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Thread: Why is a "Real name" so important?

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    Senior Member kittytheflamingo's Avatar
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    Default Why is a "Real name" so important?

    I can deal with asshole customers doing it, thats never going to change, but a fellow dancer?

    One of the girls that I havent talked to before asked me my name, and so I told her, my stage name is ___ but i go by Kitty in real life. She goes, thats not your real name, whats your real name? I try to explain to her that I dont like my birth name and dont like people knowing or using it, and she tries to force the issue- "well my real name is __, whats yours?" ?!?

    I'm afraid I got a little snappy, but I did walk away. But the entire rest of my night was ruined. I have worked very hard for a long time to become the person I wanted to be, and I will be legally changing my name to reflect that I am a different person. For now I use Kitty, and my new name will be Katherine.

    You would think a fellow dancer, of all people, would be more sensitive about names! She might not have meant to hurt me, but when someone's uncomfortable about something, shouldn't you just let it go?
    Last edited by kittytheflamingo; 08-02-2008 at 01:09 PM. Reason: tmi
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    You could have told her Katherine, right?
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    Senior Member 8eyespyder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Yah, I hate it when ppl are pushy,,an they have to keep pressin on the same question an/or subject even when it's pretty obvious u don't want to talk about it, so rude.

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    Senior Member kittytheflamingo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    I told her thats what it wil be soon. She wasn't satisfied with that.
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    Member czarina800's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Maybe next time you can tell her your real name is Bruhilda (or something ridiculous-sounding like that lol) and you just don't want to let anybody know about it so she should keep it a secret.

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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Because some people are just assholes who dont know how to respect others wishes. Thats pretty much it.

    I dont ask what peoples real names are unless I need to for some reason(say we are traveling together and both our names have to be on a rental agreement ...but thats rare, I can usually just put it in my name) If you want me to know your real name, you'll tell me. Otherwise...just tell me what you'd like to be called.

    There are a cpl people I've met from here that I dont know their real names! Paige has eaten dinner in my house and I dont know her real name...and I consider her a friend. Paige is what she wants to be called so IMO Paige is her name. Simple as that.

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    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    I think that's a pretty benign question. Her pressing for the truth was a little rude maybe, but you have to understand... it's a normal question. It's not like she was asking you how old you are or how much you weigh or how much did you make tonight or where do you live...

    Not trying to sound insensitive... but if you're that concerned and easily offended by someone in that environment asking your real name, why don't you just have a fake "real" name to tell the girls in the dressing room if they feel they need to know? Hell, we already do that to the customers! I think it's more of a sign of friendship if a dancer wants to know your real name. It's like acknowledging that hey, we're real people too and we have lives outside of this. Good for us.
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    God/dess CKXXX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    ^^asking is ok...but after she made it clear that she didnt WANT to tell her she should have backed off. Its VERY rude to INSIST someone tell you personal info they dont want to tell

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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    yeah, i've had a girl get bitchy when i wouldn't tell her my real name too.

    and it's funny, cos i've bumped into girls outside of work and told them my real name...outside of work. at the club, i'm ___. and that's that.

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    God/dess Mare's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Some asshole girls are doing it for an asshole customer that wants to know your "real" name. Did I say asshole?

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    Featured Member txchick008's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Quote Originally Posted by paintgoddess View Post
    I think it's more of a sign of friendship if a dancer wants to know your real name. It's like acknowledging that hey, we're real people too and we have lives outside of this. Good for us.
    ^^

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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Just get a fake real name and be done with it.

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    Senior Member kittytheflamingo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    I go by Kitty in real life- all my family and friends call me that, my mom's the one that started it when I was little. I told her that. But its ok, I found out she was drunk and doesn't remember, so I'm not upset anymore. After all the shit I've done when I was drunk I'd be a hippocrite to stay mad.
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Quote Originally Posted by paintgoddess View Post
    I think that's a pretty benign question. Her pressing for the truth was a little rude maybe, but you have to understand... it's a normal question. It's not like she was asking you how old you are or how much you weigh or how much did you make tonight or where do you live...
    Agreed

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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Quote Originally Posted by kittytheflamingo View Post
    I go by Kitty in real life- all my family and friends call me that, my mom's the one that started it when I was little. I told her that. But its ok, I found out she was drunk and doesn't remember, so I'm not upset anymore. After all the shit I've done when I was drunk I'd be a hippocrite to stay mad.
    When you told me you went by Kitty in real life I didn't believe you at first. I think it's cool you are officially changing it. Are you still at the same club?
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    I can't believe something so minor 'ruined your whole night'. A bit sensitive to have a naive little girl asking you pretty normal questions if that's the case. A good approach is to not be hurt or offended by these sorts of things. Annoyed, sure... but to ruin a night? Eeek.


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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    I've never had this but sometimes dancers are really pushy with me to find out how much money I made off a certain customer because they want to know if they got more/less off of him. That really pisses me off. It'll go something like this:

    Girl: How much did you get off the old guy with the hat?
    Me: Oh, not that much.
    Girl: Like how much?
    Me: Well, not that much. I don't really want to say exactly.
    Girl: No really, how much did you get? I think I saw you in there for like 3 songs.

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    Veteran Member Zia_Abq's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Quote Originally Posted by kittytheflamingo View Post
    I can deal with asshole customers doing it, thats never going to change, but a fellow dancer?
    Some kind of power trip maybe?

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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    I can't believe something so minor 'ruined your whole night'. A bit sensitive to have a naive little girl asking you pretty normal questions if that's the case. A good approach is to not be hurt or offended by these sorts of things. Annoyed, sure... but to ruin a night? Eeek.
    Well since she's having her legal name changed, maybe this brought up some deeper issues? Just a guess.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Yeah but even then...letting it ruin an entire day? That's an entire night you spent dwelling on something that can't be reversed, can't unhappen and was minor in the grand scheme of life.

    Yeah it's annoying and yeah, I hate being called my real name because my father tattooed it to himself after he raped me as a symbol of his crime... but if someone asks me it doesn't ruin my entire night... they're just curious, albeit a little rude, and naive - they don't know!


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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    I tell any of the girls who ask my real name at work, it doesn't bother me. I know most of the girls real names but my club is really friendly.

    I dont understand how it ruined your night either.

    However, if you dont wanna say tell them your name is "noneya" "noneya business" hehe sorry lame.
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    Senior Member kittytheflamingo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    I dont get offended easily, but I do wish more people had courtesy. I told her it upset me and it was a pesonal issue for me. I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but its a weak spot for me. I think I was the most upset that she acted like it didn't matter how I felt about it. Again, she was drunk, so she probably took offense and it just got out of hand.

    And Lysondra, if your past and things you did not wish to remember got shoved back into your head, wouldn't it be hard for you to be upbeat and hustle? I did try to go talk about fun things with a couple regs that almost always put me in a good mood, but sometimes its hard to comeout of it. Luckily it was kind of near the end of the night.
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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Quote Originally Posted by kittytheflamingo View Post
    I dont get offended easily, but I do wish more people had courtesy. I told her it upset me and it was a pesonal issue for me. I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but its a weak spot for me. I think I was the most upset that she acted like it didn't matter how I felt about it. Again, she was drunk, so she probably took offense and it just got out of hand.

    And Lysondra, if your past and things you did not wish to remember got shoved back into your head, wouldn't it be hard for you to be upbeat and hustle? I did try to go talk about fun things with a couple regs that almost always put me in a good mood, but sometimes its hard to comeout of it. Luckily it was kind of near the end of the night.
    Not really. I'm at work. I work. I can act upbeat after car accidents and pets dying. It's my job.. it's just what I do.


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    Member Wild_Flower's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    If girls at work ask me my real name i tell them. If its customers i sometimes make up a fake real name maybe next time you could try doing that

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    Default Re: Why is a "Real name" so important?

    Quote Originally Posted by kittytheflamingo View Post
    I can deal with asshole customers doing it, thats never going to change, but a fellow dancer?

    One of the girls that I havent talked to before asked me my name, and so I told her, my stage name is ___ but i go by Kitty in real life. She goes, thats not your real name, whats your real name? I try to explain to her that I dont like my birth name and dont like people knowing or using it, and she tries to force the issue- "well my real name is __, whats yours?" ?!?

    I'm afraid I got a little snappy, but I did walk away. But the entire rest of my night was ruined. I have worked very hard for a long time to become the person I wanted to be, and I will be legally changing my name to reflect that I am a different person. For now I use Kitty, and my new name will be Katherine.

    You would think a fellow dancer, of all people, would be more sensitive about names! She might not have meant to hurt me, but when someone's uncomfortable about something, shouldn't you just let it go?
    If you're changing your name, why even bring up the birth name? I've been introducing myself as my now "real" name for over 10 years. The birth name was on a need to know (like bills with roommates or something) basis only-for me, it doesn't exist. People don't get name changing generally unless it's last name, IME. Just say Katherine. (Also I would have walked away from that chick at the start. If she's that pushy, she's either getting it for a custie or she's decided she's your new bff. )

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