posted on another forum:
By Jesus Christ
Drivers of the world, we have gathered here today to listen to My words. My words of resignation.
That’s right, My days of "copiloting" your ’95 Saturns, ’86 Galants and other holy rolling rust buckets are at an end. I’m sick of guiding you ignorant dolts through dangerous everyday traffic - generally unscathed and free from tickets - while you simpletons take sole credit for the prominent piloting position of your worldly vessels. It’s this simple: promote Me to pilot or I quit.
Think I’m bluffing? Try Me. I swear, if I see one more of those ‘Jesus is my copilot’ stickers, I’m going to hie myself on back into the heavens, and I’m not coming back. I mean it. Get this through your thick skulls: no returno el Jesuso.
For how many years have humans been boasting that I, Jesus Christ, Son of God, am merely the second in command of those ultra-conservative hunks of shit you’re driving? If you think you can manage the treacherous roads of Earth without My divine spirit puppeting your every move, I say this: best of luck to you. The ink will still be drying on My letter of resignation when you people start wrapping those deathtraps around fenceposts while dialing in requests to hear "Michael, Row the Boat Ashore" on your Jesus Rocks radio stations.
Frankly, I’m surprised you people have the nerve to forsake the First Commandment and sport those "Jesus is my copilot" bumper stickers in the first place. Ranking yourself above Me is, as you well know, an abomination, punishable by eternal damnation. My Father does not look kindly on those who consider themselves more important or of higher standing than Me, even if it is on a bumper sticker that’s supposed to glorify Me and spread My Father’s message. Yes, the correct wording, "I am Jesus’ copilot, " makes for one of those awkward possessives that end in "s’, " but last time I checked, uncomfortable grammar is deemed a bit more tolerable than a fiery afterlife.
If you people were just trying to spread the Word of God, however, I would think you’d have opted for a more pious and humble sticker slogan - something like, "Jesus has my soul on cruise control" or "Jesus revs me up." That would have kept the light, trailer park style of motor vehicle humor in tact while acknowledging Me, without blasphemously promoting yourself to the center of attention by wrongfully deferring the piloting credit.
Look, I’m all about patience and understanding, always have been, but I think this bumper sticker thing has festered, unchecked, long enough.
And it is I, perhaps you’ve forgotten, who is calling the shots here. You have My ultimatum; I’ll expect an answer by noon tomorrow, Earth time.
Amen




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