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Thread: Dancing protocol

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    Default Dancing protocol

    Hi everyone,

    I just wanted to get some input regarding a situation that happened to me. Here is the scenario. I arrived at the SC around 11pm. While at the table, I noticed one dancer that caught my eye. While she was doing her set, I went up to here and tipped her a 10, hoping to get her attention and she said she would stop by after she was done. After she finished, she came by my area and we talked for a little bit. She then asked if I would like a dance. I told her yes and we went to the VIP room. After an hour and paying her for her time, she asked me if I was gonna stay. She had to go onstage again, but she said she would like to just sit and talk to me for a bit longer if I would stay. I said yes, I would defintely stay if she wanted to me because I really enjoyed talking to her.

    Anyway, after she was done, she came back by amd we just talked and seemed to get along well. However, I noticed that there were still quite a few customers, so I asked her if she needed to, she could go onto the floor....I just didn't want to take up her time, especially if she needed to make some money. She said no, that was ok. Well, after talking for a little bit longer, all of a sudden she just started to dance for me. She danced off and on for me and we were having a great time, but at the end of the night, she said I owed her for ten dances. I was stunned. Yes, she danced, but she didn't ask me if I wanted any dances to begin with after the VIP room. Plus, I only had 100 extra left. When I told her I didn't have the money, she wasn't angry but started crying. I told her I was very sorry, but I didn't know she was charging me. So we both decided that I would give her the 100 for the dances, which was half of what she asked for.

    Did I do the right thing or the wrong thing? I was not trying to get free dances, and if she would have asked me in the beginning after the VIP room, I would have told her I couldn't afford it. Was this a matter of miscommunication on both of our parts? After the fact though, I probably could have avoided this situation as well if I would have asked her if she was charging me for the dances too.

    Anyway, I just wanted to get some input from the ladies regarding the proper protocol of how this should have been handled.

    Thanks for your time and input

  2. #2
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    I'm sorry? You accidentally let her do 10 dances imagining... what? That they were free? Is it rude to just start dancing? Sure. That doesn't make it okay to get 10 and then say "What? You didn't ask me. I thought you just liked me." You knew where you were and you knew what she was doing and you knew she charged for what she was doing.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    I agree with Jenny. You were completely conscious and aware that you were getting 10 dances - just because she didn't ask you specifically whether she could do the dances or not does not mean that they were free (although that was pretty unprofessional of her to do that). Nothing, absolutely nothing, in strip clubs is free.

    If you were truly worried whether she was going to charge you for the dances at the end of the night or not, you could've asked her, or better yet, told her to stop dancing seeing as to how you didn't have enough money to pay her. It sounds like you knew the whole time what she was doing (although in your mind you probably justified it by thinking "well she told me she was having a great time after we did VIP together so she probably actually likes me . . . I'm not just another customer . . . therefore she's not going to charge me for these dances").

    Congratulations on getting 5 free dances.

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    I agree 100% with Jenny.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    You're right. I should have known better, especially with the environment. She told me it was ten dances, but to be honest I was not keeping track. Trust me, I felt guilty about the whole situation and I wish it could have been avoided. Like I said, in hindsight, I SHOULD have asked her if she was charging me in the beginning.

    Thank you for your input Jenny

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    Thanks for the input all. I really do appreciate it. I want to do the right thing. This is just a learning experience for me and I just want to avoid the same thing in the future. Her and I made plans to go out to dinner even after this incident; if it does happen, or if I do see her at the club, I'll pay her the other half. Honestly, I was not trying to take advantage of her. If I had the money then, I would have paid her for all the dances.

    Thank you all again for the insight!

  7. #7
    rooster470
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    If you really feed bad about it you could pay her what you owe her next time you're there.

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    Featured Member nicole84's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    You should have asked, and she should have asked before she started.

    i agree with rooster....if you feel so bad, you can pay her the extra next time you see her.

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    yea go back in and give her the rest of the money. don't let the dinner plans that may or may not happen have any bearing on doing the right thing. if you aren't sure if she is working. call the club and ask.
    seriously you had to know it wasn't free. even if you did have a connection she is at work
    As quoted by Luckyone:
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    gotta ask...was she drinking?

    i've seen girls manage to make pretty good money by just assuming the sale when they've been drinking. i've also seen them crying in the dressing room about the guy who didn't pay them.

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    The second time I got private dances in my whole life, after the 1st song she just kept going...and I didn't stop her. At the end I owed her 50 more dollars than I had on me. Embarrassed as hell, I didn't see her for months after that. When I did, I started tipping her well on stage out of guilt (like 20 per set). Then we became favorite-regular, and I gave her the 50 (among a whole hell of a lot more I gave her that year) and told her the story. She didn't even remember it.....sad to think you can get shorted often enough not to remember specific instances.

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    Veteran Member bsteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    Quote Originally Posted by luvsdancers View Post
    ...She had to go onstage again, but she said she would like to just sit and talk to me for a bit longer if I would stay. I said yes, I would defintely stay if she wanted to me because I really enjoyed talking to her.
    ....
    ...so I asked her if she needed to, she could go onto the floor....I just didn't want to take up her time, especially if she needed to make some money. She said no, that was ok. Well, after talking for a little bit longer, all of a sudden she just started to dance for me.
    Uhm, dude, you do understand what strip clubs are all about, right? Women pretend to like you, and talk with you as a friend, and strip for you. And your part is to pay them.

    I know that you are likely a great guy who would make a great catch, but when this woman said that she wanted to sit with you, she did not do this out of the goodness of her heart, but because she needed to make money to pay off a loan, feed her kids, or pay a tuition. It is her job to sit with you, or to dance for you.

    When you tried to send her away "to make some money" and she said "no, it is OK", she was not trying to be polite, but rather she was trying to sell you more of her time. She was not trying to be sweet and just enjoyed talking with you. She was selling you her time, for which she expected to get paid.

    Just as in restaurants they offer you dessert, not because out of the goodness of their heart but because they want to sell you a dessert, so too she offered to stay with you, to sit with you, or to dance for you, not simply because you are a great guy, but because she wanted to make money off you. That's the whole idea of a SC.

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    Quote Originally Posted by luvsdancers View Post
    Like I said, in hindsight, I SHOULD have asked her if she was charging me in the beginning.
    You have been a member on this site since 2006 and you need to ask her if she is charging you? I am embarrassed for all of SW.

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    I'd be a little freaked out if the person I'd been sitting with just suddenly stood up and started dancing. An alarm has to go off SOMEWHERE that says.... she dances for a living. She's dancing now. I'll bet she expects compensation.

    I had a magical night like the OP describes, once several years ago at a club in New Orleans. But in my case, the dancer had the sense to say "I'm having a great time and all, but every so often I have to do some paid dances", which gave me the choice to pay her or let her go. Hopefully the dancer in THIS case will do a better job of communication in the future.

    Kudos to the OP for being willing to make things right after the fact.

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    Quote Originally Posted by bsteve View Post
    Uhm, dude, you do understand what strip clubs are all about, right? Women pretend to like you, and talk with you as a friend, and strip for you. And your part is to pay them.

    I know that you are likely a great guy who would make a great catch, but when this woman said that she wanted to sit with you, she did not do this out of the goodness of her heart, but because she needed to make money to pay off a loan, feed her kids, or pay a tuition. It is her job to sit with you, or to dance for you.

    When you tried to send her away "to make some money" and she said "no, it is OK", she was not trying to be polite, but rather she was trying to sell you more of her time. She was not trying to be sweet and just enjoyed talking with you. She was selling you her time, for which she expected to get paid.

    Just as in restaurants they offer you dessert, not because out of the goodness of their heart but because they want to sell you a dessert, so too she offered to stay with you, to sit with you, or to dance for you, not simply because you are a great guy, but because she wanted to make money off you. That's the whole idea of a SC.
    While I agree that it's a highly ambiguous situation, this is a little unfair to the OP. In his mind, he had shifted the "burden of proof" from himself to the dancer by saying that if she needed to go make money, then she could--implying that she wouldn't be with him. Didn't a red flag go off in her mind?

    And, if a restaurant set a dessert in front of me that I didn't ask for, I might well think I was getting comped a dessert (which doesn't happen a lot, but does occasionally happen for various reasons, in restaurants).

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    While I agree that it's a highly ambiguous situation, this is a little unfair to the OP. In his mind, he had shifted the "burden of proof" from himself to the dancer by saying that if she needed to go make money, then she could--implying that she wouldn't be with him. Didn't a red flag go off in her mind?

    And, if a restaurant set a dessert in front of me that I didn't ask for, I might well think I was getting comped a dessert (which doesn't happen a lot, but does occasionally happen for various reasons, in restaurants).
    maybe. But if they gave you 10 you'd probably realize something was off. I could understand a guy being dumb enough to let one dance slide (she likes me! she really likes me!) after that, he either knows what is going on or needs someone else to tie his shoes.

    But, you know, the OP already admitted he was wrong; surely that should satiate our blood lust. I personally don't need to beat him up anymore.
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    Veteran Member grindonme's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    Mannn you should've stuck with your original story and told her you didn't have the money, she was playing a GAME with you and she won. If it was me i would've gave her a napkin and bounced

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    but the dancer was the one who claimed ten songs at the end of it all, not the OP. he was just going along with her claimed number. he said 'she danced on and off for me' and then at the end she pulled a number out of thin air and said he had to pay up.

    he told her to go make money. she should have done, or told him every 2-3 songs what the tally was. just declaring 'you owe me for 10 songs' at night's end was risky at best on her part.

    the OP doesn't owe her any more money. she got more than enough considering that what she did was a gamble anyhow.

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    I think you were taken, frankly, and I notice you didn't report back about the "date" you had arranged with her....because there never was going to be a date; she danced for you, because she figured she could railroad you into paying something, after all, there was no other source of cash

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    In my whole time of going to SCs, I have had ONE free dance, and that was at the end of an evening where I had tipped the dancer a couple of hundred bucks.

    Your dancer COULD have called the cops and had you charged with theft of services. That has happened, and there have been convictions. This has been reported in the mainstream news.

    Usually, unless I am with a dancer I know well and trust a lot, I keep a verbal record with my dancer. "That was two, right?" Once, a girl started to quit in the middle of a song, and I said, "Hey the song isn't over yet." She said, "Sorry, in my home club, the song is over when the DJ talks."

    It sounds like you made an honest, but dumb, mistake, and your plan to make it right will go a long way toward making you your ATF's favorite customer, as long as you pay her fairly in the future.

    FWIW, when I was in college and in France, I accidentally ordered a seven course meal on a train when I thought I was ordering cheese. I recognized the word "fromage," and pointed to it. But the fromage was one course in the seven course meal. I waved the first two courses off, and then I realized what was happening and started to eat, because I knew I was going to have to pay for the whole meal. That took most of my money, and for the next several days all I had to eat was the hard roll that came free with my hotel room. But I did not feel cheated, only dumb.

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    Your dancer COULD have called the cops and had you charged with theft of services. That has happened, and there have been convictions. This has been reported in the mainstream news.

    I wonder if that's true. The cases you cite have been where a customer clearly contracts with the dancer for services, such as going to a VIP or lapdance area. In the case of our OP, apparently the dancer he was sitting with a) started dancing without any kind of verbal agreement that she should do so, and b) had previously been invited by the OP to leave him to "go make money". I have to think there's plenty of reasonable doubt here regarding theft of services.

    That said, I still think the OP is right in paying what he could and considering paying more in the future. He was definitely caught in a "NO COMMUNICATION ZONE".

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    The one I recall was a guy who bought one lap dance. The girl continued to dance after the first one for over an hour. When it was over, he tried to pay for one dance and said he thought the whole thing was a single dance for $20. He was arrested and convicted of theft of services, had to pay for the dances plus a fine and community service.;

    This was reported a year or so ago on the AOL news service.
    Last edited by UtahMike; 08-12-2008 at 10:37 AM.

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    ^ wow. that's pretty fucked up.

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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    It really isnt adding up.

    You asked her if she wanted to go work the floor because you had been just talking and didn't want to waste her time if she needed to go make money. She says No. But then she charges you for 10 dances on the floor?

    You were right in paying her for the "dances" because you don't want to be known as the guy who douched the dancer for 10 dancers.

    At the same time, I would never go back to this girl. Yeah as a customer you know the deal when you go in a SC, but at teh same time you asked her if she wanted to leave for other customers.

    You didn't do anything wrong and you did the right thing by paying what you had anyways. I do think you were taken advantage of though. Gotta be more aware with that stuff. Glad she seemed to like you and you had good convo, but got to know whats going on.
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    Default Re: Dancing protocol

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    The one I recall was a guy who bought one lap dance. The girl continued to dance after the first one for over an hour. When it was over, he tried to pay for one dance and said he thought the whole thing was a single dance for $20. He was arrested and convicted of theft of services, had to pay for the dances plus a fine and community service.;

    This was reported a yer or so ago on the AOL news service.
    This story is different from what happened to the OP. The customer in that story "requested" a dance from her the OP didn't. It wouldn't even have made it outside the club because when she told security/managers he didn't pay and he said he didn't even "ask" her to dance for him then what is she gonna say? He was crazy to pay her and he's be dumb to go and pay her some more money like some people in here suggested him to do

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