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Thread: How late is unacceptable?

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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default How late is unacceptable?

    My bf is usually home from work around 9.30ish. He's only been in his new job 2 weeks and his end time is a bit changeable but he's never been home later than 9.45.

    Yesterday he forgot to take his phone with him so I couldn't contact him all day. I like to wait for him so we can eat dinner together so I waited till 10, when he wasn't home I ate alone. I thought he'd probably went for a drink so didn't worry too much. When he wasn't home by 11 I started to get a bit worried, even my flatmate was wondering where he was. By 12 he still wasn't home. I know some people might not think this is a big deal but to me its unacceptable to be home 3 hours late without any word, I was geniuinely worried. By 12.30 I was panicking a bit and talking to G-real in chat asking what I should do when the bf just breezes in completely unconcerned. He said they went for a drink after work and lost track of time.

    I was pretty pissed off at him and told him he was irresponsible and selfish. He didn't think it was that big a deal and said it was because he had forgotten his phone, I think if he knew he'd forgotten his phone he shouldn't have stayed out so late as he knew I'd worry.

    He apologised this morning and said it won't happen again. What do you guy think? Did I over react? Would you think nothing of coming home 3 hours late? Would you worry if your partener was 3 hours late and not home yet?



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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    Hmm. It's not a big deal he wanted to stay out late, but he should have texted you so you wouldnt worry. I doubt he meant anything bad by it, but next time tell him to borrow a friends phone and text you if thats how its going to be. I would be kinda stressed if my bf was supposed to be home at 10 and wasnt home til 1 with no call.
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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    I worry around the two hour mark if I haven't gotten a phone call, text or message.


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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    I think the majority of people would see it similarly if they were in the same situation and it was their SO they were waiting for.

    BTW, it's not completely abnormal to borrow a friends phone for a quick call in cases like this Just saying.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    I'm of the school that says call if you are going to be late at all; the how much doesn't matter. Borrow phone, pay phone, bar phone, phone from work before one leaves to say "Hey, stopping for a drink", email.
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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    If I'm going to be home more than one hour late, I call because the wife will be worried. And not having a phone is no excuse. There are other phones in the world. Friends have cell phones, bars usually have pay phones, or maybe their house phone. I'm glad he apologized.

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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    "Unacceptable?" 1.5 hrs or more. Less is usually a viable excuse, like traffic (it IS L.A....) or getting caught up in other things.. "worrisome" is an hour, especially with no communication. Perhaps it's more worrisome when most of your friends ride motorcycles and not only do they have no excuse not to be at a given place on time, they also can't answer their phones.

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    Veteran Member Taco Goblin's Avatar
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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    I think it depends on the level of your relationship.. ie, how casual/serious things are.. and whether or not he was aware that you wait around for him specifically to eat dinner with him.

    True he probably should have called.. but when you're out bs'ing with the boys, sometimes you don't realize the time until you're getting in the car to leave.
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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    Quote Originally Posted by VegasPrincess View Post
    Hmm. It's not a big deal he wanted to stay out late, but he should have texted you so you wouldnt worry. I doubt he meant anything bad by it, but next time tell him to borrow a friends phone and text you if thats how its going to be. I would be kinda stressed if my bf was supposed to be home at 10 and wasnt home til 1 with no call.
    Yeah, I don't mind how late he stays out, he can stay out all night if he likes, I just need a call, your all right, there are other phones in the world other than his own, he should have called. I'm not a crazy possesive girlfriend, he can do what he likes but we live together and I expect him home at certain times, if he's not gonna make it home withing an hour or so of when I expect him I need a phone call. I think I'm a bit of a worrier.



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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    I lived with a boyfriend last year and I didn't know his phone number. When he found that out he was appalled. He made me learn it, so that it just wasn't in my phone. I mean I was dancing in Seattle at the time. He was like, "what if you have to call me from the pokey..."
    Anyway, maybe he doesn't know your number by heart and just didn't want to admit that to you.

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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    He should have borrowed a phone and contacted you, especially if he usually is home on time like clockwork. Perhaps he truly did lose track of some of the time and once he was a 1-2 hours late he figured what the hell I'm gonna get my ass kicked whether I go home now or stay out a couple more hours. Immature and illogical but I guess I can see me doing that

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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    I had this happen once and I wasn't even very serious with the guy. I gave him hell and outlined how rude it was to act like "losing track of time" was an acceptable excuse when all it really meant was "I was too lazy to find a phone and call."

    1.5 hours is my vote, unless they've already established a pattern where they regularly go out.

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    Veteran Member rlams2000's Avatar
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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    nag, nag, nag.

    He let you know where he was when he got home. I hope you fixed him something to eat, he was probably hungry.

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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    My gut feeling is that it indicates a greater problem. Perhaps he's chafing at the constrictions of an adult relationship? He probably did what he wanted to do vis a vis calling/not calling. You mention you are a worrier PK. What are the odds he doesn't know that? Could he have been punishing you for something?

    I may be completely off base here.

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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Polekitten View Post
    Would you think nothing of coming home 3 hours late?
    If I came home 3 hours late without calling, I would expect to have a strip torn off me. Losing track of time happens... but 3 hours? I'd venture to guess 90% of guys have used this excuse at one time or another with the vast majority knowing exactly how late they really were.

    I hesitate to state a finite time where one should need to call about being late. I think it all depends on the situation. For example, if the standard routine is to come home and have dinner at a particular time every day, I'd say something in the neighborhood of 15-30 minutes. Food is gonna get cold. On the other hand, if there isn't anything preplanned officially or assumed (e.g., a standard dinner routine), then I'd probably say 2-3 hours depending on the relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by rlams2000 View Post
    nag, nag, nag.
    He let you know where he was when he got home. I hope you fixed him something to eat, he was probably hungry.
    Ha ha rlams! I'll admit, I laughed heartily at this one. Sorry, I'll have to edit in a ROFL smiley in later.

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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    It depends, if I can't get a hold of my husband I worry for his safety and once I know he's ok I want to kill him! it's normal but just be happy he was ok and maybe next time he will do what Jenny said call, borrow a phone etc..


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    Veteran Member bsteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: How late is unacceptable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Polekitten View Post
    What do you guy think? Did I over react? Would you think nothing of coming home 3 hours late? Would you worry if your partener was 3 hours late and not home yet?
    My situation is a little different than most others. I usually get home after my spouse is asleep. If I come home at 9:00, or 2:00, it does not make a difference. But if I were not home when she gets up, it would be worrisome to her -- she wont leave the house for work when I am not yet home, because she does not want our little kids home by themselves.

    On those days when she expects me, I am usually home within a 10 minute window. She serves the dinner at appointed time, whether I am home or not. If I get home late, guess what -- I go to bed hungry.

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