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Thread: aspergers please ..info

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    Default aspergers please ..info

    My youngest son I suspect has this. I've thought it for a long time. However, last night my boyfriend asked me if I ever thought to get him tested for it. I've never mentioned to anyone that I thought he may have this. So it's obvious his behavior is being noticed by other people now.

    Let me give a bit of background to him. He was a very large baby. By 3 months he weighted 23 lbs, so it wasn't a huge surprise that he didn't start walking till he was 18 months. He was very heavy and it was much harder for him to do normal motor skills on time. Of course he was fine after that. Speaking took him till he was almost 3. Again I chalked it up to him doing things at his own accord. Stubborn if you will. He was a bit on the same with potty training although he was completely broke before his 3rd birthday. However I had to explain things in deep detail as to why he had to wipe his butt even if it wasn't a "messy poop".

    He didn't go to preschool like my first. I was able to be home during the day and there for he was home with me 90% of the time. He didn't have the social interaction with other kids till he was 4, and I attempted preschool. He lasted 2 days and the teacher literally said I should look into having him "instutionalized." Why? Because he was argumentative in the sense that during reading time he hadn't finished his books, he's obsessed with finishing something he completes. When she asked him to put it away he told her she wasn't his "guardian" and there for he didn't have to listen to her. He was stubborn and refused to reason. I still don't think she was close to right in saying that to me. None the less I pulled him from it and cried for a few days.

    He never did what he was asked in the sense that if I said "Brush your teeth it's 10pm" and it was actually 9:55 he would take note of it and then argue that he didn't have to till it was actually 10pm. Also any threats of "your teeth will fall out" would be quickly retorted with "Unless I have a cavity for a long time, no it won't"

    He's very articulate always has been. He's been in what's called Key classes since 1st grade. Today his test scores from the home school placement had him (he's in 3rd grade) testing in at 6th grade math! He knows pre algebra. Only because he taught himself and obsessed with numbers, Biology and animals.

    He don't interact well with children. he doesn't understand their behavior. If he gets in trouble and I say something to him, he doesn't respond to me. He doesn't understand. I have to constantly say "You break my heart when you do that" to try and convey why he shouldn't act a certain way.

    His pitches and tones have never matched. There's a ton of other things as well.

    Don't get me wrong. He's sweet as can be. Will help clean the house and doesn't start fights. HOWEVER if by some chance someone upsets him it's another subject.

    My oldest and him are incredibly close. I mean very close. And one day my oldest didn't want to play with the youngest and told him later that he would. My son came in crying and said that because my oldest didn't want to play with him that meant he didn't love him. I had to explain that isn't true.

    A kid in school pushed his chair into his leg, and my son smacked him because the kid "almost put a dent in this leg" since shoving the chair into other objects would dent it that means to him..his leg could dent.

    In 1st grade he told a teacher I tried to starve him. She asked him how and he said he doesn't eat meat and I tried to give him tuna salad so he couldn't eat it and he would starve. Of course I fixed him something else and ate but he swore I tried to starve him.

    Aside from that it's mostly obsessions. Transformers. Now most kids are into this but he on the other hand can name every transformer, from every generation...tell in detail their serial numbers on them ..what they do..the cartoons in order..and who they were in Japanese cartoons. He learned this in 2 weeks.

    I'm conflicted in whether he's just quirky. I mean his dad and I are far from normal and I myself have weird little obsessions. Or if I should get him tested.

    I don't know anyone with this other than a man I dated 8 years ago that did have it and his was severe. He had tic's and compulsions he couldn't control. It scares me and when my boyfriend mentioned it I just welled up with tears.

    Does anyone have any info first hand on this, suggestions etc. I can google this all day long but honestly that info is so generic half the time.
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    honestly your best bet is to take him to someone to be tested if you're worried. i think that based off what you say, it could go either way, really. it's really hard to tell based off of a description like that, because of the nature of asperger's. that's a hard one to look at and say "yup! that's it!" you know? it isn't as easy as "regular" autism to diagnose. those do sound like some symptoms, though.

    if you still want to come here at the end of the month or whenever, my mom's best friend is the co president of the autism society for my county. and i work at a school for autistic kids. (i say this because asperger's is a form of autism, in case anyone didn't know - some people don't because 'autism' is the big thing right now)

    i can get you any info that may be helpful and send it to you or whatever, though when it comes to resources etc a lot of it is best done locally because you really have to work with people to diagnose it and deal with it if that's what it is. i can help you figure out where to start looking though, if you need/want help.



    also - the tics/compulsions w the man you dated.. were they from meds, maybe? my mom's best friend's autistic son (who is my absolute favorite person in the entire universe) took a med at one point that gave him tics. its really really hard to get the meds right without scary side effects.

    there are some people on here with better experience with asperger's than me, though. my 'expertise' is in classic autism. i know one person has asperger's, and another had a boyfriend with it. (didnt want to name names and put that out there if they didnt want me to!)

    sorry i keep adding to this when i think of more lol. for your own peace of mind, having him tested wouldnt be such a bad idea. that way you'll at least KNOW.
    Last edited by britt244; 08-06-2008 at 09:29 PM.

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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    .......
    Last edited by Lexi; 05-16-2020 at 08:10 PM.

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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    Thank you and email me ..he's not on any meds. I don't believe the hype on meds lol

    THANK YOU
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    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    pm me, and I will tell you about my daughter and our experiences. the good, the bad and the down right weird.

    she was diagnosed with this 5 years ago, has been an interesting journey.
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Ashley View Post
    Thank you and email me ..he's not on any meds. I don't believe the hype on meds lol

    THANK YOU
    oh i know that. i meant the guy you said had tics. that can come from a lot of the meds they prescribe.

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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    It's too late now .... but I'll call my friend whose son was just diagnosed with Aspegers. It is almost completely word for word what you described too. She has 2 sons and one of them, I think her younger one, is just as you described. i'll talk to her and see what she says.

    I know she's had a hard time with it, and I do believe that she's been doing a mixture of alternative treatments and medicine. I'll let you know what I find out.






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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    I'm an aspie to all signs (never officially dx'd, was diagnosed with ADD as a child but fit the profile for Asperger's more thoroughly -- they just hadn't heard of it back then! I had weird obsessions and spent all my time thinking about them.) and was HORRIBLY behaved as a child. I mean, just awful. My mother didn't do very well in coping, but there are reasons why I don't blame her; I was a terror! My little brother shows signs of it too. She is dealing much better with him, I think partly because she had me to teach her. :-)

    I didn't reach a point where I could really learn to socialize with other people until I was about fourteen. I pass for normal most of the time these days. I have two mostly useless college degrees that I'm glad I got. I'm in a happy relationship, a high earner at my club, happier with my body than most people I know, and in general I feel very well-adjusted in my life. I'd rather be who I am than be "normal". Honestly, I feel like being socially "walled off" as a kid allowed me to grow up with higher self-esteem, as I didn't internalize negative messages about myself or my body until it was too late for them to do much damage!

    If you'd like to see an example of how one person with Asperger's grew up, there was Heather from a recent ANTM cycle; people I know said she reminded them of me. :-) She got on very badly with the other girls, but persevered with the modeling and was in the final five.

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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    I just wanted to add he's really well behaved but gets angry (pouts refuses to speak) if his feelings are hurt.

    I do everything I can to always ask "what's wrong" and what can I do to make things better/easier. There is just a lot of behavior that isn't so much bizarre but ..seems very complex for an 8 year old.

    He understands rationality with adults and children older than himself but he doesn't grasp babies for the most part.

    In school he does wonderful. He does tend to get along with others (girls more than boys) and has citizenship awards.

    I hope homeschooling through a charter school will help me help him.

    I know it's not the end of the world or even a bad thing. I am ..sad though. I will have him tested but I'm very conflicted about using any kind of psych help.
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    My cousins son was diagnosed with autism but im not sure if it is aspergers or not. There are some good books available for parents/carers of children with aspergers. I used to work at my universities library and saw many books of this nature.
    I cant remember any of the names off hand but maybe try amazon?? Or even an aspergers support site and they might have a list of some books and other resources.
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    My son has aspergers...You must for your sons and your own sake to get him evaluated asap.My little guy is going on seven and just know getting evaluated after being on a autism waiting list for 5 years.The teacher has know right too say or give her opinion like that.Its actually against the law and grounds for a huge lawsuit.Do not think for a moment ignoring strange behavior will help or he will grow out of it because he wont.The schools will never really help you out either because special education children cost the school district more money...So they will fight you too death with a accurate evaluation.If you need any info on evaluation centers talk too your pediatrician's or school therapist too give you info on what direction too take.Aspergers is the most dangerous form of the autism spectrum from my opinion due too the children not receiving the services they need and deserve...Good Luck...I hope nothing but the best for you and your little boy.

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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    Wow honey I'm sorry that sounds really challenging. Here's a squbit of what I found on Web MD at http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc...drome-symptoms. My personal knowledge of aspergers is limited to what I've seen on TV etc.....

    Parents often first notice the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome when their child starts preschool and begins to interact with other children. Children with Asperger's syndrome may:

    Not pick up on social cues and lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.
    Dislike any changes in routines.
    Appear to lack empathy.
    Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. Likewise, his or her speech may be flat and difficult to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent.
    Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the term "beckon" instead of "call," or "return" instead of "come back."
    Avoid eye contact.
    Have unusual facial expressions or postures.
    Be preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in parts of a whole or in unusual activities, such as doing intricate jigsaw puzzles, designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or astronomy.2
    Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.
    Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor.
    Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory integration dysfunction.
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    Default It's worth looking into...

    You should learn everything you can and definitely have him tested. I have Asperger's and OCD, and I was almost to the T what you have described in your son, however, I was also in the Gifted and Talented classes and what have you. When I was in preschool, strangely enough, a teacher recommended that I be held back. Then I went on to test in the 99% percentile in everything from IQ tests to the statewide assessment tests to the SAT. In third grade I challenged my teacher that in fact Antarctica was a desert, because what qualifies a desert is rainfall, not heat of temperature. I had a very impressive vocabulary as a child and was learning some elements of calculus before junior high. My dad and his math teacher friend used to play with me, getting me to memorize long strains of numbers, because I could. I wasn't very good at school, but then again, I was pushed very hard. I also have many little obsessions, still do. I did compulsive things like tap my fingers to the melody of a song anytime I heard or even thought about a song.

    I'm also very nervous, insecure and sometimes others view me as nihilistic. I'm also very gullible because I can't sense certain tones. Like someone can say something jokingly, and I'll get all offended and sad. I have pretty wild mood swings, and when I was a kid I was sensitive as hell.

    He might just be extremely gifted and on his way to several big scholarships. Have you thought about getting him into music? Asperger's aside, it might be something extra he could focus all that wandering mental energy on.
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    I'm also Aspergian, and his symptoms are strongly aligned with Aspergers, but I'm not a doctor, so I can't make that assumption correctly.

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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    Well my issue is now convincing his father to "ok" for this testing. He is on his insurance. I guess the stereotype of having autism makes looking at him/watching him seem like he doesn't have it.

    But it's the lack of understanding that certain topics are ..umm.. not appropriate in certain situations. He has no filter but immense compassion.

    He is vegan by choice, and he is strict with his own diet. He is into the reasons for animal rights to the point that he could give PETA a run for their money. He is a cuddle bug.

    The over all is the obsession about knowing EVERYTHING about all the things he's into and not caring what anyone is talking about because he will go right back to discussing transformers, KFC and their abuse of chickens and or anything else that doesn't fit the discussion at hand but that he has to talk about.

    Does insurance cover these kinds of things at all?

    As far as teachers go, that was 5 years ago. I home school my kids through a program called K12 and he was in normal private school the duration of 1st -3rd grade and in the gifted and talented classes. He's never posed a problem to the teachers or other children other than his first year in school he had a very rough time adjusting.

    I do not treat him any differently and I'm scared that getting back a result stating yes in fact he does have this would cause me to treat him .. different.
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    why would it make you treat him differently? personally i think it would be a blessing. so many doors would open because it may be easier for you to relate to him. does that make sense? there would be a lot of resources available to you that would help you and him both.

    as for the stereotype of autism.. the spectrum is very big. asperger's is a form of autism but it really isnt "autism."

    insurance.. it depends what you have and what youre looking for. in a lot of cases, no. but there is funding out there! the sooner you find out and can go from there, the better. there is a crazy long waiting list for the autism waiver, which funds a LOT of things for people. different programs can provide different funding, though. what exactly are you looking for insurance to cover, though? testing? i didnt get the impression you wanted him to have any special therapy or anything like that.

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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Ashley View Post
    The over all is the obsession about knowing EVERYTHING about all the things he's into and not caring what anyone is talking about because he will go right back to discussing transformers, KFC and their abuse of chickens and or anything else that doesn't fit the discussion at hand but that he has to talk about.
    Sounds really familiar. :-) Except substitute "disease of the month" and later "Star Wars" in my case. It was the later obsession that actually got me to begin to socialize normally, since I met other kids who were interested in it and also found fans online in the early days of the internet and was able to branch out from there.

    (I feel a little awkward relating my history, but I'm glad I'm not the only one in the room.)

    Interestingly, my little brother is vegan too.

    I know a lot of people with full autism have dietary problems with dairy proteins and gluten, or other food intolerances, but I don't know whether it's common for asperger's syndrome (I don't have any of these problems, at least.) You might want to look into it, though: he could have an underlying reason for avoiding animal products.

    It sounds like you're already treating him more or less the way he needs to be treated. If you're worried, why not go out and meet some adults who've had childhoods like that, and talk to them in person and get their perspectives? I think it might be a big relief for you to see -- honestly, I really don't think this has to be regarded as a bad thing.

    One of the "symptoms" of this "disorder" is being smarter than normal for your age, but lagging in social abilities. It's really not so terrible, and not such a big deal. There were people with these personality traits in every generation, but they weren't getting diagnosed with anything until the last ten years.

    Kids who are faster and stronger than normal, but who lag in other areas (say, literacy) aren't stigmatized, or treated as sick -- they're called "jocks"! Not everyone develops all their abilities at the same rate.
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    It's not that I'm going to treat him differently but it's more like... telling immediate family and having them treat him differently. he's the "quirky" kid. I guess it's rather hard to put it into terms on here.

    He does have dietary issues. Constipation is a huge issue, he can't handle milk etc. Funny that you'd mention that.

    I'm going to get him tested..possibly. I'll read the books and ..eh I don't know. I mean he has friends, is active...studies well.

    I am conflicted in dealing with therapists unless there is a serious issue I can't handle, or his behavior. I'm a hands on mom and try every way to figure out if both kids are okay and what they need to make them better.

    I don't know if a therapist could do more for him than I could. And I'm very much against psych meds in most circumstances.

    For those that had it, or have children with it...what do you suggest as far as handling social issues...relating to them when they need to stop rambling about obsessives. What works and what hurts your/their feelings?
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    I'm not a parent, and this probably sounds stupid, but it's actually really important.

    Please see a doctor who actually OBSERVES your kid. My sis was diagnosed by my nutzo mom. Mom basically doctor shopped around like she did with me. She took my sis to the family pediatrician, who listens to my mom's hearsay and kind of communicated with a specialist, so it's 2 degrees of separation rather than much actual observation. I don't doubt that my sis might have some form of Asperger's (I'm no professional, so I have no say), but this is my hypochondriac mom who finds what she's looking for and isn't really even seeing a specialist.
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    ^ I understand.

    I have a sorta love hate relationship with Dr's. I feel too many are far too quick to diagnose patients and put them on all kinds of meds that they truly don't need. But that's a rant in itself.

    Honestly I'll speak to someone within time. He's not having any troubles. I just can't figure him out sometimes.
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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    I don't have any advice, but wanted to wish you 'good luck' with your son. He sounds like a very sweet and cool little guy and he's lucky to have you for a mom.

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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    I can relate to a lot of this... I've mostly thought of myself as having SAD/depression, but many of these symptoms and stories are familiar to me, especially the obsessions (one of which was and is Transformers, as it happens). I've only seen one doctor about this (after many years of struggling) who was awfully quick to dish out the expensive medication.

    As to the insurance question, mine just very recently changed to cover a portion of my meds, so you may want to check with your provider to get the latest details.

    Wasn't Einstein said to have some of these symptoms as a child?

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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Ashley View Post

    He does have dietary issues. Constipation is a huge issue, he can't handle milk etc. Funny that you'd mention that.
    I'd suggest you find a resource about dairy and gluten free diets... it may very well improve his life (and your ease in dealing with him) greatly!

    Good therapists are good... bad therapists are bad. I agree with your caution, and I'm also against the use of psych meds in children except in extreme circumstances (like, suicidal depression.)

    Edison famously had a load of ADD traits, and there is definite overlap between ADD and Asperger's. I don't know a lot about Einstein, but I wouldn't be surprised. Most physicists and mathematicians are pretty much diagnosable with Asperger's, and I'm not exaggerating. It just goes with the type.
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    Okay, I read this to my mom, who's been a special ed teacher for thirty years and has a masters degree in it. She said a bunch of stuff and I typed it while she said it:

    The first and foremost and most important thing is: your son is who he is. Being tested and confirmed with Aspergers will not change who he is.

    Secondly, as a special ed teacher, I would recommend that you pursue this, because the things you've listed do sound as though he could have Aspergers. Understand, Aspergers runs on a continuum from mild to severe. He obviously would fall on the high end of that spectrum.

    Your school district is required by law to entertain your request for him to be tested. What you've written states your case well. The law requires that there is a special ed component in your home school program. My suggestion is to talk to your school district or your contact at the school district to start the process of testing. This should be able to be accomplished by the school district although there is a medical component and doctor will have to do the final diagnosis, but much of the legwork should be done by the school district.

    The school district will make recommendations to you on ways to help manage the behaviors that are problematic, for example many students with Aspergers take things literally and do not understand idiomatic expressions such as "throw the baby out with the bath" once you realise this you can avoid those common expressions that may confuse him to make communication easier. Another technique would be to focus his educational program on those things that he's interested in, such as the transformers, by teaching math and vocabulary or social skills or japanese culture using the transformers.

    You should have reported that teacher, she could lose her license for saying that.

    There are support groups, don't hesitate to join one because parents who have been through this can lend both great advice and emotional support when needed. And may well provide good friends for your son in the process.



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    Default Re: aspergers please ..info

    Quote Originally Posted by RubyHotRoxy101 View Post
    .The schools will never really help you out either because special education children cost the school district more money...So they will fight you too death with a accurate evaluation..
    This is so true. My brother was never tested properly until my mom paid for testing outside the school. The school district did test him but seemed to test around his learning disability. Because they did not want to have to spend extra money to accomidate him. So please do get him tested away from the public school system.
    "Can we read it on the Smoking Gun? "

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