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Thread: Dad wont come to my wedding...

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    Default Dad wont come to my wedding...

    This is just a feeling sorry for myself thread, for some reason I feel like I need to keep up my tough facade and act like I dont care about it irl, but the truth is I feel like I have a big boulder in my heart.

    My wedding is in September and we are having it in my mum's garden, because it is big and pretty and kid proof and I didnt want a church or a reception hall or anything fancy and expensive.

    I must admit I didnt even think about how it would make dad feel until after I had started making arrangements. I havent seen him in like 3 years, we speak a few times a year on birthdays and christmas. He lives about 4 hours away and never comes to visit, and I never go to visit him. He has only seen my 5 yr old twice in her life and has never even met my baby yet. So obviously we are not close. I dont think I've even gotten a birthday card off him in the past 15 years or so.

    Mum divorced him about 20 years ago now, and he has not spoken to her since, except once to tell her what a bad mother she was when I was going a bit nutso as a teenager.. he's a crap father, on so many levels, I thought I didnt care anymore, I am just totally floored at how much this hurts.

    Thanks if you managed to read that little novel of whining, I needed to get it out.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
    Featured Member *Iris*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Dad wont come to my wedding...

    *hugs*

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Dad wont come to my wedding...

    I was PISSED when my dad boycotted my first wedding, but we both got over it. He thought the wedding was a "sham celebration of a useless piece of paper" since we were already living together (we moved in together when we got engaged). You don't expect that stuff to hurt but it does. Women *need* to believe in their dads and it's painful when we can't. So don't let anyone tell you it's no big deal because you weren't close anyway - you have a right to your feelings.

    But also, I hope you know it's completely his loss and not yours.

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    Veteran Member NekkoStarz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dad wont come to my wedding...

    I'm sorry! *hugz*

    ...I might have over looked this, but have you tried telling him how hurt you are by him not coming?

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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dad wont come to my wedding...

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post

    But also, I hope you know it's completely his loss and not yours.
    Qft. Its silly and immature of him to do this. He might be doing it to get back at or upset your mum but its only upsetting you and he's a fool if he can't see this. I'm so sorry this is happening hon. If it means that much to you talk to him about it and see if you can change his mind. Don't feel bad about your chice of venue, its your day and you have a right to hold it anywhere you want, if he is too pig headed to see past that then thats his problem.



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    Default Re: Dad wont come to my wedding...

    Aw thanks for hugs. My mind knows its his loss and all that, I thought I had convinced my heart of that a while back, but I guess the heart is a little slower than I thought!!

    My dad is a bit of a fruit loop, I get really anxious speaking to him, I get sweats and gigglley just calling him, the idea of telling him that I have feelings and that he has hurt then makes me want to hide under my bed for a year.

    In some ways this is better for me anyway. On the day I will be able to be comfortable and focus on what I am doing and how happy I am. If he was there I would be freaking out and anxious worrying about him judging every little thing. The dress the vows, the friends, my mother, me, my hubby, all of it. So in a sense I am also relieved.

    Its just weird, I dealt with it when he didnt send a card or a bunch of flowers when my kids were born, or want to meet them, it is strange to me that it has upset me so much that he isnt brave enough to come to my wedding. Thats what it seems like in my eyes. Cowardice. He is so scared to be in the same place as my mother, let alone in her home that he will miss out on his only daughter's wedding.

    Lol, Yek, my wedding is kind of a 'farce' too, since we are living in sin with our kids... ah well!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Dad wont come to my wedding...

    People grow and mellow. K and I have been living together for years now and my dad will be at our wedding. So there's hope yet, and maybe he'll realize what an ass he is at a less stressful time for you in the future. You never know.

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    God/dess CKXXX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dad wont come to my wedding...

    My parents almost didnt come to my wedding because it was a sham...as in...not in a church(shocker!! though ex-brother isnt getting married in a church and thats fine..ugh) They came at the last minute and my dad walked me down the aisle..but I would have still dealt if they didnt. Their loss...not mine...

    Its HIS decision to be a part of your wedding or not...dont let it affect your day( I know easier said then done...but try).

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    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dad wont come to my wedding...

    Awww!! I'm sorry honey that's dissapointing. I think the positive you can look at though is you guys do have a strained relationship, he isn't close with your kids, etc. It would be worse if he came to your wedding and made stuff akward you know? It's YOUR day and while I know you want him there, the wedding is a celebration of your life with your man and your kids, and he really doesn't seem to be too big a part of it. So come the actual day, I doubt that you will really miss him.

    And OMG who thinks a wedding is a sham just because you allready live with someone BTW?? The biggest, fanciest wedding that was just so sweet everybody cried was my best friends wedding and she'd lived with her man since she was sixteen....they got married on their tenth anniversary! Seriously, I think it's dumb to marry somebody you haven't lived with. Living with somebody is TOTALLY different than just dating. I'm all about trying the goods before you buy!!
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    Default Re: Dad wont come to my wedding...

    I'm so sorry *hugs*. It's perfectly understandable for you to feel this way.

    As a parent I could not imagine boycotting my kids' weddings. Hell, even my sister's wedding was a sham and I still went and kept my mouth shut.

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