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Thread: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

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    Member torchemily's Avatar
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    Default As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    So I have a question for the customers. Are you sometimes nervous to tell a dancer no to privates? I ask this b/c I was talking w/ my boyfriend one night about getting dances, & he told me that instead of saying no (b/c he didn't want to hurt their feelings), he would say, "maybe later." That made me laugh, b/c if you tell me that, I will come back later. So anyways, is it hard for you as a customer to tell dancers "no."

    btw; I don't think there's anything wrong with politely declining a dance, that way I won't keep bothering you. (lol)

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Welcome to SW.

    Your question makes the all-time Top 10 List. I think we've had a few hundred thousand words written on the topic over the years.

    No, most customers do not feel badly about turning down a dance.

    Yes, most regulars or junkies have ways of softening the blow of a lost potential sale. Casual or first-time customers (like your b/f) are often uncomfortable with "no," because they feel that the dancer will take it as some sort of personal rejection. That's because they think the dancer "cares" about them as a person or is concerned about their personal opinion of them at that very moment, and does not think of them as just a customer.

    The dancers think of them as just a customer.

    You did tell your b/f this, right?

    Finally, if there's one thing the customers on this forum have learned over the years, it's never to say "maybe later" unless they truly mean it. It can be exasperating for the dancers because it's a dodge, gives them no useful information and really doesn't make them feel better at all.
    Last edited by FBR; 07-21-2008 at 05:05 PM.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Depending on the club and dancer, yes, it can be hard to say no. I've been to clubs where the hustle is unremitting. Saying "no" may be followed by the question "why not?" or "why did you come in then?" Some dancers will look hurt, and even if it is part of their hustle, it makes my experience less enjoyable. One case was so extreme that the other dancers complained to management about what one dancer was doing. That was unusual, but the fact is there is the possibility of some drama. So if I'm not sure of the dancer's response, I might give the "maybe later" excuse. I know I'm not supposed to, but it keeps things relaxed. Chances are I will have found someone who is more my type and I'm already getting dances from her when the first dancer comes back.

    The best way for me to handle it is to go to a place where the hustle is milder. At the club I'm now going to, I have one clear favorite. I am only going to see her, and I have confirmed by phone call that she will be there. If anyone asks to give me a dance, I can say "I'm waiting for _______." That works because the club makes it work. In the previous example, even that could start an argument.
    Last edited by FBR; 07-21-2008 at 05:07 PM.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by torchemily View Post
    So I have a question for the customers. Are you sometimes nervous to tell a dancer no to privates? I ask this b/c I was talking w/ my boyfriend one night about getting dances, & he told me that instead of saying no (b/c he didn't want to hurt their feelings), he would say, "maybe later." That made me laugh, b/c if you tell me that, I will come back later. So anyways, is it hard for you as a customer to tell dancers "no."

    btw; I don't think there's anything wrong with politely declining a dance, that way I won't keep bothering you. (lol)
    For some of us it is but I would guess for the most of us, no, it is not difficult to say "no" to either dances or VIP's if an approaching dancer does not pique our interest. The decision is pretty much business (read: money vs ROI) to us, not personal. And I agree "maybe later" if used as a substitute for an honest "no" is lame but most experienced dancers can determine if "maybe later" is really that or a true dismissal of a future opportunity.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Senior Member GSWRD's Avatar
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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    There are certain conditions when it is almost impossible to say "no" but most of the time it's really easy to say "no thanks". (and I am incredibly shy in SCs)

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by lastone View Post
    Saying "no" may be followed by the question "why not?" or "why did you come in then?"
    i will never get this. i always just walk away. wtf is the point? the only time i say anything like "why are you here then?" is if a customer has spent hours in the club without spending -any- money -and- i'm not occupied. then i might get a little testy and go say something to him.

    but, asking why not/begging/arguing about dances? i don't have the patience/time for that.

    of course, i'll admit to being the extreme opposite sometimes. if the guy starts going "uhh... i dunnoooo.... uhhh" i'll just walk away. i used to spend more time waiting for them to "make a decision" until i learned that 95% of the time hesitating means they're going to say no anyway, or are going to try and bullshit me into doing deals or whatever.
    Last edited by Pretty_Penny; 07-21-2008 at 06:49 PM.

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    Veteran Member bsteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by torchemily View Post
    Are you sometimes nervous to tell a dancer no to privates?
    Yep. It is very difficult for me. Although I read the numerous threads on this over and over again on how to do so, I have yet to turn down a dancer. I better get me a spine....

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by bsteve View Post
    Yep. It is very difficult for me. Although I read the numerous threads on this over and over again on how to do so, I have yet to turn down a dancer. I better get me a spine....
    steve just continue to hang out in Blue. Eventually, you will become hardened against their wily stripper ways.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    but, asking why not/begging/arguing about dances? i don't have the patience/time for that.

    I should say that it hasn't happened a lot to me, but when it has it has been realy unpleasant. In the extreme case I mentioned, I read reviews on SCL where customers said they would never come back to that club because of her. No one - dancer or custie - was sad to see her go.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by lastone View Post
    Depending on the club and dancer, yes, it can be hard to say no. I've been to clubs where the hustle is unremitting. Saying "no" may be followed by the question "why not?" or "why did you come in then?" Some dancers will look hurt, and even if it is part of their hustle, it makes my experience less enjoyable.
    I don't have a problem saying no, but as lastone mentions above, the pushy follow-up questions, sad dejected look, etc. all contribute to take much of the fun out of the visit. Some dancers will also ask "Would you like me to come back later?" I think that is a very legitimate question, but if I'm really absolutely not interested, then be prepared for me to take that opportunity to close the door by just saying "I'm looking for someone else". They can interpret that any way they want, but it basically means I'm looking for someone, but not you. Anyone that doesn't get the hint at that point, or just keeps pushing will see me shift in a flash from trying to be very polite to being very blunt to get them to leave me alone.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Five years ago, perhaps. These days, no, not in the least. In fact, I'd say half or better of the dancers I end up buying from get asked as opposed to doing the asking.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Slightly, although I'm better than I was many years ago.

    Sometimes I get the hard sell after saying no and it gets awkward fast, and sometimes they take the 'no' so well that suddenly I do want a dance and I track them down later. The vast majority of the time though, they simply make a quick but polite exit.

    Sometimes my "no" means "maybe later," or "defintely later but not right now," but I always just say "no." It's a lot easier than trying to explain the intricacies of my internal dance card, which would take several minutes of her time.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    The only time I say, "Maybe later," is when the dancer won't take, "No," for an answer and keeps asking, so I say, "Maybe later."

    Hopefully when they come back later and ask I can point to another dancer and say, "Sorry, just had a private from her," and not be lying.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    When I was new/inexperienced with SCs, I did find it very hard/awkward to say no. I tend to be very empathetic, and I didn't want the dancer to have any negative feelings, either about herself or towards me. Now that I realize I'm actually doing more harm than good with my false ambiguity, I'm much more comfortable saying something like "I'm just going to watch the show for a while" or "I'm waiting for so-and-so" if I know one of my favorites is working.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    ^it's better that way. giving some long explanation is -still- rejection, and it oftentimes come across condescending. i can't stand it when i'm -trying- to talk away from a guy who's basically saying "no" but he keeps saying stuff like "don't get me wrong, you're really pretty.." or "don't be mad!"

    it's like, dude, don't give me that "it's not you it's me" shit. we aren't dating.

    a short but polite answer is best.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Some random stripper I don't know - easy to say no. Someone I've known for years and like and respect on a personal level... I hate saying no to them, but sometimes it's unavoidable.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    I have found that the dancer I turn down ten minutes after I enter the club might be the one I want when it is ten minutes until closing.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by torchemily View Post
    Are you sometimes nervous to tell a dancer no to privates?
    Well, when I was a wet-behind-the-ears SC rookie (i.e., last summer), I often found it difficult to flatly say 'no thanks' to a lap dance offer. As one who's always been sensitive about not hurting others' feelings, to bluntly refuse a dancer's offer didn't come naturally to me at all.

    But now that I'm a seasoned SC veteran ... uh, I still find it hard to say 'no thanks,' though not nearly as hard as it once was. When saying 'no' to an offer, I just do my best to not come off as rude.
    Last edited by rippyd; 07-26-2008 at 09:36 PM.

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    Veteran Member slims099's Avatar
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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Ehhh, if you're a newb or "nice guy" then saying no is hard, but I have no problem with saying No at all. Except to like 2 chicks I like a whole lot. Even them I will say no sometimes. I'll usually say "eh, no it's ok, but thanks". I sometimes use the "come back in an hour" line if I tipped the girl on stage and I don't really want dances from her. It's funny cause the girls I tip and tell them clearly to come by usually don't come by, but the ones I tip just to tip and say Hello are the ones who alllllllways come by. I don't care if they come by, but it's just weird it works out that way.
    Man oh man, what a trip it's been.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Other Owner View Post
    Welcome to SW.
    The dancers think of them as just a customer.

    You did tell your b/f this, right?

    Finally, if there's one thing the customers on this forum have learned over the years, it's never to say "maybe later" unless they truly mean it. It can be exasperating for the dancers because it's a dodge, gives them no useful information and really doesn't make them feel better at all.
    YEPYEP


    BTW,

    TOO, you are so close the the 2,000 post mark




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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by torchemily View Post
    Are you sometimes nervous to tell a dancer no to privates?
    It can be delicate, but no i'm not really nervous.


    Quote Originally Posted by torchemily View Post
    I ask this b/c I was talking w/ my boyfriend one night about getting dances, & he told me that instead of saying no (b/c he didn't want to hurt their feelings), he would say, "maybe later."
    THAT i try not to do unless i actually mean it. If I'm 10 minutes into the club i haven't scoped the place out yet and i tend to pick my dances from the stage. I'm not immune to the floor hustle, but if I choose a girl i want dances from it's going to be because i thought she looked hot on stage. I tend to chill for a couple rotations before i start really getting into things, so hitting me up right after i get there is tricky. I'm not likely to want to do dances for at least 15-20 minutes. There's no way for a dancer to know this, but a good rule of thumb for the floor hustle (as far as myself and customers like me are concerned) would be to hit me up the second time you see me rather than the first. Of course this is situational, if the club is dead that's hard to do.

    I don't know if that helps a whole lot.

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    Veteran Member azdd's Avatar
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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    I have found that the dancer I turn down ten minutes after I enter the club might be the one I want when it is ten minutes until closing.
    Oh yeah, I wish I had a dollar for every time I've had that exact thing happen to me. When I first go into a club, I like to settle in, watch the stage and floor for awhile, and get a lay of the land (figuratively speaking....), and this has come back to bite me many times when I'm approached by an unbelievable hottie right after I'm seated. If I EVER use "later" in my response, I try my best to convince them that I really mean it, I absolutely want them to come back, and I give them a suggested time like a half hour, or when they get off their next stage. Invariably I never see her again, unless she's locked on the lap of another PL who didn't turn her down the first time. DOH!

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by azdd View Post
    Oh yeah, I wish I had a dollar for every time I've had that exact thing happen to me. ......<snip>.....and this has come back to bite me many times when I'm approached by an unbelievable hottie right after I'm seated.
    In a situation like that i just go to her stage. If she says anything i just respond with "Hey, i had just gotten here." If i don't see her again after I've seen the sights i have feet, i can go find her. It's not like she's hiding.

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    Veteran Member bsteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by azdd View Post
    Oh yeah, I wish I had a dollar for every time I've had that exact thing happen to me. When I first go into a club, I like to settle in, watch the stage and floor for awhile, and get a lay of the land (figuratively speaking....), and this has come back to bite me many times when I'm approached by an unbelievable hottie right after I'm seated. If I EVER use "later" in my response, I try my best to convince them that I really mean it, I absolutely want them to come back, and I give them a suggested time like a half hour, or when they get off their next stage. Invariably I never see her again, unless she's locked on the lap of another PL who didn't turn her down the first time. DOH!
    Yeah, the "later" response is a really big problem. For at least three reasons.

    Firstly, a lot of dancers take the "later" response to indicate a brush-off.

    Second, in all probability, when I am ready to get for her, she is not ready for me. Not that she may not want to, but she is working on someone else.

    Thirdly, trying to get her later sets up bad vibes. Chasing a seller away, and then later try to reach out to the seller puts everyone in a weak position. "Oh, I was not good enough for you an hour ago, and now all of the sudden I am?"

    Not that I have much experience, but in the few times that I used "later" response (I just got there, or my dinner was just being served), I never saw the dancer again. I think that a custy really must decide whether she is worth it or not, and not rely on her coming back.

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    Default Re: As a customer, is it hard to say no?

    Quote Originally Posted by bsteve View Post
    "Oh, I was not good enough for you an hour ago, and now all of the sudden I am?"
    I suppose there are dancers who might feel that way, but I suspect more of them would be pleased that you had changed your mind and were now willing to pay her $20, $40, $60, ....

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