I was set to try and work this weekend but after calling a couple of places, I need a SS card and a license. There's just no way around it if I want to work anywhere decent in this county. Unfortunately, I lost my SS card some time ago in a wallet and since I've married, my name has changed so it needs to be replaced anyway. This will take at least a week. Also, my little sister is coming to visit this month so any time I could take to work will be spent trying to keep her out of trouble.
I'm so bummed out. I spoke to a friend and realized its been over five months since I've worked at all. Since my surgery in March and our moving back to the states, its just not been possible. I'm really proud of myself for keeping busy with school now but my job was such a huge part of my life and my identity. Its just absent. I sometimes wonder if these sort of "with-drawls" are normal and temporary. Like, is this just a byproduct of quitting entirely? Today, I felt really frustrated about the whole license issue but after I go out of my fitness class, it was gone a bit. I thought, well, maybe I don't need dancing as much as I just needed a bit of exercise?
As for the money, goddamn I miss making cash every night! But my husband gives me pretty much whatever cash I want and need. He just bought me a new Macbook for school, so that was a huge savings goal just out of the way for me. He buys me all my clothes, shoes, ect. I love to cook so we'll eat out maybe one or twice a month now that our place is more put together. We just have very modest spending habits. The only way I would need the kind of cash I'm used to making is to cover my medical expenses (all dental work), which I know my husband would put away for if I really asked him to, or any other random, elective cosmetic shit that I want but certainly don't NEED. Such as, more tattoos, lipo, lip injections... just dumb shit.
School also used to be a huge expense for me and now it really just isn't. Its very affordable to get the kind of education I want out here and my husband is footing the bill so we'll have a tax write-off. There's also the potential of getting work-study easier and jobs are more available in my field than they were back in Oregon and Washington. If I worked even part-time through the school, that would bring in more spare cash enough to cover all my books and supplies.
I wonder a lot lately, am I growing out of dancing? The top three things I miss are: money (cash), socializing and being so physically active. The practical me says I should get a part-time job, make some new friends through school and get more consistant exercise. But I know I miss something else. I just can't put my finger on it. I'm supposed to go bak to Guam this December but I'm starting to get anxiety that I'm on the verge of convincing myself to quit all together. What if I get it in my head that I'm done and go to Guam only to find that the job has become unbearable? I'm taking a close friend of mine and I don't want to upset her at all.
This is the longest I've gone basically unemployed, ever. I spent less time unemployed while I was recovering from having been hit by a car! But there are so many aspects of the lifestyle that I really shouldn't miss. I've gone from drinking hard liquor everyday to drinking maybe once or twice a month for the past five months. I'm no longer around cigarette smoke, which is a huge plus too. I'm not nearly as irritable or mean as I think I can be when I'm working in bars full-time.
So do the costs out-weigh the benefits?

I'm so confused.