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Thread: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Ok well.. i need some girl advice... I know i'm a complete idiot for getting myself into this mess but anyways.... True life drama is about to unfold right here!

    So I've been dating the father of my child (Nick) on and off for a few years. We went out for a month and he was like ALL about me but then I cheated on him with my ex and so i broke up with him. I figure that if you cheat on someone then you should break up with them right? Like if you don't love them enough to be faithful then you should break up. any ways... that was a few years ago.

    I spent about a year with my ex (living together) and I went though a heavy depression where I attempted suicide because i thought he was cheating on me. So i leave him and get back together with Nick, my babydaddy. So anyways I move in with him.

    Nick is in the army and he has to go away to ranger school for a few months... the whole time I was faithful while i waited for him to come home... but when he comes home he starts acting shady! He goes on leave back to connecticut (we were in hawaii at the time) and when he comes back he starts getting all of these text messages from some girl up there not to mention the text messages from all sorts of girls that were on the island, There was this one text message from one of his buddies that said "look what your missing out on" and it had pictures of this girls tits and pussy. He'd get so mad that i didn't trust him and i'd go looking in his phone, but everytime I'd look there would be some sexy message from some girl! This DROVE ME INSANE. On one hand he would act like prince charming when he was with me, but on the other hand he was getting all these texts and going out late with the boys... not coming home... etc...

    When I say insane I mean it I was having mental beak downs at this point and finally I just left and moved in with my parents. And you know what? I got better! I went on a search for enlightenment through yoga, buddhism, tantra, philosophy, psychology, whatever i could find on the nature of life I soaked it up and I became HAPPY, truely HAPPY. Well except for the fact that my parents weren't happy with me not having a job... and i wasn't happy with any jobs other than stripping... you know how it is... and we got into a huge fight and of course who did i look for for help? Nick

    So I asked if i could just stay with him for a little bit while i got my feet on the ground. I went straight back to dancing and saved up enough money to get my own spot within 2 weeks... by that time though he had me under his spell again.

    So I moved in again. this time he seemed to have gotten over his whole thing with other girls. I mean he actually truly seemed devoted to me. I was very happy with the way our relationship was going. It seemed perfect. Until he went away for training in Cali.

    One day I was looking at his phone bill and saw that he had made a few calls to one of his exes in cali.... sure enough i confront hiim about it. He says he just called for a recommendation for a place to eat close by. I'm not buying it. A couple hours later.... well I actually met her there. Oh thats it? A couple hours later.... Well.... she gave me head in her car... WHAT? A couple hours later... Ok we went to a motel and fucked.... I mean for the next few days he started spilling out confessions. He had fucked 3 girls on his trip to connecticut back in the day, I did some diggin... i found an e-mail from the girl he was texting... turns out he had promissed her that he was going to come back and see her (her name is Tara) - even tho he was still with me. Any ways point being I figured out that our entire relationship he had been lying to me.

    When he came back I left and i was going to go to vegas... but he made all kinds of spectacle out of himself and was somehow able to charm me back into staying with him until he left for iraq in december. December rolls around and he leaves. Five days after he leaves I find out im pregnant.

    So my mom insists that I come to live with her in Dallas so i do, i go... but did i mention that my step-dad is the loser freeloader douche from hell? So after a 2 months there I've had enough and I just have to leave. BTW me and Nick get married by proxy so that I can get covered under his insurance so i can get medical care for the baby. Anyhow he and his parents insist that I go to live with them in CT so I do.

    So now i'm here with his parents in CT and even more stuff starts coming out about him cheating on me (we talk on the phone and message over the net while he's in Iraq) - i mean the boy got a BJ from a crack whore (not a prosti - a CRACK WHORE) while we were visiting his parents this last summer. (He told me that he's gotten more BJs than you can count from crack whores in his past and fucked about 20 of them... but supposedly that was a habit back when he was younger and he;s different now. For some reason "the dirtier she was the more i got turned on") But that aside even still, he's basically - according to him he's been cheating on me up until I found out about his thing in Cali! Like i'm so disgusted. He says that he would only do it when he was away from me. (lol... sure)

    So obviously... i don't trust him anymore. I mean who would? I never really did, my instincts always kind of told me something was up (i mean why else would i need to check his phone and shit) But his words always seemed SO SINCERE. And I've never had any proof of anything... so I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I didn't want to deal with digging for what could be lurking under the seemingly perfect surface.

    But here I am - 2 weeks away from having his child - and I just cant get over all the things he's done behind my back and then lied SO WELL about. I mean I can't even talk to him right now. I mean as far as i know he could have some army-slut friend in iraq that he fucks everyday. I've also heard that there are iraqi prostitutes. That prostitution out there is rampant. And sometimes I just have to forget about them. For months sometimes I just forget about them and i let him charm me into thinking he's a prince. And he says that now that he's going to be a father he's really changed. I mean the kid is effing SINCERE -i mean he makes it seem that way... not that he really is but it sure as hell SEEMS that way.

    Here's the other thing: he comes back for leave (for 2weeks) in 1 month. and your not supposed to have sex for at least 6 weeks after the baby is born. I mean... i don't even want to have sex with him right now cause all of these emotions are eating me up about what he's done to me in the past. So I've pretty much stopped talking to him and I e-mailed this girl, Tara, that he cheated on me with out here and pretty much told her that he would need company and I gave her his info and all that.

    But why am I so fucked about this??????? I mean fuck him! but at the same time he's the father of my baby boy and it breaks my heart to pass him off to another woman. I just don't want him around me and i know that thats the best way to do it. Let him get his kicks from some other ho-bag.

    Fuck I can't beleive this is the first time i've let myself cry over this shit in MONTHS thank you guys for listening... even if no one responds it was just nice to put this out there.

    What the hell am i doing... what should i be doing.... what the hell is wrong with this guy... and what does this mean for my baby boy??? I'm not scared cause i will always take care of myself and my baby...but should i try to stay with Nick? should I give him another chance? or is that just a waste of my energy? I mean at this point i've pretty much given up... he's gonna do whatever he wants and say whatever he wants and i can't base my happiness off of what he does to me. I just want whats best for my baby.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    You wrote this entire novel to ask if you should stay with a man who fucked skanky women behind your back because he liked the thrill of maybe getting an STD are you JOKING?!

    Stay married to him for the baby care and never see him again. Divorce him when you find someone better.


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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    What's best for your baby is to not be around a guy that fucks crackwhores for fun. End of story.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Fuck i feel so bad like of course i want to do that.

    I feel so strange tho living with his parents i mean... like they think he's a fucking angel and that we're married (which to them is for forever no one seems to see that i married him for his benefits and I don't know how comforatable i am with them finding out)

    Its just so hard living here! i mean I LOVE his family they are the nicest people ever... and they love their son so much! I mean he's such a great guy other than his INSANE sexual deviance. On the outside he's funny handsome and smart... you know... the stereo-type perfect guy.

    I;ve tried to talk to them before but it's so hard on them having him in iraq and having a grandson on the way. it's just too much for them to take. I hate the situation im in. I fucking hate it. I know i should move out of here cause it's just not right. i feel like i'm misleading them some how....

    But you know how us humans are with change... and i am scared about being a single mom. I don't want to do this by myself

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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    You aready know what to do! You seem like a strong woman, you will totally get through this but you can not stay with him. Treat yourself better than that. I'm so sorry you have to go through this while your pregnant, you must be so stressed.

  6. #6
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You wrote this entire novel to ask if you should stay with a man who fucked skanky women behind your back because he liked the thrill of maybe getting an STD are you JOKING?!

    Stay married to him for the baby care and never see him again. Divorce him when you find someone better.
    Yep.

    A lot of guys who do well in the military develop a Bulletproof mentality- too much Ego and no cares in the world beyond themselves. & They stop caring about making a normal relationship work- statistically, if you two didn't break up over everything you just said, you'd break up over something mundane, like another man pursuing you, or distance. At least this stuff is wild and crazy (I know, it's hard to fathom, normal people can't understand it.)

    Sadly, this is not uncommon- it happened to me, but I became great pals with the Korean hooker my ex-boyfriend paid to fuck. She was cool, and at least he paid her. That fucker mooched off of me!

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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Would you rather be a single mom and take care of your kid the way you want to or be worried about who dad is taking your son to meet after school when he thinks he can get away for a quickie?



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

  8. #8
    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Aww, thats horrible for you!
    Having been a parent myself for almost 17 years now I think you should just think about you and your baby - fuck off these two guys as much as possible. (Obviously the dad might want to play a part in his childs life and that ok.) I think youre strong enough to build a good life and future for the two of you and that youll go on to find happyness elsewhere.

    I think you know that you and your soon to be child deserve better than what either of these two guys have to offer. It does feel sad at the time when youre young and just starting out and things dont work out as hoped for. The good news is that as time passes you do meet other people - and with this shitty experience behind you hopefully youll pick better ones (-:
    Keep up with all the stuff that makes you feel good!!!

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Okay, I'm going to relate. Every single man I have ever in my life fallen in love with has cheated on me. Every last one of them. I even was married to the military just like you. The last one was as you described. Handsome, smart, funny, rich... I left the second I found proof. It hurt like hell, but I had to leave.

    Why?

    Because it always hurts a fuck of a lot more if you stay. Always.


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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    I mean i have so many questions that I have no one to help me with but you guys....

    I mean should i even give him the privilage of webcamming when i give birth? like I don't even want to talk to him! I know his parents are going to be so upset if i don't talk to him when the baby is born tho... I just love his family.

    I feel as tho he lies to me out of habit now. Like he knows that I don't even care anymore but he still lies anyways just cause he can... like he's so entrenched in this identity that he has created for himself that he just WILL NOT ever open up to me.

    At least this is what i feel, but I have no way of proving it and he says that he is who he says he is.

    Everyone else in my life (his parents, my religious mom, my dad and his wife) say to give him another chance... I never told them about the crack ho either tho idk just too personal... But they all seem to think that i should give it a shot for the baby... I know you guys are right tho. i need to just leave it.

    I just want my son to have a father !!!!!!!

    And how the HELL am i supposed to deal with his parents who i live with?????????????? jeez. what a mess - See? this is what happens if you stay with a guy after you've found him cheating on you. I'm so paying for my utter stupidity.

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Quote Originally Posted by MeanGirl View Post
    You aready know what to do! You seem like a strong woman, you will totally get through this but you can not stay with him. Treat yourself better than that. I'm so sorry you have to go through this while your pregnant, you must be so stressed.
    Awww thanks...It really is just too much to think about usually. My emotions are crazy right now so i just have to leave it.

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    Yep.

    A lot of guys who do well in the military develop a Bulletproof mentality- too much Ego and no cares in the world beyond themselves. & They stop caring about making a normal relationship work- statistically, if you two didn't break up over everything you just said, you'd break up over something mundane, like another man pursuing you, or distance. At least this stuff is wild and crazy (I know, it's hard to fathom, normal people can't understand it.)

    Sadly, this is not uncommon- it happened to me, but I became great pals with the Korean hooker my ex-boyfriend paid to fuck. She was cool, and at least he paid her. That fucker mooched off of me!
    WOW. I mean WOW. How did you get to know her? Did you go and find her or did he just tell you about it?

    I think the military def. had somehting to do with it. he is really successful in there. he's getting promoted pretty quickly. lol and yeah the thing is is that he is SUPER possesive over me. WTF!?!?!?!?!?! lol his "persona" would never let distance get between us... in fact he wouldn't let anything get between us.! It like his life goal to keep us together. I mean he fawns over me and treats me like the queen of the universe.... to my face at least. It is a military thing isn't it?

    Although some military guys I've met i think are really genuinely like that. maybe they're just really really good conivers? We have a lot of military in hawaii.... those boys are trouble.

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    Featured Member Perry's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    If you give him another chance you might catch an STD. Just make the relationship a we're-friends-and-parents type of thing. You're young and hot and you'll find a great guy - but he's not it.

    His parents will understand. They wouldn't take it out on their grandson that his dad was a cheating creep.

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    i was surprised that i don't have one... they give me regular tests at the OB. Crazy huh? I talked to the girl that he effed in Cali and she said that he tried to eff her without a condom... I'm wicked lucky for sure.

  14. #14
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Quote Originally Posted by princessparis View Post
    WOW. I mean WOW. How did you get to know her? Did you go and find her or did he just tell you about it?

    I think the military def. had somehting to do with it. he is really successful in there. he's getting promoted pretty quickly. lol and yeah the thing is is that he is SUPER possesive over me. WTF!?!?!?!?!?! I mean he fawns over me and treats me like the queen of the universe.... to my face at least. It is a military thing isn't it?

    Although some military guys I've met i think are really genuinely like that. maybe they're just really really good conivers?
    *Snicker* Yeah, they're good liars. PS The whole "I Haz A Girl Back Home" thing is for personal morale and to brag to others- you're long-distance arm candy. It also helps sometimes with career advancement, depending on the position.

    As for the Korean hooker, she worked at my club in Guam (she used the "bang bang room" in back, I did not. It was just work for her.) She was always so nice to me after everyone knew I had a Navy boyfriend, and then my ex confessed he had used her favors once. (So she remembered him and didn't want me to get mad at her- why would I? I was madder at him for mooching money off of me and acting like he really cared when he didn't.)

    Of course, your situation is more serious, given the child together and all. Where I can laugh at my memories, you can't.

    Like others said, find someone else and leave. Before you do, finish a degree so if worst comes to worst, you can support yourself and your child.

    TRRRUST ME, there are plenty of marriages (military and non-military alike) that die ugly, stagnating deaths where neither party ever wants to see or hear from the other again. But take the higher road for your child. He or she deserves a relationship with the in-laws and maybe even the father, if he can act responsible around his kid.

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    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Just because you break up with your childs father doesnt mean you wont ever find a replacement.
    My son has 2 dads - his real dad and his step dad. Both are wonderful people so my son is doubley lucky.
    Onwards and upwards!

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    Veteran Member Obenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    A guy like that will make a shitty father, so get that whole "I want my kid to have a father" shit out of your head.

    Fuck that.
    He sucks.
    He doesn't want to be better or he would be.
    Just be a good mother.

    A good father is good to his children's mother. He isn't and never has been.

    If his actions are so bad that you can't even bring yourself to talk to his parents about all this shit, that should tell you just how fucked up it all is right there!

    You need to allow some time to deal with all of this and look out for yourself and your baby. You need to WAIT. Consult with a lawyer BUT DO NOT LET HIS PARENTS KNOW OR SUSPECT ANYTHING.

    Wait a few months or maybe longer...until you feel stable enough to deal with everything AFTER you have the baby. Then move out of his parent's house and get a divorce. Your child should be covered by health benefits through the father even if you are divorced, so don't worry too much about that. You can ensure that he provide health coverage for the child through a court order. Get child support and custody. Document as much as you can. Move back to where your family lives if possible. You may need their support.

    You are never going to get mentally and emotionally healthy until you get the hell out of this completely fucked relationship. You're so deep in the mindfuck you don't even realize how screwed up you are and how far out of the range of "normal" this relationship is.

    Maybe if you tried a little excercise, you might see...
    Try this:
    Go to friends and family members and tell them this complete story. You could even just copy it from here and paste it into an email. Watch the looks on their faces. See what they say to you. Maybe that will help you to get motivated to change your life.

    I know all of this may sound harsh... It's meant to be. I've been in a mindfuck relationship before and I know how you can keep getting sucked back in and how hard it is to get your head back on straight. It helps to stop sugar-coating and things and distorting reality in your own mind. I know this type of shit is hard, especially when you had hopes about the relationship. You need to give that up and focus on what is real. What's real is that this is really fucked and you deserve better than this.

    Later, you will look back on this time in your life with disbelief that you let yourself be in this crap for so long.

    Best wishes,

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    Featured Member saphire123456's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Quote Originally Posted by Obenta View Post
    A guy like that will make a shitty father, so get that whole "I want my kid to have a father" shit out of your head.

    Fuck that.
    He sucks.
    He doesn't want to be better or he would be.
    Just be a good mother.

    A good father is good to his children's mother. He isn't and never has been.

    If his actions are so bad that you can't even bring yourself to talk to his parents about all this shit, that should tell you just how fucked up it all is right there!

    You need to allow some time to deal with all of this and look out for yourself and your baby. You need to WAIT. Consult with a lawyer BUT DO NOT LET HIS PARENTS KNOW OR SUSPECT ANYTHING.

    Wait a few months or maybe longer...until you feel stable enough to deal with everything AFTER you have the baby. Then move out of his parent's house and get a divorce. Your child should be covered by health benefits through the father even if you are divorced, so don't worry too much about that. You can ensure that he provide health coverage for the child through a court order. Get child support and custody. Document as much as you can. Move back to where your family lives if possible. You may need their support.

    You are never going to get mentally and emotionally healthy until you get the hell out of this completely fucked relationship. You're so deep in the mindfuck you don't even realize how screwed up you are and how far out of the range of "normal" this relationship is.

    Maybe if you tried a little excercise, you might see...
    Try this:
    Go to friends and family members and tell them this complete story. You could even just copy it from here and paste it into an email. Watch the looks on their faces. See what they say to you. Maybe that will help you to get motivated to change your life.

    I know all of this may sound harsh... It's meant to be. I've been in a mindfuck relationship before and I know how you can keep getting sucked back in and how hard it is to get your head back on straight. It helps to stop sugar-coating and things and distorting reality in your own mind. I know this type of shit is hard, especially when you had hopes about the relationship. You need to give that up and focus on what is real. What's real is that this is really fucked and you deserve better than this.

    Later, you will look back on this time in your life with disbelief that you let yourself be in this crap for so long.

    Best wishes,
    ....yes, and I don't know how the hell you expect this cheating assmonkey to set a good example for your kid. Let the other girls have them, he's not a prize catch at all, let them deal with the lying...I understand its scary to think of yourself as a single mother, and natural to want to have the father in the picture, but not with this guy
    These days I like to count my money. I like to wash it delicately and iron it. Sometimes I dry it with some bounty to make it all nice and cuddly. I love my money... did I say that out loud?

  18. #18
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    << *is speechless*

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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    This guy has had more than his share of second chances. I agree with Lysondra's advice.

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Whoa... I was with you up until the part where you called his old fuckbuddy up and told her that he'd be in need of some company.

    Huh?!?!?

    It sounds to me like you're in some sort of co-dependent sex addiction situation. The stuff he's doing is not just cheating... it would be red flag behavior in a completely unattached guy.

    Maybe when you actually have the baby in your arms, you'll have better idea of how you want to handle this. But just for perspective, this isn't just like, "My man has a roving eye" stuff... it's like... "My man is compulsive about sex enough to not give a shit about anything else in the universe."

    Enabling an addict is a hard spot to get out of once you're there. But maybe it's helpful to put a name to it...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    wtf. cut it [his dick] off.

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  23. #22
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    That's a tough situation to be in, Paris. You know what you have to do. It's going to be a long road but completely worth it.



    Once a liar, cheater, always a liar and cheater. That's a therapists quote, about my last serious relationship. And she is 100% right.



    Hugs to you. Stay strong and just peace out. You need the support network of your parents and friends, get the f out of his parents house!

    Good luck.

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    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Thanks you guys for the support. I'm definitely not putting up with his shit. I just have to figure out how to get custody of my kid... which i suppose is a whole other story.

    Anyways, I think your right red that he has some sort of addiction... i always thought it was a power thing. You know like he always need to feel like he has control of the upper hand. It's the small things that add up to it. The way that he can't give me my space when we argue to the way he knows just what to say to get me to do things.... well he used to at least.

    I don't know why I'm messing with that girl. Some of it I think i want to prove to myself that i just don't give a shit and I really don't want his ass hanging around me when he comes home on leave. And hell... not like i'm *f-ing him ever again. I know I'm setting myself up to get hurt tho. I think he's still going to hide it from me anyways.

    I think that's what he gets off on - hiding shit from me. Having control over the way I see him. There has to be some kind of fucked up psych shit there doesn't there? I mean no normal guy does what he did to me right?

  25. #24
    Veteran Member princessparis's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    ^^^ thanks Chrissy. I wish I could but I have no money of my own right now I'm going to go back to dancing asap tho so i can get out on my own already.

  26. #25
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: My effed up situation - this is practically a NOVEL!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You wrote this entire novel to ask if you should stay with a man who fucked skanky women behind your back because he liked the thrill of maybe getting an STD are you JOKING?!

    Stay married to him for the baby care and never see him again. Divorce him when you find someone better.
    Lol, I'm so glad I didn't read this whole post and skipped to lysondras abridged version.



    "I don't take a piss without getting paid for it." - Harlan Ellison

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