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Thread: To do it, or not to do it?

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    Default To do it, or not to do it?

    I'm a regular post-er but I'm doing this under a fake name so my SO won't find it.

    I've wanted to be a dancer for so long, and finally when I turned of age I wasn't ready for it physically. I had gained some weight from stress at home. Well I changed my situation and I've lost about 25 pounds. My body is pretty good, except for my bum and thighs, I have cellulite and nothing is really doing anything for it. Surgery isn't an option at this point.

    My boyfriend doesn't think I'm ready, but I want to so bad. I'm thinking about just going to the club and trying out behind his back. I don't want to keep trying to lose weight if I *could* work now.

    I want to dance so bad. I'm tired of not working and I want to get out and do it. My body isn't perfect, but I get a lot of compliments and looks when I'm out. I've never had a lot of self confidence in my life and I feel the best I ever have about my body and looks right now, so it really makes me sad that my boyfriend thinks I'm not ready for it.

    Any thoughts, or people that have been in similar situations?

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    Featured Member Sveta's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Is your BF trying to convince you you're "not ready" just because he's insecure and uncomfortable with you dancing? Hard to say for sure without seeing your picture and knowing what your boyfriend is like, but could be he's just trying to sabotage you and make you feel insecure about dancing so you won't do it.
    ~'A Seven Nation Army Couldn't Hold Me Back'~

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    Featured Member DominoDiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    i agree with Sveta,

    also if u ooze confidence and you really do want to dance, guys will pick up on it, which is good, as for the cellulite, dont worry, i have loads too on my bum and thighs, the girls i work with have it too, its jus a womanly thing shouldnt worry too much. you can lesson it by exfolitaing regular and drinkin lotsa water, also cold showers are good, as cold as u can stand them, or so ive read, i try to do it but im such a leech for warmth lol.

    jess xx

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    Member Skye917's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    I was in a similar situation.. I auditioned with him knowing, however he didnt think I would actually go through with it. They hired me, put me on the schedule, and when I told him about getting the job, he fliped! We didnt talk for three days.. So i went to work w/o him knowing! Now I work at the same club, but to this day he doesnt know about my real first two nights, and I feel horrible! My advice would be to do it because you want to and not to let him stop you! It's great when you have someone backing you, but even better when you can say that for yourself! As for your body, We ALL have things we want to fix/change... Audition and dont worry about your looks!

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    Featured Member pinkpvc's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Working in a nude club taught me that no woman has a perfect body. One woman who i envied freaked out over a very faded c-secion scar and almost everyone had cellulite in the harsh glare of the dressing room.
    my advice is to line up an audition and TELL your boyfriend (eg "i am auditioning in X club tomorrow" rather than "i was thinking about/what do you think about me auditioning in X club").

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    Featured Member Sveta's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Skye917 View Post
    Now I work at the same club, but to this day he doesnt know about my real first two nights, and I feel horrible!
    Why should you feel horrible for wanting to pay your bills and work a job that's going to allow you to get ahead instead of living paycheck to paycheck?

    HE should feel horrible for acting like a child about it and selfishly trying to limit you.
    ~'A Seven Nation Army Couldn't Hold Me Back'~

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    It sounds like your body might not be the issue for him.

    I think he's using it as a scape goat for his deeper rooted fears that would cause him to do too much self evaluation for him to openly recognize.

    I mean if he thinks it's your body then why would he be so adamant about it... why wouldn't he either 1. be possitive and tell you that it doesnt matter if guys at the club like it or not - he thinks your beautiful cause you ARE beautiful. and/or 2. tell you to try it and see how you like it.

    He's totally scapegoating for his deeper fears girl. This guy doesn't want you to go back to work cause HE doesn't want you to go back to work. The question is WHY?

    Does this sound right to you at all?

    I mean even if he's trying to protect you from getting hurt, he could still do that and be supportive by reassuring you of how beautiful you are. You need to really question his motives here. I'm sure he loves you but it sounds like he may love you so much that he's being a little possessive and not being totally honest about his feelings.... which happens ALL the time to us strippas.

    You've got to do what's right for you girl. If you want to go back to work then you should do it. Whether he likes it or not. esp. if your not married and you don't have kids together!

    Boy needs to recognize!

    *edit* I know that this is easy for me to say cause i'm not in the situation tho....

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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    I have cellulite, I have more than I had when i started dancing 4 years ago too. When i decided to try dancing my (very loving) husband didnt think I was ready either. He wanted me to me the ideal"perfect" b/c he was afraid I would get my feelings hurt if anyone called me out onmy imperfections. I worked my ass off (literally) and lost about 15 pounds (it's soo back on now!, lol) , but i still wasn't perfect and I still had cellulite. But, against the advice of my husband I started dancing anyways. He came and saw me the first night I danced and was like " It was like I was watching a different person!, you are so ready". He just wanted to protect me, but I knew what was right and did it. So I have to say that I think you know what you should do.... do that. I hope that makes since im drinking wine.

    ETA: I can count on one hand the times i have been insulted by customers for being bigger than the average skinny stripper and I still have 2 fingers left Customers can be assholes but in my experience there are waaaay more good than bad (well considering manners, etc ,) I know Im the minority with that opinion, but I have NEVER had one single comment about my cellulite, and it's obviously there.

    One more thing! please do not doubt your bf for caring, he is just trying to protect you. (ok now im just repeating myself), but it doesnt sound like he's trying to keep you down for his own selfish reason's etc.

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    What about him being SUPPORTIVE?

    I mean the way to protect her is not to be unsupportive of her! But to be there for her if things go wrong!

    Like i said. I'm sure he loves you, but you deserve someone who is going to SUPPORT YOUR decisions. And show you love when things don't go your way. But hey if you want someone who is going to try and tell you what you are or are not ready for then by all means go for it.

    I mean he may not even be conscious of his motives. We all have so many subconscious "power trips" on a daily basis it's ridiculous. It's very well possibly could be just one of those freudian things... but it also could not be...

    The only one that can honestly figure that one out is HIM.

    It's probably best if you give him the benefit of the doubt, but you still need to do WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU gf. If you wanna go back to work you should. Esp, if you feel good about yourself enough to want to.

    No bf of mine is going to tell me what I'm ready for. oh hell no.

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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Quote Originally Posted by princessparis View Post
    What about him being SUPPORTIVE?

    I mean the way to protect her is not to be unsupportive of her! But to be there for her if things go wrong!

    Like i said. I'm sure he loves you, but you deserve someone who is going to SUPPORT YOUR decisions. And show you love when things don't go your way. But hey if you want someone who is going to try and tell you what you are or are not ready for then by all means go for it.

    I mean he may not even be conscious of his motives. We all have so many subconscious "power trips" on a daily basis it's ridiculous. It's very well possibly could be just one of those freudian things... but it also could not be...

    The only one that can honestly figure that one out is HIM.

    It's probably best if you give him the benefit of the doubt, but you still need to do WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU gf. If you wanna go back to work you should. Esp, if you feel good about yourself enough to want to.

    No bf of mine is going to tell me what I'm ready for. oh hell no.
    Ok, I reread the post and all she says is that he doesnt think she is ready. She never said he wasn't supportive and as someone who can relate very closely to the op's situation, I think all the "You deserve better" comments are wrong. Most girls are posting that their bfs are totally against them stripping etc, hers just thinks she's not ready. She knows and can tell whether it's him caring for her or him trying to get her not to dance (im betting it's the former). BUT, as someone who was in the same situation i thought i'd give a different pov and not make her think her bf is a total ass, it seems like he is just wainting for her to be "perfect' and to guys that can happen , but we know it doesn't work like that.

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    It could be that and it could be what I said too...but there is no way for us to know cause we aren't the ones in the situation. your right tho, it wasn't right for me to assume.

    LOL if one of my ex-bf's told me that while we were going out they were the type of guys with agendas.

    But i mean you never know, some guys are effing sneaky with sincerity, and some guys subconsciously scape goat (meaning that THEY don't even realize that they are doing it!)... some guys genuinely don't want their girls to get hurt...

    I'd say it's a lot more convenient to tell a girl that she's not ready to go back to stripping cause of her image than to tell her you just don't want her to go back you know? I mean with the first way it makes him out to be a saint and he's more likely to get results... you know what i mean?

    It doesn't mean that that's what he's up to.... but it could be... and it might not be... let's just leave it as a possibility?

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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    ^^ Yeah, that makes sense, but I guess I'm bias(spoiled) b/c I have that saint of a man who is trusting and caring and doesn't have a selfish, isecure bone in his body. They exist!!

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    lucky you!

    lol, my husband tries to be that way but he's not as good at it as he'd like to be.... oh well it's the thought that counts? lol anyways, I just don't let him get in the way of me doing what I feel i need to do and to me that's whats important, and he understands that.... lol he has to he has no choice.

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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Quote Originally Posted by princessparis View Post
    lucky you!

    he understands that.... lol he has to he has no choice.

    If he didn't have a choice he would not be with u! " He understands that" <-- that says it all.

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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    I won't address the issue of him saying you're not ready....I will say however that it would be a really bad idea to go do it behind his back.

    Sorry you're in this situation, it sucks.

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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Wow i really appreciate the responses i got. I'm really sorry about not replying earlier but our internet has been down.

    I guess i should have explained some things a little better. He is okay with me stripping, but when he thinks i'm ready for it.

    Meangirl, what you said is almost exactly it. He is afraid that if i have a bad experience with stripping it will really hurt me. He does want me to be perfect or as close to it. The situation does suck because i would hate to go behind his back, but i really think i can handle it (stripping). I think once he sees me dancing he'll understand. I can be very sexual and sexy, which i think he thinks i lack the confidence to be in public.

    Anyways i hope that makes sense. I have internet for like five minutes and wanted to post!

    Oh and on the upside he has made an appointment for me to get my hair done, and has been buying me stripperwear so *maybe* he's thinking about having me try, i hope so, i'd so rather have his blessing so to say.

    Thank you ladies for your opinions though! I'm so sorry for not being able to reply sooner. I <3 stripperweb.

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Well if you think your ready than he should support that. Why should he doubt you?

    Def. don't do it behind his back either. Perhaps even though you think your ready he can still tell that your not?

    If your really ready then he wouldn't be able to doubt it...... unless he's trying to scapegoat.......

    Maybe?

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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Good news!

    Last night we had a talk and he told me that the only reasons i wasn't dancing right now was because of two trips coming up in the next couples of weeks. He doesn't want me starting a new job, then being absent for for two weeks. The other reason is transportation.

    I was so relieved. I feel happy that he finally thinks i'm ready!!

    So hopefully around August 12th or August 13th i'll be auditioning!

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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Quote Originally Posted by dontcallmeaspacecadet View Post
    I have cellulite and nothing is really doing anything for it.
    I wouldn't worry about the cellulite too much. I have seen several girls where I work, that have it on their butt and thighs. You usually can only see it when the lights hit them the right way. Club lighting is SO forgiving.
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    Default Re: To do it, or not to do it?

    Honestly it sounds like you are letting him control you. Why do you need his permission? You sister are the only one that can decide when you are ready. Don't let his comments let your self-esteem suffer; self-esteem is so important in dancing because it helps you act confident, which makes you money, and it also enables you to respect your own boundaries. If the relationship is causing more stress than growth, you might want to look deep inside yourself and ask why you'd want to be with a controlling person.

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