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Thread: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

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    Default Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    A friend of mine is dating a man who, by medical standards, is sterile. He wasn't snipped, just unlucky. I'm not aware of the reasons (motility, sperm count, etc) but he has not been able to father a child, and as a result his last marriage ended in divorce due to his ex-wife wanting to get pregnant and have children (something he could not provide). She's currently sleeping with him, sans birth control because a.) they will be married soon and b.) they are not afraid of a possibly pregnancy, and would actually welcome it.

    We were talking the other day and the topic of what would she do if she WAS pregnant? Should she wait for a blood test and first 'successful' sonogram/ultrasound (pardon, I'm not sure which is more appropriate) to tell her husband, so the possibility of a miscarriage and dashing her fiancees hopes and heart are slimmer? Or should she tell him as soon as the little blue line shows up?

    I'm not sure where I would stand on this issue. I know this guy and the thought of fathering a child would be like achieving world peace to him. Losing that miracle baby would break his heart.

    For the record, she's not thinking she's pregnant. This is hypothetical.

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    I read that a surprising number of preg's result in miscarraige, so I'd wait for the blood test to tell the the guy. That still doesn't mean you're going to have a viable baby though....

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    I'm confused about a couple of things.

    If he's "medically sterile," by whatever definition, the chance of pregnancy is miniscule. The word "sterile" is pretty harsh.

    Did he find out about this in the middle of his last marriage, or know it going in? The reason I ask is to see if perhaps he has a "hope against hope" thing going on, wishing for a miracle baby. Or, alternatively, he's not as "sterile" as that word implies, and he hung in the marriage to see if he could overcome it with time.

    It does seem a bit odd that the other marriage broke up over his sterility if both knew about it going in.

    Also, it sounds like your friend would really like a child with this man. I guess I would be concerned about her own feelings if that continues to be impossible.

    The viability of a miracle baby can be affected by both parents, of course, but if your friend were to become pregnant, she carries far more cards on survivability than he does (chromosomal damage and disease inheritance are his, while that plus all the factors concerning her body as host are hers.)

    Anyway, to answer your question, I would wait. The emotions are far too strong and a false positive or an early miscarriage would be inordinately painful to him. Every pregnancy is different, but I would want some sense of viability from a physician before breaking the news to him.

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    My ex boyfriend was told he couldn't have kids because of a low sperm count and he got somebody preggo anyway. It was actually the same situation where his first marriage ended in divorce because of it too! crazy! Your friend doesn't live in wisconsin does she ???
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    Quote Originally Posted by The Other Owner View Post
    I'm confused about a couple of things.

    If he's "medically sterile," by whatever definition, the chance of pregnancy is miniscule. The word "sterile" is pretty harsh.

    Did he find out about this in the middle of his last marriage, or know it going in? The reason I ask is to see if perhaps he has a "hope against hope" thing going on, wishing for a miracle baby. Or, alternatively, he's not as "sterile" as that word implies, and he hung in the marriage to see if he could overcome it with time.

    It does seem a bit odd that the other marriage broke up over his sterility if both knew about it going in.

    Also, it sounds like your friend would really like a child with this man. I guess I would be concerned about her own feelings if that continues to be impossible.

    The viability of a miracle baby can be affected by both parents, of course, but if your friend were to become pregnant, she carries far more cards on survivability than he does (chromosomal damage and disease inheritance are his, while that plus all the factors concerning her body as host are hers.)

    Anyway, to answer your question, I would wait. The emotions are far too strong and a false positive or an early miscarriage would be inordinately painful to him. Every pregnancy is different, but I would want some sense of viability from a physician before breaking the news to him.
    He found out he was infertile while trying to conceive with Wife #1. They tried for six years with no luck and both had tests run, and he came up infertile.

    She WOULD like children, but it's my understanding they were planning on adopting. A miracle child would not be out of the question though. Kind of "If it happens, sweet!" type of deal.

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    Quote Originally Posted by VegasPrincess View Post
    My ex boyfriend was told he couldn't have kids because of a low sperm count and he got somebody preggo anyway. It was actually the same situation where his first marriage ended in divorce because of it too! crazy! Your friend doesn't live in wisconsin does she ???
    Nope. West Virginia. And it's not so far fetched, really. I hear about it a lot. It only takes on, you know?

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    I cant imagine knowing I was pregnant and not sharing it with my lover... but different personalities do things differently. For me it would seem cold. If the situation were (somehow!!) reversed, I would be pissed that I wasnt told. IS she then not going to share the grief if she did loose bubba... Sounds like a bad way to start a marriage with big important secrets. But I can see how for other people it would work differently.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    Well, a male friend thought that she should keep it a secret until a heart beat is established, but if the pregnancy did end in miscarriage, he should be informed regardless so he knows it IS possible after all.

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    He's not getting anybody pregnant. Seriously. Cases in which a man is declared "sterile" by a medical professional, then gets a partner pregnant are usually a case of misdiagnosis... not a miracle baby. Some people are fertility challenged, but STERILE? That's basically hopeless.

    Does your friend want biological children of her own?

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    ^^
    As far as I know, she just wants a child, regardless of whether it is hers or not. She was really excited about starting the process for adoption, though. I know one way or another she's adopting, as it's a cause near and dear to her heart as she was adopted herself.

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    ^ If she ends up with this guy and she wants a biologcial child of her own, would he be ok with artificial insemination?

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    ^ If she ends up with this guy and she wants a biologcial child of her own, would he be ok with artificial insemination?
    No idea.

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    I'd tell him as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I wouldn't be able to hide it from him, mostly for selfish reasons of my own, but I'd have to tell him I was as soon as I could.

    Otherwise I'd be scared that if I didn't tell him and I miscarried, I'd have to tell him then, and that would suck.

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    Default Re: Opinions to Settle a Discussion: Pregnancy and a 'Sterile' Man

    Getting a sonogram to detect heartbeat does not indicate a "successful" conception. I had a heartbeat with one of my pregnancies and still had a miscarriage.

    I, personally, would tell him from the moment I knew. If they are both excited about the pregnancy, then if there is a miscarriage they will both need each other's support.

    I had a friend whose husband was sterile because the vas defrens was malformed and sperm could not travel through the tube. They did do artificial insemination using his sperm (although it was expensive) and ended up having a couple of kids. It all depends on what kind of "sterile" the man is.

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