Ok well.. i need some girl advice... I know i'm a complete idiot for getting myself into this mess but anyways.... True life drama is about to unfold right here!
So I've been dating the father of my child (Nick) on and off for a few years. We went out for a month and he was like ALL about me but then I cheated on him with my ex and so i broke up with him. I figure that if you cheat on someone then you should break up with them right? Like if you don't love them enough to be faithful then you should break up. any ways... that was a few years ago.
I spent about a year with my ex (living together) and I went though a heavy depression where I attempted suicide because i thought he was cheating on me. So i leave him and get back together with Nick, my babydaddy. So anyways I move in with him.
Nick is in the army and he has to go away to ranger school for a few months... the whole time I was faithful while i waited for him to come home... but when he comes home he starts acting shady! He goes on leave back to connecticut (we were in hawaii at the time) and when he comes back he starts getting all of these text messages from some girl up there not to mention the text messages from all sorts of girls that were on the island, There was this one text message from one of his buddies that said "look what your missing out on" and it had pictures of this girls tits and pussy. He'd get so mad that i didn't trust him and i'd go looking in his phone, but everytime I'd look there would be some sexy message from some girl! This DROVE ME INSANE. On one hand he would act like prince charming when he was with me, but on the other hand he was getting all these texts and going out late with the boys... not coming home... etc...
When I say insane I mean it I was having mental beak downs at this point and finally I just left and moved in with my parents. And you know what? I got better! I went on a search for enlightenment through yoga, buddhism, tantra, philosophy, psychology, whatever i could find on the nature of life I soaked it up and I became HAPPY, truely HAPPY. Well except for the fact that my parents weren't happy with me not having a job... and i wasn't happy with any jobs other than stripping... you know how it is... and we got into a huge fight and of course who did i look for for help? Nick
So I asked if i could just stay with him for a little bit while i got my feet on the ground. I went straight back to dancing and saved up enough money to get my own spot within 2 weeks... by that time though he had me under his spell again.
So I moved in again. this time he seemed to have gotten over his whole thing with other girls. I mean he actually truly seemed devoted to me. I was very happy with the way our relationship was going. It seemed perfect. Until he went away for training in Cali.
One day I was looking at his phone bill and saw that he had made a few calls to one of his exes in cali.... sure enough i confront hiim about it. He says he just called for a recommendation for a place to eat close by. I'm not buying it. A couple hours later.... well I actually met her there. Oh thats it? A couple hours later.... Well.... she gave me head in her car... WHAT? A couple hours later... Ok we went to a motel and fucked.... I mean for the next few days he started spilling out confessions. He had fucked 3 girls on his trip to connecticut back in the day, I did some diggin... i found an e-mail from the girl he was texting... turns out he had promissed her that he was going to come back and see her (her name is Tara) - even tho he was still with me. Any ways point being I figured out that our entire relationship he had been lying to me.
When he came back I left and i was going to go to vegas... but he made all kinds of spectacle out of himself and was somehow able to charm me back into staying with him until he left for iraq in december. December rolls around and he leaves. Five days after he leaves I find out im pregnant.
So my mom insists that I come to live with her in Dallas so i do, i go... but did i mention that my step-dad is the loser freeloader douche from hell? So after a 2 months there I've had enough and I just have to leave. BTW me and Nick get married by proxy so that I can get covered under his insurance so i can get medical care for the baby. Anyhow he and his parents insist that I go to live with them in CT so I do.
So now i'm here with his parents in CT and even more stuff starts coming out about him cheating on me (we talk on the phone and message over the net while he's in Iraq) - i mean the boy got a BJ from a crack whore (not a prosti - a CRACK WHORE) while we were visiting his parents this last summer. (He told me that he's gotten more BJs than you can count from crack whores in his past and fucked about 20 of them... but supposedly that was a habit back when he was younger and he;s different now. For some reason "the dirtier she was the more i got turned on") But that aside even still, he's basically - according to him he's been cheating on me up until I found out about his thing in Cali! Like i'm so disgusted. He says that he would only do it when he was away from me. (lol... sure)
So obviously... i don't trust him anymore. I mean who would? I never really did, my instincts always kind of told me something was up (i mean why else would i need to check his phone and shit) But his words always seemed SO SINCERE. And I've never had any proof of anything... so I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I didn't want to deal with digging for what could be lurking under the seemingly perfect surface.
But here I am - 2 weeks away from having his child - and I just cant get over all the things he's done behind my back and then lied SO WELL about. I mean I can't even talk to him right now. I mean as far as i know he could have some army-slut friend in iraq that he fucks everyday. I've also heard that there are iraqi prostitutes. That prostitution out there is rampant. And sometimes I just have to forget about them. For months sometimes I just forget about them and i let him charm me into thinking he's a prince. And he says that now that he's going to be a father he's really changed. I mean the kid is effing SINCERE -i mean he makes it seem that way... not that he really is but it sure as hell SEEMS that way.
Here's the other thing: he comes back for leave (for 2weeks) in 1 month. and your not supposed to have sex for at least 6 weeks after the baby is born. I mean... i don't even want to have sex with him right now cause all of these emotions are eating me up about what he's done to me in the past. So I've pretty much stopped talking to him and I e-mailed this girl, Tara, that he cheated on me with out here and pretty much told her that he would need company and I gave her his info and all that.
But why am I so fucked about this??????? I mean fuck him! but at the same time he's the father of my baby boy and it breaks my heart to pass him off to another woman. I just don't want him around me and i know that thats the best way to do it. Let him get his kicks from some other ho-bag.
Fuck I can't beleive this is the first time i've let myself cry over this shit in MONTHS thank you guys for listening... even if no one responds it was just nice to put this out there.
What the hell am i doing... what should i be doing.... what the hell is wrong with this guy... and what does this mean for my baby boy??? I'm not scared cause i will always take care of myself and my baby...but should i try to stay with Nick? should I give him another chance? or is that just a waste of my energy? I mean at this point i've pretty much given up... he's gonna do whatever he wants and say whatever he wants and i can't base my happiness off of what he does to me. I just want whats best for my baby.




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....yes, and I don't know how the hell you expect this cheating assmonkey to set a good example for your kid. Let the other girls have them, he's not a prize catch at all, let them deal with the lying...I understand its scary to think of yourself as a single mother, and natural to want to have the father in the picture, but not with this guy
I'm going to go back to dancing asap tho so i can get out on my own already.


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