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Thread: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    I keep thinking I've 'gotten over' depression. I appear fairly happy, I live a healthy fruitful life. I make good money, work very little, have strong ambitions, go to the gym often, eat super healthy, live in a nice apartment in a resort city of the world, have good friends, have a large savings, am learning new things, have many books to read, my bills are paid, I have no debt - fuck, I have a GREAT life. So many people would give everything to be in my situation.

    I am depressed.

    And it's not like it's debilitating, but I'm obviously fooling myself into thinking it's better than it is. I keep thinking, bah, it's just a little depression, I'll get over it. I know, I'll bake cookies! But it doesn't help. I just continuously keep distracting myself from the fact I am certain I have depression. I keep thinking it'll go away - there's no reason for it!!

    I keep wanting to kill myself. Even when I'm doing something I like. I still go out with friends but I'm quiet and reserved and apologize a lot for things I can't control - like movie times. I keep thinking, "I should just die." And the thing is.. I don't want to.. I like everything... but I still keep thinking it. I don't get it at all.

    Why am I on the verge of tears every night before bed? I haven't cried in almost a year now. Why do I think of slitting my wrists in the shower? I haven't cut myself in almost 6 years.

    I don't want to go back on meds. I'm a lot better outwardly, you can't even tell I'm depressed. But inwardly, I feel distraught, scared, sad, upset.. and I don't even have a reason.

    You know that feeling a few weeks after someone has died? Where nothing is really wrong and you're living life again but you feel down and dragged back and sluggish? It's like that.

    Should I go back on meds temporary? Or should I keep trying to wait it out?


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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    I feel like this. I am very successful as well. Success doesn't fucking matter.

    Depression is so sneaky.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Yeah I don't get it. It's not like I have stressful bills or someone died or a have a medical emergency I need to take care of and no insurance, my house is intact, my cats are still cuddly... I don't get it at all!


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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Depression doesn't have to be about material/financial happiness or job satisfaction, it can be a hormonal/chemical problem. You can't expect to be able to control that.
    I think you'd be suprised how many people suffer the same way, but if you can keep those thoughts in the back of your mind, and learn to deal with them, distraction is often the best way to do it actually! You can learn to cope/live with it.
    Maybe try to accept it as part of you, instead of focusing on it in a negative way? Dwelling on it/wondering why/what's wrong can often be more harmful.

    Kel x

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Yeah but that's how I got over it the first time!! I just - stopped letting myself be depressed. It's not working anymore. I want to cry in the cookies I make. I'm just so sad. I am having the BEST day tomorrow and I'm still sad.


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    Veteran Member 3-Legged Man's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Maybe you should see a doctor and find a minimal level of meds to help you out. Since you have no obvious external problems causing you this distress, then that leaves physical causes. Good luck. I hope you work it out. You're a lovely, wonderful person.

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    Veteran Member BabyGirlKylie's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Agreed. Depression is SO sneaky.
    I've been dealing with anxiety and depression my whole life. I know exactly where you are coming from.
    The way you wrote "I'm depressed" in bold letters said it all. That's exactly what I did when I knew, I mean, KNEW something was wrong with me. After years of trying to "deal with it" I said it, I wrote it, I said it louder.
    Depression is not only hard to deal with, its even harder to explain to people. When everything seems fine (friends, money, health, etc etc) people tend to look at you like you are nuts, or ungratefull. I swear if I hear "what are you complaining about?" or "Just cheer up" one more time......
    Depression isn't something you can fix. It's just not. It's a medical condition (dare I say a disease?) that may or may not require medical treatment.
    I'm on meds right now after a very very bad year of not taking anything. I don't like being on meds but it's better then waking up everyday thinking of 101 ways to kill myself.

    Whatever you decide to do, just know that you aren't alone.
    "I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade.
    And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka and have a party."
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "You're not too smart, are you? I like that in a man."

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?



    You guys are so great.

    Funny thing is, nobody else can even tell I'm depressed. Outwardly, I pretty much act the same. Nobody tells me to get over it because I act happy. I just feel so sad.


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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Yes I know that feeling all too well. The best way I can describe it is having a cloud of sadness hanging over me constantly.

    The last time I felt like it I had just bought my very first brand new car. I sat in my car thinking I should be so happy and I should be enjoying this experience but all I felt like doing is crying.

    You ask why? Well some depression is situational - related to things that are happening in your life but some depression is not. It can be chemical and there are also psychological theories about depression being a learned behaviour from ones family (this is really interesting and makes a lot of sense to me).

    I do think u should temporarily go back on meds. It worries me that u are having the suicidal ideation. You might just need a little assistance from medication to get yourself back on track. Please keep exercising. I cant stress enough how much this helps for people suffering depression and anxiety. If I dont go to gym Im a mess.
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  10. #10
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    I'm in a similar situation. I don't want to get meds, because last time they made me A LOT worse. Even when I tried to talk to my DR. about how things were getting worse for me. I also just stopped everything and said, "I'm fixed now" but that only seems to be a temporary fix. It's really messed up it seems in my head. I'm really worried about entering a marriage like this.
    A side note on meds and exercise. There is new research out that shows that SSRI's (serotonin based meds) don't actually work by increasing your serotonin amounts, but that they grow new neurons, JUST THE SAME as exercise does. It's something like this. E came home last night and after reading through science articles throughout the day was talking about it. I may have some of the details botched, but I think that's the overall gist.

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    Banned MissTaylor's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Why not find a great therapist to talk to. If you don't want to be on meds, don't be on meds. There are alternatives (brain chemistry testing being one) and you don't have to be on SSRI's or whatever.

    It's hard to trick our brains in to being happy.

  12. #12
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    ^^I agree with that. You don't always have to take medication for depression. There are alternatives, such as cognitive behavioral therapy. I've been off head pills since 2002 and through a pregnancy so I've been doing pretty good with a lot of 'mind over matter' kind of thinking. I don't see a therapist at the moment but I probably should.

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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Funny thing is, nobody else can even tell I'm depressed. Outwardly, I pretty much act the same. Nobody tells me to get over it because I act happy. I just feel so sad.
    This is usually the deal when people get depressed. I do it. Act happy on the outside while the storm rages on inside. You should see someone to talk to who understand your use or non-use of anti-depressants.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Veteran Member Nini Nieb's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Maybe you just feeling lonely !?

    On the outside you are this young independent empowering sexy woman ... On the inside you'r looking for a stable relationship with one of The Flying Doctors ???

    Just saying !?

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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Not that I'm there in your life or anything, Lys, but I do think your living situation probably has a lot to do with it (I'm assuming you're still slogging it through with M?). You really DO have a fantastic life, but I could see this as being a real sticking place for the bad thoughts to collect-that feeling of trapped. I'm not a fan of meds, but maybe? Just to get through to whenever you need to? Oct?

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    ^ That probably has a lot to do with it.

    I get super jealous when I'm in my single friend's apartments and they live on their own. I want to live on my own so bad. I'm so independant and having a little kid attached to me like M is driving me down. I DO feel trapped and upset. I want to be single and dating!! Having fun, having my own place... not crying because I've spent two hours cleaning and M spent two hours emptying sugar packets in a bowl because "It'll save us two dollars!" How about saving me an hour of cleaning!? (he did this last night.. )

    I don't wanna whinge because everything IS great right now and he's really not the cause of my depression - but he is a factor in me not being totally happy.

    Edit for people not in the know: I can't leave M. If I do, I lose all immigrational rights with him and have to start over with 3-4 more years of immigration through other means. I'm only about 3 months away from citizenship at this point. No sense leaving. I also sometimes fantasize he actually grows up someday, but it ain't happening.


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    Featured Member pinkpvc's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Hi deary
    I am in the same situation. Got a great bf of 4 yrs, got great results at uni, any normal person would be happy
    But i'm still depressed.
    I keep thinking I am expected to be better by now (after 2 years on meds). This was the summer when i would come off the meds, agreed by the doctor.
    But here i am crying for no reasons and thinking about suicide.

    Depression doesn't have to have a reason, and if meds help then go back on them. It doesnt make you a weak person, in fact you are a stronger person for realising thers a problem and seeking help.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    after a few months of being single youll want a man again. the grass is always greener, you know?


    if your bf is dragging you down and you peg that as a probloem, then you need to do something about it or at least make plans to when you can. i did and it was the best thing i could have done for myself.

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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    If you don't want to do antidepressants, maybe trying acupuncture or seeing a naturopathic physician first to see if it isn't something environmental that is causing your depression.

    Also see a regular MD as well. If you think you might try an kill yourself, you definately need to get into your doctor right away.


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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    i stopped getting depression episodes when i became content rather than seeking happiness. happy is fleeting, contentment stays with you. it's not that i don't have unhappy days or even weeks, but more that my lows are just never that low anymore.

    the moment i realised i'd achieved contentment was one of the best moments of my life. abandoning the pursuit of happiness actually did more for my depressiveness than anything else.

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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    <<<<<*sighs heavily*

    I swear, I loooove this site. Though my life isn't as problem free as yours, other people I know would love to be in my shoes too, if just for a bit. I have my days where I just bawl, like yesterday. Some times, I don't know why I become so overwhelmed with the blasted thoughts, but I too have wondered what if...

    I'm not happy. Sure, I have two big ass gas guzzlers; nice pieces of quality jewelry; clothes galore; I eat damn well; a lovely apt.; but I don't have a set of good friends. I've had to let some of them go because all they did was take from me. I feel lonely alot. I want to be in love with someone who'd love me just as fiercely. Yet, I won't hold my breathe on that dream.
    I want a toy pup, thinking it would help with the loneliness but I travel and have no one who could take care of it, so that's out.
    I'm terrified as hell of wanting to stick my monies in my other business ventures, because I don't know if I'll recoup. And I know, scared money doesn't make money.
    Then I think of my past failures. That just all comes down on me at once.

    And I'm a damn strong woman but sometimes....I dunno. Its hard to put in words.

    Then I look at people less fortunate and immediately feel like a complete asshole. I feel like a big ass loser sometimes because I know I'm not living up to my potential.

    Now I feel like crying as I type this...well the tears are rolling now. Some times I just get so tired of being strong and indy-damn-fuckn-pendent. But really, what else could I possibly do???? But I'm not helping any am I. I'm just as fucked up.

    Then just as soon as the tears drop, they dry up and another brilliant idea pops up in my head, like just now. Really.

    I'm sure you don't want to be dependent on meds. BUT, if they really do help you, then take them, even ask your doctor for a lighter prescription perhaps?

    But from what you typed, you only have 3 long, measly months to go before your legal. Ride it out baby. Ride it out. During that time, make plans for yourself. Have your monies in order. Make sure when you leave "M" or whomever, that your going to be in a position to where you won't ever have to return, because there will be static on that move.

    Sure, I could type "Keep hope alive!" all day everyday, but strangely, at times, hope is all we have.
    I wanna type a whole lot more but I'll just chill and besides, I need to wash my face anyway. lol

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    Banned MissTaylor's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Try focusing on the end picture. Three months from now.

    I was really depressed six months before I moved to Los Angeles. All I wanted was to be with my boyfriend and away from everything that was dragging me down. My "therapist" at the time told me to pick a date to move and once I have that to focus on, happiness will follow. And it did. I picked a day and everything after that was just one more day marked off the calendar. It really made everything so much easier.

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    God/dess Bunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Yes I know that feeling all too well. The best way I can describe it is having a cloud of sadness hanging over me constantly.

    The last time I felt like it I had just bought my very first brand new car. I sat in my car thinking I should be so happy and I should be enjoying this experience but all I felt like doing is crying.

    You ask why? Well some depression is situational - related to things that are happening in your life but some depression is not. It can be chemical and there are also psychological theories about depression being a learned behaviour from ones family (this is really interesting and makes a lot of sense to me).

    I do think u should temporarily go back on meds. It worries me that u are having the suicidal ideation. You might just need a little assistance from medication to get yourself back on track. Please keep exercising. I cant stress enough how much this helps for people suffering depression and anxiety. If I dont go to gym Im a mess.

    This really struck me because a few months ago I bought a new car. I was soooo excited about getting my car. Then when I got it I got a little depressed. Don't get me wrong, I still love the car, but I sort of felt depressed. It was really weird.

    I get depressed when I don't have a lot of work to do. I think this has always been my way of coping with depression. I used to get very depressed as a teen until I got my first job. Maybe a lot of workaholics have the same issue.

    Whether or not you take meds, though, I think it would be good to see a therapist/counselor of some sort. I'm curious about acupuncture. Has anyone actually tried that and did it help?

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    Veteran Member MichelleJade's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    After all the time spent trying to forget about being depressed... is it possible to forget what caused the depression in the first place?
    It's entirely possible there's a physical reason, I'd get that ruled out. But I think it's usually something deeper. I noticed changes in weather make me suicidal, actually.
    My boyfriend was sick for a week, so I couldn't see him much. And amazingly, after that week I just felt so much happier. All I had needed was a week to myself, and I was instantly cured.
    I keep a log... you may want to consider it. I just record random stuff, like amount of sleep, weather, mood, any drastic changes. Maybe some sort of change in routine would help.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: My life is so great... why am I depressed?

    Recording things is a good idea. The weather has gotten colder, but I'm made a concious effort to see more sunshine.

    I really don't think I'll want a man after two months of being single. That's a weird statement. I want to have my own place and date now and then and go home to my own bedroom and KNOW WHERE THE FUCK EVERYTHING IS. Not constantly wonder why the fuck catfood is on the floor.

    I can't really pick a date to move on, sadly, immgration get that right. I still care for the idiot, I just can't stand living with him.

    I'm content to be content. I'm not even that.

    Busty, your story made me so sad. I'm not one to talk, but you shouldn't feel bad because you're depressed when people have it worse off. Hey, today I fell off my motorcycle and ate pavement. You know what I did? I had a cup of water, sat down for five minutes and got back on that fucking thing and rode another 3 hours. Maybe you just need to sit down and take a breather and get back on. Take some time to yourself maybe just for you?


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