I guess I need to vent.I'm PMS-ing really bad, so I apologize in advance for rambling and/or not making sense and being hormonal and self-defeating.
I'm sitting here feeling REALLY bad - not at all like how I was last week when I would get home. I'm usually pumped up when I get home, excited about the money I made, etc. etc.
Today just started out wrong. Maybe it was due to the lack of sleep last night (had 5 hours, and I am accustomed to 8+), but I just felt "off". I was at the club by 11am, because it's our big buffet day, so it was already getting busy.
I did feel alot more confident on stage than I did last week, that's for sure - but on the floor, I just had NO mojo. I have no idea what happened to me.
All my hours of reading Hustle Hut on my days off....(I was off the last 4 days..maybe that is why I lost my spark?). My drive and my ambition to kick ass at this had disappeared. I even did the Kiss Of Death. I sat at the bar with the other bored-looking dancers. I even thought to myself, "WHAT AM I DOING?". But I was just zoned out and content not to speak to anyone. I saw tables of guys, but everyone was feeding their faces, and I didn't feel like approaching while everyone was in the middle of eating.
Someone randomly bought me a drink. I asked the bartender who it was. He pointed these 2 guys out. I asked for a Coke (no rum), but he put a "tiny" bit in. Whatever. Why does NO ONE understand that I mean it when I say I don't drink??? Jesus Christ.Is a dancer that doesn't drink THAT rare?
So I sit with these 2 guys that bought the "drink". They are the type I do not care for. Young, good-looking/well-dressed, cocky looking - I know the type before they even open their mouths. And I was right. They were very rude - they asked a lot of questions, and when I'd answer, they say stupid stuff like, "oh yea, that's a good one". (Funny thing is, I was telling the truth). Idiots....I let them know I don't drink, after they offered to get me a shot. So what do they do? Tell the bartender to get me a shot. I look at them, laugh, and say again..."I don't drink". This continues. The bartender brings me 2 different shots at the request of these guys. No idea why this bartender keeps making them. Finally I said, "I am not sure how else to say this - I DON'T DRINK". I pointed out another dancer who was obviously young and drunk already, and told them perhaps she'd like to take shots with them (it was noon!). I got up and walked off. ARGH.
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I did a few laps (no idea why, because I sure as hell didn't feel like approaching anyone) & then went back to zoning out.
Some guy came up to me, asking me to dance for his friend. I did some dances, but just couldn't get into it like I did last week. I didn't feel friendly or talkative, OR sexy. I couldn't even fake it.
THEN, I see a guy I know. A friend of my ex's. And then without warning, there IS my EX. Ughhh, are you kidding me? I was completely embarrassed and taken by surprise.
I hid in the DR for 45 minutes. I contemplating leaving. Then I contemplated staying. Someone who had bought 5 dances from me last week, was in the club, and had waved me over as I was haulin' ass to the DR after the ex-run in. I knew I could go out there and probably make an easy $100 off him. But I just couldn't do it.
Now, I know what you are all going to say (and I can take it!), but I shouldn't have let that affect me. I know, I know. I need thicker skin. Yes, yes yes. Like I said, this is more venting I guess.
I ended up leaving at 3pm. I feel defeated. I plan to return tomorrow, to work the 4pm-midnight. But now I'm all freaked out again. Will I feel bad again? Will the ex (or his friends) return? Where the hell did my motivation go?![]()
I'm all scared that I will return tomorrow with no spark, and do horrible. (Lots of self-defeating talk going on inside my head....PMS perhaps).
Sorry for the long post - if you made it this far, that's sweet![]()
Hope everyone's day/night was better than mine.



I'm PMS-ing really bad, so I apologize in advance for rambling and/or not making sense and being hormonal and self-defeating.
Is a dancer that doesn't drink THAT rare?
Kamryn
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