a car and boobs and gone on vacations and such. She even says the L word. I hope for your sake she's not playing you. After what I've seen though it sounds likely.
    classic!

    I was thinking that might be the case here.

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    ditto... great minds..

    Love it!

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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    I would run away at the first mentioning of "difficult childhood".
    It's not worth it dude, to be with what I call "problem" women, like those who are married, have issues, live too far away, drug users, etc. The nicer you will treat her the more of an emotional napkin you will be. People should solve their own issues dude, you can't do it for them. Same goes to me. Being single has a lot of distinct advantages, it's not something to be afraid of.
    What if she freaks out and commits suicide, do you want to be a part of that? Don't you have anything better to do in your life?
    Anyway...
    (Not to mention, she probably lied everything about her foster bs parents, it looks like a romantic novel, to me, read one for your education like "Perfect" you'll see what I am talking about...)

  9. #9
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    Quote Originally Posted by mrXmind View Post
    I would run away at the first mentioning of "difficult childhood".
    It's not worth it dude, to be with what I call "problem" women, like those who are married, have issues, live too far away, drug users, etc.
    What if she freaks out and commits suicide, do you want to be a part of that? Don't you have anything better to do in your life?
    Anyway...
    How would you feel if I made this generalization about a foster kid or a male friend of yours? Anyway...

    She might be playing you but she also might abhor feeling "pitied". & Frankly if she's succeeding on her own your desire to be with her is flattering but not "neccessary" to her.

    I would step back and see what she does.

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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    OP here. Thanks for all the great replies. I've thought about a lot of issues that posters have brought up.

    I don't think she's playing me. She has never accepted any money from me since we started seeing each other OTC. She doesn't dance for me. She even pays sometimes when we go out. Even when she was having some financial issues earlier this year, she refused my offer of assistance.

    She does hate being "pitied" and has a fierce independent streak. That's why I've tried to be her honest friiend. I tell her what I think about things (even when she doesn't like what I say.) I've tried to show her that I trust her and I'm ALWAYS there for her.

    I know she has a lot of pain and that she has to resolve her own issues. She's smart, beautiful, funny and deserves a great life. I just MISS her; I wish she believed she is as special as I know she is.

  11. #11
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girlfriend who won't Communicate

    well, if she's not playing you, just leave her alone.

    If she likes you, she'll let you know.

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