I didn't want to post this, because it's long and annoying and I hoped it would just go away. but it isn't going away, and I'm beyond frustrated. I'm a sad sad panda, and I am at a loss right now as to how to deal with the internal sadness and frustration I feel.
Here's the story. I've had chronic laryngitis for a few years now, but it'd hit once, mayyyyybe twice a year. since January, I've completely lost my voice for 4-6 weeks each time, FOUR FUCKING TIMES. 4!!!! Late January, March, late April, late June. I don't smoke. I'm even more confused, because it's out of season — I coach two sports and from the end of Feb through the beginning of Sept., I am off-season. Not coaching, so therefore, no yelling. Bars in philly are non smoking bars, and I don't scream or anything.
So. I went to the doc 15 days ago. He stuck the fun video camera up my nose and down my throat (you envy me for this one eh, I know you do hahaha) and saw that I had 3 growths on my vocal chords. 1 polyp, 2 nodules. He put me on antibiotics (which of course gave me a YI, just what I wanted, hanukkah came early ha) for 10 days, and told me to rest my voice as much as possible, only talk for work, yadda yadda. So. I still have a lost voice after 10 days of antibiotics, and I return to see the doc on day 14. He lubes the camera, up my nose, down my throat, and says he's shocked. The oppostie of what he expected happened. The nodules were supposed to go away, but they didnt. The polyp, which we discussed surgery for, was gone! He was confused; so he's sending me to the guy who trained him. They're both ENT (ear nose throat) doctors, but the guy who trained him is a voice specialist, the best in Philly, at Temple U. So I have an appointment Monday at 8 am.
We also discussed the now. I can't talk for 7 days. SEVEN FUCKING DAYS of being a mute. My bf is beign awesome, he keeps joking with me, pointing at the mute button on the remote, or hitting volume up. It's cute.
I'm going down the shore this weekend, and I get to be a mute in the sun. Lovely.
We also discussed the possible causes of this chronic issue. And this is where I get sad. The cancer cell words got brought up, as well as allergies (of which I have many), my minor allergies to my own dogs (if I had to give them up I'd be so fucking sad), inhalers I take (advair, which is a steroid...), and second hand smoke. SECOND HAND SMOKE! I danced for 7 years, in many unventilated clubs, some for years at a time. I now feel so upset at myself, and even more upset that I could have caused this to happen to me.
Chrissy is a sad sad (mute) panda. So, I am now carrying around a pen and tablet to write what I need to say: at starbucks wrote down, Venti Soy Vanilla Latte. At the dog store wrote down, biodegradable poop bags. And EVERYONE looks at me like I'm a martian. Like I have 3 heads.
"See that green tentacle, Bob? Why can she write English and not speak it?"
"Oh thats the alien in her."
LOL. But seriously, I'm frustrated.
OK. End rant. Oh, and if any of you were planning on calling me this week,don't bother, I can't even whisper. No sound.



don't bother, I can't even whisper. No sound.
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