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Thread: Am I Old-Fashioned?

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    Default Am I Old-Fashioned?

    I don't want to have any children until I am married. I was to be 100% committed to the father of my children and I want all the legal paperwork to protect myself and my children. I want to raise my children with my husband and for us to be a family.

    I am starting to wonder if I am old-fashioned?

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    Veteran Member got2havespunk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    NO, I don't think so. I would want the same...but I don't even want kids. There are a lot of people that feel this way and I think it's really a personal preference in the end. As long as no one starts getting up on their soap box I don't see a problem with it either way (before or after marriage).
    I'm not who I say I am.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    If that's old fashioned then damn what happened to the world. Paperwork doesn't protect anyone really unless you're planning on signing a prenup. Fathers can still skip out at any time marriage or not.
    you live like an ivy vine
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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    I don't even want kids but I know if I ever had them I'd definately want to be married first. Maybe it is a bit old fashioned but maybe if more people thought like this there would be less unwanted babies in the world.

    TigersMilk, it is true that husbands can skip out just as easily as unmarried fathers but a marriage ties you together financially, a baby does not.



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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Not with my dad. My mom got married had me and he skipped out. After age 10 he stopped paying child support and moved to a different state never to be seen again. He owes probably 100K in back child support. Every time they catch up with him he pays very little and then disappears again.

    Sadly his story is common amongst dead beat dads. Marriage license doesn't keep them from skipping out at all. He's never been in jail for non-payment either.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    I don't think many women actually plan to be single moms. It's just sometimes that's how things work out.

    You have a nice picture of a perfect life in your head. I hope you get it.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    I don't marriage is a fail-proof solution but I think that if you looked at the percentage of dead beats, you'd find a much higher percentage among men who never married their baby's mother.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    I don't think many women actually plan to be single moms. It's just sometimes that's how things work out.
    I agree and I know I could get pregnant. It's more the attitude and not the actions I'm talking about. I hear so many people talk about having babies with their partners before they talk about marriage. And I do see a lot of people getting pregnant on purpose.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    You have a nice picture of a perfect life in your head. I hope you get it.
    I wouldn't say perfect. I don't think that getting a husband and having a lasting marriage is out of my reach though. At least not yet

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Yeah, I agree with your POV in the OP. That's what I want too, and if I got preggo now, I already know I'd abort. So, that's why I take the necessary precautions and use BC.

    Love it!

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    If you really thing marriage is insurance you'll be happy, you are in for a shock! This isn't old-fashioned. This is Idealism.

    All marriage guarantees is that it's harder for him to leave you.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    I don't recall saying that? My parents are still married and miserable. I definitely know it's no insurance of happiness. There is no such insurance in this life. I just want to maximize my chances.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissy68 View Post
    Yeah, I agree with your POV in the OP. That's what I want too, and if I got preggo now, I already know I'd abort. So, that's why I take the necessary precautions and use BC.
    Same here except I don't think I could abort. Nothing against women who choose that, it's just not for me. I would have considered it when I was younger but now that I have a university degree, life experience, good means on income, I'd probably want to keep the baby.

    I still use birth control though because I want to wait until I meet the man I want to marry to have my babies.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    I don't recall saying that? My parents are still married and miserable. I definitely know it's no insurance of happiness. There is no such insurance in this life. I just want to maximize my chances.
    So...you want to be married and miserable?

    I just assumed you didn't.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Of course I don`t want to be married and miserable. When I look at my option: single and happy, singly and miserable, married and happy, married and miserable, I choose the 3rd option. Or at least that is what I would like to work towards. No guarantees but I`m aiming for it!

    I choose things in life that I think will make me happier like: living alone instead of with roomates, getting a degree, teaching piano part-time, ect. None of them guarantee happiness but I think those things, along with getting a husband, will maximize my chances.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    Of course I don`t want to be married and miserable. When I look at my option: single and happy, singly and miserable, married and happy, married and miserable, I choose the 3rd option. Or at least that is what I would like to work towards. No guarantees but I`m aiming for it!
    Well, then that doesn't make you old-fashioned. That just means you're in the majority.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    I guess different things work for different people. You have to do what makes you happy and comfortable. I don't think there is one definition of what a "happy" family is.
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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    I don't want to have any children until I am married. I was to be 100% committed to the father of my children and I want all the legal paperwork to protect myself and my children. I want to raise my children with my husband and for us to be a family.

    I am starting to wonder if I am old-fashioned?
    Stop worrying about that. Who says that tried and true is BAD? You are responsible and want a stable life. Immaturity and irresponsibility are so common now, especially with the young, that we almost could think the better way is "old fashioned." But it is not anything to worry over.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    I don't think you're old fashioned. That's what I want too. Of course there are no guarantees in life but that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for what you want.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    Yes, maybe a little but you're being sensible too. I think it's important to have two parents to raise a child. I don't want children myself but if I had to have one I definately want to be a in a commited, stable relationship/marriage.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    It's a little sad that you feel that you have to ask that question, although in my social circles, it would be scandalous to have a child out of wedlock.

    No, you're not old-fashioned.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    ^ Really ? Scandalous ? I live in one of the most conservative places around and we don't stone single mothers.

    I think most women feel that way ( wanting a husband , then to become parents together ) , but life doesn't always work that way. I know some singles moms who are doing great . I know some married people who are doing great. I know single moms that hate life. I know some married people with kids who hate life . Things happen. I want the same thing you do, but I'm just waiting for my bio clock to kick in. I seem to love the single person, heavy on travel and adventure lifestyle. I don't want kids soon .... I just know I want them eventually.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    What paperwork did you have in mind?

    Do I think it is old-fashioned? Kind of. I tend to think the main benefit of two parents is financial, and I don't really believe that marriage effectively ties anyone to you anymore if they don't want you. Spousal support is available to common law spouses (male and female), child support is available to all children, regardless of "legitimacy". I don't know if the "protection of marriage" is really all it is made out to be at this point.

    Although based on these other posts - are you actually asking if you're "old fashioned" or are you really just trying to say that you think there is something wrong with having children "out of wedlock"? Deliberately getting pregnant when you aren't married?
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Featured Member Perry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    I do think it's a bit old-fashioned, but I'm terrified of marriage. And children.

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    Default Re: Am I Old-Fashioned?

    It's not old-fashioned but it is traditional and i feel the same way. IF i planned on having kids, I'd want to get legally married. I really see it as the only reason to want to get married -- to start a family with someone.

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